The pursuit of perfection and beauty always intrigued me and I never realized people would find the grooming habits of gay men interesting, and the term Crack & Sack not only confused a few but also left me wondering how many people actually had the misfortune of waxing their private parts and was cursing my name while in excruciating pain! Also not being partial to ageing gracefully I ventured into the world of non-invasive cosmetic procedures now being a proud member of the Botox club, and for all those wondering, yes... I still have movement in my face… at least the muscles from my eyebrows down... This year I again went through being Thick and Thin, losing some weight and looking fabulous to now having again gained a few pounds, and unlike Oprah flabby additions to my midsection did absolutely nothing for my ratings. As the recession hit the world we also mourned the Death of the Metro-Sexual Man, an illusive creature which to my great disappointment I learned heterosexual women absolutely hated.
Many friends this year found themselves single having had to endure terrible breakups notably grouping Condoms, Pepper Spray and True Love into an unlikely combination to surviving modern dating. I found the Queer Mating Rituals of Heterosexuals fascinating, and was forced to ponder on issues like Cyber Fidelity and Why Should Only Straight People have to Suffer Marriage. And then there were the SEX… Dildos, Handcuffs, Leather and Porn still seems taboo, as many of us still find it dreadfully uncomfortable to not only talk about sex but be open and honest about our own sexual needs and desires. Some people, on the other hand, took things too far with Sex Tape Scandals, but in all the need for Sex Education and being comfortable with our own sexuality became quite evident. This was just the simple issues but when it came to Intersexuality and Hermaphrodites it became quite controversial and complex.
Ageism in the gay community landed me in some hot water as no self-respecting queer would like to be referred to as a King or Queen of Yesterday and Fabulous Fairies and Ghastly Goblins clearly made their voices heard. I learned that the gay community is diverse and even wondered whether Gay Men are from Venus and Lesbians from Mars? I also discovered some Homophobic Homos in our midst and discovered that Coming Out may just be the route of all their self-loathing. For some the coming out process seemed so daunting that one friend even suggested he’d Rather be Black than Gay. In my own coming out process I also had to deal with some ignorance and being asked stupid questions like Why Don’t you Sleep with Lesbians?
Not being quite the social butterfly but rather a Stepford Fag, I did attend some great events this year. I had 3 Tons of Fun watching my fabulously talented hairstylists win a prestigious competition. I attended Fashion week and gazed upon some Perfect Creatures being a VIP guest and just as I started to feel Life’s a Drag I was amazed with the talent of our local Drag Queens. But unfortunately work pretty much dominated my year with Spy Bosses, Drug Trafficking and Murder seeing me make the 8 o’clock news and several front pages of news papers. With all of this happening I was also Rear Ended and the chain of events that followed had me scream What the F! No Wonder I am a Bitch!
Not being immune to scary diseases I became a statistic this year as I too contracted The Swine Flu - a nasty flu with a nasty name. It Will Never Happen to Me is something we feel comfort in thinking. This year a colleague of mine was diagnosed with cancer and is fighting the battle of her life; her diagnoses caught her off guard and turned her world upside down. Being a strong willed woman, she’s putting up a brave fight. Another friend who’s HIV+ learned that he needs to start with ARV treatment in the New Year – a prospect he finds daunting, but at least HIV no longer is a death sentence nor is it The Gift of Death.
Being a peace loving person, you could imagine my shock when I started getting hate mail. It seems some Christians think I am The Abomination of Humanity, fearing The Sodomites Wants to Recruit You and even proclaiming God Hates Fags. Clearly I struck a nerve and they like reminding me of this at least 2 to 6 times a week in their “love” letters. Intolerance and hate was further prevalent when the Gay Witch Hunt started in Uganda, with the lives of countless homosexuals being at risk as a Genocide may be looming. The Fag Hating Illuminati seems hell bent on eradicating homosexuality in Africa, and I will be damned if that happens. The Gay Plague didn’t kill us and neither will ignorance!
With all the ups and down this year I had the one person that stood by my side and have been my pillar of strength – my husband. Together we dispelled The Myth of the Super Gay Couple; we found the Needle in the Gaystack and will be moving into our new home in January 2010. Husband had to put up with a hell of allot of my tantrums, bitching, my hectic work schedule and activism. For all of this he deserves a medal for husband of the year!
2009 has been a busy year, a difficult year and a fulfilling year. Thank you for sharing this year with me, and I loved sharing it with you.
My wish to you for 2010: Make it your intention to pursue only what is honorable, what is good, and what is true… Don’t forget to walk gently, breathe peacefully, laugh hysterically, love truly, give cheerfully and accept gratefully.
Now I am off to a week of peace and quiet and will be seeing in the New Year on an Island off the mainland of Madagascar. So for at least a week, in the famous words of Greta Garbo “uh.. uh.. I want to be alone….”
Till next time, see you in 2010. Happy New Year!
Feel so different by Sinead O'Connor