Demonic Possession & Homosexuality: Are you possessed?

Those who are friends with me on Facebook know of my secret obsession with the television programs The Haunted and A Haunting.  The scariest episodes of which are the ones featuring demonic possession.  These programs scare me so much that not so long ago I got frightened by my own shadow in the shower, almost peed myself and screamed like a little girl as a result.  So imagine my surprise when I learned this week that I too might be possessed by a demon.  I might be possessed and not even know about it and to make things even worse - you might be possessed too!

My old friend Pat Robertson (the American “Christian” Televangelist) had a religious epiphany on his harebrained morning television show a while back.  While discussing a man in a brokeback marriage’s behavior of trolling the streets longing for cheap sex with men, Pat came to the conclusion that it must somehow be related to demonic possession.  When I saw this I must admit that I did get a little excited but not for the reasons you might think.

You see I thought that my possible demonic possession could explain my mood swings and IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome - in case you missed that blog post).  If I was indeed possessed by a demon then all I needed to do is contact my local Catholic Church and get an exorcism sanctioned by the Vatican.  We all know the Pope adores me and if he could he would jump at the chance of making me straight.  But being the rational person that I am I decided to examine this more closely before I voluntarily invited the Pope or any of his priests’ holy ghosts to enter me from behind.

The Exorcist must be the one movie about demonic possession that scared the living shit out of me the most.  Needless to say I have watched it several times too many and it serves as my personal point of reference when it comes to extreme cases of demonic possession.  So being a professional homosexual it would be expected that I (according to Pat) too be the victim of an extreme case of possession and, in light of this, I decided to look for any of the warning signs.

During the last 21 years of being openly gay I am not aware that I ever ran up the stairs upside down on all fours, intentionally peed myself, masturbated with a crucifix, spun my head around 360 degrees while spewing vulgar curses intermingled with Latin phrases or told a priest to suck me off or told him his mother performs fellatio in hell.  With the absence of these telltale warning signs I concluded that I could not possibly be possessed by a demon, or could I?  Is it possible that I could be wrong?

In most episodes of The Haunting the ghosts, spirits or demons either hid away in a closet in a house or used a closet or a fireplace as a portal to enter our realm with the purpose of haunting a house or to possess  humans.  Is this a coincidence?  Is this why homosexuals come out of the closet?  I don’t know.  But I do know that most people’s closets are scary godforsaken places and the only creatures that like to spend time in there are cats, mentally disturbed children and apparently demons.  Whether they do this to secretly judge your wardrobe or are taking pleasure from looking at items of clothing that are reminiscent of some bad life choices you have made in the past, who knows.  But they like closets, and I do not.

Demonic possession is always portrayed as this scary evil thing but if Pat is right and all queer folk are indeed possessed by demons it would mean that the media’s portrayal of possession is wrong.  Sure some homosexuals can talk in tongues when drunk, stoned or high.  Sure some homosexuals can get violent when her girlfriend is being chatted up by another chick at a bar.  Sure some homosexuals could neglect their personal hygiene (Robert Patterson I am talking to you).  But it’s not all vomiting green slime, foaming from the mouth and sexually violating religious paraphernalia while levitating above your bed.  There is more and according to some religious fanatics we also have an earthly leader paving our way to hell.

Demon possession and the embodiment of evil have been attributed to Lady Gaga and her legion of little monsters of which I am one even though her latest album kind of sucks.  Mother Monster, as she calls herself, has been called many things and some fanatical religious folks even went as far as to say the devil is working through her.  Furthermore, they claim Gaga’s album Born this Way is filled with evil messages and satanic symbolism.  Apparently what we all saw as dramatic flair and artistic expression has in fact always been evil and straight from the devil himself.

One nut job even wrote on her blog “If Gaga scares you that means you have the power of God giving you discernment”.  I am not sure exactly what this Sarah Salvation meant to say with that statement other than the fact that she loses bowl control whenever Gaga plays over the radio and that she blames the shit in her panties on her religion.  Maybe if Sarah Salvation invested in a good enema kit she would not be so anal in her world views and would shit herself less.

After some strenuous research on Google I could not find any evidence supporting Pat’s theory on homosexuality and demon possession.  If you think about it, why would any demon from hell want to possess a homosexual anyway?  If you have seen the weird shit homosexuals do to their pets when we are bored you can just imagine what corny outfits we would dream up for our demons.  Some of us queers curse like sailors anyway and the demon may find it difficult to keep up with our four letter word vocabulary.  And then there is hell and I am sure Satan would not appreciate it if a bunch of Queens merrily skipped in there signing “I am on the right track, baby I am born this way” while putting our paws up and started redecorating.

So before you reach for the holy water, crucifixes and run into the warm not so platonic embrace of your local Priest, chances are that you are not possessed by any demon.  Our dear friend Pat in all likelihood just had one of his regular brain farts and clearly did not think it through before he made that statement.  Just like we did not cause Hurricane Katrina and the lesbians aren’t partly to blame for 9/11.  Sorry Pat, perhaps it is time to start taking those meds again.

Till next time.

Madonna's Lady Gaga Nightmares

Lady Gaga's rise to fame is tormenting Marge and she wants her gays back.

Applause

One day to go until the official release of Lady Gaga's ARTPOP. Are you excited?

2012: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.

General consensus among my friends is that 2012 was a rather shitty year.  This year was shitty for different people for different reason.  I for one am rather relieved that I survived 2012, albeit it a little worse for wear, but I survived!  As life goes, 2012 posed a few challenges for me but it wasn’t all bad.  Sure I suffered a Panic Attack and now rely on certain prescription chemical, but isn’t this all part of living in a world that sometimes goes bat shit crazy and is a rat race with no finishing line? As I take this opportunity to reflect on some of my highlights and low-lights of 2012 I cannot help but wonder, will 2013 be better?

As some of you know 2012 didn’t start off that entirely great for me.  Sure I welcomed in the New Year on the island of Madagascar and spent a glorious 11 carefree days there, but my holiday ended in a disaster culminating in The Day I Almost Died.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would ever end up being a “medical emergency” thirty thousand feet in the air, but I did!  I was suffering from double pneumonia.  My holiday ended with me landing back in South Africa, going straight to the Emergency Room and being admitted to hospital for 5 fucking days.  The perfect start to 2012, don’t you think?

Apart from narrowly escaping death this year I also dabbled in some diet pills.  You see I am a sucker for anything that can help you lose weight that doesn’t require any exercise or dieting.  After all, I am about five stomach flues away from my goal weight!  So when some Chinese Weight Loss Pills promised that I would lose weight without any effort I jumped at the chance.  These pills have since been taken off the market because they are “dangerous” and I am still ten kilograms overweight.  Fuck!  We also had to fire another housekeeper this year.  It is really difficult to find good Help these days.  In the last two years we had about five housekeepers with The Sleuth, The Bitch and The Sloth being the worst of them.  Luckily, we finally found one who might be a keeper, let’s cross our fingers that she does not end up being some deranged serial killer down the road.  I would hate for one of my body parts to end up being a souvenir in her basement.

Speaking of serial killers, this year I also, to my utter horror, discovered that I was friended on Facebook by a Psycho Killer.  I was friends with Luca Rocco Magnotta.  The same guy who killed his boyfriend, videotaped the murder and then proceeded to cut the corpse into pieces and then mailed certain body parts to Canadian politicians.  Yes, I can really pick them!  He eventually got arrested and I learned how to use Facebook’s block function.  This really made me reconsider who I will accept as friends on Facebook, if I ever again get my friend list below 5000.  There really are some sick fucks out there and I made it abundantly clear on many occasions that, NO, I don’t want to be friends with people whose profile picks are their genitals or people who use Facebook as their personal sex hookup site.  I don’t want to friend your cock!

This year I also had a minor procedure done, you know the kind that delays the effects of time and ageing.  Sometimes Botox and the oils of delay aren’t enough and you need a little extra help.  This is when I learned that sometimes Beauty Equals Pain.  This year I also had an iBreakup.  I finally mustered up the courage to dump BlackBerry and switched to iPhone for good.  This breakup was long overdue and I know BlackBerry must be upset, but hey, life is a bitch and sometimes you have to put your big girl panties on and deal with it!

As for travel, this was a great year for that.  No disasters, no being harassed by customs officials and no diversions to godforsaken airports due to “weather problems'.  This year hubby and I went to New York City and this was most definitely one of the highlights of my year.  I loved the Big Apple and we took one hell of a big bite out of the city we instantly fell in love with.  Sure my public toilet phobia did harass me once again, but hey, even I can sometimes will the power to temporarily overcome certain of my eccentricities!  Another highlight this year was the opportunity to be only a few feet away from one of my idols – Lady Gaga!  A group of us attended The Born this Way Ball; this was the first time Lady Gaga toured South Africa and Johannesburg couldn’t get enough of her.  This was one of the most exciting days I had in 2012!  I love that bitch!

Two blog posts that I am particularly proud of this year is one of my pet projects:  Through the years I have been collecting old pictures of Gay and Lesbian couples spanning over 100 years.  100 Years of Gay Couples and 100 Years of Lesbian Couples are particularly dear to my heart as they show that we have really been around forever, even before it became “popular”.  We sure have come a long way with LGBTI rights over the last 100 years, but we have a long way to go still.  There still are some bigoted homophobes out there.  This year I lost my shit with one such homophobe named Pastor Oscar Peter Bougardt and I ended up successfully reporting him to the South African Human Rights Commission for hate speech.  Presently, they are still investigating the matter.  Then there were also the Light of the Nations Church and their stupid billboard which we managed to get removed.  Small victories, you might say, but it is with these small victories that the battle will be won.

No year and no life would be complete without pets.  Yes, President Jacob Zuma said having and caring for pets is “un-African” but I say fuck that!  I love My Cat from Hell and hubby and I do have what some could classify as being a zoo.  This year our furry family became even furrier with the addition of two bunnies who likes to pee on you and a tortoise.  Currently, we are one gay donkey away from having to move to a farm.  Unfortunately, this year also brought a tragedy with an accident that killed Alexi.  It was a sad and traumatic day but we made it through it. Rest in Peace Alexi!

Yes, 2012 was a rather shitty year but on the bright side, at least we survived another Apocalypse! 2012 taught me that even though life sometimes throws challenges our way we can all overcome these and the manner in which we overcome these challenges builds character, shows integrity and makes one stronger.  Sure this year was rather tough but my saving grace this year was my sense of humor and my ability to sometimes not take life too seriously and to take a moment to laugh at myself.  After all without laughter life would be oh so dreary and I prefer to stay on the delightful side of life, if I can.  So cheers to 2012.  You have been one motherfucking bitch who kicked me in the balls three times this year, but hey I love myself some bitchiness sometimes.  Let’s hope 2013 is better.  Happy New Year Bitches!

Till next time.

@LadyGaga and the #BornThisWayBall

If Twitter and Facebook are anything to go by then Lady Gaga’s visit to South Africa has been an extraordinary success, with people raving about her Johannesburg concert all over the social media.  When we bought our tickets, which was months ago, I was super excited to go to her concert.  Since she started her career five years ago I was an instant fan and I am very proud today to call myself a “Little Monster”.  Gaga has never seized to impress me with her music, her artistry and the positive messages she conveys albeit in a very unconventional way.  So when the day came, last Friday, for hubby, our friends and I to see her perform live in Johannesburg we were bursting with anticipation.

About three weeks ago our preparation for Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Ball started.  After all you can’t go and see Gaga and not dress up.  It would be almost blasphemous to pitch up at one of her concerts wearing just a jean and t-shirt.  Not wanting to look like a big walking cliché we put some thought into our outfits.  We were not going to sew stuffed toys to our clothes or show up wearing nothing but bubble wrap and black duck tape on our nipples.  No, that has all been done.  We wanted to do something unexpected, something original yet classy.  So we decided on going to the concert dressed up like slutty school boys.  Can you imagine four thirty something guys in school clothes getting their sluts on?

The outfits were simplistic, your average grey pants and white shirts and thin leather ties.  The shirts having on their backs embroider the words “Class of 2012 Gaga’s School of lil MoNsTeRs”.  On the front pockets a black badge with the words “Born this Way Ball” written in what else but glitter.  To jazz things up even further (because we are gay like that) we also had shiny strips of cubic zirconia crystals stuck all over the shirts.  Hubby had his grey short shortened and our other friend had his skirt made into a very mini miniskirt.  He also had a weave glued to his head on only one side and had several crystals stuck on to his face.  We all looked very shiny, very slutty and very gay.  On our way to the park-and-ride I remember us discussing how we hope other people would be dressed up too.  We all agreed that it would be a crying shame if we were the only ones.  Arriving at the park-and-ride I was unprepared for what happened next.

As soon as we got there people stared at us as if we just arrived on our spaceship from the planet G.O.A.T.  The stares quickly and unexpectedly turned into a paparazzi frenzy.  People were asking if they could take photographs with us and once Gregg showed them that he had written on his panty in glitter the words “GAGA” the photographic frenzy intensified.  This continued even after we arrived at the venue.  There are photos of us and Gregg’s ass all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  Who knew that our rather simplistic outfits would attract that much attention?  But hey, it’s Gaga and you should show her some respect by stepping it up and putting in the effort.  Luckily we were not the only ones that came dressed for the concert.  There were loads of other little monsters wearing wigs, cans in their hair, taped nipples and weird and wonderful makeup.  It was a proverbial sea of very excited little monsters.

There were people who arrived at the venue as early as 9 o’clock in the morning which is dedications if I have ever seen it.  When we arrived at the venue, just a little after 4pm, there was already a large queue.  I didn’t know it then, but when we got off the bus that would be the last time I would have been sitting until just after midnight and that my feet and legs were going to be fucking sore at the end.  It was a long wait until we could go inside and once the gates opened it was a stampede with glitter and wigs flying everywhere.  Everyone was running to make sure they got the best place to stand.  At one point we were running also and I remember asking myself what the fuck I was running for.  But I ran anyway even though I knew there was no point to it.  To make a long story short we ended up standing 5 meters away from the stage and had the perfect vantage point from which to bask in the splendor that is Lady Gaga.

This concert was the first time that I realized that I was not as short as I thought I was.  I could actually see over the other people, which is rare for me.   During the show we had one annoying little Indian chick standing behind me.  This little annoyance from Bombay was short, full of energy and had no respect for the personal space of others.  She dry humped me from behind, thoroughly molested my back with her DD-cup boobs and at one point her ponytail was giving my exposed arm a rub down.  I felt extremely violated!  That chick had probably gone to third base with me and she didn’t even realize it and God knows I did not consent to it.  I felt a little raped and even though I also had an eye infection and had to wear sunglasses throughout the show I didn’t care because Gaga made it all worth it.

The show was indescribably good.  I was immensely impressed with the effort that goes into Gaga’s concerts and all the people that must work their asses off behind the scenes to make sure the stage, sound and lighting is perfect.  The people who help Gaga with her costume changes, of which there are many, and how fast that is done.  Her dancers who were magnificent, her band and of course Lady Gage herself.  When she sits behind the piano and sings magic happens.  She is also one of those artists who have enchantment inside her and she engages the audience on a level that I personally have never experienced before.  She truly is a brilliant performer who comes across as humble and sincere.  Gaga also manages to be authentic as an artist and conveys a positive and uplifting message through her music that could be felt by all who were there.

For those religious freaks who protested for Lady Gaga to be banned from coming to South Africa, where were you on Friday?  You made such a big stink about Gaga yet when push comes to shove you can’t even show up.  According to them Gaga is the Bride of Satan who will corrupt the youth of South Africa.  Well dumb fucks, clearly you protest against someone who you don’t know and whose concerts you have never seen.  If you were there on Friday you would have realized how ignorant you really are.  Gaga’s message to South Africa was one of hope.

The message I got from Gaga on Friday was that no matter who or what you are you should respect yourself, be proud of yourself, reach for your dreams, work hard, not give a fuck about what people say about you and never let anyone make you feel small, not worth it or say that you are not good enough.  Also if you are sad or being bullied you should always remember that you are not alone.  On Friday I was inspired.  I was inspired by Lady Gaga and how hard she has worked to get to where she is today.  I have also gained so much more respect for her as an artist and as a person.  If you have the opportunity to go to one of her concerts, do yourself a favor and go.  It will rock your world and you will leave feeling positive, optimistic and inspired.  I was Born This Way Bitches…

Till next time.

Yoü And I

Lady Gaga's new music video Yoü And I was released this week and once again it doesn't disappoint.  Gaga also makes for a rather handsome guy as well, if I do say so myself, and a Mermaid if you are into that kinda thing.  Check out the music video.

Born to Perform this Way

We love Lady Gaga and some very creative folks out there love Mother Monster so much that they create the most amazing parodies of her music videos.  Here is a must see parody preformed by "Weird Al" Yankovic.  This is his take of Born this Way.  Enjoy!

Be Proud!

Today is International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia. To all those people out there thinking you're alone & made to feel ostracized, not worthy and not deserving of respect. Today I want to tell you that you're not alone and you are special.  You were born this way!

Be Proud!

Lady Gaga's Judas (The Music Video)

You've heard the audio, now watch the music video!

Judas

Lady Gaga 's Judas.  Tell me what you think.  I'm sure the music video, when it is released, will have the tongues wagging like there's no tomorrow!

Born This Way

Lady Gaga's much anticipated single Born This Way was released today. Have a listen and tell me what you think. Is this the new Official Gay Anthem?

Anatomy of Change

Lady Gaga's Anatomy of Change.

Born this Way to be released on 23 May 2011

A Hairy Situation

Last night Lady Gaga showed up to the Oak Room at New York's Plaza Hotel wearing a blond wig and fishnets.  But being Lady Gaga who never does anything ordinary,  she also wore a dress made of hair.  Now I am sure most straight guys wouldn't a "hairy"woman attractive, but I am certain that some would make an exception for Gaga.  If you thought Lady Gaga's Meat Dress was her most outrageous fashion statement of the year ... you were probably right. But her new hair dress is a close second!

Lady Gaga's Meat Dress South African Style

Need I say more?

Lady Gaga: The Prime Rib of America

Declaring that "Equality Is The Prime Rib of America,"  Lady Gaga urged Maine's two U.S. senators to help break a Republican filibuster on legislation that includes a repeal of the military's ban on openly homosexual service members.

Part 1

Part 2

Lady Gaga the Steak Tartar Goddess

Lady Gaga sure knows how to make a statement.  Her meat outfit turned a few heads at Sundays VMA’s and had others gagging.  Looking at the images of the walking tartar goddess I couldn’t help but wonder whether the ensemble was indeed real meat or not.  One thing is for certain, Gaga’s outfit designed by Franc Fernandez will be talked about for months to come.  Forget about Cher here comes Gaga!

The Naked Truth Served Rare

Lady Gaga in a bikini of "tortured animals" as Peta so eloquently put it.  Funny, the meat seems pretty dead to me.  Fresh but dead none the less.  Trust our Queen Gaga to take steak and make it look sexy and all this for a good cause!  This is the September cover of Vogue Hommes Japan.