On Friday your police force raided the Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe’s offices searching for “indecent material” and drugs. Consequently, two gay activists were arrested and kept in jail over the weekend without access to their lawyer. Robert, I know how much you secretly love us queer folk but your expression of affection leaves much to be desired. I know you are getting old and your mind and body may not be as fresh as it once were, but isn’t it time you clear you human conscience and come out with your true feelings about homosexuality?
I vividly remember you being quoted as saying during the 1995’s opening of the Zimbabwe International Book Fair, that you considered gays and lesbians to be “lower than dogs and pigs”. At first I thought you were referring to some form of kinky sex - I know how dirty your mind can be sometimes. As you proceeded with your speech my confusion was soon cleared up. During the same speech you were further quoted as saying”I find it extremely outrageous and repugnant to my human conscience that such immoral and repulsive organizations, like those of homosexuals, who offend both against the law of nature and the morals of religious beliefs espoused by our society, should have any advocates in our midst and elsewhere in the world”. This left me vastly disappointed. You screamed all of this in front of a group of school children who were slightly confused. Robert, you did this knowing very well you have been warned against behaving like a tantrum Queen in public as it makes you look like a woman in the midst of a menopausal hot flash. You also knew that all the literate queers would be standing there in owe of your strange, heated and untimely outburst.
In the last 15 years you have ousted many queer folk from your public service, whether it was due to incompetence or fear of sexual harassment law suits, only you would know. Not much seemed to have change regarding your stance on your favorite minority group. This year you and your new BFF (best friends forever) Morgan Tsvangirai reaffirmed that there will never be any rights for gays in Zimbabwe and this will be so for forever and ever. Robert, you don’t like public displays of affection between homosexual, which I understand. Being such a charismatic dictator you understandably fear that seeing two guys hold hands or god forbids kissing, could distract the international community’s attention away from the economic and political crisis in Zimbabwe. And we don’t want that now do we?
Robert, you send your forces out to pillage our porn stashes, you have gay people arrested and encourage Zimbabweans to expose and ostracize homosexuals. One would think that an intelligent man like you would know better. You know that queers don’t hide their porn at their offices or on their office computers – this is a dismissible offence at most workplaces. We stash it at home! Arresting gay people and sending them to prison will not cure them, don’t tell me you don’t know the high rate of homosexual activities in prisons – a bunch of sex deprived men in a confined space, what do you think will happen? Exposing and ostracizing gay people will not deter homosexuality but only cause queers to stay in the closet for longer. Just look around you, that cute bodyguard in his uniform that always checks out your ass when you walk up the stairs, he may be gay and looking for a sugar daddy.
Zimbabwe has loads of problems, most of which you created due to your political and diplomatic brain farst. Now, now Robert don’t feel bad everyone makes mistakes and is allowed a brain fart or two. However, your insistent focus on gay people intrigues me. I am sure you follow the media and should be aware of some of the sex scandals of late. Did you notice how many outspoken male anti-gay figures were caught with their pants down with younger men or rent boys? You have been quite discreet with your own sex life thus far, with the only evidence of you ever having had heterosexual sex being your delightful children. But, have you never even considered once what it could be like in the arms of another man. A big black man, with muscled arms you can submit too for a night of dictatorial carnal pleasure? Come on Robert, be honest. A powerful man like you must at times yearn for the equal attention of another man. A man who doesn’t just see you as dictator but as a sexual being; a man strong enough from whom you can take orders for a change and get tied up with other than political matters. Maybe even get spanked, every now and again, for being a bad boy.
Oh Robert, thou dost protest too much. Let’s be frank, you are not getting any younger and your country is going south like your butt. You’re in your twilight years and should have retired long ago to enjoy the spoils you accumulated over the years. Just imagine lounging next to the pool, in your pink Speedo watching all those hunky pool boys while sipping your Jack Daniels. Let’s put all this nastiness with your anti-gay smut behind us, you don’t have to raid gay activist offices to find porn. The door of the closet is right there within your reach, step out of it– it’s nice out here. If you fear you’re too old to come out and any dreams of leather chaps, lycra tank tops and sequence seem out of reach I have one piece of good news – at least you have money and there are plenty guys out there looking for sugar dictator daddies and there are so few of you around. So don’t fret, the gays are waiting for you and there too is a place for you in our rainbow.
I vividly remember you being quoted as saying during the 1995’s opening of the Zimbabwe International Book Fair, that you considered gays and lesbians to be “lower than dogs and pigs”. At first I thought you were referring to some form of kinky sex - I know how dirty your mind can be sometimes. As you proceeded with your speech my confusion was soon cleared up. During the same speech you were further quoted as saying”I find it extremely outrageous and repugnant to my human conscience that such immoral and repulsive organizations, like those of homosexuals, who offend both against the law of nature and the morals of religious beliefs espoused by our society, should have any advocates in our midst and elsewhere in the world”. This left me vastly disappointed. You screamed all of this in front of a group of school children who were slightly confused. Robert, you did this knowing very well you have been warned against behaving like a tantrum Queen in public as it makes you look like a woman in the midst of a menopausal hot flash. You also knew that all the literate queers would be standing there in owe of your strange, heated and untimely outburst.
In the last 15 years you have ousted many queer folk from your public service, whether it was due to incompetence or fear of sexual harassment law suits, only you would know. Not much seemed to have change regarding your stance on your favorite minority group. This year you and your new BFF (best friends forever) Morgan Tsvangirai reaffirmed that there will never be any rights for gays in Zimbabwe and this will be so for forever and ever. Robert, you don’t like public displays of affection between homosexual, which I understand. Being such a charismatic dictator you understandably fear that seeing two guys hold hands or god forbids kissing, could distract the international community’s attention away from the economic and political crisis in Zimbabwe. And we don’t want that now do we?
Robert, you send your forces out to pillage our porn stashes, you have gay people arrested and encourage Zimbabweans to expose and ostracize homosexuals. One would think that an intelligent man like you would know better. You know that queers don’t hide their porn at their offices or on their office computers – this is a dismissible offence at most workplaces. We stash it at home! Arresting gay people and sending them to prison will not cure them, don’t tell me you don’t know the high rate of homosexual activities in prisons – a bunch of sex deprived men in a confined space, what do you think will happen? Exposing and ostracizing gay people will not deter homosexuality but only cause queers to stay in the closet for longer. Just look around you, that cute bodyguard in his uniform that always checks out your ass when you walk up the stairs, he may be gay and looking for a sugar daddy.
Zimbabwe has loads of problems, most of which you created due to your political and diplomatic brain farst. Now, now Robert don’t feel bad everyone makes mistakes and is allowed a brain fart or two. However, your insistent focus on gay people intrigues me. I am sure you follow the media and should be aware of some of the sex scandals of late. Did you notice how many outspoken male anti-gay figures were caught with their pants down with younger men or rent boys? You have been quite discreet with your own sex life thus far, with the only evidence of you ever having had heterosexual sex being your delightful children. But, have you never even considered once what it could be like in the arms of another man. A big black man, with muscled arms you can submit too for a night of dictatorial carnal pleasure? Come on Robert, be honest. A powerful man like you must at times yearn for the equal attention of another man. A man who doesn’t just see you as dictator but as a sexual being; a man strong enough from whom you can take orders for a change and get tied up with other than political matters. Maybe even get spanked, every now and again, for being a bad boy.
Oh Robert, thou dost protest too much. Let’s be frank, you are not getting any younger and your country is going south like your butt. You’re in your twilight years and should have retired long ago to enjoy the spoils you accumulated over the years. Just imagine lounging next to the pool, in your pink Speedo watching all those hunky pool boys while sipping your Jack Daniels. Let’s put all this nastiness with your anti-gay smut behind us, you don’t have to raid gay activist offices to find porn. The door of the closet is right there within your reach, step out of it– it’s nice out here. If you fear you’re too old to come out and any dreams of leather chaps, lycra tank tops and sequence seem out of reach I have one piece of good news – at least you have money and there are plenty guys out there looking for sugar dictator daddies and there are so few of you around. So don’t fret, the gays are waiting for you and there too is a place for you in our rainbow.Till next time luv ;-)
Yup it's time for the THE BIG FAT GAY COLLAB!
