Mandela Day

Nelson Mandela is without a doubt the face and soul of South Africa. This great icon of peace and liberation will be celebrating his birthday on 18 July and he will be turning 94. Therefore, a great tribute to this legend of Africa is the annual celebration of Mandela Day (make an imprint a 46664 celebration) which was established in June of 2008. Mandela Day is an annual celebration of Nelson Mandela’s life and a global call to action for people to recognize their individual power to make an imprint and change the world around them; individuals are required to spend 67 minutes on this day devoted to the charity of their choice in celebration of Mandela’s 67 years of making a difference.

I am one of the lucky South Africans that had the honour of meeting this legend a couple of years ago. Madiba made a visit to the university I was attending. When he entered the room I could feel I was in the presence of greatness. I was overwhelmed by his energy and enigmatic poise. Shaking the hand of this unassuming and soft spoken man I looked into his eyes and could not help but wonder how this person that spend 27 years in prison could emerge without any bitterness or hatred. On 11 February 1990 his freedom was secured and his dynamic purpose and instrumental role in forever changing a country, I suppose, provided him with a higher objective that could not afford him the luxury of ill feelings of the past but instead focused him on his destiny. After changing a nation and an exemplary life Madiba stood in front me and I realized I was touching a legend and a part of living history. The few minutes of interaction I had with him will remain vivid in my memory and his genuine interest and ability to make each person he relates with feel important and respected will remain an example to me of how human beings should treat each other.
Being too young to actually remember Apartheid and the evils it perpetrated I recently visited the Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg. Our sordid history is on display in this multi-million establishment that serves as a reminder for us not to repeat the past. Atrocities committed on both sides of the battle are on display in this museum. After drinking up all this history I left the museum feeling perturbed at how a society could be mislead to believe that discrimination and hate could serve any higher purpose. I also left with a sense of hope as we as a nation were victorious in this struggle and are well on our way to navigate successfully an enlightened future. The story of Apartheid is a painful one for many people – black and white alike! Many innocent people suffered, died and many lives were forever changed with both physical and emotional scars that individuals will take with them to their final resting place. All this sacrifice so that we (the next generation) will have freedom and a better future, a sacrifice I believe not many South African’s fully appreciate.
Having been to Robin Island on a few occasions it’s hard to believe that Nelson Mandela spend the better part of his live there. Having been inside his prison cell I came to realize how resilient a person’s mind must be to stay strong, focused and optimistic as the claustrophobia could easily persuade your soul to lose hope and your mind to forfeit progress. While on the island I also had the opportunity to see the man made cave that the political prisoners dug; the cave that is fondly referred to as our first democratic parliament and many of our current political leaders received their political education there. If anything the visionaries of that era were creative, innovative and motivated – qualities we hope they will soon reintroduce into our current political landscape.

Nelson Mandela truly is an extraordinary human being and will be celebrated across the world on the 18th of July for many years to come. His life is an example of sacrifice, hope, change, resilience and peace. It’s my wish that with Mandela Day people from across the globe will engage in the values of compassion, respect, charity, peace, forgiveness and goodwill and make a positive imprint on their community propagating the legacy of Madiba and embracing Madiba Magic in their lives and generously share it with others.

(For information on how you can participate in Mandela Day please visit the official website http://www.mandeladay.com/)

Till next time.

Mandela Day - Song especially written by Simple Minds for the Free Nelson Mandela Concert held in Wembley in 1988

The Gay Plague

1981 saw the emergence of a disease that would change the gay community and later the world’s attitude towards our sexual behavior, lifestyle and prejudices. It was 1st described as the Gay Plague; a disease that only affected gay men and was 1st called GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency). During the 80’s the word GRID was replaced with AIDS and this filled people with a horrendous fear as images of dying emaciated gay men were plastered in the media.

During this time it was uncertain how the disease was transmitted and it was viewed as a death sentence and was highly stigmatized. Having the Gay Plague was shameful and society alienated those infected due to fear and ignorance. Now, 30 years later, I wonder how much have changed?

My 1st encounter with HIV and AIDS was with a friend of mine in 1996. He was diagnosed with HIV 8 years prior and during the winter of 1996 he fell ill and died of AIDS related complications. All his friends knew of his HIV status that’s why we found it shocking that his family at his funeral told people he had died of Cancer. Even after his death his illness was denied. The shame of having a gay son was soon superseded by having a gay son with HIV that died of the disease.

His family never approved of his lifestyle and had always blamed his homosexuality for his death when, as a matter of fact, he contracted the illness through a blood transfusion after a car accident. His family have still not forgiven the gay community for what we evidently had done to their son; his death instead of enlightening his family to the plight of people with HIV has made them homophobic and left them angry. Whether their prejudice and anger has dissipated since is uncertain.

One of my best friends of 12 years was diagnosed with HIV 8 years ago. I remember the day he told me.  He had just learned of his diagnoses the week before and was still reeling from shock. I remember him finding it difficult to muster the courage to utter the words. In his eyes I could see his fear, sadness and helplessness as he faced an uncertain future. All he longed for from me was an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and someone to provide him with encouragement and support and not to be judgmental.

Isn’t that what we all would want? He admitted that he contracted HIV due to having unprotected sex. I remember thinking to myself that he should have known better, and now due to one stupid incident he’s going to live with a sword hanging over his head for the rest of his life. Naturally, I kept my thoughts to myself; after all it happened and he’s HIV+ now and there is no use crying over spilled milk.

The 1st year following his diagnoses he found it incredibly difficult to accept. Due to denial and anger he spent the year engaging in self-destructive behavior – abusing alcohol and drugs. I recall having a conversation with him trying to convince him to get his life back on track but he refused as he was of the attitude that he’s going to die anyway so why prolong the process. He also mentioned that he intended to commit suicide once he got full blown AIDS as he wouldn’t want his friends and family to watch him suffer.  He was not scared of dying but feared the process of dying! At the time his threat of suicide was no idle one.

His family did not make things easier.  In fact, due to ignorance, they made things worse. They would have separate cutlery for him in the house and his laundry was kept separate from theirs - he was truly being treated like he had the plague. I am sure his family didn’t do this because they didn’t love him; they were scared as they didn’t quite know how to deal with and support their child and brother with HIV.

Gradually, as time passed, his family became more educated and their attitude and ignorant behavior changed. Family life almost returned to normal: 2 years after being diagnosed he was still alive and no family member got infected by sharing a glass with him or having their laundry done with his. However, his self-destructive behavior continued until he fell seriously ill.

For the 1st time he faced the real possibility of death. The experience changed him and the realization came that if he does not accept and deal with the fact that he’s HIV+ and take responsibility for his own live and health he would not live past the age of 30. He had a fundamental paradigm shift as only a near death encounter can achieve. For the last 5 years he has lived a normal, healthy and productive life. He has even had a couple of relationships, which is notoriously difficult as very few healthy gay men would be willing to date someone with HIV. However, he did find someone and they were together for almost 2 years. Like most things in life it has not been smooth sailing and a few health scares has rocked the boat. What I have learned from him is that your attitude, shear will and optimism plays an important part of living with HIV – it’s no longer is a death sentence as was first thought 30 years ago.

Being only 4 years old when the Gay Plague surfaced I literally grew up with it. Now,  34 I have seen how society and their attitudes have changed. HIV is no longer an exclusively gay disease and all spheres of society from all corners of the world are affected. There are very few people whose lives have not been touched by the disease as most of us know someone or know off someone who has HIV.

As we have learned more about the disease, how it’s transmitted and newer and more effective treatments are developed HIV+ people are living longer and their quality of life have also improved. However, in many communities HIV is still stigmatized and ignorance about the disease is still rampant. With all we know and have learned about HIV there are still people that engage in unprotected sex and people who refuse to get tested out of fear. After 30 years much have improved but many problems still remain that only our generation can change if we want to leave the world better place for the next generation.

One way to support this cause is to get involved. I recently discovered a very inspiring website called Positive Heroes . There are similar groups and websites across the globe; they say it only take one person to make a difference – let that 1 person be you!  Know your status and get tested today.

Till next time.

The Queens and Kings of Yesterday

(Old post republished for your reading pleasure, new material coming soon!)

Last week I came across a post by an older gay man. I was quite surprised that he had access to the Internet and knew how to operate a computer, given his age. He seemed angry and disillusioned with the younger gay generation. He made mention of the younger community being ageist, sexually promiscuous and living in a fantasy world where coming out and having new found rights made them unappreciative of what is important in life. He made us sound like a bunch of fairies living in fairytale land. He stated that there are no gay role models and noticed a clear moral degradation amongst our gay youth. This made me wonder, is there an immutable generation gap, is it just a matter of growing up and coming of age in a different era or could he actually be right? This is my opinion…

Different generations face different problems. When I came out of the closet, at the age of 16, the reaction of my parents, peers and family was stereotypical. At that time (mid 90's) homosexuality was still taboo but considered less of an affliction and mental disease than it was before. Still my parents believed that prayer and therapy could “fix” me, but alas neither did! I am grateful I came out after aversion therapy’s popularity dwindled, as I am not that fond of straight pornography nor am I of electrical shocks. Many older gay men and lesbians found it much more difficult coming out (prior to the 90’s and 80's). Many chose to stay in the closet and some even went as far as to get married and lived as heterosexuals to avoid reprisal and/or being ostracised – Brokeback marriages! The ones that had gay relationships did so in secret, having a “special friend” or “house mate” but never openly admitted their sexual orientation. It was only rumoured behind their backs. Access to the gay community was also restrictive as gay communities were small and sometimes hidden from sight.

Gay people became open about their sexual orientation when gay clubs and bars started sprouting in every town, as the gay community became more accessible and gay rights came of age. We express ourselves more freely now and no longer hide our relationships. We even have pride parades. This new found freedom could be conflicting to the older generation who were never offered these opportunities and whose value system were shaped by their era they found themselves. As the gay culture evolved the changes could have caught some queens and kings off guard. The traditionalist values of yesterday have now been defied, but this does not mean that the princesses and princesses does not face challenges of their own.

In a society that has not truly overcome homophobia we all still carry this burden at times - coming out still is not easy. Issues of acceptance, monogamy and ageism still pose a challenge. As mentioned in a previous post about relationships, I would hate to be single at the age of 33. Being single while in your prime (ages 18 to 30) is far less complicated. Once you enter your thirties you no longer have youth on your side, you are more career orientated and, I for one, could be said to be somewhat set in my ways. Therefore, finding a companion is slightly more of an endeavour. Being a gay man or lesbian in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70's I would suspect is even more difficult.

Being middle aged and gay, where do you go to find your soul mate? At a certain age clubs and bars may seem daunting and understandably the younger crowds could make you feel out of place, like a sugar daddy or a dirty old man. There are no real places for our Queens and Kings of yesterday to shine. Does this mean we have to exclude them from our community? Should we do what was done with the elderly in the middle ages and expel them from the village as they serve no more perceived function?

I would admit that there are not enough gay role models. We might not have accepted or fully understand the freedoms we have today apposed to the lack of it our older Queens and Kings faced. If we did, I believe we would act with greater responsibility, respect and appreciation. Maybe we should not look for role models amongst our own generation, but rather to those of the generation before us. Look at what they survived, sacrificed and accomplished for us. We may not always understand their reasoning or certain judgements they fell over our behaviour, relationship choices or sexual escapades, but we can make more of an effort to understand them.

Till next time.

Born This Way Parody by Sherry Vine

Porn Star or Ambassador?

The South African Charl van der Berg won the World Wide Mr. Gay in Norway last week amidst controversy of his porno past. A restaurant manager from Cape Town he now holds this coveted title and will be the ambassador of the gay community for the next year. Also known as “Chad” in the local porn industry, apart from his tiara, he also boasts crown jewels of 8 inches, uncut and is a top and likes masturbating in front of the camera for your viewing pleasure. The director of Mr. Gay World zealously defended their position for choosing van der Berg as their winner, painting van der Berg as another casualty of the exploitative porn industry. This led me to ask, can one really be a helpless victim if you knowingly expose yourself to the dodgy world of adult entertainment?

In a statement Mr. Gay World was quoted as saying “Porn is an integral part of the gay lifestyle - it's just that most guys don't have the guts to do what I did.” This is true, porn does feature significantly in the gay community and very few gay men can deny possessing or having watched pornography (well the honest ones at least). However, actually starring in one is a whole different “ball game”. Apart from the odd amateur home movies (that are not meant for mass release) I honestly don’t have any friends or acquaintances that have starred in an adult film. Whether my social circle lacks the guts to bare it all on camera is open to debate but I do suspect that this has less to do with actual guts and more to do with repercussions.

As we have seen with beauty pageants across the world naughty pictures and videotapes have an ominous tendency to surface at the most inconvenient of times. For some embarrassing photos will end their pageant careers and for others it will lead them to new paths of success. Either way, once it reaches the newsstands the damage is done, explanations and excuses are abundant always begging the question what the hell were they thinking? Some have teary confessions and explain how they were young and naive, others how they were broke and needed to eat. Very few ever thought those images would be made public, very few thought they would ever be in a position where people, apart from their parents, would care...

Stripping down for the camera, playing with yourself or gaining “carnal knowledge” of another person(s) for money may seem like a good idea at the time and even a secret fantasy for others but, what is the true reality for a porn star? Not being a porn star myself I can only speculate. Personally, I would be concerned about the people who would be slobbering over my porn performances and excreting God knows what bodily fluids at my expense. More frightening would be if someone recognizes you in public, especially if they were a devoted fan, screaming “Is that you? Are you that guy from Everybody Does Raymond?” The worst would be at a family gathering and one of your straight cousin’s new boyfriend’s pulls you aside and in a hushed voice tell you how he enjoyed your new film and eagerly asks if you do private performances accompanied with a psychotic wink.

On the plus side I suspect that porn actors do not have many lines to rehearse and no complicated method acting skills are required. Direction should also be easy to follow as “OK, so you suck him and grab his balls, then you lick his crack then you pound his ass first doggy style then missionary, then you cum and you’re done!” could not be that hard to screw up. The only true challenges would be where they position those cameras and lights and avoiding light bulb burns and contracting some sexually transmitted disease.

Coming back to Mr. Gay World and his porno past, apparently he made one jerk off movie and there may also be photos floating around on the web. But do the making of one video and a few pictures actually make Charl van der Berg a veteran porn star? I think not! Sure he may have had a lapse of judgment, but then again everyone makes mistakes. The fact that he stood up and faced the music in a respectable manner says plenty about his character. So do I think he’s a suitable ambassador for the international gay community, yes I do. The GLBT community is not without our flaws and neither is South Africa. Having our own president embroiled in sex scandals with bastard children popping up with what seems to be everywhere, why can’t we be proud of our own homegrown Mr. Gay World even if he had made one dirty little film.

Till next time.

Hal the Misinterpretive Porn Star

Horror, Weirdos & Fagalicious Homos

It’s time for Halloween. All the witches, fairies, superheroes and dead icons of the past will come out of the closet and gush into the nightclubs and streets to celebrate this dress up party. Not having attended a Halloween party in a while I am pondering the idea of getting into a costume and joining in this year’s festivities.

As most gay and rather effeminate men know, playing dress up is nothing new to us. Some of us have been doing this ever since we could walk. As a toddler I distinctly remember being quite fascinated with my grandmother’s pink powder box that she had on her dressing table. Every chance I got I would sneak into her room, open the box grab the powder puff and powder my face. Needless to say I would emerge white as a ghost and concerned stares would be exchanged between my parents and grandparents as they would send me to the bathroom to wash my face. I eventually ended up inheriting that powder box, but unfortunately lost it. Granny’s powder was not the only feminine accessories I had used, my mom’s makeup also suffered my curiosity and many a time I ended up looking like a clown that was drunk when he applied his happy face and consequently suffered a stroke and was sent to an insane asylum. Apart from the makeup there also was the trying on of shoes, jewelry and the odd dress. Why I didn’t end up a drag queen is anybody’s question. I showed all the signs, but I guess the fact that I make for a scary woman might be a clue to this enigma.

In the past I have been dressed up for Halloween as a Priest, a Punk, a Bunny, a School Boy, a Prostitute, and a Goth, just to mention but a few. Strangely enough I never actually went the drag queen route however appropriate that could have been as I could have made a good witch. Of all the costumes I have adorned over the years I must admit the Bunny was my favorite. It was the least effort as I only had to buy bunny ears and a fluffy tail. The best part was that the tail attracted a lot of attention and my ass was crabbed numerous times during the course of that evening and it enjoyed this attention, more than my husband did. My least favorite costume was that of the priest as I kept on tripping on the damn robe and there is no way of sexing up such a dreadfully boring and conservative outfit.

So come Halloween it’s a free-for-all to dress up in whatever takes your fancy. If you are a closeted drag queen you have the options of dressing up as Cher, Vintage Madonna, The Queen or the Wicket Witch of the West. For those secretly into S&M an assortment of leather accessories are at your disposal; however certain items I strongly recommend against renting because you may not want to know where and on whom it has been - no one wants a after Halloween party favor of a case of the crabs! For all of those into the Superhero franchise I always find it quite cute when a couple ventures out to save the queers from the “evils” of the world dressed up as Batman & Robin or Captain America & Falcon. For those single folk not wanting to go out alone, do not despair you too can venture out with your fag hag dressed up as Bonny & Clyde or Barbie & Ken (you can decide who will be which). There is an overabundance of choices when it comes to costumes and themes one can choose from.

So what does your choice of costume say about you? The choice is quite a personal one, I would think, as Halloween is the one time of the year you can dress up as anything or anyone you like. Your secret fantasies can be realized, for instance if you always had a crush on Superman, who knows you may just end up in bed with him that night. If you always admired our health caregivers there’s the sexy nurse outfit (always popular amongst our drag queens) or the little French maid if you are really into kinky house work. For all our lesbians I haven’t forgotten about you. For the really butch lesbian how about trying on a dress for once? Who knows you might even like it? If a dress is not an option I have always found that lesbians look quite good in law enforcement uniforms, so they can do the poppers and safe sex patrol and ensure all horny queers behave responsibly.

Halloween is a fun time of year, with a variety of oddities wondering our streets, frequenting our bars and clubs and a bunch of hyperactive children high on sugar knocking away at our doors wanting their next fix. Whether you decide to dress up and go out, or stay at home watching a few horror movies I trust that all will have a fabulous time during this day of Horror, Weirdos and Fagalicious Homos.

Till next time.

Super Heroes look gay

Todd M. Dobson's Thoughts (Caster Semenya)

COURAGE IS A SIGN OF A TRULY GREAT ATHLETE!!

(BLOG: http://tmdobson.wordpress.com/)

I love it when a normal day is underway and I’m surprised by learning unexpected lessons. I spidered my way to a Facebook friends (Pierre Le Roux) blog to read what promised to be an interesting post (Warfare: The Delightful and Dreary Sides to Gay Life). The article Mr. le Roux delicately wrote, details the tribulations of world known athletic runner Mokgadi Caster Semenya, who finds herself in the midst of an embroiled controversy questioning her sex.

I stated that correctly, those who stand opposite Ms. Semenya are challenging whether she is a woman or a man. Mr. Le Roux expresses very poignantly his opinion that in this case he believes Ms. Semenya is placed in the between category of Intersexed, formally known by many as Hermaphrodite. To be an intersex person, one must either have some of both sexual genitalia or in even fewer cases neither (androgynous). However, it is so much more complicated than having a hoohoo and/or a winkie, because there is much that makes either function. This doesn’t even mention all that goes behind the physical parts into the psychological aspects of a person’s sex.

This is a more commonly known issue than people think, but it is one that very few wish to discuss, therefore as a society we don’t even think about it. It is only thought about when parents find that they are faced with having a baby being born this way. Those parents have no clue what to do other than what their immediate doctor recommends. Most physicians try to separate themselves from their work; but human beings can no longer leave their personal ideologies at the door than you can the physical aspects of this issue. However, it is far more than just the presence of extra parts. Some doctors will try to force the new parents into making a decisions right then upon the birth of their child as to its sex. They feel that corrective surgery must be performed immediately to make the child the chosen sex of the parents. This is truly demonstrative, because you have a fifty-fifty chance at making the right decision. But what does a parent do when they make the wrong decision?

Most psychiatric doctors would tell the family to treat the child only as the sex that was chosen for the child, but what of natural selection. This brings the conversation square with one that I have been arguing with Christians over for years, I was born male, and yet I was also born gay. Most Christians are taught by the organized religion that sexuality is a choice, but this might prove them wrong. When a soul is born into this world with both genitalia, why then do parents, doctors (mental or physical) believe anyone but that soul can define what or who they truly are?
With that being said, times have changed many things and for now, half of the physical doctors coach parents to hold off on corrective surgery until such time as the child starts to show masculine or feminine tendencies. The surgery should be done before they enter their hormonal years, so that means before teen years. The truly horrible aspects are; most children are developing both masculine and feminine propensities during these formative years. Some even continue nurturing them through puberty and some even beyond into their twenties.

All of this to point out my primary ideology from the very onset: why can’t we just accept someone like Ms. Semenya for who she is…as she is? If she chooses to be defined as one sex over the other, then it might be the right time for surgical action. If she accepts herself physically as she was born, who are any of us to tell her she’s wrong. Our position should be to LOVE, HONOR & RESPECT the living soul that she is. Nothing less than that will do. She is no greater than we are, nor is she less than we are! She is a living, breathing human who deserves everything that we expect for ourselves.

As for the next time parents are faced with such a decision at the birth of their child…LOVE that being you were graced with as they enter this world. HONOR that they are a part of each of you and perfect exactly as they come to you. Above all, RESPECT that this soul will endure enough from such cruel, hateful people that cannot see them as anything other than the unique and beautiful soul they are.

I wish Mokgadi Caster Semenya love as she traverses this treacherous world of ours. I also hope that the governing body that has brought such attention to a graceful woman, that you see the soul before you as she is, treating her with LOVE, HONOR & RESPECT as you would have all others regard you. Allow her to continue her athletic pursuits without fail.

– Todd M Dobson

Intersexuality & Hermaphrodites

Mokgadi Caster Semenya (South African middle-distance runner and world champion) has been the centre of controversy the last few weeks. Doubt about her gender started to surface and consequently she had to submit to some rather degrading tests to determine her gender. It has been rumored that Semenya is a hermaphrodite (having both male and female reproductive organs) or is an intersex (term adopted by medicine during the 20th century applied to human beings whose biological sex cannot be classified as either male or female). This led me to ask, what are our own attitude towards people like this and where do they fit in society.

Having seen and heard Semenya on television admittedly she does not seem to sound or appear very feminine. With a muscular build and deep voice it is easy to understand how the rumours developed. Having now submitted to tests the result of which will be made known only in November this year, the public and local- and international media continues to speculate. The manner in which the issue have been dealt with is, in my opinion, deplorable. The poor woman has been degraded and her athletic achievement diminished and now could be permanently tarnished. If she is found to be a hermaphrodite or intersex it could be argued that she had an unfair advantage and how this will affect her career one can only assume it’s going to be utter devastation.
The exact number of hermaphrodites and intersex individuals in the world is unknown to me. The little that I do know is that in some hermaphrodite cases the parents are given an informed choice by a doctor to decide what gender the child would keep when corrective surgery is preformed. However, even after corrective surgery it can not be guaranteed that the person will be comfortable with their assigned gender later in life and their sexual preference could also pose a challenge.

Being born intersex or hermaphrodite and having a relationship with a person of any other gender, could that person be classified as being in a homosexual relationship? In Semenya’s case her physical appearance and traits could make one assume that she might be a stereotypical “butch lesbian”, and if she is found to be an intersex or hermaphrodite even in a “heterosexual” relationship her biology could qualify her “technically” to also be homosexual.
In the gay community we seem to prefer to only include Gays, Lesbians, Bi-Sexuals and Transsexuals (GLBT) and noticeably omit hermaphrodites and intersex people. This made me to further wonder why this is. Is the gay community purposefully shying away from this group due to the stigma associated with them or is their case so highly unique that their inclusion is not justified?
In the case of hermaphrodites and intersex people it is often congenital and is a physical biological anomaly that occurs in 0.1% to 0.2% of all births, therefore making the condition rare, unique and a physical deformity. Yes, it can be argued that no matter whether corrective surgery have been preformed on them or not they would inevitably end up being in a homosexual relationship no matter what their actual sexual preference. It is my opinion that this segment of society does not qualify for inclusion in the GLBT community, as true homosexuality entails both parties in a relationship to be attracted to the same gender and that the chromosome and genital anomalies of the one party does not truly make such a person or that relationship gay. Being a member of a minority group I have a natural tendency to be fiercely protective of any other minority groups, hermaphrodites and intersex people are no different. They are people that didn’t choose to be born in the bodies they have, some living with an embarrassing secret and others when exposed are left to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives alone.

The case of Caster Semenya truly is an interesting one, but she is by no means the first athlete who has been shrouded in this type of controversy. The same happened to the Indian athlete Santhi Soundarajan who was stripped of her medal at the 2006 Asian Games after failing a gender verification test and was found to be a hermaphrodite. Perhaps the earliest case was Stanislawa Walasiewicz (aka Stella Walsh) a Polish athlete who won a gold medal at the 1932 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, but who after her death in 1980 was discovered to have had partially developed male genitalia. What will happen to Semenya? I guess we will have to wait and see. Did she want to become world famous due to perhaps being a hermaphrodite, I think not. Never the less, what ever the outcome I believe Semenya should be supported.

Till next time.

Michael Johnson's views on Caster Semenya

Sex Education

Oprah Winfrey recently caused controversy with a show she did about how mothers should talk to their daughters about sex. Apparently 3 members of the public complained to the South African Broadcasting Complaints Commission sighting that the show was sexually explicit and inappropriate. Naturally, after this news broke I just had to see what the fuss was about. After watching the episode I must admit I too was a bit flustered. This made me to wonder, is sex education still taboo due to parents being too embarrassed to talk to their children about sex & are we in denial about children needing more information about sex?
The “Bird & the Bees” talk, I suspect, may be the one conversation parents absolutely dread (apart from when your child tells you he/she is gay of course). The questions what is a vagina; what is a penis; and where do babies come from could cause any parent to briefly hyperventilate. After watching the Oprah show I am sure the level of dread increased exponentially as Dr Laura Burman also encouraged mothers to talk to their daughters about masturbation and vibrators. Oh my!

After listening to what Dr Burman said I was shocked as I tried to imagine myself in the millions of mothers’ shoes who watched the show and could just picture their facial expressions as it may have been very similar to mine – my dropped jaw only closed after I switched off the television. However, after digesting the information I came to the conclusion that she did have a point, all be it a point that at first maybe difficult to accept and comes with potential embarrassment to the parent. I think the central point she tried to make was that parents should arm their children with the appropriate information about sex to help their children be better equipped, more comfortable with their sexuality and approach and view sex in a healthy and responsible manner. Certain issues that she raised will be met with great resistance as I do not imagine many parents eagerly wanting to talk to their children about the “G” spot, masturbation, sex toys and alternatives to vaginal intercourse.

Not being a parent myself I most certainly can’t debate this issue with any authority. However, I can reflect on my own sex education I received as a child as well as that of my friends. My sex education from my parents was limited to a little book entitled “What a boy should know”. At the age of 12 this book was unceremoniously handed to me by my father. No discussions were engaged in either before or after me reading the book. The book clinically described in writing and with drawings what to expect during puberty and what sex was. Honestly, this was of little help to me as I had no intention of going anywhere near a vagina! The only useful part of the book was the description of the correct use of condoms. Notably the “gay sex” was not included (not even as an annexure) in the book and this was left to my own imagination and later trail & error.
The issue of masturbation was never adequately covered but yet the phenomena of “wet dreams” were included in my little puberty handbook. The absence of thoroughly dealing with the topic of masturbation caused me for the longest time, during puberty, to think masturbation was wrong or even a sin. To make matters worse, I also firmly believed every time I masturbated my dead ancestors could be watching. For some queer reason masturbation was an act one was made to feel guilty about, as not a single person ever told me or any of my friends this was normal and natural. Instead I remember hearing that if you masturbate too often you will grow hair on the palms of your hands.
Many of my female friends also described that their sex education was limited to either a video or book given to them by their parents. The one commonality I could identify was that we all had a similar emotive reaction the first time all our pubescent hormones came to fruition: The first time I ejaculated and the first time some of my female friends had their period we all thought we were either dying or had some embarrassing illness! The books and the videos did mention this would happen but when it does it still comes as a shock. For my female friends their first “monthly curse” (as some refer to it) did necessitate them telling a parent as tampons or pads were required, as for me I didn’t go running to either parent. I just waited, did it again and when the same thing happened I had a “aha moment” (as Oprah would say) as I faintly remembered the little book did mention something about ejaculation and now I knew what that meant.
When it came to sex what I learned was not at all as what was described in my little sex education booklet for obvious reasons. As mentioned before, there was no homosexual section and much needed “details” were left for own discovery. One would think sex is easy, comes naturally and you would get it right the first time around. That just was not true in my case! When I lost my virginity it was an absolute disaster of epic proportion as neither I nor my boyfriend (both being relatively young) knew what we were doing. We knew about condoms but didn’t know about a key component (KY) or any of the other relevant and very important “details”. So my introduction into the world of sex was a thrusting of thighs & pelvises, sweat, careful aiming, pain, embarrassment and a very anticlimactic orgasm – it was not romantic, I didn’t feel the earth move and my whole body wasn’t quivering with carnal pleasure! In retrospect it was the worst sex I ever had! Only as time passed and my sex education was supplemented by knowledge my friends had acquired through their own trails & errors did I come into my own sexually – so to speak!

Even though the Oprah show was controversial I do think the message the show conveyed was an extremely important one. Prepubescent and pubescent children should be educated about sex, they should be adequately informed and equipped to help them exercise the right choices and be confident in their own sexuality. Good sex education saves lifes as we life in a time where the threat of HIV & AIDS are real. A friend recently told me that the problem with children today is that they no longer want to play with toys rather opting to “play” with each other instead. It’s a scary thought to think children as young as 13 are already engaging in sexual acts and by the age of 16 some young people no longer are virgins.
I have a lot of respect for parents as bringing up a child is heart stopping hard work and therefore I’m grateful to only have godchildren. Thinking about your own sex education as a child and your own sexual experiences how much different would your experiences and choices have been had you had more knowledge? What a difference do you think imparting this knowledge would make on the children of today contemplating having sex? I think this is what the true intention of the Oprah Show was – asking yourself some difficult questions and sometimes finding equally difficult answers.

Till next time.

Karen Taylor - Miss Harper and Sex Education

The Testosterone Club

The ever elusive inner circle of the “all boys club” has always seemed quite inaccessible to me. However, in recent weeks, I have become privy to this enigmatic phenomenon. What I found was that being one of the boys aka “testosterone club” is not all it’s cracked up to be, and I’d much rather prefer the company of my fag hags and fellow queers.
Since a young age I never quite fit into what is referred to as gender appropriate behaviour for a heterosexual boy. My 1st kindergarten report card, which my nostalgic mother kept, was proof of this. The report card read that I was developing as normal, my speech, vocabulary and eye-hand-coordination was above average. However, the teachers noticed my refusal to play with gender appropriate toys and the absence of same gender friends. The fact that I kept the company of the opposite sex when it came to play time was of concern and my parents were advised to encourage me to befriend other boys. Little did they know what the consequences of that would be! The last straw was an incident when we were made to play dress up. I had 3 choices of costumes: A Cow Boy, a Clown or a Witch. Naturally, I choose the Witch to the great disillusionment of my teachers. The resulting photo which I proudly presented to my mom left her unimpressed, little worried and the next day I had a "play date" with the neighbour’s rambunctious boy – a friendship that was uneasy and brief.
When it came to high school, my parents had the brilliant idea of sending me to a very prestigious all-boy school in an effort to butch me up. It didn’t have the desired effect in fact it was quite the opposite. In high school I did make male friends but never found myself a member of any “all boys club” but rather stayed on the periphery of popularity and complete social acceptance rather opting to associate myself with the outcasts and rebels as they were my kind off people – the minority group of non-conformists with as strong sense of individuality. Instead of reinforcing heterosexual male values and behavioural patterns, I instead burst out of the proverbial closet at age 16 proclaiming my sexual orientation to the great dismay of my school and family. I started my own elitist “all-boys club”. The club was so elitist it only had 1 member – me!
So when, in the last few weeks, I was accepted into another elitist “all boys club” I thought this would be my chance at redemption and finally being able to decipher the mystery that is heterosexual male bonding. At 1st it was moderately exciting but I soon grew bored as I realized I had very little in common with this group of men: I don’t like sports; I have no desire to understand sports and I have no yearning to talk about women’s boobs and asses, cars, golf or hunting. I found myself in conversations watching their lips move but only hearing white noise, as I zoned out thinking about what I was going to cook for supper or when my next Botox treatment was. The only thing we had in common were a penis and even that commonality would fade into obscurity as our choice of usage conflicted. I found their bonding ritual queer and their topical conversations tedious, not even the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol could blur the dichotomy that is our lifestyles and interests.
When I had to participate in a fairly large scale move as part of the boys last week, I had an epiphany. The move was well organized, timed and executed with military precision. The only flaw in their well laid plan would be my role. As the “gay guy” in the group I presumed I would have a supervisory task (god forbid they would expect me to do any heavy lifting!) As fate would have it, they didn’t make any distinctions between members and therefore I would not receive any “special treatment”. I was to put in the same physical effort as all the other men – oh the horror! As I hauled my first 4 boxes up 3 flights of stairs being a member of the boys club seemed less and less appealing. This fairy wasn’t having fun anymore! I kept thinking to myself gays would pay people to do the heavy lifting for us as we would hire staff – it’s called job creation! Not wanting to disturb the peace I kept my mouth shut! After 3 hours of physical torture my ordeal was finally over. The move was finished and so was my membership to this club. Gay men and straight men can get along just fine, but personally I felt I over stayed my welcome in their testosterone filled world and desperately wanted to submerge myself back into my natural gay habitat doing gay things with gay people and talk about gay stuff. My final and appropriate salute to this “all boys club” was with the downing a few beers as I left their world shortly after chased with a margarita back in my natural gay biosphere.

The “all boys club” is a phenomenon that has been with us for centuries. Having infiltrated one such group and having been part of their bonding, activities and private discourse, I must say I found it less exciting than I anticipated. Straight guy’s interests, at times, seemed odd, boring and taxing. Being a member of the "testosterone club" definitely wasn’t one of the highlights of my social calendar. I wonder how straight men would fare spending a couple of weeks with their gay counterparts. Would our activities bore them as much as theirs did me? Would they actually enjoy some of the frivolous gay banter and reckless abandon of stereotypical male activities? This would be a challenge I would like to see.

Till next time.

So You're Having a Gay Baby!
Gay Comedian Jonny McGovern's 3 Dollar Bill featuring Murray Hill

Myth of Super Gay Couples

My husband and I will celebrate our 11 year anniversary in 2 days time. Coincidentally, I came across an article titled “Secrets of Gay Super Couples” on a webpage that regularly publish some of my work. Having read the article and agreeing with most that was said I reflected on my own relationship and marriage, and it had me asking two questions: Are we a “Super Gay Couple”, and what exactly is a “Super Couple”, be it gay or straight?
I met my husband for the first time just over 11 years ago. It was at a night club. As usual a friend and I were at the club early so we can spot all the hot guys as they arrived. That evening my husband arrived at the club early as well and I spotted him from across the room – a hot young Italian looking man! I promptly had my friend go tell him that I thought he was hot (kind of immature but I was only 20 at the time). A while later, being the polite diplomat he is, he came and thanked me for the compliment and told me he was waiting for his boyfriend. Being single at the time I was gutted! As we had a polite and flirtatious discourse his boyfriend pitched up and saw me flirting with his boyfriend and gave me the evil eye as only a gay man can – a look that could melt the flesh from bone!
Not being easily intimidated nor being a home wrecker I introduced myself, had a pleasant chat with them and left. But being the type of person I am I vowed that I would wait until the moment my husband-to-be was single and then pounce at the opportunity. So I had my social network of spies, fellow gay gossip mongers and loyal friends activated: Every night every gay club and gay bar would be patrolled and I was to be notified of every sighting of my husband-to-be and informed of his relationship status at all times. Finally, after just over a month news arrived via the elaborate gay grape vine that he was single!

One Sunday evening I attend a drag show with my cousin, and lo-and-behold, my husband was there as well, but he was not alone. I remember telling my cousin that if the guy that accompanied him was his new boyfriend that I was going to be throwing in the towel! As I would have been convinced he had bad taste in men! As it turns out, it was just a friend and that ended up being our 1st date. The 2nd date was filled with passion, flirtation and butterflies in both our stomachs but ended up with us having to push-start my beaten up old car because it did want to start (not the best ending to a 2nd date as the car issue prevented us from getting to 2nd base).
Our relationship progressed slowly but was not with out its speed bumps. The 1st time I told my husband that I loved him there was a dramatic pause and he responded with the words “I like you too”. I remember driving away thinking to myself “Did I just make a fool of myself, did he really say what I think he did, and maybe I should have waited longer before I told him how I felt!”. The 1st person that utters those 3 significant words always stands the chance of getting the response I did, and I do not recommend it! It will leave you feeling confused, embarrassed, slightly angry and rejected. A few days later he returned the favor and those 3 comforting words dripped from his lips like honey onto my very pleasantly receptive heart.

The 1st couple of years of our relationship we spend 1 evening a week, every weekend and every holiday together. We waited 3 years before actually moving in together. We waited until I finished my post-graduate studies and until I started working. Now 11 years later and having been married for almost 3 years we have made significant progress and both our relationship, careers and social standing. It still amuses me when people we have known from many years back crosses our path and asked with amazement “Are you guys still together?” promptly followed by “How do you do it, what is your secret?”. The fact of the matter is we have no secret, there is no manual and no easy short cuts. Making a relationship and/or marriage last takes a lot of work, dedication, communication, commitment, respect and sacrifice from both parties. It’s also not always sunshine and pink roses, rainbows and butterflies and earth shattering sex. You have to be committed to make the relationship work even when times are tough, even if you have a sexual slumps and when you sometimes feel less in love with your partner due to whatever fight you had or problem you face.
Having read the article about the “Super Gay Couples” I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing. Having a gay relationship that last should not be idealized, as it makes it seem unattainable. I also don’t think that there is anything such as a “Super Couple” in heterosexual relationships they too share many of the same relationships issues. All relationships have 1 central thing in common - it takes 2 dedicated people to make it work. Love and respect, in my opinion, are central to any relationship and your partner should also be your best friend - if these 3 things are secure the rest of the pieces will naturally fall into place.

Maybe there are “Super Couples” out there with special powers that cross the globe doing super things. If they are out there, I hope they have cute matching super hero outfits and share their secret with the rest of us normal folk. Until that time the only wisdom I can impart is love is not for the faint of heart and successful relationships are not destined for the lazy and uncommitted.

Till next time!

Kathy Griffin She'll Cut A Bitch
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