2010: A Defining Year

What a year this has been! 2010 will go down in my history book as the year of great change, a year with defining moments, a year that challenged me and a year that changed me. It has been a long hard 12 months and now, with this my last blog post for 2010, I invite you to look back on 2010 with me and muse over all the highs and lows, the chuckles and tears, the excitement and frustrations and decisions and choices that encapsulate the year that was 2010.

One of the major changes this year was somewhat a costly one with the purchase and renovation of our new home. The year started with Madness, Paint and Chandeliers as we embarked on a renovation adventure that almost drove us to the Loony bin. But we prevailed and settled into Suburbia, Porn and Bubble Wrap. I also Saw Dead People and had to accept The Undesirables and the Golden Girl Brigade and at times was at War with nature and nature at War with me.

This year hubby and I also celebrated our 12 Year Anniversary and dropped a Bombshell as we finally decided to have children – a journey that will commence in 2011. Our furry children also provided for some bloody entertainment committing Murder Most Fowl teaching us that When Pussy Attacks death is swift but messy. I also dabbled in cooking exploring Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking, a venture that will continue well into the next 2 years and is sure to expand my waist line.

2010 also saw me travelling quite a bit. I was fortunate enough to welcome in 2010 at Madagascar; little did I know that this would not be my only international trip. I also travelled to Luxembourg and was in 3 Countries in 3 Days. Shortly after this I learned that the Bitch Lies and that my mobile phone GPS is not to be trusted. My last trip for 2010 was to Nairobi Kenya where I unexpectedly found myself in Transit Hell.

But this year wasn’t all business class travel and laughter it also had some tears. Homophobia Killed Again and this had me ask Would You Rather Have a Gay or a Dead Child and Are You Prepared to Die for What You Are? I questioned Heterosexual Separatist, Christian or Heterosexual Bigotry, the fundamentalist freaks and their so-called Same Sex Attraction Disorder, the homophobic Pope, wrote an open letter to Robert Mugabe, pondered on When A Continent Hates and dealt with some Gay Bitches. I also again received my fare share of Hate Mails, something I have now grown accustomed too. But amongst all the sadness hope was born in the forms of the It Will Get Better and We Give a Damn campaigns.

South Africa also had quite the year with the hosting of the 2010 Soccer World Cup. I unexpectedly became a soccer fan with a small crush on a Mr. Ronaldo and also received a Heterosexual Education in Sports. But South Africa also had a tough time with the Ugly Truth being revealed and had us face the reality that racism is still alive and well.

Technology also provided for some mind meanderings as I dealt with Computer Generated Friends and Techno Addiction and discovered that technology can be used for good or for evil. It was technology that lead to my disturbing discovery of Clown Porn, something that still evoke nightmares.

This year the GLBT community also provided for some interesting material. South Africa won the Mr. Gay World pageant that lead me to ask whether he was A Porn Star or Ambassador? I also questioned the relevance of Hunky Man Meat Pageant. Queer Myths was explained Twice, A Queer Perspective on Heterosexuality provided, Personality Whores explored and I even decided to start a cult – The Illuminates Faggotus!

And then there was my blog. 2010 saw my blog turning 1 year old and grew from a meager 10 followers to 333 on BlogSpot and a whopping 4 400+ fans on Facebook and to all of you I’d like to extend a humble thank you! (Not bad for a blog without Porn don't you think?) Thank you for reading it, coming back and spreading the word. Without you reading my blog it would be just another ghost ship in a vast ocean of blogs – a lonely voice in the abyss. As for Blog Awards 2010 confirmed yet again my Susan Lucci status of the blogosphere, always nominated but never winning. My little web page was a finalist in the 2010 Bloggies for best African Blog and the 2010 SA Blog Awards for Most Controversial Blog. I won’t lie, of course I was disappointed for not winning, but I was honored for being nominated and making it to the finals. Again, none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for you, thank you for nominating my blog and for all your votes!

There’s only 3 days left of 2010, and what a year it was. It was quite a ride and yes there was some speed bumps but for the most part the journey was exciting and fulfilling. Thank you for sharing this year with me and let’s raise our glasses and bid adieu 2010 and welcome in 2011. Here’s to a new year full of possibilities and new opportunities.

Happy New Year!

Till Next Time.

Gay Pimp Jonny McGovern "BOSSY BOTTOM" featuring Team Pimp (Not for the easily offended)

Hate Mail (The Final Installment)

The second and final installment of Joe's hate mail.  I trust that this will now conclude this saga of the man who clearly needs to find and accept himself.  I think we can all learn from Joe's struggle as I am sure he's not the only person in the world who feels this way.  So in the spirit of community let's reach out to our fellow GLBT people during this holiday season.

From Joe:

The majority fits this stereotype? It's around one in ten for me, in terms of people I've met (and like most young bi/gay males from rigid social backgrounds, I've "met" quite a lot of other gay males).

One in freakin ten. Tell me. . .how is that a "majority"?

You feel this way because you drive the others away. You only know other effeminate gay people, so thus you think you are the majority. In truth, you are not--but since you drive the rest of us into the shadows, you feel like there's a connection between obnoxiousness and being gay. There isn't.

I help the gay community by showing other young conservative/semi-conservative people what bisexual or gay males really are: normal people, who happen to prefer the same gender. Believe it or not, center-right people my age tend to be open-minded about homosexuality, far more so then our parents generation.

I'll be honest: I've felt excluded and discriminated against by people like you, and I'm sick of it. I'm not the only one either. We don't have diversity in the LGBT community. Just a small elite who exclude most of us. I hate it.

Joe

My Response:

Merry Christmas!

Firstly, I don’t want to be rude but from the sounds of it you’re projecting your personal issues and generalizing it to other people and blame the GLBT community for wronging and/or making you feel excluded and I seem like the an easy target for this. You have no idea who I am as a person and who I know or interact with on a daily basis. Therefore, the bold statement you are making are unfounded, uncalled for and I take great umbrage to these statements – and so should everyone!

Secondly, no person or group can drive other people into the shadows, people do this to themselves out of choice. You choose to live a secret, you choose to live a lie and you choose to be unhappy. If you choose to live in the shadows and is a straight acting man then this means you are still in the closet and is hardly setting a good example for anyone and most of all you are hurting yourself. Setting a good example would mean that you live your life with pride and not judge other people as you clearly are doing at present. Why can’t people live their lives without pretence?

You use the word obnoxious (Very annoying or objectionable; offensive or odious; Exposed to harm, injury, or evil; Deserving of or liable to censure) when referring to how I view being gay. Joe, I put it to you, this is NOT how I view being gay this is how you view yourself. My advice is that you come to accept your sexual orientation and learn to love yourself. If you don’t first accept who you, respect yourself and love yourself, how can you expect other people to?

Joe, stop being angry, stop hating and make an effort to make friends with the plethora of different people in the GLBT community. Once you have changed your mindset you’ll find that you do fit in, there are more people out there who would like you just the way you are than you currently think, and who knows you may even find the man of your dreams.

Good luck on your journey.

TomBoy  - It's Ok the be Gay

Hate Mail

I do not often post my hate mails on my blog, but every now and again I do get some interesting ones especially the ones I get from the GLBT community.  So here is the latest installment of my blog’s hate fest.

From Joe:

I've been bothered by something for a long time. Why do attempts at group solidarity (and the identity politics they spawn) always end up persecuting the very people who were supposed to be protected?

I'll be frank; I find your blog incredibly offensive. You perpetuate the stereotype of the flamboyant, annoying gay man. But in truth, most gay people don't feel defined by their sexuality, and many of us feel actively excluded from "gay culture." I find this incredibly frustrating, especially the myths straight people believe--that all gay men are annoying and flamboyant and effeminate--but in a fake, obnoxious way, not like the truly transgendered.

At some point this has to stop. We actively approve of our own stereotyping; how could this lead to anything other then discrimination? It's perfectly logical to oppose gay marriage from seeing this stereotype--that's why stereotypes are inherently discriminating, and we shouldn't be encouraging them!

I think gay rights makes headwinds from people knowing the gay members of their families who are brave enough to come out, not from loud, annoying, obnoxious groups that are the minority among the LGBT community. In general, I think it's insulting to gay, bisexual, and transgendered people, all of whom are heavily slandered.

My response:

Thanks for your e-mail. All GLBT people try to fight homophobia in our own way and whether you want to believe it or not the majority of gay people do fit the stereotype. I believe in embracing this rather than fighting it as more power is given back to the GLBT community when we stop trying to conform to what society wants us to be. I am a gay man and yes I am effeminate and I try to live my life proudly. None of us should be ashamed of who or what we are which, if I read your e-mail correctly, is what you suggest.

The GLBT community is represented by the rainbow flag symbolizing the diversity of our community. We are all different but we have some things in common – our sexuality, a history of discrimination and a vision and mission for equality. Whether you like it or not our sexual orientation do define how the world perceives us, but it sure do not define the totality of our lives.

I do respect your view, but I would like to ask you – what have you done thus far for the GLBT community and what example do you set to change the world’s perceptions of us, apart from shame?

A Royal Visit

This past weekend our home was paid a visit by royalty – royalty of the gay kind. You see we were visited by two Über Queens, the kind of queer royalty one can only achieve with age and experience. All gay brood are born into the majesty of fabulousness awaiting their turns to graduate from princesses in their succession line of this our invisible gay royal heritage. Becoming a full fletch gay Queen doesn’t just happen overnight like in the fairy tales, it takes time and effort. To become a Queen requires walking a path of which I believe not many princesses have the appropriate respect for or the courage to follow and this led me to ask, do we as a gay community still look up to our elders and pay them the necessary respect they deserve?

My husband’s gay uncle and his life partner paid us a long overdue visit. They have been together now for well over two decades, were forced to keep their relationship hidden for part of it and lived through a period of time when homosexuality was still illegal and would get you arrested – not unlike some current countries in our still homophobic world. So on Sunday they came over for lunch with my in-laws and we had a gay old time, sharing stories, reminiscing about the past and looking towards the future.

My father-in-law is your typical conservative patriarch whose world views have been severely challenged, first with having a gay brother-in-law since the early 1970’s although it wasn’t spoken off back then. Then he ends up having to deal with having a gay son during the late 1990’s and then during mid 2000 gaining a gay son-in-law, shortly followed during 2010 when he learned that during the following month or years he would become a grandfather courteously of his gay children. So when two generations of homosexuals gets together for lunch it’s not astonishing for him to be slightly uncomfortable.

The Queens came to lunch to celebrate an early Christmas as they were flying to their annual holiday to the Seychelles and would not be around on Christmas Eve or Christmas day. They arrived a fashionable 20 minutes late with the in-laws in toe. All was in a festive mood and the weather was perfect. As the visit started drinks were served and conversation flowed. My sister-in-law was fascinated with the Queens spiritual believes and we were promptly talked into a transcendental meditation course that will help us clear our negative energies and emit and attract positive and healing powers. Clearly something my father-in-law and brother-in-law didn’t care much for, so the latter will be duped into believing he’ll be attending a tantric sex course with his wife.

As the afternoon progressed some conversation clearly made my father-in-law uncomfortable and the Queens and even I found myself at some stages editing the words as they left my mouth. Talking about the dark gay years, clubbing, twinks and Queens and how the world have changed for queer folk made for some gripping topics. You see years ago when homosexuals still had to live their lives in the shadows and have sex in bushes life was hard. The gay community had to learn to be smart not only in the way they were hooking up but also in how they spent their lives together, so a new language was developed.

Back then gay folk never referred to their life partners outside the community and if confronted inevitably your boyfriend would be your roommate, housemate or special friend. And then there were the gay slang. Homosexuals frequently had to Linda (lie) when they were Barbara (scared) in a Donovan (dark) alley while trying to give a Sally (give a blow job) to a Clutch Bag (married man) and got caught by Betty Bangles (police). Most often they would try to Ronda (run) away and when things calmed down go look for a Bag (boyfriend) to Patsy (party) with later. And then in the early 1980’s there came the Aunty Aida (Aids) that scared the whole community. Many queer folk lost their friends while the world battled to come to grips with the Gay Related Immune Deficiency (GRID) now known as HIV/AIDS.

Being a Princess and not yet a Queen, hearing stories of the olden days and how difficult it use to be for queers I must say I have garnered allot of respect for all our Queens out there. The Queens who fought in the trenches in stilettos and leather to help the next generation attain the liberties and privileges they never had. The Queens who helped paved the way for people like my father-in-law to easier except my husband and I. The Queens who died of Aids and those who survived to help the world realized this is not only a gay disease.

As our Sunday lunch came to an end and the afternoon sun lost its heat, the Queens departed ready for their Christmas on a island paradise. The Queens not only left us with presents, their approval of our new home and blessings for our future child, they also left me with an appreciation of our gay history and an admiration and healthy respect for our Gay Royalty – God Save the Queen.

Till next time.

The Worst of The Worst

2010 have had its anti-gay moments.  This video highlights the worst of the worst of America’s anti-gay crazy folk courtesy of Midweek Politics.  Featured are the Family Research Institute, Truth About Homosexuality, Dove World Outreach Centre and the cream of the crop of delusional anti-gay rhetoric the Westboro Baptist Church.  I had a good laugh watching this video, and I think you will too.

Epic Anti-Gay Moments Highlight Reel...the Worst of the Worst

Would You Eat Me?

The other day friends and I were discussion the topic of organic and free range food. The main idea behind this is that certain foods and animals are farmed organically and allowed to roam free, nibbling on whatever they can find in addition to their normal feeding program. Everything is natural, no hormones, steroids or pesticides are used. The produce of this way of farming is then also considered healthier and to some tastier, safer on the environment and more socially responsible. Well I tried some free range lamb chops the other day, and I don’t know what shit the lamb nibbled on, but I didn’t like the taste of it. So naturally, I thought if animals taste different if they eat different foods, wouldn’t humans do too? And if I ever were forced to, for whatever reason, would I be able to taste the difference?

No, I am not advocating cannibalism, but just think about it. In 1972 with the Andes Flight Disaster 16 survivors faced starvation and were stranded for 72 days before being rescued. Facing starvation and fighting to stay alive the survivors eventually started eating their dead fellow passengers. Similar cases have also been documented in our recent past where cannibalism occurred out of necessity, although not many of the people involved are willing to admit to it. As disgusting as eating your mate seems, the reality is that this could also happen to you! With this thought in mind I started asking myself some serious and peculiar questions.

Should I be in a plane crash and survive, would I be willing to cross that line? Well, I don’t know, but this spiked my interest and led me to question the following. Once the repulsion of having to eat another human being is replaced with desperation and hunger, would a vegetarian passenger taste different from a vegan, an healthy meat eating person taste different from a diabetic and would Caucasians’ meat be tougher or more tender than that of an Asian. Would homosexuals be fruitier than heterosexual people? Men taste better than women?  Would South Africans be less or more fatty than Americans?

Naturally if animals’ taste differs due to what they are fed, surely humans would too. Contemplate this for moment. In all countries there are different types of department stores whose products differ vastly in quality and price. Some sell top of the range imported fresh produce, organically farmed vegetables and the meat of animals that lived stress free lives, were pampered and fed only the best. Then there are stores that sell products of lesser quality and the meat of animals that were sent to their deaths screaming in questionable abattoirs. The more affluent in society will opt for the more expensive stores and normal working class folk for the affordable ones, so will you be able to taste the difference between the rich, working class and the poor? Would the rich passengers taste like Wagyu steaks and the working class like rib eye?

Working from the assumption that people would taste different due to their social standing, culinary preferences, race and general health would this influence your pick in dinner? After the plane has crashed and you survived what would the next step be? I would assume that the dead passengers would have to be organized and categorized and the best specimens clearly marked and preserved for once all the airplane food runs out. Now I have no idea how to prepare and cook a person, but one thing is for sure – if I am ever faced with a situation as dire as this I will have to be served the food with condiments, spices and booze. But what goes with human?

Well, I can only assume that garlic, rosemary, cloves, bay leaves and any other strong herb will have to be used. I don’t want to think that we would taste like venison or pork, but in all probability we will taste like chicken. After all whenever anyone eats anything strange and is later asked what it tasted like they inevitably say CHICKEN. So some sage and thyme would be essential. I guess as time passes and the survivors eat their way through the rich, poor, vegans, vegetarians, carnivores, heterosexuals, homosexuals, Caucasians, Asians, Blacks and whatever other race was on the menu, each individual temporary cannibal would identify their favourite. My favourite meat is lamb, maybe in that situation it would be an Indian Vegan or a Caucasian Vegetarian with high blood pressure. Again I hope I never have to find out!

All your French and Italian culinary skills would be tested to the limit in case of such a tragedy. For one, I suspect there would not be many tools to cook with and unless you have a former Survivor cast member on your doomed flight who survived, in all probability you won’t have any fire as well. Secondly, I don’t think there are any classes in human meat preparation apart from anatomy classes in Medical School so unless you were unfortunate enough to have a cannibalistic serial killer on board, whom have had some prior practice in this filed, you won’t have any prime cut meat for dinner. And if you do, chances are good that you may not live much longer anyway.

As so many of us will be travelling to our respective holiday destinations this December, flying out to be with our families and some even travelling by boat, just remember the Andes Disaster and always be ready for the unexpected. You never know when or where you may be marooned and you may have to prepare and eat your mate, fellow passengers and/or your captain. So the next time I board a flight I will be sure to be packing some extra condiments and spices and if you are sitting next to me and you wonder why I ask about your health and eating habits, now you know why.

Bon Appétit! Till Next Time!

The Flames of Hell's Kitchen #1

Here Comes the Sun

My all time favourite Nina Simone Song!

Whenever I feel a little blue this song always cheer me up. 

Nina Simone February 21, 1933 – April 21, 2003

A journey just begun

As the GLBT community we far too often forget about the (T)transgender in our community. Our transgender brother and sisters face many adversities, some difficult for us to imagine. Their path to self actualization requires not only a physical transformation but also a social one. Here is a brief introduction to the life of my friend Gavi, as written by her, a transgender woman from North Carolina USA, a woman on a journey that has only just begun.

Born physically a boy to heterosexual parents in the conservative south I still found myself always drawn to being female. And on top of that I always was attracted to members of all genders. Thinking I was going to "burn" forever and struggling to find a balance between my religion, people, and my sexuality I came to the point I just didn't know what to do.

I began to physically beat myself because I was so confused as to why I was this way... why am I attracted to members of the same-sex? I had always been a good person was kind to others and had a love for the Divine and still do, but in the end it just didn't make sense why this loving Divine being or force would condemn me because I was born this way. A year prior to the climax of my struggles I met Stephanie Silberstein and we became best of friends. The next year she began to help me in my worst of times and guided me through all this pain. I began to explore more of who I am and had the attitude that I could pull through this and work hard to find myself successful. I now love who I am... and that person is a openly Bisexual/Pansexual Transgender Woman.

I have been living openly as a woman for nearly a year and my next step is to legally change my name to fit my gender identity as female. To read more please check out the book my friend Stephanie wrote called "Shades of Gay" and in the back you will find the Afterword written by myself, Hadassah D Gavi Chayim (the name I'm adopting). I also write blogs, am an Artist and LGBTQ Activist and I love to teach and give people hope. Check out my blogs It's a Girl to see the latest news on my life as a Transgender Woman and earth based Jew.

Thank you so much for your support... it has actually been a predominantly positive journey so far for myself as a Transgender Woman but North Carolina is fighting me about my name change... if you would like to show some support for me and you have a Facebook account please visit my Facebook Page. Thank you again so very much.

Thank you for reading this and I hope that I can bring hope to many people and make a positive difference in the LGBTQ community by the life I'm living with higher self-esteem and happiness and joy.

Stupid things said in Court

I received this e-mail today and almost fell of my chair laughing, just had to share it with you!  Enjoy!

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

A: I give you two guesses.

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?

A: It indicates intercourse.

Q: Male sperm?

A: That is the only kind I know.

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or female?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

A: huh?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

A: I don't understand your question.

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I'll be three months on November 8.

Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q:  Were there girls?

A: ........

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

A: ............

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

Q: All you responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

Q:And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?

A:No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Our House Got Faggier!

This is our newest addition to our family.  My husbands' obsession with bunnies have reached a new level!

World Aids Day

Do you support World Aids Day?

Always Practise Safe Sex.

Know your status and get tested.

Access for all to HIV prevention, treatment, care and support is a critical part of human rights.