Lie To Me

This week was spent being trained to become a Truth Verification Expert. It has been quite an interesting week as our rather quirky Belgian Professor taught us the nuances of the psychophysiology of lies, the reasons people lie and how to detect and counter them. Additional to this we were also taught to operate Israeli technology that borders on science fiction. During this fascinating training the Professor stated quite gallantly that society could not function without lies, which led me to wonder, is this really true.

I have written about lies before and mainly focused on the kind of lies that hurt, deceive and generally are told with malicious intent. Never did I actually take a step back and contemplated the idea that lies may also serve a positive purpose. How could this be, you may ask yourself. From a young age we are taught that lies are bad, lying is wrong and honesty is the best policy. However, this is not always true. I would like you to imagine a world where no one lies, a world where every person is brutally honest, a world where you have to be careful of the questions you ask as you may not like the answers. This is the world I would like to share with you today.

In the world we live in today we are all so bitterly polite. Because if you’re not you are considered to be a bitch. Every day we arrive at work and greet our colleagues with a “Hi, how are you today?” when we are not in the slightest interested and would quite possibly be annoyed if they responded with more than one sentence. Naturally, after the rehearsed “I’m fine, and you?” we are forced to respond with “I’m fine” even though some asshole scratched your car, your cat coughed up a fir ball on your new shirt and your neighbors dogs have been barking, none stop, since 11 o’clock last night and you didn’t get any sleep. Yet we plaster on a smile while inside you're screaming.

Being sleep deprived and pissed off you start your day. It’s not long before your phone rings. It’s some person that’s yet again unhappy about something and believes that you control the universe and in your "godly wisdom" caused their problem and only you can fix it. Instead of saying “Listen bitch, stop screaming! Have you ever considered that the universe does not revolve around you and bitching in my ear is not motivating me to help you? Go fuck yourself!!” promptly followed by hanging up. NO... instead we grind our teeth and bite our tongues and only think these devilishly entertaining thoughts with their accompanying visualizations.

By lunch time you are drained and are wishing for a time machine to take you to 4 o’clock. Facing reality you decide to sooth your emotional distress with some comfort food. With your shopping carton full of fattening goodies you unpack it for the cashier to ring up and then you notice that she looking at you strangely. Without a word your lunch is scanned all the while the cashier is thinking “This guy’s pants are a bit tight, but looking at what he has for lunch I really shouldn’t be surprised. When will he come out of denial and buy larger jeans, honestly is he waiting for all circulation to his legs to be completely cut off?” Instead of saying this to you the only words that she utters while taking your ATM card is “Cheque or Savings?”

After the day at the torture castle, that pays your bills, draw to an end you drive home in peak hour traffic. Your phone rings and it’s your friend. Your genuine delight from hearing from her soon turns into trepidation. “Honey, J and I want to go for drinks later, do you and hubby like to join us?” Hating J, who in your minds is a social retard, and you’d rather spend your evening at the dentist getting a root canal than spend it with him you politely respond “Sorry babe, hubby and I have other plans”. Not wanting to be pushy your friend responds “Oh ok, rain check then?” While she’s secretly wanting to ask “Like what other plan? Why is it that whenever I mention J I’m blown off? I don’t get those queers, you’d swear they don’t like my boyfriend!”

Arriving home and semi exhausted hubby greets you with the standard weekday question “How was your day?” Not having the energy or the desire to relive it you respond “It was ok and yours?” To which he entertains you with the one and only funny thing that happened at his office. You both have a chuckle and he starts dinner. As you start eating the lightly burned vegetables, overly salted and under cooked potatoes and bland meat, hubby asks you “So how is it?” Fighting your first reaction of saying “I have had better” your appreciation for not having had to cook dinner yourself forces you to respond “It’s lovely thank you” while you wash it down with some wine.

Without white lies society would indeed not function. If my husband would have to respond to “Does this jeans make my ass look fat?” with “No it’s that fat in your ass that makes your ass look fat” we may just need marital counseling. We all tell white lies, sometimes to be polite and other times to avoid awkward social situations. Yes, this is something that we all do daily and if we were to stop it just could lead to chaos.

Till next time.

Fagney & Gaycey - Episode 1

End of a Chapter

Having celebrated another birthday, apart from the lovely gifts and well wishes I received I now also am nursing a seasonal cold. I really thought I would escape its snotty grip this year but I wasn’t that lucky. Having spent some quality time with my pillow and tissues I had plenty of time to reflect. The past year has been a trying one filled with turmoil that tested me on every level. I had been part of a high profile court case that came to an end on Friday after a marathon trial of 9 months. The sale of our apartment finally came through at long last. The agency hubby and I are suing were served with papers last week and my ties with my previous employer is soon to be ended and my appointment at my new employer is to be made official. It feels like an end to a chapter, a chapter I’d remember for a long time, and the start of a new beginning.
Last year July I was requested to get involved in a high profile court case that would grip the imagination of the South African public. Not being one to shy away from an opportunity to learn and grow professionally I accepted the challenge and got stuck in. The court case read like a crime thriller that included Spy Bosses, Drug Trafficking, Money Laundering, Murder and Blackmail. The intrigue was supplemented with Drugs, Lies and a Videotape with shocking revelations and betrayals. During this time my life was taken over by the beast that was this court case. Working 16 hour days, having my face plastered in a few newspapers and news bulletins, I was sometimes accompanied by unsavory characters. This caused my sister to ring me up the one evening very concerned that she was seeing me on the news with a Mafia Boss and was worried that the public would assume I was one of his cronies. She made me laugh as the thought of me looking like a Mafia Boss’s bodyguard was a hilarious prospect.

Finally on Friday the verdict was delivered – guilty. Years of hard work by the investigative team finally paid off, restoring the public’s faith in the South African Judiciary. The court case was fascinating, and I count myself lucky to having been part of it. Some themes of this dramatic case are sure to make it into a novel I plan on writing one day. Sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction as this case proved. Sentencing procedures is due to start in just over a week, and then the fat lady will have sung closing what was a stressful, exciting and remarkable chapter.
When we bought our new home, we took a leap of faith. Our old apartment was not yet sold and we faced the prospect of having to pay two bonds. A daunting prospect, to say the least, as we could not really afford both. So after much deliberation hubby and I decided to rent the apartment out in the interim. This is when we encountered The Lies that People Tell. It was a particularly busy time in my life, having just finished up my involvement in the big court case, having just moved into our new house and started with phase I of the renovations and in the midst of changing careers. So at that stage neither hubby nor I had much tolerance for drama or additional stress. Yet the bitch that is drama found us!

You see we fell victim to an unscrupulous real estate agency which not only deceived us but also defrauded us. We had tenants in our apartment for less than a month before they vacated our property after wrecking it. All of this I learned through a Facebook message alerting me to the fact that the tenants were moving out without our knowledge and/or consent therefor breaching our lease agreement. What followed was a gargantuan argument with the real estate agency resulting in us seeking legal advice. Now 5 months later it’s official they are being sued. During the last 5 months we also kept paying 2 bonds, and our finances were more than tight – it was anorexic! Roughly six weeks ago we were thrown a life line when we finally found buyers. It was a tremendous relieve and could not have come at a better time. Contracts were signed and sealed and on my birthday (thank you fairy godmother) the sale went through. Having the apartment sold solves our two bonds issue but the law suit still needs to be resolved. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will not lead to yet another dramatic day in court! I am hoping for an out of court settlement – something civilized, something without too much skirmishing.
In the mean time I have changed employers reminding me of the article I wrote We May be Fruits but we are no Fucking Peaches. Now 3 months later I have settled in quite nicely but still have to finalize my permanent contract there. People at my new job are still exceptionally friendly, which still freaks me out every now and again, but I have come to learn they are not on drugs and it isn’t an episode of the Twilight Zone. They are genuinely nice people and I enjoy their company and am looking forward to a long and prosperous career there.

So I come to the end of this chapter. Last week I had to say farewell to an apartment I loved and lived in for 9 years. I trust that the new owners will be as happy there as we were. I will not allow the fowl taste of our present law suit to stain my memories of the 9 happy years we spent there. The marathon court case has also ended and justice may not have been swift but it was served. I will look back on this experience knowing that, for a brief period of time, I was part of legal history and that makes me proud. As this chapter ends and another starts I am looking forward to new experiences, new friends and new adventures.

Till next time.

Jason Stuart - Gay Dating

The Lies People Tell

All of us have told a lie. Whether we weren’t completely honest about how our better half’s ass looked in that tight jeans, insincerely complimented a best friend on their hideous new hairstyle; we all know lies comes in all shapes and sizes. For some telling a lie is as effortless as braking wind in public, however as all farts go the fowl odour soon will permeate the air around them and for some reason this inconsiderate social aromatic gesture is always blamed on someone else. We have all told a lie and most of us have been lied to but when does a little white lie turn into something with serious consequences?
I have read somewhere that children are born honest and only learn to fib later in life. My first recollection of telling a lie was roughly around the age of four. You see my sister and I didn’t like each other much during our early years and frequently got into terrible fights. She being older than I was she had both the tactical and strategic advantage both in size and experience. On this particular day she was practicing on the piano and I wanted to play with her. After reaching her zenith of frustration she responded in the only way she thought would get through to me – violence! She scratched me across my cheek. As blood started trickling from the four straight lines on my face her initial satisfaction turned into panic: Our mom was on her way home and she would be in trouble, being the astute strategist she was she took the only recourse she could see fit- blackmail.
My sister told me if I tell my mom what had happened she would tell on me. Being four years old I didn’t really have that many bodies buried in the back yard but honestly believed that my sister had some serious dirt on me that I may have forgotten about. So when my mom walked into the house I tried to avoid her covering my gashing wound with a bathroom towel not realizing this act of concealment would draw attention. My mom saw the towel and asked me to remove it. At this point I saw my sister’s blond pony tails hastily disappearing out of the front door. My mom asked what happened and like a fart I blamed the dog. Knowing our tumultuous history my sister was called and with a frightened caution she returned to the house and we were both forced to spill the beans. Consequently, both of us were punished - I for lying and my sister for attempted homicide, she did however receive clemency for the blackmail.
Some lies are not as innocent and the deception malicious. During the last couple of weeks my husband and I learned this the hard way. We moved out of our old apartment into a new property. As the old place was on the market to be sold and not having received any offers from perspective buyers yet we decided to rent it out. Neither one of us wanted to deal with the administrative side of leasing out the property so we enlisted to services of a real estate agency. A week after we moved out I received a phone call from a very enthusiastic agent informing us she had found us the perfect tenants. The only catch was they wanted to move in the very next day. Naturally, we being cautious she was bombarded with questions and she addressed most of our concerns. It all sounded too good to be true, but being optimistic we decided to agree and the new tenants would moved in.
The next day hubby went to sign the lease agreement and briefly met (or rather saw) the tenants. “They looked like white trash” was hubby’s exact words that evening. . Three weeks later I receive a message on Facebook from a friend asking if we evicted our tenants as they had moved out. Shocked, and after I threw up a little in my mouth, I phoned the estate agent who confirmed this unwelcome surprise trying to convince me that my husband had given permission for the lease agreement to be terminated. Knowing this to be untrue, unless I was caught up in some parallel dimension, a frantic phone call to my husband exposed the agent’s lie. He was at the hairdresser at the time and threw a hissy fit the likes our hairdresser and friend had never seen before and I was sure he was gobsmacked. We were both enraged and these two queens was gearing up for a full on bitch fight!
Complaints were laid at the Agency’s head office and after days passed of receiving no satisfactory response, I went to the Agency to fetch the apartment’s keys. There I found myself entrapped by the agent and her supervisor who were waiting for me. A heated discussion ensued and after being slandered by her and the supervisor I was livid. However, this would not be my only ordeal for the day. I left to inspect the aftermath that was left of our once beautiful apartment and was disturbed by what I found. The apartment was in a state of disarray! Our tenants were indeed white trash and now I needed to clean up after them. It was disgusting and on completion of this dreadful task I felt like I needed an antiseptic bath! No queer should ever have to clean up shit (literally) after other people – the experience left me utterly traumatized!
On further investigation it was discovered that the agent intentionally deceived us. We were blatantly lied to as neither the tenants nor the agent had any intention of honouring our lease agreement. You see they were friends and the tenants urgently needed a place to spread their germs and filth for a month, a little technical piece of information that was purposefully omitted. This is not where the deception stopped but as we decided to sue the agent and the real estate agency she works for further details may become Sub Judice and compromise the future success of our case. In this instance the lies we were told proofed to have serious consequences for us but now especially for the agent and her employer.
Yes we all tell lies and we all have been lied to. Sometimes the little white lie is to spare someone’s feelings, to keep the peace or just done to stay out of trouble with your parents. However, we don’t stay children forever and we grow up. In the big grown up world we all know the difference between right and wrong and lies no matter how innocent (even to help a friend) could have serious consequences.

Till next time.

The Importance of Truth