This Will Forever Ruin Porn for You

The other day I had a rather unpleasant run in with a certain South African.  He is trying to launch himself into a porn career in the USA.  The whole experience left me quite perturbed about this guy’s life choices, the fantasy world he finds himself trapped in and his shortsightedness about his own future.  In all honesty, I felt sad for him.  But hey, it is not my business if someone I don’t even know well is fucking up their own life, right?  But this left me to wonder, do we ever think about the people who are in the porn movies we watch?  Who they really are and how they ended up doing porn?  And if we did would we still watch it?

I have nothing against porn.  I have watched my fair share in my life and if there are people who choose to make a living by having sex in front of the cameras, amongst other things, all the power to them.  However, I do have to admit that I have sometimes watched these movies and wondered what went wrong in these people’s lives that caused them to end up where they are.  Did they decide to go down this path out of necessity or by choice?

Out of all the career choices out there I am not sure how someone wakes up one morning and decide that porn is the career choice for them.  I mean the requirements for the job are rather superficial.  You do not require any talent, you don’t have to be smart or educated, you don’t require any acting skills at all, and as was evident with the South African, you don’t even have to be particularly attractive.  However, what you do require is a good to fair body, the ability to do things with your orifices that could potentially damage them forever and if you don’t fit those criteria all you need is a very large penis.

Also, quite disturbing is the fact that the majority of porn stars out there are also prostitutes on the side.  Probably to help them make ends meet during those times when they aren’t working or getting work.  With the new revival of bareback porn amidst the real threat of contracting HIV (even with PrEP that is supposed to prevent infection) these men are also risking their lives every time they shoot a scene.  Not to mention what happens when they rent themselves out to clients who may be less than honest about their medical statuses.  It is worrisome that these men would risk their lives all for the sake of money.

The word “porn star” is also a very strange concept to me because are these guys really “stars”?  Are they actually famous?  When one thinks about it they really aren’t.  Most of these guys’ shelf life is normally just a couple of years, if that long.  Their time being cut short either by them getting ill, when long term drug abuse takes its toll on their bodies and/or their lives or when the porn houses find younger better looking guys to replace them.  And then what happens to them?

This is where the real problem comes in.  Sure they have made their money while doing porn but I doubt that any of them have the foresight of investing it.  What happens when they run out of money and they actually have to find a real job?  Sure using an alias while doing porn seemingly will protect their true identities.  But with the internet these days just merely using an alias would not hide their debauched backgrounds from their future employers.  With just a couple of keystrokes any future employer will easily unearth their previous illustrious careers and unfortunately this will make most of these guys unemployable.  They would be a huge reputational risk to any company. Where will they end up then?  Have you ever heard of any porn star making it to the Fortune 500 list?

As for my run in with the South African it was pure coincidence.  I used to be Facebook friends with him but he was a casualty of one of my many Facebook friends’ cleanup efforts.  I stumbled upon his profile by chance and saw that he was travelling through the USA and I thought “Ah, good for him.  Wonder what he is doing with his life now”.  Then I discovered that he was working for one of the well-known porn houses over there.  On first inspection of his profile it appears as if he wanted to create the impression that he was doing modelling, however it soon became evident that he was doing anything but modelling in the true sense of the word.  I was disappointed.

I thought he had so much more potential than this and my first thought was what his parents would say.  No parent in their right mind would want their child to do pornography or be proud of that fact.  Being a parent myself I can honestly say I would be mortified.  I did comment to that effect on his profile and tried to do so in the most respectful way I possibly could.

However, he did not respond well to my concern, rather opting to attack me and my child:  Saying that we would use our son as a “sex slave” and that I was a child molester because he could “see it in my eyes”.  I didn’t take this boorish attack personally.  I mean how could I?  It’s not like he was speaking from any moral high ground whatsoever.  He also wasn’t the type of person whom has proved to have sound judgment or to be a good judge of character.  His own behavior and life choices tarnished his credibility in all these areas so I just decided to let it go.

I don’t pretend to understand people or why they sometimes make life choices that, deep down, they know they will regret someday.  People who go into porn probably have their own reasons for doing so and I hope they do so comprehending the consequences thereof.  I hope they know that their porn career will follow them around for the rest of their lives and will encroach in all other aspects of their lives as well, possibly at the most inconvenient of times.  Possibly at the times they can least afford it.  It will impact on their future relationships, their family and careers or hopes thereof.  When I watch porn now, I see the failed dreams and the failed aspirations of people who made certain life choices that will haunt them for days to come. 

Till next time

Why Oscar Pistorius is screwed.

Like so many people I am following the Oscar Pistorius murder trial.  I mean it has its own 24 hour channel on television and has its own Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts.  There are also live video and audio streams.  And no matter where you go or what you do Oscar is there.  If he sobs or vomits in court it trends on Twitter.  When he covers his ears it immediately gets hundreds of likes on Instagram.  Phrases like “I put it to you” and “my lady” have also even made it into our pop culture.  The Oscar Pistorius trial has infiltrated our daily lives on so many levels and has piqued our macabre interests.  But one thing we tend to forget is that no matter what happens with this trial Oscar Pistorius is screwed either way.

Look, I will be the first to admit that the events that transpired on the morning of 14 February 2013 are tragic.  Reeve Steenkamp died and the only two people who really know exactly what happened that morning are Reeva and Oscar.  And Reeva is dead and the veracity of Oscar’s version of events is questionable at best.

Oscar’s defense is making him out to be a pussy.  When Barry Roux put it to one of the witnesses that Oscar screams like a woman when he is scared, it caused even some on his own defense team to struggle not to laugh.  This also led to the meme that went viral that read “What if I put it to you that when my cat gets scared he barks like a dog”.

Before this happened I must be honest and admit that I didn’t even know who Reeva Steenkamp was.  It is sad to think that she had to die horribly before she became world famous.  I’m sure this was not part of her ten year plan nor was killing her in Oscar’s either.

There are many people speculating about Oscar’s guilt or innocence and I for one will not tender my personal opinion on this in a public forum.  It would be irresponsible as it is too soon in the trial to make any predictions.  However, one thing is certain – Oscar is guilty of murder.  Whether he is found guilty of premeditated murder or culpable homicide the fact stands that he shot and killed Reeva.  Nothing in this world will change that.  Whether he killed her in a fit of rage or accidentally, she is dead and this will follow him around for the rest of his life.  He will always be known as the Olympian who shot and killed his girlfriend.

Oscar’s career is over, sponsors will not touch him and even if he walks away from this it would take a miracle for him to revive his career that he destroyed with four gunshots on Valentine’s Day in 2013.  As the world watches the graphic crime scene photos and imagines how terrified Reeva must have been in that toilet cubical that morning; the terrible pain she must have been in and the undignified manner in which she died; it is hard to believe that he will find any forgiveness anytime soon.

Emotional tears, vomiting in court and retching may have worked to win over a jury elsewhere but this will have no effect on the judge and assessors in his trial here is South Africa.  Some members of the public may feel some sympathy for him as he breaks down in court, but skeptics like me still speculate if this is due to him suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, extreme guilt or if it is remorse.  Only Oscar will be able to answer this.

There have also been numerous jokes about this murder on the internet.  Some jokes are quite funny and others are more distasteful and disrespectful.  Also having a dark sense of humor and having a tendency to laugh at my own private jokes my husband caught me last week laughing while I was in the shower.  He asked me what was so funny but I was rather hesitant to tell him.

You see, while I was in the shower I imagined what the scene must have looked like that morning:  Oscar on his stumps running into the bathroom, all angry or scared and then firing off the shots.  I found that mental image extremely funny but then immediately felt guilty for laughing.  Naturally hubby did not find this funny as he doesn’t always approve of my sense of humor.  Sometimes I don’t either.

My husband and my father-in-law refuse to follow the trial and I think they are missing out.  I mean honestly, how can you be angry or happy with the verdict if you didn’t follow the trial?  How do you have small talk with people in awkward social situations if you cannot comment on the goings on of that week’s trial?  This is our OJ Simpson and if you don’t follow it you will miss out on catchy phrases like “If the gloves don’t fit you must acquit” from the OJ trial.  I will be very pissed off if the only catch phrase we are going to get from Oscar’s trial is “I put it to you”.

At this stage of the trial I have many questions about what happened.  I want to know why Reeva was still in the clothes she arrived in when she was shot that morning even though she brought an overnight bag with her; what was found on the iPhones and iPads; why their phones were in the bathroom; why he carried Reeva downstairs; why Oscar didn’t phone an ambulance; did they have a fight before he shot her; if he truly thought there was an intruder why did he not wake Reeva up, is that not normally the first thing a reasonable person would do; and if the bathroom light was on when he shot Reeva why did he choose to conceal that fact.

To be honest, I think by the time we get close to the end of this trial everyone who has followed it will be suffering from Oscar fatigue.  Many people would have learned a great deal about how the South African court system works and how it is not glamorous and that real life forensic police work is nothing like the CSI you see on television.

But that being said, it remains tragic.  A woman who very few people knew of is now dead and famous for all the wrong reasons.  The once proud son of South Africa is now a fallen hero with very little chance of redemption.  Even though many of Oscar’s fans will still love and support him no matter what, he is screwed either way.  Oscar is now a murderer.  Oscar is that guy who killed his girlfriend.  This is how he will be remembered and there is very little that he can now do to change that.

Till next time.

Nelson Mandela a World Icon

With Nelson Mandela's passing last night I have decided to repost this blog post I wrote about him.  He has touched so many lives, changed South Africa for the better and he will be missed but always remembered.

Some generations are fortunate to be part of historic moments, moments so profound that it changes to course of history and the path of a nation. For some these historic moments are tragic like the events that unfolded on 9/11 and most people remember where they were and what they were doing when the planes hit the twin towers. For others historic moments are joyful and fill one with hope. It's been more than 20 years since Nelson Mandela’s release from Victor Verster Prison that was the beginning of the end of Apartheid. More than 20 years ago Madiba took his first steps as a free man after serving 27 years as a political prisoner and would continue on his march to free a nation.
I vividly remember that Sunday of 11 February 1990 when Mandela was released. I was 12 years old at the time but did appreciate that the release of Mandela was a momentous occasion that would change the course of history in South Africa. At the time South Africa was in a national State of Emergency which meant martial law was applied and enforced by the military and many civil liberties were temporarily taken from us - we were not living in a democratic country. Much fear still existed and the African National Congress (ANC) was still viewed as a terrorist organization even though they had been unbanned. When Mandela emerged from prison all knew change was coming and this provided hope. His first speech signified a new era, a new path and the birth of a new nation.

Sitting in front of our television Mandela’s distinct voice said “I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all”. He appeared strong and focused but uninfluenced by his iconic status. “I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.” He ended his speech by quoting himself during his trail in 1964, quite appropriate as this was the words he spoke before being imprisoned and with these words he would leave “I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
After Mandela’s release he worked tirelessly so see his ideal for South Africa come to fruition. With the first democratic election in 1994 an uneasy partnership was established between him and the then president FW De Klerk. Having been enemies they now had to work together and the apartheid regime had to relinquish power and make way for democracy. Seeing the country change was tremendously exciting. I saw and lived in history. However, not all South Africans took well to change.

The birth of our democracy saw many labour pains and the birth was difficult. I remember my grandmother one day telling me not to play with my black friends when she was there visiting. I was shocked and angerd by her remark but came to realize that not all South Africans readily accepted change as easily as others. Certain generations would cling to old ideologies and would actively resist progress. Some generations would never accept that the beliefs they were indoctrinated with was wrong.
In the years to follow Mandela received many awards most notably the 1993 Nobel Peace Prize which he shared with FW De Klerk. An award he is most deserving off. Countless people lost their lives, got maimed by bombs and wear scars of torture on both sides of the battle; together with De Klerk he brought peace to a country that was on the brink of collapse. People were finally free and the civil war was over. I remember watching smoke rise from a bomb explosion in Pretoria, having had to evacuate shopping centres due to bomb scares and not being allowed to go out in the city at night due to fear. I remember seeing images of murder and violence. I remember reading signs that read "Whites Only" and I was relieved that all of this was now in the past.

Now more than 20 years later South Africa is no longer the same country Mandela saw when he left the gates of Victor Verster Prison. South Africa no longer is a country divided along racial lines and democracy has prevailed. However, South Africa still has its problems: We still battle with crime, curbing the rate of HIV and AIDS and there still are pockets in society that are racists. In spite of this, when I look at the next generation I am proud of the legacy Mandela has helped us leave behind. Children today don’t see the color of their friends’ skin; they don’t distinguish between rich and poor and they were born free of oppression and hate. Yes, we still have much to do to leave our country better than the way we found it but Nelson Mandela can be proud that he lived to see and achieved the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities and rights.  Rest in peace Nelson Mandela, you will be missed and never forgotten.

Till next time.

20 years since Nelson Mandela's release from prison

Homophobia: When a Pastor Hates

During November 2012 I reported Pastor Oscar Peter Bougardt to the South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC) for hate speech (you can read the details here).  However, this was not the first time I heard of this homophobic Pastor.  The first time I read about him was in October 2011 when he publically said Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu “will burn in hell” for supporting gay rights.  He also took a jab at Oscar Pistorius, earlier this year, and stated that Pistorius was cursed for supporting gay rights following the shooting of Reva Steenkamp.

Since October 2011 I have monitored this hateful Pastor and was horrified by some of the things he wrote on his social media forums.  His Facebook and Twitter accounts were full of homophobic utterances, the majority of which I viewed as being hate speech.  It reached the point where I not only felt aggrieved, victimized and personally violated as a gay man but also feared that the consequences of his utterances and his work in his community could lead to hate crimes being committed by members of his church against LGBT people in that community.

The matter was reported to the SAHRC and consequently the Pastor will now be brought before Equality Court on charges of Hate Speech.  Seeing as this matter is currently sub judice and seeing as I will be one of the witnesses testifying against Pastor Bougardt, I am not going to comment on this matter any further until the trial is finished.  However, I have decided to let Pastor Bougardt’s words, which he published publically on his social media, speak for itself.  Here are some screenshots from his personal Facebook and Twitter accounts that he published after the SAHRC informed him of his hate speech charges.  Clearly he does not take this seriously at all.

I have asked around and he is NOT being sued by any homosexual(s) for a million Rand.  Nobody knows what he is on about.  Perhaps he is trying to raise funds for his defense in the Equality Court.

Beware the Sodomites want to recruit you!

Once again my jaw dropped in disbelieve when a friend forwarded me a link to the ranting of a radical Church. The ranting is by Steven Anderson from the Faithful Word Baptist Church. He is convinced that the sodomites (homosexuals) are taking over the world, spreading our disease of sin and want to recruit you. The only way to stop us, he says, is to kill us. This led me to wonder, is this true? Are we really taking over the world? Are we really hell bent on recruiting as many as we can to join our revolution of depravity?

Steven raises an interesting point by saying that we are multiplying. “There’s more than there were last year and the year before, and the year before that”. This is absolutely true as I can’t dispute this. He also raised the point of us reproducing and entertained with a brief biology lesson. Yes, two men and two women can’t reproduce through gay sex (and believe me we try) but can you say “Artificial Insemination”? Unfortunately, for us radical sodomites having a baby doesn’t guarantee us producing another sodomite. Statistically speaking chances are better that we would produce a straight (non-sodomite) child – oh the repulsion of even entertaining such a thought! So how are we multiplying? The answer is simple according to Steven - we recruit! Sodomites are diligent “recruiters and not reproducers”. We are preying on your children, unsuspecting and unescorted teenagers and defenceless adults. Yes, we seek out the weak and then swoop on them with our Rainbow Flags, KY, Dildos and other queer paraphernalia then “rape, molest and violate” them until they join our squadron. There even is a Gay Manual printed at Sodomite Head Quarters in Amsterdam with detailed instructions, however the illustrated version is only distributed from Sydney and costs a tad more. The process is quite straightforward and relatively painless for those who are not into sadomasochism. All sodomites know that if you need a refresher course, because you have not been meeting your recruitment quota for the month, you will have the manual couriered to you within 24 hours anywhere in the world accompanied with a tongue lashing, head bobbing, finger waving and a hefty fine from the International Institution of Sodomites.
We sodomites are also an ambitious bunch, recruiting is not enough for us because we don’t want to just spread our “disease of sin” we want to dominate and take over the world! We are constantly searching for positions of power especially in the governments of world. Having already infiltrated the United States, United Kingdom, Germany, South Africa, Australia, Netherlands, Switzerland, France, Italy and many more we are at the verge of a full-on hostile coup d'état. We even have undercover sodomites in the Vatican! We are also branching out with our latest Infidel Office that opened up in Iraq just this past week and more to come.

We already control large portions of the world’s economy such as the Fashion Industry and are covertly taking control of other industries as well. Soon not a single non-sodomite will be safe! Just think about what we have achieved already. We are already in your homes (we decorated it, designed the clothes that you wear, your furniture, write the scripts of the shows you watch and even tell you how to prepare your food and do your hair). Our devious plan is well on its way and you are slowly being conditioned for that day the faggots, queers, trannies and dykes will be coming for you!
So how are us sodomites able to do this? Better yet, why are we getting away with it? Again Steven hits the nail on its head with the correct answer – “Queers have no natural predators!” Like the lions in the wild we have very few competitors to fear as we are at the top of the proverbial food/sex chain. We have a superior brain, are more evolved, impeccable fashion sense and generally have a greater disposable income enabling us to fund our global operations to dominate the world. Our creativity and flamboyance combined with our sensitive nature also is another key element as this is how we lure away your women and transform them into our slaves (fag hags). Whatever your wife or girlfriend can’t discuss with you (like your erectile dysfunction) she is happy to share with us. We are the ones that introduced them to vibrators and the phrase “honey not tonight I have a headache” – all of this to curb your reproduction rate. We are such geniuses we have even destroyed the sanctity of marriage as we too can now get married in several countries. First we took over the wedding industry with our wedding planners, caterers, fashion designers and decorators and now we have taken ownership of marriage away from you as well. You know gay adoption is also on the rise so gay married couples are now also taking your children too.
Lastly, you may argue that we need non-sodomites as the stereotypical sodomite is quite timid and lack brute strength because with a superior brain muscle power has become absolute. The truth is we really don’t need non-sodomites, this is why we have the stereotypical dykes: They can build things, win bar fights are good with knifes, beer bottles and fixing things like cars or leaking pipes. We also don’t need non-sodomites because we can procreate with the help of technology. Steven, I think, realized how redundant non-sodomites have become in society and is becoming terrified. If you listen to how hysterical he becomes during the last portion of his sermon one would think a sodomite has already baptised him up the ass. Steven is correct to be petrified because we are doing all these things - we are multiplying, recruiting and taking over the world! Soon all non-sodomites will be replaced with the superior human race that is the Sodomites!!!
Whoever is crazy enough to believe all of this really should look up Steven Anderson and give him a copy of this article, I am sure this would feed his festering hatred for homosexuals. Steven lives in a fantasy world where fairies have become demons and the leader in the battle between “Good” and “Evil” is led by a blind man who can’t distinguish between the two. I guess the world needs this type of insanity to balance out the bigger scheme of things, I just hope I never cross his path as I have quite a bit I’d like to say and do to crazy Anderson.

(To listen to this crazy man go to http://www.rightwingwatch.org/god-commands-you-kill-gays.html?q=content/god-commands-you-kill-gays)

Till next time!

NAUGHTY GAY CRUISE ADVERT

Pastor Oscar Peter Bougardt, the bigot from the Western Cape.

Why is it that hurricanes seem to bring out all the loonies, especially the religious kind?  Just last week I reposted I blog post that dealt with two bat shit crazy religious folks who blamed natural disasters on gay marriage and homosexuality.  But imagine my surprise when I found out that we in South Africa also have a nut job who clearly loves riding on the fanatical idiotic coattails of his likeminded American friends.  His name is “Pastor” Oscar PeterBougardt.  If the name sounds familiar, it should because this so called Pastor last year fervently stated that Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu was going to burn in hell because he supports LGBT rights.  One can conclude that the Pastor is a few dildos short of a homoerotic good time and that he also may not be the sharpest tool in the shed.  But seeing as this poor Pastor is really attention starved I have decided to give him some attention.  So lube up homophobe this is about to get rough.

Last week, shortly after Hurricane Sandy devastated part of the United State’s East coast, our Pastor decided to post this Facebook status update for all of his 1 586 friends to read and I quote (spelling mistakes and all):

“President Obama wants the USA to accept homosexual marriages as normal. God spoke through hurricane Sandy, telling them not to mess with mother nature. Marriage is ordained of God and it is between a man and woman. For the USA or any country to accept homosexual marriages as normal is playing with nature, God id using mother nature to deal with evil countries. President Obama won't see another term in office, God will punish him. South Africa wake up, God hate sin, if this government don't scrap perverted homosexual laws, God will deal with SA as He is dealing with the USA. With all the weapons of mass distruction, and all the riches the USA have, they could not stop mother nature. God is God and He will not allow any country no matter how rich or strong to play with Him”.

Clearly the Pastor cannot comprehend what “Global Warming” is nor does he understand the effects thereof.  Instead he blames the gays.  Why is it that homosexuals and our right to marry could have such devastating effect on the planet whereas greenhouse gasses, pollution and carbon emissions don’t?  Secondly, if God was going to punish South Africa for our “perverted homosexual laws” how exactly is he going to do that Pastor?  With Hurricanes (which we never have)?  And earthquakes (which we also never have)?  Or perhaps fire and brimstone?  The latter seems more plausible if you ask me.  I guess, according to the Pastor, God will make an exception when it comes to Gay Marriage because according to the Pastor’s diligent research it is “unnatural” and an “ungodly sin”! 

In another status update on the Pastor’s Facebook page he attempted to do a psychological analysis on gay marriage and I am sure this “copy and paste job” that he calls his “research” made sense to him at the time.  But this is the problem when an uneducated person commits plagiarism and foolishly makes unsubstantiated statements that were neither proven through scientific, sociological, anthropological or psychological research.  A good example of his idiocy clearly comes through in this statement he made in that status update, and I quote:

“Some male homosexuals claim that they look at other men the same way men look at women. However, scientific research indicates that in their brains, homosexual men "look at" other men the way women look at men. This tendency could indicate that at least some homosexual men might actually be transsexuals. They call their partners "husbands" because subconsciously they really want to be women.”

This is utterly laughable and only demonstrates his lack of comprehension of the complexities of the LGBT community.  It is dangerous for a person like him to make such statements and hold them as truths.  But what really disturbed me was his blatant hate speech.  As a person who claims to be a man of God, who is respected by the community in which he claims to preach the word of God I am particularly perturbed that he is abusing the platform he has been given and instead of building peace, tolerance and respect amongst his community he is preaching intolerance and hate.  What really pisses me off is the fact that his Church, the Calvary Commission Bible School in Mitchells Plain in Cape Town, is allowing this to happen.  Which begs the question, is his Church condoning the Pastor’s behavior, do they support his views and do they support his advocating violence towards the LGBT community?

In the one status update on Facebook by this Pastor that really made me lose my shit was the following that was titled “Homosexuals Are Cursed by God”:

“…Leviticus 20v13; If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable.  They must be put to death, their blood will be on their own hands.  I call upon the South African Government to reinstate the death penalty for rape, murder, armed robberies, drug smuggling, child rapist and child molesters and not to spare homosexuals the rod, execute them if they are caught in homosexual acts, their blood will be on their own hands…”

This is hate speech and incites violence towards the LGBT community.  I do appreciate that all South Africans have freedom of speech which we gained through our hard fought democracy and that all South Africans has the right to their opinions.  However, when a person of authority and a person who a community looks up to for spiritual guidance is leading them astray and advocating the execution of a minority group, surely somebody should intervene.  So I called on the South African Human Rights Commission to address this.  I sent them a heartfelt email reporting the Pastor for Hate Speech.  With hate crimes against the LGBT community on the rise, especially in the Western Cape, we really do not need another religious nut job to be advocating and even encouraging such violence to occur.  People like him must be stopped.

It seems like any Tom, Dick and Harry can call themselves Pastors these days.  And with “Pastor” Oscar Peter Bougardt it seems to be no different.  He claims to have completed a Diploma in Bible studies and that he was ordained in 2002.  He further claims to be a counselor and hopes to make a difference in the crime riddled area in which his ministry is based.  Sadly, it seems the only difference this man seems to be making is perpetuating intolerance, hate and homophobia in an area in South Africa that is already vulnerable to negative influence. Horrifyingly, in this case the negative influence is not from gang leaders, drug dealer or criminal syndicate, it is from a man who claims to be a man of God who’s heart is filled with hate.  Not the type of person I would trust to lead a community to salvation now is he?

Till next time.

An update 23 November 2012:  The Human Rights Commission of South Africa decided to react to my complaint and they are now investigating the matter.  Let's hope they make him stop!

An update 14 December 2012 (click on the image to read):

Housewife and Dog Psychologist Start Race Riot on the Ridge

Seeing as I am in New York City this week and clearly having too much fun to blog, I have a guest blogger whom is no stranger to my blog.  She’s the infamous GeeGee Curtained from the Blog Two Fat Cows and she is also the token straight woman and columnist for the popular online Lesbian magazine The Modern L.  In this time of political correctness in South Africa, GeeGee unashamedly calls it as she sees it.  And if you don’t like it, as she would put it, “You can go fuck yourself!”

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m about as racist as I am homophobic and I haven’t been called ‘Superlettiebag’ and ‘Superfaghag’ for nothing.  I’m just fed-up, or as we say here in Gauteng – Gatvol!  I was standing at the till in the supermarket a few days ago and a black man behind me in the queue asked me if I would pay for his groceries.  I’ve done it before when I felt someone needed my help so I glanced down at the contents of his trolley and it was full of luxury items.  Not basic necessities like bread, milk, maize meal and tins of food but rather massive slabs of chocolate, ice-cream, t-bone steaks and so on.  I thought he was joking so I just looked at him and smiled politely so he says to me that he’s serious.  I think the disbelief at the bloody cheek of it was written all over my face because that’s when he called me a racist.  Without me saying a single word I was called a racist.  Asshole.  I thought to myself that he’s a very lucky man because if the incident had happened while the tumour I named Irene was still lodged in my brain it would have ended very badly for him.  Irene didn’t take shit and lost her temper spectacularly when she was fucked with.  Sometimes I miss her.

That brought to mind 2 things that happened while Irene was still very much alive and well.  The first was right here in my own back yard.  I’m ashamed (ok, not really ashamed – I just thought I’d put it out there to see how it sits) to say that morning I was a poster child for the saying ‘You can take the girl out of the hood...’  I was sitting minding my own business and having my first cuppa of the day (never a good time to mess with my ass) when all hell broke loose outside.  My elderly Golden Retriever Daisy was going absolutely apeshit and she’s a friendly muttley who loves everyone on sight, so it was strange enough for me to go to the window to investigate.  Our lovely neighbours are the Embassy from some God-forsaken African country.  I won’t mention which one but suffice to say it’s one that hangs gay people for the ‘heinous crime’ of loving someone of the same sex.  Anyway, one of the kids that live there was standing on the wall throwing stones at my dog.

"Hey! Stop that!" *through the window in my sternest voice*

He has the nerve to throw another rock, waggle his bum at me and stick his tongue out!  Well.  Clearly that was me!  Before I knew it I was outside in my robe, pyjamas and slippers trying to climb the 7 foot dividing wall. All I was focused on was getting my hands on that little shit and showing him what a crazy ass white bitch is capable of first thing in the morning if you mess with her muttleys.  I don't know what would have happened if my son hadn't come outside to see what the commotion was about and pulled me off the wall...  I don't even want to think of the image Shadrack now has in his head of his madam being held off the floor by her son, arms and legs flailing in her pink pj's and fluffy slippers.  Said neighbours have branded me a racist.  Assholes.  I would have reacted exactly the same if the child was white, a naughty child is a naughty child, no matter what colour.

The second erm... incident was while I was walking our dogs in the park around the corner with our dog psychologist. Don’t judge – I was trying to integrate my beloved late Doberman Samson with our smaller dogs and finally end the apartheid in our household.  There are massive signs everywhere telling people to keep their dogs on the leash but suddenly this ugly ass dog that looked like a hyena (in retrospect I think it might very well have been) appeared out of nowhere and was trying to bite Daisy.  She’s a gentle soul who wouldn’t hurt a fly and this bloody beast is nipping at her flanks and legs, my poor girl looked terrified.  Two black women wearing black t-shirts with white clenched fists on them come strolling over the rise and shout for us to leave their dog alone.

"We're not touching your dog, please put it on a leash" *politely*

"We don't have to do it just because you say so..."

WTF???? Huh?

"It's the law, read the signs" *doing my best to keep cool in front of the dog psychologist*

"You white bitches can't tell us what to do, we're diplomats..."

OMG....

Clearly that was me and all previous thoughts of decorum flew right out of my head without so much as a backward glance.  I made such a scene that two old white men who were there in a bakkie full of black construction workers came running. I could just picture the headline: 

“Housewife and Dog Psychologist Start Race Riot on the Ridge”

It got ugly, really ugly and I got nervous when I realised us whiteys were outnumbered 4 – 30 but my temper had total control over me by then.  At one point the dog lady was holding me back because all I could see was red and I wanted to smack the sanctimonious smirk off that bloody woman's face Oh. So. Badly.  Next thing she was right in my face, spittle flying, shouting that we tortured black people!  Me!?!  I've never tortured anyone or anything in my life but at that point I would’ve been more than happy to start with her.  Things only ended when I told them that one signal from me and Samson would rip all their throats out, starting with their ‘dog’. Gawd, one would think that one could walk one's dogs in peace...  The pure venom and undiluted hatred in that woman’s eyes was something else – I’m pretty sure if she had a gun on her she would have shot me, a perfect stranger.  Asshole.

I like living on the Ridge, but these bloody diplomats really get to me. We pay to live here yet they act like they own the whole neighbourhood, happily living the high life off their countries' gravy trains while their fellow countrymen starve to death.  Assholes.  Oh, and while on the subject of gravy trains - since Missus Z No. 5 has moved into the street our electricity bill has gone up by loads, funny that...  Asshole.  I'm not a racist, but days like that, when I'm exposed to reverse racism at its ugliest, I tend to waiver in my beliefs. My generation had no part of apartheid yet we get punished for it every day.  Growing up the first I ever knew racism even existed was when my mother’s best friend Jubi, her husband Josef and their kids would come over to visit and the neighbours wanted nothing to do with us because of it.  When I asked my friends why they weren’t allowed to come over anymore they told me it was because we had coloured people visiting at our house and their parents didn’t want them to play with me anymore because they saw me playing with coloured children.  Fucking assholes.

I don’t care whether you’re black, blue, green or pink but if you’re an asshole you’re a fucking asshole.  I’m sick to death of being accused of being a racist and keeping my mouth shut, walking on eggshells around black people with chips on their shoulders in case I offend them.  An old friend of mine often rants and raves about the state of affairs in this country – to the point where we tease him that he’s sounding more like a Right Wing AWB leader by the day.  I’m sure old Eugene Terreblanche would turn in his grave if he knew a coloured man was being compared to him!  Can’t help having a bit of a giggle at that...  Ah well, he was an embarrassment anyway – I mean, apart from all the shit the damn fool spoke, the fucker fell off his horse.  Walking in a parade...  And he called himself a Boer?  Perfect example of what I mean by Asshole.

Last year at Pride when I went undercover as a lesbian my Gentledyke and I were asked by a black man whether he could watch us have sex and he kept pestering us for ages, making a complete nuisance of himself.  He got more inappropriate as the hours went by, completely spoiling our day.  If he was white he would’ve had his ass kicked into the next century by the men who were with us but because he was black he got away with it.  Asshole.  And don’t even get me started on the black women in the parking lot of our local supermarket.  Driving massive 4x4’s they can barely see over the steering wheels of – but if they have diplomatic plates you can be sure that bitch is going to either scrape your car or drive over your foot and beware if you so much as say a single word about it, then you’re a racist.  Assholes.  If I did the same thing accidently?  Then I’d be called a racist.  You just can’t win. 

I have often partied and had great fun with people of all races in our Rainbow Nation but I don’t walk around talking about my black friends.  I don’t talk about my white friends either.  Friends are friends, no matter what colour they are.  So I don’t sit down with Precious for a cuppa and a natter – I had a white maid in Spain and I didn’t socialise with her either, as one does when someone is part of your household staff, but I wasn’t accused of being prejudiced because of that.  Besides, Precious is completely uneducated and comes from a small Xhosa village in the Eastern Cape and communicating with her can be a bit of a challenge.  I had no idea until friends from the UK came to stay and they asked me what language we speak to each other, apparently it sounds like a strange form of Pidgin English.

If there was a word for someone who can’t tolerate assholes I wouldn’t mind being called that at all.  An assholist perhaps? But being called a racist?  Yes, I do fucking mind thankyouverymuch...

Time for a voddie shot methinks, I'm all worked up all over again.

*clink!*

GeeGee xx

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Mandela Day

Nelson Mandela is without a doubt the face and soul of South Africa. This great icon of peace and liberation will be celebrating his birthday on 18 July and he will be turning 94. Therefore, a great tribute to this legend of Africa is the annual celebration of Mandela Day (make an imprint a 46664 celebration) which was established in June of 2008. Mandela Day is an annual celebration of Nelson Mandela’s life and a global call to action for people to recognize their individual power to make an imprint and change the world around them; individuals are required to spend 67 minutes on this day devoted to the charity of their choice in celebration of Mandela’s 67 years of making a difference.

I am one of the lucky South Africans that had the honour of meeting this legend a couple of years ago. Madiba made a visit to the university I was attending. When he entered the room I could feel I was in the presence of greatness. I was overwhelmed by his energy and enigmatic poise. Shaking the hand of this unassuming and soft spoken man I looked into his eyes and could not help but wonder how this person that spend 27 years in prison could emerge without any bitterness or hatred. On 11 February 1990 his freedom was secured and his dynamic purpose and instrumental role in forever changing a country, I suppose, provided him with a higher objective that could not afford him the luxury of ill feelings of the past but instead focused him on his destiny. After changing a nation and an exemplary life Madiba stood in front me and I realized I was touching a legend and a part of living history. The few minutes of interaction I had with him will remain vivid in my memory and his genuine interest and ability to make each person he relates with feel important and respected will remain an example to me of how human beings should treat each other.
Being too young to actually remember Apartheid and the evils it perpetrated I recently visited the Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg. Our sordid history is on display in this multi-million establishment that serves as a reminder for us not to repeat the past. Atrocities committed on both sides of the battle are on display in this museum. After drinking up all this history I left the museum feeling perturbed at how a society could be mislead to believe that discrimination and hate could serve any higher purpose. I also left with a sense of hope as we as a nation were victorious in this struggle and are well on our way to navigate successfully an enlightened future. The story of Apartheid is a painful one for many people – black and white alike! Many innocent people suffered, died and many lives were forever changed with both physical and emotional scars that individuals will take with them to their final resting place. All this sacrifice so that we (the next generation) will have freedom and a better future, a sacrifice I believe not many South African’s fully appreciate.
Having been to Robin Island on a few occasions it’s hard to believe that Nelson Mandela spend the better part of his live there. Having been inside his prison cell I came to realize how resilient a person’s mind must be to stay strong, focused and optimistic as the claustrophobia could easily persuade your soul to lose hope and your mind to forfeit progress. While on the island I also had the opportunity to see the man made cave that the political prisoners dug; the cave that is fondly referred to as our first democratic parliament and many of our current political leaders received their political education there. If anything the visionaries of that era were creative, innovative and motivated – qualities we hope they will soon reintroduce into our current political landscape.

Nelson Mandela truly is an extraordinary human being and will be celebrated across the world on the 18th of July for many years to come. His life is an example of sacrifice, hope, change, resilience and peace. It’s my wish that with Mandela Day people from across the globe will engage in the values of compassion, respect, charity, peace, forgiveness and goodwill and make a positive imprint on their community propagating the legacy of Madiba and embracing Madiba Magic in their lives and generously share it with others.

(For information on how you can participate in Mandela Day please visit the official website http://www.mandeladay.com/)

Till next time.

Mandela Day - Song especially written by Simple Minds for the Free Nelson Mandela Concert held in Wembley in 1988

You can't make stuff like this up!

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction and nowhere else is this truer than in African politics. Africa is a queer and remarkable continent where its politicians continuously find ingenious ways to make us regular folks sit back and wonder what the hell they have been smoking. This week was no different as some newspaper articles had me laughing so hard I momentarily lost bladder control and others made me question whether God really has favourites when it comes to political parties. You cannot make this shit up, so sit back and be prepared to be astonished.

Malawi (you know that little speck on the African continent made famous by the Queen of Pop for adopting a new fashion accessory who then ended up not being an orphan after all) is about to approve new legislation that will make farting in public illegal. Yes, braking wind in public will result in you getting a criminal record and could even see you getting some jail time. Also to be made illegal by this new legislation are the serious criminal acts of impersonating a fortune teller, insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging someone to a duel and trespassing on a burial place. All serious and legitimate violations and acts only demonstrated by the most diabolical of criminal minds and the most vicious of delinquent offenders.

Yes, I can see how the discourteous act of farting in public can lead to societal moral collapse. After all bodily functions are the source of all the great evils in the world and are something any educated nation knows should be controlled by governmental legislation. Here is a country that’s got their priorities straight, a nation that stands for clean air, support their real soothsayers, respect women and sacred places and a country that encourages straightforward murder rather than a protracted boring dual. What a breath of fresh air that is, but how on earth are they going to enforce this?

If you are arrested for farting will there be a trial, how will it be proven and how much reliance will be placed on forensic evidence? Will there be harsher punishments for louder fowler farts and will there be mitigating circumstances or instances of aggravating considerations? Who knows, I guess we will have to wait and see for Malawi versus Farting Offender #01, and I hope it’s not you!

Closer to home the South African President during a political rally over the weekend was quoted as saying voting for the ruling party (African National Congress – ANC) will ensure you a place in heaven and voting for the opposition is a vote for the Devil (specifically the Prada wearing Devil Helen Zille). Naturally, after the media and wicked doing opposition parties berated him for this, the official response was that he was and I quote “misquoted”. Strange, seeing as just a couple of months prior he was also quoted as saying the ANC will rule until Jesus comes and leaving the ANC will result in you falling sick and dying. It boggles the mind how many times one man can be misquoted on the same topic that is religion – I guess the media still fails to grasp his ever shifting context.

I never knew God and the angels in heaven were invested in earthly politics. One would think their fight for our salvation transcends worldly toils, but I guess I am mistaken. I find it appropriate to repeat that according to the South African President there is a special place for the ruling party supporters in heaven and only the coming of Jesus will end their reign. I wonder how Jesus feels about this, do you think he knows and do you think he cares? Does this mean that if you are a Jew, Hindu, Muslim or god forbid an Atheist who don’t believe in Jesus, the second coming or the Christian Heaven you are screwed and don’t need to bother to vote? Does this mean the Devil herself is out to get the ANC and that the biblical battle on earth is not about good and evil but actually a political one with South Africa being the epicentre of what will determine the fate of all humanity? How on earth was this significantly important fact omitted from the Bible or are we missing the Chapter – The Book of Zuma? But either way thank you for clearing this up for us Mr President, I am glad that God is on your side, just make sure the voices that you are hearing in your head are in fact that of angels and not ones that requires medication.

Yes, Africa is truly one queer place with politicians and some governments providing us with more than our fare share of material to chuckle at, be amazed with and make fun off. Why they insist on setting themselves up to be mocked in this way is anybody’s guess. Sure, I have been somewhat facetious criticising two of our African leaders, but hey, farting should hardly be criminalized and assuming that God supports one political party is just plain ignorant. I say it’s time to tackle the real issues facing Africa and our respective countries, stop wasting time with frivolous nonsense and stop assuming our people the voters are stupid. Deal with the real issues, stop deceiving your citizens, stop threatening and intimidating people with religion and start behaving like the leaders you are suppose to be. Grow up you’re Presidents and not comedians so at least make a better effort to come across as such!