Gay Guys React To Gay Porn

We all know gay guys dabble in gay porn, but what do we really think about porn today?
 

Heterosexuality - A Queer Perspective

In all my gay years I have often been asked many questions by well meaning heterosexuals, questions that often times starts with the phrase “Can I ask you something personal?” The questions that follow usually would be about my queerness, our gay old lifestyle and homosexual intercourse. And I have always answered these questions, frankly and in great descriptive detail, sometimes to the regret of the questioner. So now I thought it appropriate to flip the tables and ask a few questions of my own about heterosexuality that I have been burning to ask for years. So here goes…

I have always wondered whether straight folk where "born that way" or whether heterosexuality is actually a lifestyle choice. You see I have been pondering on this for a while. Why on earth would any person choose to be straight? Straight folk never have any fun. They never have any colorful parades.  They only dress up once a year for Halloween. Very few have any fashion sense and then there’s the small little horror of accidentally falling pregnant – something that never happens with homosexuals!  Or at least the ones I know off.

Straight folk’s lives are also predictable and scripted. They are expected to achieve certain milestones at certain times in their lives – get married, get pregnant, raise the kids, get them out of the house at 21 and nag the next generation to procreate in order to reach the final milestone of becoming grandparents. Gay folk don’t have these pressures. We can meander through a full life without being expected to do any of these things - we only do some of it because we choose to.

And then there is the sex. I don’t understand heterosexual intercourse and I find it puzzling. Firstly, the equipment that’s to be utilized for pleasure differs vastly in mechanics, design and general function. At least with homosexuals we have an innate understanding and intimate knowledge of our sex partner’s erogenous areas, the only thing that differs is the model size, religious cosmetic alterations and grooming.

Queers don’t necessarily have to learn how to swim in the sea of pleasure, we can jump right in, have a splash and both can make it to shore satisfied. With heterosexuals I suspect this may be slightly different and some experience is required before they get their sea legs. This being said, heterosexual sex must be terrifying and possibly dangerous!

Imagining the experience of heterosexual intercourse could easily make a standard homosexual lightheaded. Having seen the female anatomy in all its glory a few times in my life (for which there will follow no explanation or elaboration) I just can’t figure out why straight guys enjoy it.

The vigina must be the strangest organ in all creation. It’s a curious little fleshy miniature canyon with understated accessories sometimes hidden by a forest and other times just plain bare. Then there are the breasts for which I fail to see the purpose off during intercourse. It seems like they would just get in the way and could potentially be hazardous. Depending whether they are coconuts or tennis balls they do have the potential to cause a concussion or lead to suffocation.

The actual act of heterosexual intercourse I think we can all figure out on our own. The train goes into the tunnel and then comes again, as Freud would say. But, I have heard some straight guys boast, when trying to make straight sex seem better than gay sex, by stating that they have a choice of three orifices to choose from, whereas gay men only have two. To which I ussually candidly resond "Well honestly, I do really just care about the two!" Besides I always also tend to take matters that one step further by asking the said heterosexual guy’s girlfriend whether she has taken it up the ass before and if not I am always willing to give her some pointers.

But then having sex with straight men could be daunting too. For woman having to deal with a penis and testicles could pose their own challenges as not all men are created equal and not all men tend to their gardens, if you know what I mean. Being faced with an erect penis and not knowing how it works could easily lead to confusion.  And when it’s surrounded with a moist and uncultivated tropical rain forest, its appeal factor can easily drop to zero. Then there are the differences: some wieners are turtle necks and others are kosher, and some women prefer the one over the other as do we queer folk.

The last thing I have wondered about is, can heterosexuals see and appreciate the beauty of people of their own gender. If a straight guy walks down the street and see another guy who’s attractive, well build and groomed can he say to his mates or girlfriend “Wow” without having his own masculinity threatened or questioned? Or can a woman admire another without thinking she has lesbian tendencies. We queer folk can do that all the time, gay guys appreciate good looking women, lesbians can acknowledge a fine male speciment, but that does not mean we want to sleep with them. Can straight folk do the same?

Yes, heterosexuality is a queer phenomenon that’s highly prevalent, very public and truly fascinating. I don’t think I will ever understand it and the fact that they flaunt their sexual preference and lifestyle choice in our streets, offices, shopping malls and on television sure isn’t making it easy to ignore them. At least they don’t have a flag yet, but I’m sure that too will happen someday. Even though I don’t understand it, sometimes don’t approve of it, I accept my heterosexual friends, family and colleagues just the way they are – they are people too and the heart doesn’t choose who you love.

Till next time.

Margaret Cho: Beautiful

This Will Forever Ruin Porn for You

The other day I had a rather unpleasant run in with a certain South African.  He is trying to launch himself into a porn career in the USA.  The whole experience left me quite perturbed about this guy’s life choices, the fantasy world he finds himself trapped in and his shortsightedness about his own future.  In all honesty, I felt sad for him.  But hey, it is not my business if someone I don’t even know well is fucking up their own life, right?  But this left me to wonder, do we ever think about the people who are in the porn movies we watch?  Who they really are and how they ended up doing porn?  And if we did would we still watch it?

I have nothing against porn.  I have watched my fair share in my life and if there are people who choose to make a living by having sex in front of the cameras, amongst other things, all the power to them.  However, I do have to admit that I have sometimes watched these movies and wondered what went wrong in these people’s lives that caused them to end up where they are.  Did they decide to go down this path out of necessity or by choice?

Out of all the career choices out there I am not sure how someone wakes up one morning and decide that porn is the career choice for them.  I mean the requirements for the job are rather superficial.  You do not require any talent, you don’t have to be smart or educated, you don’t require any acting skills at all, and as was evident with the South African, you don’t even have to be particularly attractive.  However, what you do require is a good to fair body, the ability to do things with your orifices that could potentially damage them forever and if you don’t fit those criteria all you need is a very large penis.

Also, quite disturbing is the fact that the majority of porn stars out there are also prostitutes on the side.  Probably to help them make ends meet during those times when they aren’t working or getting work.  With the new revival of bareback porn amidst the real threat of contracting HIV (even with PrEP that is supposed to prevent infection) these men are also risking their lives every time they shoot a scene.  Not to mention what happens when they rent themselves out to clients who may be less than honest about their medical statuses.  It is worrisome that these men would risk their lives all for the sake of money.

The word “porn star” is also a very strange concept to me because are these guys really “stars”?  Are they actually famous?  When one thinks about it they really aren’t.  Most of these guys’ shelf life is normally just a couple of years, if that long.  Their time being cut short either by them getting ill, when long term drug abuse takes its toll on their bodies and/or their lives or when the porn houses find younger better looking guys to replace them.  And then what happens to them?

This is where the real problem comes in.  Sure they have made their money while doing porn but I doubt that any of them have the foresight of investing it.  What happens when they run out of money and they actually have to find a real job?  Sure using an alias while doing porn seemingly will protect their true identities.  But with the internet these days just merely using an alias would not hide their debauched backgrounds from their future employers.  With just a couple of keystrokes any future employer will easily unearth their previous illustrious careers and unfortunately this will make most of these guys unemployable.  They would be a huge reputational risk to any company. Where will they end up then?  Have you ever heard of any porn star making it to the Fortune 500 list?

As for my run in with the South African it was pure coincidence.  I used to be Facebook friends with him but he was a casualty of one of my many Facebook friends’ cleanup efforts.  I stumbled upon his profile by chance and saw that he was travelling through the USA and I thought “Ah, good for him.  Wonder what he is doing with his life now”.  Then I discovered that he was working for one of the well-known porn houses over there.  On first inspection of his profile it appears as if he wanted to create the impression that he was doing modelling, however it soon became evident that he was doing anything but modelling in the true sense of the word.  I was disappointed.

I thought he had so much more potential than this and my first thought was what his parents would say.  No parent in their right mind would want their child to do pornography or be proud of that fact.  Being a parent myself I can honestly say I would be mortified.  I did comment to that effect on his profile and tried to do so in the most respectful way I possibly could.

However, he did not respond well to my concern, rather opting to attack me and my child:  Saying that we would use our son as a “sex slave” and that I was a child molester because he could “see it in my eyes”.  I didn’t take this boorish attack personally.  I mean how could I?  It’s not like he was speaking from any moral high ground whatsoever.  He also wasn’t the type of person whom has proved to have sound judgment or to be a good judge of character.  His own behavior and life choices tarnished his credibility in all these areas so I just decided to let it go.

I don’t pretend to understand people or why they sometimes make life choices that, deep down, they know they will regret someday.  People who go into porn probably have their own reasons for doing so and I hope they do so comprehending the consequences thereof.  I hope they know that their porn career will follow them around for the rest of their lives and will encroach in all other aspects of their lives as well, possibly at the most inconvenient of times.  Possibly at the times they can least afford it.  It will impact on their future relationships, their family and careers or hopes thereof.  When I watch porn now, I see the failed dreams and the failed aspirations of people who made certain life choices that will haunt them for days to come. 

Till next time

The Price of Admission

Pretending that your spouse isn't annoying is the "Price of Admission" you have to pay for a long term relationship.  Just ask my long suffering hubby of 16 years. I am annoying as hell. 

The Straight Girl's Guide to Gay Boys

This is what all straight girls need to know about gay guys.

2013: The Year that Was

So today is the last day of 2013 and I slept for 10 hours straight.  The last time I did that was when I had plastic surgery and the drugs were awesome.  And just so you know, the bags under my eyes have still not grown back.  That is a plastic surgery win in my book.  But this blog post is not going to be about me being nipped, tucked, getting laser treatment or getting Botox.  I am saving that for my forties.  The nip and tuck part that is because the rest I have been doing for years.  This blog post is going to reflect on the highs and lows I have experienced during 2013.  Seeing as I live a very boring life this blog post is going to be short.  I don’t want to bore you with all the insignificant details that make out the plethora of my meager existence.  So like the time when I worked in intelligence and had to write boring reports for politicians who were too lazy to read I will make it concise and hope it doesn’t give you a sudden urge to take a nap.  So here goes…

Like most years I like to start off the year being all optimistic, you know, making up silly New Year’s resolutions that nobody ever stick to.  New Year’s resolutions like “this year I am going to live healthy, exercise and lose weight”.  Yea right.  Well I did not do any of that and I should really be ashamed of myself.  In 2013 I gained 8kg and, like I like to see it, it is just more of me to love.  In 2013 we also learned what gay guys really think about vaginas and it really should not have come as a surprise that most of us are terrified of them.  I mean we all know that if it wasn’t for vaginas we would not be here but that doesn’t mean that we would want to revisit one, now do we?

On Valentine’s Day one of my far flung family members shot and killed his girlfriend and an international media circus started.  Oscar Pistorius shot and killed Reeva Steenkamp, a woman very few of us ever heard of before this.  Being sad and of great media interest the attention seeking homophobic Pastor from Cape Town also wanted his five minutes of fame and stated publically that Oscar was cursed for supporting gay rights.  Naturally I lost my shit over this a little, but they say you should take it from whom it comes.  Something I sometimes find hard to do.  This year I also realized that Google is making us stupid.  These days there really is no need to learn anything.  If you want an answer to a question you just ask Google; if you want to be shown how something is done you ask YouTube.  As technology evolves making life easier for us we as a human race are becoming ever lazier both mentally and physically.

This year I also had a rather unpleasant encounter with a drag queen that lost her mind.  I answered some questions straight people always wanted to ask a gay guy and gave you reasons why I don’t want to friend your cock.  And in an even stranger turn of events my cat almost got her own book deal.  This year also saw me coming to terms with menopause.  My own menopause!  I. Almost. Died.  I was diagnosed with early onset male menopause earlier this year and was started on hormone therapy.  Luckily, or unluckily, I have not yet grown a second dick yet but the hormones did see me grow some extra man hair.  Luckily there are wax as I don’t think I will rock the cave man look.

My long suffering husband and I also celebrated our 15^th year anniversary this year.  That’s like 40 in straight years.  I also shared some stuff I do that annoys my husband which makes our 15 years together so amazing.  This year was also a turning point in our relationship with us making one of the biggest decisions a couple can make and that is to have children.  This year we started with the adoption process.  It was a huge step to take and a somewhat arduous journey but we are looking forward to becoming a family of three in 2014.  I know looking forward to 2am feeds, nappy changes, being thrown up on and many sleepless nights are not something most people get excited about.  But hey, you all know I am different and I am super psyched about it and you can be sure to read all about poop, formula, sleep deprivation and all that goes along with new parenthood on my blog in 2014.

During 2013 I not only dealt with the lighter side of life but also with some of the darker sides.  I wrote about addiction and how I have been personally affected by it and why I have not had any contact with my father for the last six years because of it.  I also shared with you my dirty little secret with my life long battle with depression and why sometimes wallowing in self-pity can be liberating.  I also dealt with religious inspired homophobia which is something I hope I will see disappearing in my lifetime as well as how the gay community can inspire hate and discrimination amongst ourselves.  Also during 2013 I hit a low point in my blogging career where I briefly wondered whether I should not just quit my blog.  But as you can see I pulled through my blogging slump and am still here.  We also lost a great man this year.  Nelson Mandela passed away and he was a man from which I drew great personal inspiration and he will be greatly missed but never forgotten.

2013 was by no means an easy year.  Looking back over the last twelve months I am amazed at how much I grew both personally and spiritually.  As I sit here writing this I am aware that I am almost at the beginning of what will be a new chapter in my life.  2014 will be a year of change, challenges, inspiration and great joy.  We will be welcoming a new member into our family and I am sure our priorities will shift.  2013 has taught me patience, the importance of resilience, focus and that change is a good thing.  So on this last day of 2013 I am not going to make any silly New Year’s resolutions, what I am going to do is make a promise to myself:  I promise that in 2014 I will be the best version of myself that I can be, accept myself and all my flaws and embrace life.

Till next time.

Coming out of the closet

Ash Becham's very inspirational speech about closets, the different closets we all have, what is hard and how to break free.  This is a video that I recommend everybody watch, even if you are not gay.  It's filled with truth and inspiration that we all need to hear and can benefit from.

Gay Confessions

There is nothing more venomous than a bitter old queen with an axe to grind.  They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but a rancorous queen with a vendetta and the morals and ethics of a crack whore who has run out of smack can be far more hazardous.  Now throw Social Media into the mix and you have the perfect storm of bitchiness, slander, malicious gossip, debauchery and character assassination.

There are some seriously fucked up people out there.  And yes y’all, there are also some really pissed off queens out there too who like nothing better than pissing on other people’s parades.  Perhaps it is out of jealousy or maybe it is born from insecurity, who knows.  Either way, some disgruntled self-hating queen recently decided to create a Facebook page called Gay Confessions SA and this caused some major unhappiness in the gay community mostly because it was utter smut, tried to create some controversy in the community, slandered some people (including myself) and was mostly based on anonymous lies.  I know the LGBT community don’t always get a long, but seriously you guys?  What the fuck is wrong with some people?

We all know that Social Media, apart from being an easy way to connect, also has its dark crevices where sinister motives lurk.  Not everyone on Social Media is all rainbows and butterflies.  Some people are callous and vindictive bullies.  Now don’t fool yourself.  It’s not only children who fall prey to cyber bullying, adults do as well.  Only when it comes to adults the bullying is slightly more sophisticated and many times much more vicious.  Not all cyber bullies have the guts to belittle, taunt and slander their victims in person.  Some create fake profiles and recently a whole page was created solely for this purpose.  Gay Confessions SA was conceived from a demented mind and was clearly aimed at discrediting and embarrassing certain members of the South African gay community.  Its aim was to slander them disguised as “anonymous confessions” which was the perfect recipe to bring out the absolute worst in our community.

Now, is it just me who thinks that the person(s) behind that page and the participants thereof were cowards?  I use the past tense because Facebook has shut down that page twice already for violating their terms of service, yet it resurfaces every time like a stubborn yeast infection.  It is very easy to write insults, accusations and blatant lies in an “anonymous confession” without taking any responsibility for what you’re saying and/or not caring who you are hurting in the process.  It’s easy to slander people and to assassinate their characters on line while hiding behind the anonymity of a faceless Facebook page that is devoid of any accountability.  But what is in it for the perpetrators of these devious, baseless and malicious “confessions”?  And what is in it for the creator of that page?  What do they get out of it and what do they want to achieve?

Well, perhaps the answer is simple.  I guess it makes them feel better about themselves and their mediocre lives.  How sad and unfulfilling their lives must be that they feel compelled to live vicariously through others albeit in a very pitiable way.  If you have to break others down to make yourself feel better, perhaps therapy might be in order or a dose of self-esteem.  I know we in the LGBT community don’t always get along and that is fine.  I mean you can’t like everyone you meet, right?  But if there is someone that gets your tits in twist why not just ignore them?  I mean really, I don’t like drinking banana milkshakes but I don’t force myself to drink one just so that I can tell everybody how bad it tastes.  So why do it with people you dislike.  Sure some people are assholes and that is why I avoid them.  Why can’t other people do the same?

I must be honest; I also do like the odd bit of gossip every now and again.  I most certainly am not above that.  I do listen to it and I also sometimes participate in it.  But there is a line that should not be crossed and Gay Confessions clearly crossed that line.  For one, I not only blame the creator(s) of that page for the damage they are doing to our community I also blame the people who liked and participated in that page:  The people who submit their anonymous confessions and the people who consume and enable the loathsomeness which was that page.  You are part of the problem.  Do you even realize that?  Maybe you should ask yourself this: if some of those posts were about you would you still be happily supporting that page?  If you read shit about yourself that is not true, would you be fine with it?  If you answered NO to any of these questions, why should other people be?

As for whoever’s brainchild this Gay Confession Page is/was , you are a pathetic asshole.  And I mean that with all the contempt it deserves.  If you find joy in slandering people and doing it either for the fun of it or to settle some scores you should take a long hard look at your own life.  Are you proud of who and what you are?  Are you proud of what you have become?  Do you find delight in breaking people down?  You are putting out so much negativity into the world all of which will eventually come back to you.  Perhaps it is time that you stop fucking with other people’s lives and start focusing on having one of your own.  You know, like in the real world and not on your fucking computer.  Some fresh air might just do you some good.

Yes, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but a disgruntled old queen can be far more dangerous.  Unfortunately, the gay community is full of jealous people and we so do like to fight amongst ourselves, don’t we?  It is pathetic really.  This Facebook page embodied everything in the LGBT community that I dislike and even though I cannot be sure that it will not resurface again but if it does and you reading this are one of the people who participated in it, I only hope you realize what it says about you.  I know that we in the LGBT community cannot all get a long but can’t we just stop being such bitches and mind our own fucking business for once?  How can we expect the rest of the world to respect us if we cannot even respect each other?  Maybe next time when we have a Gay Pride we should stop and really think for a moment about what that means.  Are we really “proud” to be a member of the LGBT community when we treat one another like this?

Till next time.

Homosexuals: The Terrible Truth.

Call the police.  Form a committee.  We are literally EVERYWHERE and our numbers are increasing at an alarming rate.

Famous Gays in History

Some people believe the world would be a better place without gay people.  But can you imagine the world without the most famous gay people in history.  It doesn't matter with whom you sleep - It matters what you DO!

I Don’t Have Gay Pride

Pride season upon is in South Africa and with four Prides to choose from this year one would say that we are spoiled for choice.  But are we really?  Last weekend there was Soweto Pride.  Pretoria Pride and The People’s Pride are taking place this weekend and Joburg Pride the end of the month.  This year we have four Pride events that are supposed to bring the LGBT community together, events that should show our community’s solidarity and events that are supposed to bring awareness to LGBT issues.  But instead of doing this, this year’s Pride season has done more to divide our LGBT community than ever before.  There has been infighting, scandals, alleged death threats, social media campaigns that have done more harm than good, all of which caused many queer folk to wonder whether Pride is still relevant and causing many others to consider boycotting Pride altogether.  I am one of those queers who decided that I will not attend any of the Pride events this year, and this is why.

The last couple of years I have seen Joburg Pride on a gradual downward slide.  The event became more of a money making scheme exploiting gay folk rather than the Pride event it should have been.  All of this led to some serious questions being asked in the gay community as to how the Pride event’s finances were being managed, whether the event still had any importance in our community and why the event seemed to have been getting more poorly organized each year.  Many people, including myself, became unhappy and started not attending the event.  Then earlier this year Joburg Pride’s board resigned and all hell broke loose.

A group of well meaning LGBT people decided to organize a new Joburg Pride and with their first public meeting it was clear that they faced a rocky road ahead.  Since that disastrous initial meeting many of the initial organizers have dropped out and the activist group 1 in 9 decided to form The People’s Pride and distance themselves from Joburg Pride.  There was also the incident regarding a certain sponsor, of which we dare not speak, which caused a huge uproar in the gay community leading to certain gay websites publishing contradictory articles about the debacle, threats of lawsuits ensued and some not so friendly mudslinging occurred on social media.

In the end Joburg Pride, that was supposed to take place last weekend, was postponed/ cancelled at the eleventh hour.  One of the senior organizers claimed that, amongst other things, she received death threats, was the victim of intimidation and safety concerns of the Pride participants on the marching route and location as the reasons why the event was “postponed”.  Whether Joburg Pride was indeed just “postponed” and not actually cancelled we will have to wait and see.  I am not holding my breath and due to the obvious unprofessionalism and lack of proper organization I will not be attending it, even if it does indeed take place.  Besides who cancels an event, only two days before it was suppose to take place, without even informing the talent they had hired to preform at the event anyway?  Some of these people only learned about this through Facebook and NOT from the organizers.  So instead of spending my money on shitty overpriced food and booze to fatten the new Joburg Pride's coffers, I will spend my hard earned gay money somewhere else.

As for The People’s Pride, it is more of a political demonstration than a Pride event.  It was organized by a group of activists who caused a major incident at last year’s Joburg Pride in which people were injured.  Their tactics last year seemed militant and disruptive and even though I do believe their intention was to create awareness and was not malicious, the manner in which they went about it was questionable.  Personally, I do believe there is place for the politicization of LGBT issues that we believe are not being addressed by government but there is a huge difference between a Gay Pride March and a Political Demonstration.  Sure they are not mutually exclusive but their intentions are quite different.  Also not being clear on exactly what The People’s Pride short term and long term objectives are, I don’t feel comfortable attending their Pride either.

As for Pretoria Pride I believe that it was incorrectly named.  It should have been called Babylon Pride, because that is exactly what it is.  It is a “Pride” event that was organized by the owners of Babylon nightclub and much of the event centers more around the nightclub than the city the Pride event is suppose to represent.  Even the location of the Pride march is conveniently located within a stone’s throw from Babylon nightclub.  They also do not even have an original theme for the event.  The closest they came was “Gay by birth.  Proud by choice”.  Honestly guys, did you steal that off a gay bumper sticker.  Really?

Seeing as “Pretoria Pride” does not appear to me to be a legitimate Pride event but is, in my opinion, nothing more than a cleverly architected Public Relations and Marketing ploy by Babylon I do not plan to participate in it either.  I mean honestly, doesn't Babylon make enough money off the gay community already?  Do they really need a bogus Gay Pride to line their pockets any further?  Besides, I don’t even consider Centurion to be part of Pretoria anyway.  If I wanted to participate in a marketing event I would go to one of VW family days.  But this is just my opinion.

So this year we have four Pride events none of which I attended or plan to attend.  I know I did not say anything about Soweto Pride and the reason is simple - I don’t live in Soweto!   Besides my husband and I were hosting my father-in-law’s 60^th birthday party, so we wouldn’t have been able to attend it even if we wanted to.  Whether I will attend any Pride events in future, I just don’t know.  If things keep on going the way it is now, I don’t think I will and that will be a crying shame.  At the moment I don’t have gay pride, and it is a pity because I am proud of who we are, how far we have come and I know how far we still need to go.  Let’s hope that one of these days Gay Pride will be restored to an event we can all be proud of – an event we will be proud to be a part of.

Till next time.

Am I a Stepford Fag?

With my thirty something birthday coming up (a queer never reveals his true age after 30) in just over a month I took some time to sit back and reflect on my life. After all I am now closer to forty than I am to twenty.  And isn't it strange how different we view life while you are in your twenties than how you view life when you are in your thirties? As I measured how my life has changed since I was 20 and how different it is now than what I expected, I came to ask myself a shocking question – Have I become a Stepford Fag?

Stepford Fags are described in the urban dictionary as “a gay couple who are nice, sexless and nonthreatening. Typically they live in the suburbs, have an immaculate house and yard and don't scare the neighbors while they are in fact just as much a slave to heterosexual establishment as everyone else.”

While in my twenties I could have been described as a social butterfly. Most nights I partied the night away and knew all the regulars at all the night clubs by name. As my long suffering husband and I started dating (shortly before my 21st birthday) all the club celebs came to know us as a couple rather than individuals. It was bound to happens that way as my husband and I share the same name.  We became friends with the elite gay socialites, at the time, and became regular fixtures at all the popular LGBT events.  In between my busy social schedule I managed to finish my studies and started working. However, during this time my social life gained priority and my studies and worked was seen only as a time filler until the next party.

I went to class and later to work with very little sleep, sometimes a hangover and the odd glittery souvenir of the previous night’s party stuck in my hair. On one occasion I showed up for work minus one eyebrow because at the previous night’s strip show at the club the flame throwing stripper scorched it off. My husband and I also thought it funny to wear matching outfits to clubs, which in retrospect was silly not only because it’s such a cliché thing to do but I mean really wasn’t it bad enough that we share the same name? As the years passed our regular feature on the nightclub circuit became less frequent as work demands and responsibility increased and we reduced our social excursions to weekends.

Being young, wild, attractive and popular I didn’t give much thought to the future – being that age I thought I would stay young, pretty and thin forever. Never once did I consider getting married as I was of the firm belief that it was something straight people did to make it more difficult for them to split up. Being in a happy and committed relationship and having moved in together I was quite content with the way things were. We didn’t need a contract so ensure our relationship would last! Apart from marriage the house with the white picket fence, dogs, cats and children was as frightening to me as a cheesecake to an anorexic. I was happy, thin, in a relationship with the man I loved and surrounded with glitter balls, strobe lights, music, drag queens and hot young guys. What more does a young gay man want?

During my late twenties my metabolism decided it would skip a few years ahead and slowed down. As the pounds started packing on and my infamous leather pants and tight, skimpy shirts started to take strain to the point of me no longer being able to squeeze into them, it was time for them to be retired. The late nights at clubs over the weekends also showed signs of taking its toll and became less frequent. Before I knew it my social butterfly days were numbered as my priorities had shifted just like my weight.

The process was so gradual one and it happened without any distinct detection. What seemed important and satisfactory to me a few years ago no longer had the same appeal. More time was spent focusing on my career. Night clubs was replaced with dinner parties and movies with friends and quiet evenings at home. However, we still go clubbing when we have the time. My relationship had evolved to a more mature level and friendships deepened beyond superficiality and hedonistic interests.When gay marriage was legalized my husband and I didn’t give it a second thought and tied the knot literally a few weeks later. My twenty something view of marriage was replaced: I now had a more mature view and understood that marriage was more than just a contract that would cost you half of everything you owned if you want to get out of it. The house with the white picket fence now also drew my attention and became a reality. The twenty year old finally grew up. I transformed from a club hopping shooter downing socialite to a career driven married man. Does this now mean I become a Stepford Fag? As per the definition I would have to say Yes and No. Yes, we are a nice couple, live in the suburbs, have an immaculate home and yard and we don’t scare the neighbors (on purpose that is). However, we most certainly aren’t sexless (of that we have quite enough) and are not slaves to heterosexual establishment nor do we want to imitate it. We are who we are; some people might still find this threatening and not approve but I say the hell with them. So if I am considered a Stepford Fag, I am very proud to be one and highly recommend it. All fairies have to grow up some time!

Till next time.

Sam Jensen – Here Is The New There

Rarely does a DJ write and compose his or her own music.  So taking this into consideration DJ Sam Jensen is a rare find.  His first album ‘Daydreams Last Forever’ was a hard act to follow and he nails it with his second album ‘Here Is The New There’ as well.  From the first track ‘Music Makes Me’ that rouses you to move whether you want to or not, right through to the whimsical silliness of the bonus track ‘The Brandy Song’ his sound is unique and fresh.  ‘Lakeside Zoneout’ is designed to take you away and it definitely does just that.  His lyrics come across personal, whether they are tongue in cheek or deep and cerebral making for a very satisfying album.  This is a must buy album and this young an upcoming artist needs to be watched closely as he most definitely is going places.  Sam occasionally releases some of his tracks for free download so check out his Facebook Page DJ Sam where you can order copies of his albums too.

Review by GeeGee Curtained from The Modern L fame.

15 Years: And they said it would not last.

Today is our fifteen years anniversary.  Good Lord, has it really been that long?  It feels like yesterday that I first met my husband.  I still vividly remember that day I sent my friend over to go and tell hubby I thought he was cute.  I also remember the agonizing two months that I had to wait for him to become available.  I also clearly recall that auspicious Sunday evening when we finally officially became a couple, at a Drag Show nonetheless.  For a long time we lied and told people we met at an art exhibition.  You know because that just sounded more sophisticated than telling people we met at a Bar called “Bulls Eye”.  But now fifteen years on, what is the point of lying about where we met and I say fuck sophistication, we met at a Bar and at least it wasn’t a steam room.

For a long time there has been this myth that gay people are incapable of sustaining long term relationships, that we’re drug taking promiscuous misfits who cannot settle down and build a happy life for ourselves; that we are destined to grow old in nightclubs forever chasing after our long lost youth.  But that is just it - it’s a myth.  There are countless couples that I know of out there who have been in relationships for much longer than we have been.  Perhaps they are not active in the gay scene anymore and aren’t as visible, but we are out there.  Look, I won’t lie.  The last fifteen years were not all rainbows and butterflies.  Relationships take work.  But when you find someone who is worth it you won’t mind putting in the effort.  So let me share with you some of our highlights and lowlights of the past fifteen years.

All relationships have ups and downs.  Some couples are strong enough to make it through those down times and others are not.  As for hubby and I the majority of our down times were because of my profession.  Having had a rather interesting career thus far, which for the most part I am legally obligated to keep secret and not talk about or God forbid write about, I will share with you only the things that won’t land my ass in jail.  During my career I have been required to be away from home a lot.  Sometimes not being allowed to tell my husband where I was going or what I was doing.  He accepted this and I admired him for it as it does take courage for a spouse not to ask questions when you in fact have many.

The worst time in our relationship was when I worked undercover.  I was away from home for a long time and I know my husband was sick with worry knowing that what I was doing was dangerous.  I did however, during that time, check in with him once a day with phone calls telling him that I was still alive and finding out how things were going at home.  This I always did to put his mind at ease and for me to hear a familiar voice.  It was a routine we had for every time I went away and I never missed a phone call.  Well, that’s not true, there was that one time.

While working undercover there was a particularly nasty incident where I got hurt and I did not check in with my husband.  He sat at home waiting for my call that never came.  He was wondering if I was still alive and had no means of contacting me.  Out of fear that something might have happened to me he eventually called a colleague of mine.  He told him that he hasn’t heard from me and asked him how long he has to wait before he should start to get worried.  The colleague told him two days and hubby lost his mind.  At around 10pm that evening I finally manage to speak to him much to his relief.  Later, after I returned home and my undercover operation was concluded I found a letter that he wrote on our computer in which he wrote that he didn’t think our marriage is going to work if I continue to do undercover work.  Consequently, I never worked undercover again.

Another lowlight in our relationship was when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and her passing away nine months later.  It was a particularly difficult time for me.  I have a tendency to withdraw emotionally and tend to keep people at a distance when going through something serious.  I guess I do this to protect myself but unfortunately I then also push away the people who I care about the most.  Hubby did his best to support me and was patient with me which is a very difficult thing to do when he, at that time, must have felt so alone in our marriage.  After my mother’s passing he also embraced our peculiar family traditions when it comes to mourning.  He did not question why we had to cover all the mirrors in the house and why we had to keep a vigil with incense and a candle for seven days after the funeral, he just did it.  Even though I was emotionally unavailable and grief  stricken he was patient with me and gave me all the love and support that I so desperately needed.

Sure there other low lights that we had in our fifteen years together but seeing as my reader’s attention span only allows for a 1500 words I will skip them this time around.  Before I depress you more than a cold cup of coffee let’s move on and get to the highlights, shall we.  Getting legally married must be one of the highlights of the last fifteen years.  Having our union legally recognized not only legitimized our relationship but also shows the world that we are committed to each other.  Certainly it would still be true even without that piece of paper but it is comforting to know that if something would ever happen to either one of us the other will be legally the beneficiary of the other’s estate.  Also, I’d much rather have my husband make the difficult medical decisions should it ever come down to it as opposed to anyone else.  After all he knows me better than I know myself.

Our honey moon in Egypt and all our international travels have been highlights.  Both of us have a keen sense of adventure when it comes to exploring foreign countries.  Even with my OCD travel is the one thing I will never so no to.  Hubby is the best travel companion being the practical one and the voice of reason.  He is also the one that freaks out travel guides and I remember the one time in Egypt when he told our guide to stop at a market that was not on our itinerary.  The guide reluctantly obliged and hubby did not blink an eye as he started surveying the market for bargains.  We eventually split up going in different directions in the market and almost caused the guide to have a complete nervous breakdown much to my amusement.  This is exactly why I love my husband so much.

The fact that my husband also gets my sense of humor, which is dark and dry most of the time, and that he has accepted that I suffer from a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease is a big advantage.  He has many times told me that “I cannot take you anywhere” as I inadvertently always find a way to offend some people.  His journey to accepting this side of who I am is most definitely a highlight for me.  My other idiosyncrasies, of which there are in an abundance, and how they challenge him on a daily basis and his ability to accept them I find more than enduring and makes me love him more every day.

Another major highlight in the last fifteen years is our home.  When we decided to buy a house and move out of our apartment we both knew it would be stressful.  We searched for months to find the perfect home that would meet both our needs.  So when we finally found the perfect house it needed some work to tweak it to what we wanted.  We had to do some breaking down (both the house and our mental states), we had builders and painters in our house and yard and there were a couple of royal fuck ups.  But after a couple of months of renovations, a few meltdowns and me on the bathroom floor crying like an emotionally disturbed child many an evening, most of the renovations are complete and we made it through that time having a stronger marriage, stronger relationship and the almost perfect house.

Fifteen years is a long time to be with the same person.  But when fifteen years feels like five, you know that you have met your soul mate and that you are in this for the long haul.  Sure there will be good times and bad times, rich times and poor times and sickness and health.  But through the highs and the lows if your love is pure you will make it.  Hubby and I almost never fight and I have been asked many times what our secret is and it’s really simple - respect each other.  We have never cursed each other, screamed at each other and even when we are angry as hell and think the other one is being an asshole we still respect each other enough to resolve our differences in a respectful manner.  The myth that gay people cannot have long term relationships is bullshit.  Hubby and I are living proof that gay people can.  So if you are single and reading this, there is hope and you must never give up on love.  Your soul mate is out there.  Here is to another glorious fifteen years of marital bliss.  I love you hubby.

Till next time.

Pride or Prejudice?

Miss Jones from the website The Modern Lesbian airs her concerns over the Joburg Pride debacle.  I happen to agree with many of the points she makes here. 

Earlier this month, the organisers of the Joburg Pride parade released a statement that sent shockwaves throughout the LGBTI community. They announced that they would no longer be hosting the event and this information spread like wildfire throughout the gay community, leaving many in disbelief. While most people started freaking out, I had a ton of questions rushing through my brain.

It’s no secret that I wasn’t exactly a fan of the previous committee (I’m sure my previous article, Profits vs People, is proof enough of that), but what made me angry, and I’m sure many others, is the fact that they left it this late. Pride usually takes place during the first week of October and we’re already heading towards the end of April. Hardly enough time for new roleplayers to take over and plan a massive event such as this one.

It didn’t take long for people to respond to this, by creating new groups and Facebook pages aimed at setting up a new committee and calling a meeting, inviting organisations and members of the public to attend and voice their concerns. We were very excited about this meeting because we thought the winds of change had finally come and the voices of an all inclusive LGBTI community would finally be heard. So we sent deputy editor of The Modern Lesbian, armed with our list of concerns, our eagerness to assist and the interests of the lesbian community at large into the meeting. However, what happened next, took us totally by surprise and left us disgusted for actually attending this meeting. Here’s a few highlights:

·       

        Very few people actually attended this event. It was mainly the people that organised the meeting, a former board member, hardly anyone from the press, hardly any representation from organisations and a few individuals with their own concerns.

·        The people who called the meeting were very adamant that a company be set up and that it remains a COMMERCIAL entity, and not an N.G.O, which upset a lot of attendees, as the basis of any business, unlike an N.G.O, is to make a profit.

·         While the whole commercial angle was spun, the question was asked why the previous board had collapsed and what the real reasons behind dissolving the previous entity was. This was dismissed. One attendee challenged the host by saying: “We want politicisation of Pride, not commercializing our rights!” A verbal attack from both parties followed. Many people got up and left the venue out of sheer frustration  According to the organisers of the meeting, the biggest issue surrounding Pride is BRANDING. (WTF? Really?)

·     What added fuel to an already out of control fire, was when organisers suggested that Pride 2013 be cancelled altogether, and that Pride 2014 should be focussed on instead.

·         

      Many attendees raised the concern that a lot of people could not attend due to the day and venue chosen, as transport and time was an issue. This was met with further animosity from the chairpersons as, in their opinion, everyone was invited.

·       Another gentleman, claiming to be the co-founder of Pride (unverified), then had a go at the attendees, creating the impression that he is more important than others there, and having more rights, as he’s the only one that understands what it takes to make a success of this event.

·       He also dropped a bomb of his own, that the previous committee had received a grant of R3.5 Million (his words, not ours!), to organise the event, but refused to comment or answer any questions regarding any spending by the previous board.

·         

     Attendees suggested that, seeing as not all parties could attend, a new committee should not be elected as yet. This was met with fierce opposition by the chairpersons and tempers flare once again.

·      At this stage a screaming match between the chairpersons and the attendees erupt, with statements such as “Pride is dead”, “Who elected you to call the shots” etc are bellowed and at this point, it seems more of an ego thing than an actual exchange of useful ideas. A parting shot is thrown at one chairperson: “You just want to be Pride Queen” because of frustration felt by attendees for not once having an opportunity to voice their concerns or raise their ideas!

The points raised above are not simply the views of our own attending correspondent, we also received a few statements from other attendees, which will be published in full on our website at a later stage. Among the statements made, Angela had the following to say: “My first thought about the meeting when I am reflecting back on it, was, that it was not what a lot of people expected. The chair person did not keep to the agenda and I think that this triggered the discussion that was at hand in the end. The idea of putting a board together out of one meeting with no background information, legal clarification or information on internal issues, and then asking people to step forward into director positions without looking if they have the expertise to assist in those roles, seems a bit naive.”

What an embarrassment to the local LGBTI community. Which brings me to my next, rather pressing question...what is Pride really about? Is it about the over inflated egos of those calling the shots? Is it about eager opportunists that can’t wait to line their own pockets? Is it about people or profits? Can a party not be accompanied by principles? If Pride started with a political agenda, why is any possibility of adding politics to Pride so quickly dismissed?

In South Africa we as LGBTI people enjoy a lot of freedoms that our cousins from abroad are still fighting for. We are quick to forget the fight for marriage and other equalities in the eyes of the law, causes that would never have gained any momentum had it not been for mass rallies such as Pride. We also seem to forget that there is a group of serial killers targeting gay men, and that the rape and murder of lesbians is not taken seriously by the powers that be because both of these issues are STILL not being seen as HATE crimes. We are also very quick to forget that our rights were challenged by traditional leaders in parliament last year, and only a few of us were willing to stand up to them. What I find very ironic is that the theme for last year’s Pride was “protect our rights” yet when a women’s rights organisation were trying to do just that, they were violently assaulted by Pride organisers and even blamed for the previous board’s decision to dissolve.

We have always supported, for free, any cause or event that uplifts the LGBTI community, as long as their efforts are not aimed at the pockets of the people they wish to attract. This is something we feel very strongly about. So again, I have to ask, why do we have to PAY to be GAY in SA? As previously mentioned, according to the gentleman attending the meeting, the Pride board was given THREE AND A HALF MILLION RAND in GRANT money. I’m assuming that doesn’t include corporate sponsorship, corporate partnership, the infamous pink money scandal, stalls and float applications. I’m sorry, but am I the only one thinking, where the fuck did all the money go? Did the previous organisers just cash in their chips and will the new board carry the interests of the LGBTI community as a whole, or are they just as keen to dive into our wallets? By the tone of the last meeting, this is definitely the tune that plays the loudest.

Let’s look at this another way, by comparing Pride to a similar event...

An international cricket match is attended by roughly 20000 spectators. There are food and snack vendors, beer tents and kiosks that supply refreshments. There are international VIP’s as well as entertainment. There is extensive media coverage. Security is world class and second to none. Cost to attend the event, roughly R100 a head. Right, so let’s take Pride’s R3.5 million grant and divide that by 20000. That’s R175 per head. Now, people will criticise this analogy by saying it’s not the same, but I beg to differ. Stadiums get sponsors and advertisers, so does Pride. Roads around the stadiums are closed off, so is the pride route. A lot of time, effort and money go into organising both events, the only difference is, with the exception of glass and alcohol, you can take your own food and drinks into a cricket stadium, you can use currency issued by the reserve bank and the experience also costs you a lot less!

By the look of things, the people that organised the meeting this past Sunday, is also organising the very first Pride parade in Pretoria on the 7^th of September this year. Will it be about profits or people? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we’ve joined hands with a few of the organisations that had representation at the last meeting, and we will most definitely be at the next one to see if the new broom does in fact, sweep clean or sweep even more dirt under the carpet. 

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When A Drag Queen Loses Her Mind

In life there will always be people who rub your tits the wrong way.  Not being shy to air my shit list on my blog when it comes to homophobes, I am somewhat hesitant to do so when a member of the LGBT community ends up on it.  But when that said member decides to slander me all over the interwebs and compares me to a dog’s offspring that hesitation somewhat dissipates and I am then more inclined to take a bitch down.  Unfortunately, due to pesky legal reason, I will not be mentioning names, but suffice to say it is a cock in a frock from an unfortunate side of Johannesburg.  So sit back and let me tell you about the Drag Queen who lost her mind.  This is my side of the story.

First, I do feel the need to tell you that I don’t have a problem with drag queens.  They are the backbone of our LGBT culture and they were the ones who are the true heroes of Stonewall.  I love and respect them as all homosexuals should.  However, of late I have been perturbed by the standard of queens who are coming onto the scene.  Guys who think that by painting their faces with makeup, getting into a cheap dress and putting on a pair of stilettos makes them drag queens.

The same guys who have no self-awareness when they look into the mirror and fail to see that they are nothing but a cock in a frock with a wig, atrociously done makeup and have the uniqueness, nerve and talent of a cat’s coughed up fur ball.  They are an insult to true drag artists.  Artists who work hard at their craft, always seeking to improve themselves and humble enough to realize that they will always be a work in progress and perfection will always elude them, thereby motivating them to try harder and be better.  Unfortunately, the drag queen I am telling you about today is NOT one of those artists.

This whole nightmare started when I first realized that this drag queen, who calls herself a "social blogger" was on my Facebook friend list.  I learned this when she started incessantly adding me to her Facebook group which she also refers to as her "blog".  I would leave the group only to find that I was added again the next day.  It annoyed me.  This continued until I finally discovered the “leave group and prevent people from adding you” function.  Then a couple of weeks later she inboxed me after I posted comments on another terror in a dress’s obscene comments about another drag artist.  She told me she thought the terror in drag was a horrible human being and that she was a ghastly drag artist and for some bizarre reason insisted that I know that she only “interviewed” her on her group because it was business and that she doesn’t like her or is friends with her.  At the time I thought it was rather odd, but left it at drag queen rivalry.  In retrospect this should have been my first warning sign.

This queen thinks she is the Oprah of the drag world.  She also thinks that she is a “social blogger” because she has a Facebook group with 99% of the people on it having been added by her, as she tried to add me.  And as for the “interviews” they are nothing but a cookie cutter template, sometimes moderately adjusted, which she then sends to her “interviewees” to complete themselves (which takes a fucking long time) and on completion is copied and pasted, without being edited, onto her group; effectively having the interviewee doing all the work.  She also sometimes takes the liberty of adding a few things to the interviewee’s “interview” mostly singing her own praises.  Hardly something Oprah would do.

I had the unfortunate experience of being “interviewed” by her (the drag queen not Oprah) and in retrospect I am appalled that I did.  I had to correct her spelling mistakes and grammar in her questions, which is not very professional of her.  Also, she claims to do extensive research on her interview subjects, yet from reading some of her interviews it is clear that she doesn't understand what research is.  I have also reliably learned that several actual celebrities blew this queen off and declined to be interviewed by her due to the poor standard of her interviews and the fact that they found it hard to take this drag queen seriously. I mean honestly, you just need to look at her profile pictures:  A man in a sleeveless dress, farmer tan lines on his arms, badly done makeup, mustache stubble and a wig that looks like road kill.  

The final straw that broke the camel’s back and the cause that started this childish gay feud was when this drag queen plagiarized one of my friends humor pieces and made it out to be her own on her group.  I called her out by linking the original piece to the plagiarized post.  The bitch flipped her lid and I received almost 20 messages in under 5 minutes.  You can ask any blogger – plagiarism is the one thing that really fucking makes us irate.  But then a week later, after I have severed all ties with this queen and her group I learned from a fellow blogger that the queen’s Facebook was hacked and that the queen blamed me.  

At this point I started to feel somewhat victimized.  Being accused of hacking someone’s social media is a serious allegation, yet she made it without any proof or facts.  It was also at this point when I started to realized that I was not dealing with someone who is rational and that she must be a few eggs short of a dozen.  But I let it slide.  Almost a month past and I completely put that bad experience behind me and moved on but, then the bitch reappeared and it was to a certain extend my own fault.  You see I get send dozens of funny pictures by the fans on my fan page, most of which I post.  So I received this meme picture of a rather unfortunate looking drag queen with a caption which I thought was funny.  So I posted it and then all hell broke loose.

You see the meme was of this queen and I didn’t recall ever seeing the photo the person used who made the meme.  I did not realize it was her, but apparently that pic was one of her profile pictures.  The drag queen completely lost her shit.  She send me a message asking what the fuck was wrong with me and instructed me to take it down. Or. Else.  Apparently the caption that read "Worst Halloween Costume... Ever" really pissed her off as she was proud of that picture and actually thought she looked good.  But that is the thing about good taste and class - not everyone has it!

The queen was rude, as she normally is, and then she showed her true colors.  She again started accusing me of hacking her Facebook account and then proceeded to make a meme of me comparing me to a dog’s offspring and wrote, amongst other derogatory things, that I was “a disgrace to human kind”.  Personally, I felt she was being childish and that she was/is mentally unstable.  I decided not to involve myself with this drag queen’s rants who clearly was going off her rocker.  I decided not to delete the picture, nor did I ask her to delete the meme she made of me.  I thought that if it made her feel better to slander me then so be it and I left it at that.  At the end of the day Facebook removed both pictures.

Over the weekend I learned that this drag queen decided to publish an article on her Facebook group stating her side of the story.  Delusional as she is, she wrote that everything contained in this blog post are lies.  She also accused me of being a cyber bully and obviously did not want me to see the article.  Unfortunately for her, one of my readers emailed me the article and I had a few giggles when I read it.  But I saw it for what it was and decided it is not worth my time or my readers time to again get involved in a "he said, she said" fiasco and gay melodrama. 

The drag queen is still slandering me on her social media, like I really give a shit what she thinks of me.  There is much to say about class and dealing with things in a mature manner which in her case leaves much to be desired.  She seems to be desperate and somewhat of a megalomaniac as such this queen made it onto my shit list.  “Why can’t the gays not just get along?” I hear desperately echoing from Gay HQ.  Well, I guess we cannot get along with everybody, now can we.

Till next time.

(*Disclaimer:  No drag queens were actually harmed during the writing of this blogs post.  However, a few egos were bruised)