Time to sell your soul.

It's time to sell your soul. Don't worry, it won't hurt. Much. Also, no puppies or kittens will be harmed during this treacherous process. You know, because I sometimes love animals more than I do people because sometimes people can be assholes. And even though I am gay and am very familiar with assholes, this is not the kind I wish to explore. But I digress.

It is Blog Award Season again and my blog has again been entered for best LGBT blog. Yes, this is the same category in which I won last year and I thank you for all the votes you cast for me. This year I am asking you to vote for my blog again and let's see if we can make it a two-for-two.

So if you like my blog, or love it, or hate it, please consider voting for me.

To vote all you have to do is CLICK THIS LINK. Add your email and vote. The last step is to confirm your vote with the email that will be sent to you. The whole process takes less than a minute.

So please vote. Don't be shy. I won't judge you if you don't but my cat will because she is very judgmental and sometimes an asshole. Just saying.

I am a winner, mostly.

So I won an award last week for the Best LGBT Blog in the SA Blog Awards.  It’s kind of like winning a People’s Choice Award but you don’t get a statuette, a ceremony or given an opportunity to thank whoever helped you (or who did not) become successful on the internet.  Also, it’s for writing a blog.  And yes, there are still people doing that.  You are reading one right now.  Winning something like this is flattering but to be honest, it’s not like my blog is my life, my reason for being.  It’s something I do and enjoy and something I am glad you enjoy reading.

This is not my first stint with the SA Blog Awards.  In the past I was runner up in the Best Political Blog and Most Controversial Blog categories; Both categories being somewhat strange to have been in:  My blog is not about politics nor is it controversial but I will take what I can get.  I am not picky although I would have preferred winning money.  My lifestyle does not just happen or come cheap and someone needs to pay the bills.

Speaking of my lifestyle, having kids is expensive.  Since we got our son finances have been tight.  With school and all the other expenses kids come with (and there are many) I do not understand how people with more than one child cope.  If having kids was an actual job I would not have taken it.  Firstly, it doesn’t pay. at. all.  Secondly, you get no time off and the hours are brutal.  Your boss is also demanding and prone to throw tantrums (and sometimes you) when you do not do things right.  I once saw a YouTube video about the hardest job on earth and I can now totally relate.

Our son has entered the terrible two’s a year early.  He has learned that he can throw tantrums if he doesn’t get what he wants.  The first time he threw a tantrum I just stood there thinking “What the fuck?  Is he dying?” and the second time I was like “Is he having a seizure?  Do I need to put a wooden spoon between his jaws?”  And the third time I just decided to ignore it and put the music louder in the car.  And no, this doesn’t make me a bad parent – I googled it!

There are a plethora of reasons why our son would lose his shit.  Mostly, it is when you take something out of his hands that he is not supposed to play with.  This includes remote controls, iPhones, iPads, a cat that is being unintentionally choked and anything made of glass.  He is also prone to throwing thing in the toilet, mostly electronics and expensive and hard to replace items.  The newest thing these days is that our floor is made of lava and his car seat is a monster that is trying to eat him.  Well not actually, but I am trying to think like a one year old.  Also, a one year old make no sense, is irrational and highly volatile when feeling constricted by the term “no”.

There are some days when I pick our son up from school and it’s when I try to strap him in his car seat that thing just go south.  When he is not in the mood to be strapped in he will fight me and he is fucking strong in both mind and body.  Getting him into the seat and strapping him in is like wrestling with an angry blubbering octopus.  When this happens I try to keep my shit together because I don’t want all the soccer moms to judge me.  I would just stick my head out of the car, smile and say “I am just waiting for him to finish his tantrum then I will have mine”.  Sometimes I swear they think I am serious, but when our son is not the only one that doesn’t want to be eaten by the car seat monster I feel relieved:  the soccer moms must then decide who to judge and my chances are 50/50, which are some good odds.

Our son also now has a pet name “monkey”.  This is because he has the ability to cling to us like a little monkey and sometimes trying to put him down is a nightmare.  He will throw a tantrum like he is dying and cling to us like his life depends on it.  Just the other day I was busy in the kitchen and I had to put him down.  It was a fight, he cried and I decided that he would be an only child.  When plan A didn’t work and realizing that I was not going to pick him up he resorted to Plan B – clinging to my leg.  Do you know how difficult it is to cook with a 12kg child clinging to your leg refusing to let go?  It is near impossible.  Also, that is why I burned dinner.

Getting back to the Award I won, being a blogger can sometimes be thankless.  But when I get some positive feedback about my blog on my fan page it makes it all worthwhile.  I would like to thank everyone who voted for my blog in the SA Blog Awards, without you all of this would not have been possible.  Lastly, if you are reading my parenting blog posts and it is scaring you from having children, don’t be.  It is the most rewarding thing you will ever do and the rewards are endless.  Except 2am in the morning when you are awoken by crying, then not so much.  Or if you have to change a nappy right after breakfast that makes you gag; then it kind of sucks.

Till next time.

Should I quit while I’m ahead?

In January 2014 my blog will turn five years old.  In blogging years that is like fifteen human years.  When I started blogging there were many blogs that I read and enjoyed, but as the years gone by many of them simply ceased to exist.  From the pool of blogs that I enjoyed reading only a handful are still active.  Many bloggers simply grew bored with their blogs or moved on to newer better things or died.  But I am still here.  Why?  Well, I am not sure.  Blogging is a lot of work and updating my blog’s social media presence is a seven day a week job.  It’s not like you get days off and, even worse, it’s not like you get paid to do it either (or at least I don’t).  So I am left wondering, why do I do it and should I not just quit while I am ahead?

Many people think that blogging is easy.  I mean, you just scribble a few thoughts down, try not to murder the English language with shitty grammar et voila – you have a blog post!  Well it’s not.  Many weeks I would message my friend and fellow blogger GeeGee with the words “What the fuck must I blog about this week?”  She will attest to this.  Yet, every week I manage cough up 900 to 1200 words, even though it’s seldom very cerebral and most certainly won’t cause you to have an epiphany about your own life.  But people seem to enjoy it.  I am not really sure how I do it, it just happens albeit sometimes forcibly and accompanied by an army of four letter words that I always have to edit out.  You know, because you can’t curse like a sailor if you are about to become a dad.

Through the last few years I also made some “enemies” and I have received my fair share of hate mail.  Luckily I’ve not receive any dead animal parts via FedEx or any credible death threats.  Yet.  Even though I am sure in some people’s minds they have thought about ways they’d like to permanently remove me from society.  Fortunately for me I have grown use to hate mail and it doesn’t really affect me anymore.  You can only be told that you are going to hell so many times before it completely loses its impact.  I have also found that even within the LGBT community there are many folks who dislike me personally and my blog.  Perhaps it’s because they envy what I have; a stable marriage of fifteen years, a career, a mildly successful blog and the fact that my husband and I are about to adopt a child.  Who knows and who cares.  We are all bitches sometimes.

Initially when I started my blog I wasn’t quite sure what it should be and I must admit that in the beginning I really sucked at it.  But, as I continued I found my voice and my blog started to evolve into what it is today.  Every time I hear or read about the plight of my LGBT brothers and sisters, how they are being oppressed and discriminated against, both locally and abroad, a little part of me dies.  It saddens me and I have found that the only way to make it better is to write about it here on my blog.  I am under no illusion that there are better forms of activism and of having your voice heard, but this is what I am most comfortable with.  It is what it is and I won’t apologize for it.  Being somewhat of a misguided optimist I also don’t like dwelling on negativity and firmly believe to look at the brighter side of life - hence my sometimes warped sense humor.

I firmly believe that if you cannot laugh at yourself you have not had enough therapy.  Life can suck sometimes and the only way I get through those days that are just determined to be filled with assholes is by laughing.  You’d be surprised how a sense of humor can get you through the toughest times.  Well, humor and medication that is.  They make a fabulous combination.  Even at times when I am depressed and wallowing in self-pity I manage to find something to giggle about.  And if I can’t then there are antidepressants.  Coincidentally, the antidepressant I am on now is making me fat and it puts me in an impossible position:  Do I stop taking them and have a Sylvia Plath moment or do I remain on them and become chubby(er)?  I mean even my cat is making fun of my weight on her fan page because she to can be an asshole!  And she is way more famous than I am on Facebook.  But I digress...

You guys I have been blogging for a fucking long time and many weeks I thought about quitting my blog.  I have even spoken to friends about it and their opinions have been varied.  Some say yes quit and others say don’t.  But in the end the final decision lies with me.  So why do I still continue?  Well the answer is simple – because you are still reading it.  Some of you have been here since my blog was started, some of you left and came back and some of you are new.  As long as there still is an audience for my blog I will continue write.  I can’t promise that I won’t use shitty grammar, the odd F-word and I can’t promise that each week you will get Pulitzer Prize worthy mind meanderings to consume.  But what I can promise you is this - each week when you return I will still be here.  And to all my haters I have only one thing to say to you – suck it bitches!

Till next time.