Gay Bitches

Queers are a special bunch of people and for this we have the gay gene to thank. You see not only have the gay gene enabled us with a keen sense of fashion, good rhythm, good hair and sparkling personalities, it has also provided with a unique survival mechanism. A survival mechanism that was once functional but these day seems a bit dated. This survival mechanism is called bitchiness. At some point in our gay lives we have all dished it out or have taken it like the queens we truly are.

I’d be the first to admit that I can be a real bitch, at times, whether the situation calls for it or not. Just last week I through a bitch tantrum at the airport because they wanted me to check my perfectly gay and perfectly harmless suitcase into cargo. I refused, they insisted, I was adamant, then they resorted to threatening me which swiftly flipped my bitch switch! A detailed explanation was provided to the airport staff about the exact diameters of the overhead compartments of the Boeing 737 and how my 8kg suitcase (it’s rare but on this occasion I did travelled light) would fit with ample room for other people’s shit. With some noisy encouragement they eventually gave in, but then later had my suitcase searched as if I was some kind of gay suicide terrorist highjacker. Needless to say some more bitching followed during and after that ordeal.

Being a bitch should not be something that we are proud of. Bitchiness does have an appropriate time and place after all, and should mostly be saved for special occasions. However, most queers sometimes forget this. What makes it worse is the fact that we often take it out on our own kind. Not only is the gay community fickle, we are also selfish, egocentric, jealous and childish. On many occasions I have been witness to queers being incapable of sharing in the success of others, not being able to provide a compliment where it’s due or not being able to be genuinely happy for another queen. We are competitive, ruthless with our criticism, over achievers and obsessively possessive. I guess this is way our fag hags and other straight friends love us – we provide the best reality entertainment known to mankind.

Put a bunch of fags in a room and make sure the mix is just right. Include a few twinks, dykes, leather daddies, bears, lipstick lesbians, old queens and a drag queen or two, mix well with alcohol and stir thoroughly. You would not have to wait long before a bitch fest will ensue. At first, as we queer folk usually do, it will be subtle and confined to you own group of friends. A nasty comment will be made about a the slutty twink, the old fat guy in the corner, the drag queen who’s dick have not been tucked properly or the dyke in the dress that looks like a drag queen. At first we will do this for our own entertainment but soon the tables will turn and you too will take the brunt of a few unflattering lashes behind your back. It’s our nature and we just can’t seem to help ourselves – bitchiness is ingrained into our queer DNA.

I can take it as good as I can give it, and I too have had a pain or two in my ass. Having been published on quite a few websites my writing skills (or as some would say lack off) have been the subject of many gay bitch fests. I have been called everything from a dumb blond, peroxide queen, to offensive, rude and not worthy of my rainbow flag. There are many disgruntled queens out there that don’t like me, and some even hold me personally responsible their heart breaks and their lacking sex lives. For some bizarre reason I have become the embodiment, to them, of every man or woman that have ever wronged them from their conception to present, many even detailing their dislike in me with lengthy thesaurus filled hate mails. And that is OK, I have accepted a very long time ago that not everybody will like me. After all there are many queens out there that I don’t like either and that’s just the nature of the beast that is the gay community.

Yes we fags are a bunch of bitches. It’s our nature and it’s the way of our people. When wit, sarcasm and vocabulary fail us we can always rely on our gay gene to make sure we get our way. It’s not like I am endorsing or advocating the unwarranted and reckless use of bitchiness, but we should not be ashamed of our god given gay right to speak our minds, no matter how unflattering, when it’s called for. So go forth and be prosperous my gay bitches!

Till next time.

Margaret Cho - Beautiful