The Gospel According to Me.

The Bible has been a best seller of all time and obviously the authors of the book did not make money from it whatsoever. So who profits from the sale of the book and who agreed to that contract?

Well, actually the Bible is copyrighted and each company who owns that copyright makes money off it. In order to create a new copyright there must be substantial changes to the Bible which means the Bible most Christians read today is not a true reflection of the original version. Which led me to wonder, which parts of the Bible have been changed and how did this impact on the first love story of all time in Genesis which is the one between Adam and Steve.

I have frequently heard that it was just Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve in the Gardner of Eden when religious freaks try to condemn homosexuals to hell. Well, how the fuck would they know? Were they there? Also, which printed re-written copy of the Bible are they reading?

I believe Adam and Eve were not alone in the Garden of Eden and that Steve was also there (you are welcome to prove me wrong). You know, to give Eve options. We all know how women are. The one thing that could not be foreseen was the fact that Adam and Steve would fall in love and that Eve would become their much begrudged beard. Was Steve God's back up plan for Eve? Who knows. Was it planned that Adam and Steve would be gay, I think not.

Eve felt cheated out of her deal in the Garden of Eden and obviously developed resentment. I mean who wouldn't. She did not have a guy or even the option of becoming a lesbian? Was this because she was not skinny enough, her boobs were too small or maybe she had the personality of a hedgehog. Who knows. But the fact that she was lonely, did not have a lover and possibly developed some body image issues is very plausible. For most people that would be depressing but not for Eve, she was a woman on a mission so she got her shit together and made a plan. She would tempt Adam to commit the primordial sin: Eating the forbidden fruit. Apparently she got this tip from a snake which is highly unlikely because you know, snakes can't talk. Her plan was all her own and kinda genius when you think about it.

As most of you know in the Garden of Eden there was an apple tree which God told them they may not eat from. Which is stupid because it's like putting a treat in front of a puppy and telling him he cannot eat it. They were kinda set up to fail if you ask me. Adam had great will power and listened to Steve who was the responsible one in their relationship. There were a lot of fruit in the garden, including them, and there were no reason to develop an appetite for apples, even if one apple a day keeps the doctor away. Not that there was a doctor with them but you get what I am saying. But Eve was a temptress and knew exactly what she was doing. You see she had a short term and long term plan for Adam who was the butcher one and Steve more on the fem side.

Her short term plan was to roofie Adam and make him eat the apple so that they can be thrown out of the garden, hence getting him away from Steve. The long term plan was to get Adam to fall in love with her. So that is exactly what she did. Adam ate the apple and fucked up his relationship with Steve. He got thrown out of the Garden of Eden leaving Steve all alone with his spring collection made of flowers and leafs who he now had nobody to model it for.  Eve was cruel but her plan succeeded and she soon found herself in a brokeback marriage. It was not ideal but it was what it was. What happened to Steve nobody knows. You see the authors could only focus on one narrative because the people back then didn't like to read and papyrus leafs were very expensive.

In the later printed copy of the Bible the publishing companies decided to remove Steve and the dinosaurs from the narrative entirely and tweaked the original version. Poor Steve was written out of the Bible and hence he never got the credit for decorating the Garden of Eden or for styling Adam with the newest fashion and Haute Couture. Basically he got screwed and dissipated into obscurity. 

Then we get to Leviticus in which everything is a sin. According to this chapter everyone is going to hell and their puppies and kittens to. And I mean everybody. In the chapter you are also allowed to stone your neighbors to death which I think many of us secretly wish we could do today. But that's against the law.  Everything sex related is a sin and pigs are evil, shell fish is from the devil and masturbation is a death sentence. Do you even know how many men and women are going to hell because of masturbation. That's like 99% of the population with the 1% being people in comas!

When Leviticus was re-written the author(s) was in all likelihood in a bad mood and probably terribly hung over. Frankly that is the only reason why he would condemn 99% of the population to hell, including himself. Hangovers will do that to you and are major assholes. There are too many sins in Leviticus to deal with as it seems to be the most hateful chapter in the Bible. So if you haven't read it yet skip it - it will ruin your day and you will go to hell. Ignorance of the scripture is no excuse but hey, when you have to start making lists of sins it becomes very annoying.

I wonder what the original version of the Bible was like. I also wonder when people thought it was ok to go and make substantial changes to it. Fiction novels are not suppose to be re-written just because you don't like sections of it. You don't see people going and re-writing the classics in our literary history. So why would the oldest fiction novel in the world be changed and copyrighted? The only reason I can think of is that is that it is meant to be used for sinister purpose.

Too often people use the Bible to condemn people, to justify discrimination and in the past even rationalize racism. The Bible has been changed to fit certain people and organizations agendas. The book people are reading today is the byproduct of bigotry, politics, religious oppression and the justification of hate. The people in a 100 years from now will read a completely different Bible than the one we have today. Who knows, there might even be transgender aliens in it. Unfortunately we will not be around to see it. For now we are stuck with the most judgmental book known to mankind. It is a poorly written fiction novel the original of which is nowhere to be found. Not even on the internet. I am probably going to hell for having written this, that is if hell really exists.

Till next time.

When A Drag Queen Loses Her Mind

In life there will always be people who rub your tits the wrong way.  Not being shy to air my shit list on my blog when it comes to homophobes, I am somewhat hesitant to do so when a member of the LGBT community ends up on it.  But when that said member decides to slander me all over the interwebs and compares me to a dog’s offspring that hesitation somewhat dissipates and I am then more inclined to take a bitch down.  Unfortunately, due to pesky legal reason, I will not be mentioning names, but suffice to say it is a cock in a frock from an unfortunate side of Johannesburg.  So sit back and let me tell you about the Drag Queen who lost her mind.  This is my side of the story.

First, I do feel the need to tell you that I don’t have a problem with drag queens.  They are the backbone of our LGBT culture and they were the ones who are the true heroes of Stonewall.  I love and respect them as all homosexuals should.  However, of late I have been perturbed by the standard of queens who are coming onto the scene.  Guys who think that by painting their faces with makeup, getting into a cheap dress and putting on a pair of stilettos makes them drag queens.

The same guys who have no self-awareness when they look into the mirror and fail to see that they are nothing but a cock in a frock with a wig, atrociously done makeup and have the uniqueness, nerve and talent of a cat’s coughed up fur ball.  They are an insult to true drag artists.  Artists who work hard at their craft, always seeking to improve themselves and humble enough to realize that they will always be a work in progress and perfection will always elude them, thereby motivating them to try harder and be better.  Unfortunately, the drag queen I am telling you about today is NOT one of those artists.

This whole nightmare started when I first realized that this drag queen, who calls herself a "social blogger" was on my Facebook friend list.  I learned this when she started incessantly adding me to her Facebook group which she also refers to as her "blog".  I would leave the group only to find that I was added again the next day.  It annoyed me.  This continued until I finally discovered the “leave group and prevent people from adding you” function.  Then a couple of weeks later she inboxed me after I posted comments on another terror in a dress’s obscene comments about another drag artist.  She told me she thought the terror in drag was a horrible human being and that she was a ghastly drag artist and for some bizarre reason insisted that I know that she only “interviewed” her on her group because it was business and that she doesn’t like her or is friends with her.  At the time I thought it was rather odd, but left it at drag queen rivalry.  In retrospect this should have been my first warning sign.

This queen thinks she is the Oprah of the drag world.  She also thinks that she is a “social blogger” because she has a Facebook group with 99% of the people on it having been added by her, as she tried to add me.  And as for the “interviews” they are nothing but a cookie cutter template, sometimes moderately adjusted, which she then sends to her “interviewees” to complete themselves (which takes a fucking long time) and on completion is copied and pasted, without being edited, onto her group; effectively having the interviewee doing all the work.  She also sometimes takes the liberty of adding a few things to the interviewee’s “interview” mostly singing her own praises.  Hardly something Oprah would do.

I had the unfortunate experience of being “interviewed” by her (the drag queen not Oprah) and in retrospect I am appalled that I did.  I had to correct her spelling mistakes and grammar in her questions, which is not very professional of her.  Also, she claims to do extensive research on her interview subjects, yet from reading some of her interviews it is clear that she doesn't understand what research is.  I have also reliably learned that several actual celebrities blew this queen off and declined to be interviewed by her due to the poor standard of her interviews and the fact that they found it hard to take this drag queen seriously. I mean honestly, you just need to look at her profile pictures:  A man in a sleeveless dress, farmer tan lines on his arms, badly done makeup, mustache stubble and a wig that looks like road kill.  

The final straw that broke the camel’s back and the cause that started this childish gay feud was when this drag queen plagiarized one of my friends humor pieces and made it out to be her own on her group.  I called her out by linking the original piece to the plagiarized post.  The bitch flipped her lid and I received almost 20 messages in under 5 minutes.  You can ask any blogger – plagiarism is the one thing that really fucking makes us irate.  But then a week later, after I have severed all ties with this queen and her group I learned from a fellow blogger that the queen’s Facebook was hacked and that the queen blamed me.  

At this point I started to feel somewhat victimized.  Being accused of hacking someone’s social media is a serious allegation, yet she made it without any proof or facts.  It was also at this point when I started to realized that I was not dealing with someone who is rational and that she must be a few eggs short of a dozen.  But I let it slide.  Almost a month past and I completely put that bad experience behind me and moved on but, then the bitch reappeared and it was to a certain extend my own fault.  You see I get send dozens of funny pictures by the fans on my fan page, most of which I post.  So I received this meme picture of a rather unfortunate looking drag queen with a caption which I thought was funny.  So I posted it and then all hell broke loose.

You see the meme was of this queen and I didn’t recall ever seeing the photo the person used who made the meme.  I did not realize it was her, but apparently that pic was one of her profile pictures.  The drag queen completely lost her shit.  She send me a message asking what the fuck was wrong with me and instructed me to take it down. Or. Else.  Apparently the caption that read "Worst Halloween Costume... Ever" really pissed her off as she was proud of that picture and actually thought she looked good.  But that is the thing about good taste and class - not everyone has it!

The queen was rude, as she normally is, and then she showed her true colors.  She again started accusing me of hacking her Facebook account and then proceeded to make a meme of me comparing me to a dog’s offspring and wrote, amongst other derogatory things, that I was “a disgrace to human kind”.  Personally, I felt she was being childish and that she was/is mentally unstable.  I decided not to involve myself with this drag queen’s rants who clearly was going off her rocker.  I decided not to delete the picture, nor did I ask her to delete the meme she made of me.  I thought that if it made her feel better to slander me then so be it and I left it at that.  At the end of the day Facebook removed both pictures.

Over the weekend I learned that this drag queen decided to publish an article on her Facebook group stating her side of the story.  Delusional as she is, she wrote that everything contained in this blog post are lies.  She also accused me of being a cyber bully and obviously did not want me to see the article.  Unfortunately for her, one of my readers emailed me the article and I had a few giggles when I read it.  But I saw it for what it was and decided it is not worth my time or my readers time to again get involved in a "he said, she said" fiasco and gay melodrama. 

The drag queen is still slandering me on her social media, like I really give a shit what she thinks of me.  There is much to say about class and dealing with things in a mature manner which in her case leaves much to be desired.  She seems to be desperate and somewhat of a megalomaniac as such this queen made it onto my shit list.  “Why can’t the gays not just get along?” I hear desperately echoing from Gay HQ.  Well, I guess we cannot get along with everybody, now can we.

Till next time.

(*Disclaimer:  No drag queens were actually harmed during the writing of this blogs post.  However, a few egos were bruised)

Panic Attack!

It may come as a surprise to some people but I actually have a real job.  You know the kind that pays the bills.  Seeing as I have never made any money from blogging and probably never will, I do need something that can sustain my and hubby’s “lavish” lifestyle.  But in the real world all is not always sunshine and roses and of late things have been rather (how should I put it) stressful in my work environment.  The fact that I also had to visit the dentist once a week for the last three weeks and having had to get two filling and a root canal also did not contribute to alleviate my stress levels.  All of this then also contributed to me having my first serious panic attack on Monday and it was not pretty.  It was not pretty at all!

Those who know me well understand that August is never a good month for me.  It seems that each year shit goes down in the month of August and bad things happen.  Being a professional sailor down the river of denial, I usually ignore unpleasant things until it goes away (I have learned this skill from my cats, they are fucking good at it.)  But denial can only work up to a point.  You see even when I am under a fuck load of stress I usually have the ability to suppress it and I also don’t really ever get seriously angry about anything.  I call this having excellent coping mechanisms and vodka.  Unfortunately, the human body is a mean bitch and sometimes when you try and lie to yourself, particularly about stress, the bitch gives you a reality check and it’s normally not pleasant.  And this is exactly what happened to me.

On Monday our new security company’s representative came to my office in order for me to sign some papers.  I fired our previous security company and it’s a long story.  While in this meeting all was going well up on to five minutes into it.  As unexpectedly as a crack whore appearing in a dark alley it hit me.  I started feeling woozy, my heart began beating rapidly, I could not breath, I started shaking like a Parkinson patient, sweating and I literally felt like I was going to die.  All this in front of a complete stranger who sat there looking at me horrified.  I was having a full blown panic attack and I was desperately trying to keep things together and look normal.  “Are you ok?” the guy asked me looking all concerned.  “Yes… I am fine” I lied.  After about three minutes I realized there was no use trying to fight the panic attack and I eventually said “I’m having a panic attack, I need a few minutes.  Don’t judge me!”

The panic attack lasted a good ten minutes and it was terrifying.  Having one in the privacy of your own office, house or car is fine, but having one in front of a complete stranger in the voyeur of your office with people walking past rates right up there on the embarrassment scale with shitting your own pants.  So, I phoned my doctor and scheduled an appointment.  This guy has been my on-and-off physician for well over ten years and he knows me and some of my embarrassing medical issues well, and I trust him.  Sitting in his consulting room I remember thinking “What. The. Fuck?!  I have worked undercover where I almost got killed and I didn’t have panic attacks then.  Why the hell is this happening to me now?!”  The doctor then proceed to explain that if you suppress stress for too long eventually your body will rebel and it does this normally by stomach ulcers and panic attacks.  With my blood pressure having been 173/135 I could have had a heart attack.  Or like I like to call it - a myocardial infarction due to bullshit overload.

The doctor proceeded to tell me that having panic attacks while under extreme stress is nothing to be ashamed off and he prescribed me some “happy” and “don’t give a fuck” pills.  So the next day I was as chilled out as a stoner at a Bob Marley concert.  It was nice working at the office all mellowed out, having the world seem like I was a couple seconds behind it and driving to work thinking that all taxi drivers are such great drivers.  But, unfortunately my little piece of medicated nirvana was not to last long.  Timing is everything and never let anyone tell you any different.  This counts for both good and bad things.  You see after what can be described as a rather uneventful day I arrived home and went about my normal routine of being a domestic diva.  I fed the cats and tortoise, began with the laundry and prepared dinner.  Then it happened, some asshole on Facebook told me that I should slit my wrists.

Being quite use to receiving hate mail I am not normally too phased by it.  Mostly they have strong religious undertones to them, tell me that I am going to hell and even that they wish that I would get AIDS and die.  Surprisingly, I have also received my fair share of hate mails from disgruntled queer folks, so I really thought that I have seen it all.  I was wrong.  This fucktard took hate mail to a whole other level.  This sad queen wrote I should slit my wrists, or if I don’t want to do that he will give me a toaster to throw into my bath because he would love to see me drown in my own piss and shit.  How fucked up must one person be to say or write something like that to another person?  Suicide is no fucking laughing matter and if this is the type of fantasies this guy is having there must be something seriously wrong in his pathetic little head.  It really upset me and this psycho’s timing really sucked.  All I have to say to that man is FUCK YOU! (Clearly my happy pills are not strong enough to deal with certain fuckwads)

As that was not enough, today I am going for my second round of my root canal and this time around I am less panicked about it than the first time around.  My dentist did a fantastic job the previous time and I know I am in excellent hands.  But that being said this week have sucked donkey balls.  Starting my week off with a panic attack and then receiving the most disturbing hate mail to date, I can honestly say this has been the worst week of this whole year.  But, fortunately there’s medication for that and it is fabulous.  I know this is not a permanent solution but for the interim this will have to do.  Bitch be chilled.

Till next time.

Why I Love Hate Mail

As my regular readers know, I do get my fair share of hate mail.  In the 3 and a half years since I started this blog I have received hate mail from fanatical Christians, the Phelps family from the “God Hates Fags” fertility, charlatan therapists who claim to be able to cure homosexuality, pastors and most recently fellow homosexuals. In principle I do not mind hate mail.  After all if people are so offended by what you write that they will take the time to formulate their abhorrence for you in an email, you must be doing something right.  Right?  It wasn’t until recently that I realized that receiving hate mail isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I came to realize that I actually love hate mail and this is why.

Admittedly when I started this blog I was rather naïve.  I believed that I would put my mind meanderings down on paper once a week and maybe a couple of friends would read it.  And that is exactly what happened, at first that is.  Soon, almost like it happened over night, it wasn’t only friends and a few family members who read my blog and, to my surprise, I realized that I actually had build up an international audience and that my audience was growing.  This is something that is quite flattering for most bloggers.  But building and growing an audience also comes with a dark side.

You see, when your blog starts to get discovered and your Google search rating goes up, chances are that your blog will also get the wrong kind of attention; the kind of attention that will see you getting hate mail.  I distinctively remember the first hate mail I received.  I was sitting in front of my computer minding my own business.  I had a fabulous hair day that day and it had great volume.  I was in a good mood and looked only slightly surprised at the time because my Botox was starting to wear off.  I downloaded my email and there it was.  The subject line both confused and intrigued me.

“Faggots burn and so shall you” the subject line read.  “Curious title for an email” I remember thinking.  So I opened the email and right from the first line I could tell this was not fan mail.  The gist of the mail was that I will burn in hell and it had a superfluity of Bible verses to substantiate this claim.  As time passed and my subsequent hate mail piled up I became very well acquainted with the Bible’s Leviticus chapters 18, 20 & 22, Romans 1, Genesis 2, Mathew 8 & 19 and Luke 7 (to mention but just a few).  Every hate mail I received from alleged “Christians” folk was like a little Bible study lesson in hatred and intolerance.  And I never did enjoy Sunday School to start with.  But one day one particular hate mail flattered me with my suggested infamy.

The hate mail was titled “The Abomination of Humanity”.  I have blogged about this before; I was that impressed with the new title I was bestowed.  I even considered putting it on my resume and it would have read: Pierre le Roux, Veracity Expert, Profiler, Forensic Investigator, Blogger and The Abomination of Humanity.  I could just see how I was going to be head hunted by Fortune 500 companies.  After all I was not just An Abomination and was THE Abomination, a feat and designation that I think only the dark lord has been honored to have.  I mean who wouldn’t want to hire me when it is eluded that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, just imagine what fury The Abomination of Humanity could release if scorned.  I was considering walking up the people in meetings and going “BOO!!” before handing them my business card.  But it is not just misguided fanatical Christian who has sent me their diatribe, the gays has done so too.

You see, queer folk even though we are suppose to be the LBGT community; we tend to be a bitchy, jealous and spiteful bunch at the best of times.  Some call this our flare for the dramatic, others call it spirited flamboyance, but in it is what it is.  I guess some of the articles I have written perhaps hit a nerve or a few tiaras too many and it encouraged a few limp wristed pseudo intellectual queens to take to their laptops and write me a few hate mails.  Now, one thing you should know is that no one writes better hate mails than gay folks.  Gays are articulate, sarcastic and mean spirited in a way that would make the Nazis’ Hitler envious.

Recently, one of my articles was published on a certain website.  It dealt with all the fucked up people who uses Facebook as their personal sex hookup site or platform to air all their dirty laundry.  It was quite an innocent and only mildly offensive article.  Or at least I thought it was but clearly some queens took great umbrage at the article and decided to comment on it.  When some noticed that I was ignoring their negativity like I ignore a freshly passed bowl movement that I flush away without giving it a second glance, they took to their Gmail accounts and in total I received 14 hate mails.

The first couple of hate mails attacked my writing style because apparently they expect everything they read on the internet to be of Pulitzer Prize quality.  Curious, seeing as their own writing style is on the same standard of twelve year olds.  Just because you know how to use a thesaurus and use big words doesn’t demonstrate that you are intelligent or have the ability to write literature (Just saying).  Then there were the others who attacked me like they have known me for years.  Well, those hate mails were interesting to read but mostly as fiction.  I could only wish that I was as immoral and that even ten percent of the debauchery they suggested I am involved with were true.  However, they did give me some very interesting ideas.

Yes, hate mail can sometimes make for some riveting reading.  Sure if you get them they can be quite disconcerting the first couple of times.  In the beginning they did cause me to behave like an emotional disturbed monkey in a Hello Kitty slasher movie and I did finance a significant portion of Häagen-Dazs’ South African operations.  But as time goes by and you receive more hate mail, you learn to see it for what it is and you can find the humor in them.  If you are a blogger you need to accept that these things will happen and you need to put your big girl panties on and deal with it.  And if you can’t, then there is a lovely river in Egypt called de-nile, it’s best to get yourself a nice felucca and to sail down it blissfully.

Till next time.

The Abomination of Humanity

Since I started this blog I have addressed some contentious issues. Some topics caused quite a stir especially amongst a few fanatical Christians. Dealing with Homophobia, Discrimination, AIDS, Racism and even how we as a gay community discriminate amongst ourselves, the backlash was expected but the resulting hate mails ,at first, caught  me off guard.

Later, as I wrote about topics that I knew could be controversial I anticipated receiving the nasty onslaught of hate in my inbox, and they never disappointed. But, it's not only the controversial themes that have sparked hate mail, some light-hearted articles surprisingly did too. Some of which left me utterly flabbergasted.  Haters managed to take seemingly “innocent” articles and mutilate them with their narrow minded ignorance and turn them into something hateful and ugly? Leaving me to wonder, are there really people out there that can find hate in anything if they applied their twisted minds?

In the past three years since my blog’s conception I have posted numerous articles the majority of which, I must admit, have been humorous.  Even when dealing with serious matters I attempted not to lose sight of the lighter side of life. However, some of these articles outraged a few people, outraged them so much that they decided to send me their thoughts in harshly worded e-mails. In total I have received well over 200 hate mails to date, 200 hate mails and counting...

In these hate mails I have been called everything from a Faggot, God Hating Queer, Turd Miner, Infidel, Satanist, Asshole, Mother Fucker, Vulgar Animal, Anti-Christ, and worse. They have also accused me of filling people’s minds with my filth, being a terrorist, spreading AIDS, trying to destroy religion, being a molester of bodies and minds and the best yet “The Abomination of Humanity” (note the use of the wording “THE Abomination” instead of “An Abomination”).

So yes, I have received quite my fair share of hate mails and have been called my fair share of bad names. The common denominator amongst my hate mail is the fact that they mostly come from religious folks.  This special category of hate mails are easily identifiable due to the quotations from the Bible, Koran, Torah and Tanakh; all quotations taken out of context to imply that I am going to hell and taking all my readers to hell with me. (So please take note my gentle readers pack light for the afterlife - it’s going to be warm!)The hate mail I received after one particular article about Halloween (Horror, Weirdoes & Fagalicious Homos)  “condemned me to hell”.  I kid you not!  The hate mail further accused me of promoting “hideous, dirty and vulgar sinful acts” but fail to name or list these acts so it was left to my very vivid imagination to do so myself.

In the same e-mail I was also singled out as The Abomination of Humanity.  Well, to be honest over the last three years I have been condemned to hell by so many people, from so many religions, in so many hate mails that when I do get to Hell one day I am expecting one big mother fucking welcoming party.  After all, according to my haters I have recruited most of its occupants and don't The Abomination of Humanity deserve an epic welcome? If not, don't I at the very least deserve some medal for all my evil achievements?

I still find it hard to believe that there are people in this world with such a narrow minded attitude to life that innocent articles can prompt such ferocious attacks. Having now become quite use to receiving hate mails, I read them with the same regard as I do flyers left on my car’s windscreen. It is just amazing how these individuals rather opt to send me personalized e-mails than posting their disgust on my blog’s wall.

One would think being so disgruntled, offended and taking such personal umbrage to what I write, they would want to share it with the world. After all my dear hate mail senders, do my readers not deserve to be informed that they are also condemned to the same fate as I, or be warned about how I am molesting their minds and corrupting their souls?

Over 200 hate mails and counting.  No matter how perturbing they may be, a few hundred hate mails definitely will not stop this faggot from writing about any issue, event, holiday, topic, belief or highlighting the human rights abuses of the gay community whenever and wherever it occurs.  A few hundred hate e-mails won’t shut this Queer up!

As for my haters, one thing I have learned since starting my blog is that if people want to find hate, they never have to look very far as they can manipulate, twist and spin anything to suit their hate fueled agendas.  Some even actively seek out hate, how else does one explain why my haters keep on returning to my blog? To all those hatemonger fanatics, I dare you to express your views openly and publicly. Come on now, if you are that upset and if it is that important to you, why be shy?

Till next time

Lilly Allen - Fuck you very much!

Sweet Baby Cheeses!!!

Today I received an e-mail from a concerned mother. She wrote to me asking to refrain from cursing on my blog seeing as her child reads it and she didn’t want him exposed to bad language. Appreciative that she took the time to write to me, I must admit my first thought after reading her rather rude request was Sweet Baby Cheeses! She doesn’t want me to curse but it is OK for me to write about gay sex, porn, sometimes post questionable YouTube videos and write about my bowl movements but the odd F bomb is upsetting to her? Sitting back reflecting on my body of work (my blog in its entirety) I couldn’t help but wonder how many other things I have written about which she could have complained about.

I must admit that I have a bit of a potty mouth, but in my defence not even 1% of the profanities that leave my mouth on a daily basis make it onto my blog. Furthermore, my mind often goes to strange places and I have to edit certain topics to make them consumable for my readers and prevent them from having to endure endless hours of therapy and/or to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, when the odd F bomb, sheit, bieach, bulltwang, son-of-a gun, mother folker and ahole are used they are carefully selected and used in moderation. After all I am no angel and this is a personal blog, which some may say is for a niche market, and I don’t write about puppies, butterflies and/or freaking garden gnomes. I write about Fairies and as my favourite haters, the Phelps family, so eloquently and frequently Tweet me – my ”depraved” lifestyle!

So when the mother wrote to me about the seven curse words I used (and I checked, there are only seven to date), I was puzzled. Firstly, I wondered whether her child is gay. If so, I have to commend her on good parenting and for allowing her child to read my blog. Secondly, I wondered how old her child is as I am thoroughly aware that some of my blog’s content is not appropriate for children under the age of 13. But I neglected to write her back to ask, so it will remain a mystery. Furthermore, I wondered whether she had a progressive parenting style and only drew the limit of her leniency at cursing, which I would find odd. After all I have written many things that have seriously pissed people off and shocked others in the past and found it queer that she did not complain about that?

Does the fact that I have regularly trashed the Catholic Church, the Pope and even went as far as to attack certain Christians not bother her? I have also written many articles about pornography, sex and, what disturbs me to this day, fetish porn such as Clown Porn. But no, according to her, my cursing is far more offensive. With this in mind I was now thoroughly perplexed. I found myself asking whether being reprimanded by a total stranger about my bad language should encourage me to stop cursing? On the one hand I do care what my readers think and I don’t want to corrupt an innocent child’s vocabulary and worse corrupt his mind. But on the other hand I want to stay true to myself and not have to excessively edit myself and/or my thoughts. So after much introspection, verbal diarrhea and deliberation with all my different personalities I came to a considered and profound decision.

NO, I will not stop fucking cursing!!! I have far more important things to worry about and areas that I can work on other than the use of the odd damn curse word. Things like my atrocious grammar, obsession with commas and semi colons and spelling mistakes. My bloody grammar should be a far greater concern than my cursing don’t you think? I’m also convinced that having children exposed to bad grammar will have far greater and longer lasting negative effect than learning a few colourful words; the latter of which, I may add, are very useful in a great many circumstances!

So this is how it’s going to be concerned mother. I will continue cursing, in moderation, and promise not let my whole repertoire of swear words rip in one blog post – I will evenly spread them across future blog posts. Concerned mother, I apologize in advance, graciously decline your request and thank you for your e-mail. My advice to you would be to buy a swearing bin and not a tin for your kid. That way you can punish him for cursing, charge him $1 for every word and make some cash out of it in the process too! This way everyone wins! I just hope your son is not a 40 year old looser and that you guys don’t have a Psycho Norman Bates situation going on over there. In which case it was nice knowing you and in the bigger scheme of things you have allot more to trouble your pretty little head about than my fucking blog!

Till next time.

Hate Mail (The Final Installment)

The second and final installment of Joe's hate mail.  I trust that this will now conclude this saga of the man who clearly needs to find and accept himself.  I think we can all learn from Joe's struggle as I am sure he's not the only person in the world who feels this way.  So in the spirit of community let's reach out to our fellow GLBT people during this holiday season.

From Joe:

The majority fits this stereotype? It's around one in ten for me, in terms of people I've met (and like most young bi/gay males from rigid social backgrounds, I've "met" quite a lot of other gay males).

One in freakin ten. Tell me. . .how is that a "majority"?

You feel this way because you drive the others away. You only know other effeminate gay people, so thus you think you are the majority. In truth, you are not--but since you drive the rest of us into the shadows, you feel like there's a connection between obnoxiousness and being gay. There isn't.

I help the gay community by showing other young conservative/semi-conservative people what bisexual or gay males really are: normal people, who happen to prefer the same gender. Believe it or not, center-right people my age tend to be open-minded about homosexuality, far more so then our parents generation.

I'll be honest: I've felt excluded and discriminated against by people like you, and I'm sick of it. I'm not the only one either. We don't have diversity in the LGBT community. Just a small elite who exclude most of us. I hate it.

Joe

My Response:

Merry Christmas!

Firstly, I don’t want to be rude but from the sounds of it you’re projecting your personal issues and generalizing it to other people and blame the GLBT community for wronging and/or making you feel excluded and I seem like the an easy target for this. You have no idea who I am as a person and who I know or interact with on a daily basis. Therefore, the bold statement you are making are unfounded, uncalled for and I take great umbrage to these statements – and so should everyone!

Secondly, no person or group can drive other people into the shadows, people do this to themselves out of choice. You choose to live a secret, you choose to live a lie and you choose to be unhappy. If you choose to live in the shadows and is a straight acting man then this means you are still in the closet and is hardly setting a good example for anyone and most of all you are hurting yourself. Setting a good example would mean that you live your life with pride and not judge other people as you clearly are doing at present. Why can’t people live their lives without pretence?

You use the word obnoxious (Very annoying or objectionable; offensive or odious; Exposed to harm, injury, or evil; Deserving of or liable to censure) when referring to how I view being gay. Joe, I put it to you, this is NOT how I view being gay this is how you view yourself. My advice is that you come to accept your sexual orientation and learn to love yourself. If you don’t first accept who you, respect yourself and love yourself, how can you expect other people to?

Joe, stop being angry, stop hating and make an effort to make friends with the plethora of different people in the GLBT community. Once you have changed your mindset you’ll find that you do fit in, there are more people out there who would like you just the way you are than you currently think, and who knows you may even find the man of your dreams.

Good luck on your journey.

TomBoy  - It's Ok the be Gay

Hate Mail

I do not often post my hate mails on my blog, but every now and again I do get some interesting ones especially the ones I get from the GLBT community.  So here is the latest installment of my blog’s hate fest.

From Joe:

I've been bothered by something for a long time. Why do attempts at group solidarity (and the identity politics they spawn) always end up persecuting the very people who were supposed to be protected?

I'll be frank; I find your blog incredibly offensive. You perpetuate the stereotype of the flamboyant, annoying gay man. But in truth, most gay people don't feel defined by their sexuality, and many of us feel actively excluded from "gay culture." I find this incredibly frustrating, especially the myths straight people believe--that all gay men are annoying and flamboyant and effeminate--but in a fake, obnoxious way, not like the truly transgendered.

At some point this has to stop. We actively approve of our own stereotyping; how could this lead to anything other then discrimination? It's perfectly logical to oppose gay marriage from seeing this stereotype--that's why stereotypes are inherently discriminating, and we shouldn't be encouraging them!

I think gay rights makes headwinds from people knowing the gay members of their families who are brave enough to come out, not from loud, annoying, obnoxious groups that are the minority among the LGBT community. In general, I think it's insulting to gay, bisexual, and transgendered people, all of whom are heavily slandered.

My response:

Thanks for your e-mail. All GLBT people try to fight homophobia in our own way and whether you want to believe it or not the majority of gay people do fit the stereotype. I believe in embracing this rather than fighting it as more power is given back to the GLBT community when we stop trying to conform to what society wants us to be. I am a gay man and yes I am effeminate and I try to live my life proudly. None of us should be ashamed of who or what we are which, if I read your e-mail correctly, is what you suggest.

The GLBT community is represented by the rainbow flag symbolizing the diversity of our community. We are all different but we have some things in common – our sexuality, a history of discrimination and a vision and mission for equality. Whether you like it or not our sexual orientation do define how the world perceives us, but it sure do not define the totality of our lives.

I do respect your view, but I would like to ask you – what have you done thus far for the GLBT community and what example do you set to change the world’s perceptions of us, apart from shame?

Hate Mails: F You!

There are days and sometimes certain weeks that I find myself asking the simplest question. The question Why? Why do I do this? Why do I write my blog? Why do I put myself out there, open to abuse, sometimes ridicule and hatred. I get my fair share of hate mails (hence forth referred to as mind fucks). They come in all shapes, sizes and fonts – some even with attachments! They appear in my e-mail inbox, I get them on Facebook and now also on Twitter. Don’t get me wrong, receiving hate mail shows that I must be hitting some anal retentive nerve in the Bible belts and red neck villages of the world, but nevertheless some are rather distasteful and rude! So I will dedicate this blog post to all my haters, homophobes and those deranged people out there who love sending me their mind fucks. Here is my official response to you!

Congratulations on managing to join the rest of the world on the Internet. I would give you a high five but unfortunately I don’t want to catch what you have as there is no antibiotic treatment to cure or even alleviate ignorance and the symptoms there off. You probably didn’t know this, until now, but the world is one big and scary place. It’s filled with people with different believes and world views than yours. Some of these people can also read and write and have opinions that I am convinced that you would not like. Opinions and views much like the ones I express here on my web page that you find oh so distressing. But the queerest thing is, even though you hate me, hate gays and hate my blog you always seem to come back. Why is that?

Do you have nothing better to do than read upsetting and as some of you so eloquently put it “Vulgar, Depraved, Satanistic, Pornographic, Garbage” literature? Let’s face it I’m not competing for a Pulitzer Prize here, and I am sure it’s not my brilliant writing that draws you back to my URL. Could it be that you have not yet come to terms with your own sexual identity or are you just so insecure that you have this burning urge to cyber bully people to make yourself feel better. I don’t know the answer to these questions and frankly I don’t give a shit about your mental health, your identity crisis or insecurities. I pity you as some of your mind fucks seems more like a desperate cry for help and I am not a psychiatrist. Furthermore, I am not a child or a teenager that you can intimidate and scare with your mind fucks. Abusive and hateful e-mails will hardly bring me to tears or drive me to suicide. And then there are those damn “death threats”!

It must come as a surprise to you, but I don’t take your death threats seriously! The symbolic threats of telling me and all gay people to “Get Aids and Die” are laughable. You can hope and wish that we do, but we most certainly will not purposefully infect ourselves. “Burn in Hell” and condemning me to hell also is not scaring me nor is it my readers. In your mind you might think you are God but back here on planet earth, where the rest of us “normal people” live, you’re nothing but a deranged mortal with some really fucked up ideas.

Threatening to “hunt me down like an animal” and then gut me, threatening to kill my 4 cats and my husband and then the wrath of God ravaging my “evil” soul I find rather distasteful. Obviously the dying side of your threats I find unappealing, but the fact that some of you have actually made these threats by including Bible verses as points of reference and as justification is alarming. I wonder what your God will think about murder and your general religious reasoning and will you send him/her a mind fuck as well if he/she disagrees with your screwed up view? Suck on that for while…

I decided a few months ago that I would not publish your shit on my blog. Mainly because you are cowards and too scared to actually write any of your repugnant, delusional mind fucks on my blog as comments. Rather opting to send them “anonymously” via hotmail, yahoo and gmail. The few of you who actually displayed an inkling of guts sent me your mind fucks on Facebook and Twitter, but none of you were man or woman enough to stay for a fight which I find pathetic. In all probability you are those spineless people that can hurdle insults at people in a crowd and behind other people’s backs but are too weak to do it to someone’s face. And Oh Boy the Internet must be huge comfort for spineless folks like you. You can say whatever you want without once physically being confronted or demanded to explain the dire tripe you spew.

In conclusion, you can keep on sending me your mind fucks, waste more bandwidth, waste more of your time and money. But know this, I will still write my blog, be a proud gay man and fight for the rights of GLBT people all over the world by making people aware of injustice, intolerance, homophobia, discrimination and ignoramuses like you. Your hate will not silence me, your ignorance will not deter me and your threats do not scare me! I am queer, I am here and I am NOT going anywhere! So fuck you!

Till next time.

Be Careful What You Wish For!

Be careful what you wish for. This is something I learned the hard way this past weekend. After complaining on Friday that my life is boring, I had no idea how ominous that statement would turn out to be. You see I started off my weekend, on Friday afternoon, rather peaceful and completely oblivious as to what was to come. Then at roughly at 5pm my weekend took a turn for the worst. During the last 72 hours I had to endure an influx of hate mails, my blog was deleted, then almost hacked and to top it all off, hubby and I witnessed a friend have an car accident.

Entering the long weekend I was rather hopeful for a quiet, relaxing and revitalizing time. Arriving home, Friday afternoon I decided to unwind with some therapeutic gardening work. After the flowers were watered, the hedges trimmed and the weeds pulled, I decided to have a quick look at my blog and to check my e-mails (something I usually do twice a day). Opening my e-mail I was delighted to see that there were 28 e-mails downloading. With the first couple of mails showing in my inbox I was rather intrigued with their subject lines “Go to hell fag”, “Turn or burn”, “God hates queers”, “You’re sick and depraved”, “Filth of humanity”, “Hope you get Aids and die” and “If I find you I’ll kill you” to mention but just a few.

As the e-mails downloaded and I perused the subject lines I didn’t need to be a brain surgeon to realize they were hate mails, or so I thought. Normally I quite enjoy receiving them as they can be entertaining as hell (excuse the pun) to read. As I opened the first couple I was disappointed to discover that the content was exactly the same – Bible verses wrapped nicely together with angry words. My excitement at reading the insulting subject lines, hoping for some new and creative diatribe was soon replaced with boredom and disinterest. This was not hate mail, this was hate spam! “How utterly rude!” I thought. If you want to send someone hate mail the least you can do is make an effort and generate your own content! Well over 50 hate spams later, being irritated, I decided to respond via my blog. By midnight the hate spam eventually stopped totaling 135. An eerie silence followed.

Saturday morning I checked my e-mail and no hate spam. Relieved at the thought of whoever was behind hate spamming me lost interest, I continued with my day. At around 4pm, I was due for a heart stopping shock. Trying to access my blog, the words no blogger ever wants to see appeared on my plasma screen THE BLOG YOUR TRYING TO ACCESS HAVE BEEN DELETED! Sure that this must be a mistake I refreshed the page and in a different window tried opening it again. The same message appeared in both windows. My heart sank and it felt like someone punched me in my stomach. It felt like I was going to pass out, then I realized I wasn’t breathing. “Oh my God! 20 months worth of articles are gone! What the fuck am I going to do?! I can’t start over!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!”

It’s not easy to operate a computer that just gave you horrific news while hyperventilating. In full crisis management and disaster mode I frantically clicked away while my mind was racing with questions that were hurting my brain. I eventually accessed my Google account and received another shocker. My account was suspended due to suspicious activity and my account had to be verified which I did. As I clicked on Blogger, with bated breath I was praying to be successfully diverted to my blog dashboard which would signal that my blog had been recovered. It was an agonizing 5 seconds and the relieve I felt when the webpage finally opened was indescribable. However, my relief soon turned to anger as I was asking myself, who or what almost destroyed my blog. Was this a glitch or was it the work of the hate spammers? I still don’t know.

With a disaster averted hubby and I decided to go out for a night on the town. I needed to forget about the hate spam, the cyber terrorist attack and just needed to go and have fun. We went to a relatively new gay bar not for from our house. The bar was fairly quiet for a Saturday night and I wasn’t expecting to necessarily bump into anyone I knew but I did. As we were heading to order drinks I saw an old friend sitting at a table. I had take a double take, as I haven’t seen him in just over a year and he gained a few pounds, but was looking good nonetheless. We did some catching up, some dancing and we were having a gay old time. Eventually we decided to go to another club nearby which hubby and I also have never been to. We left the bar, got into our cars and we followed our friend.

Almost at our destination, our evening of laughter abruptly came to halt. As our friend was turning into the parking area a woman driving at a fairly fast speed skipped a stop street and crashed into him. I was in total disbelieve watching this happen and it took me a few seconds to get over the shock. We immediately pulled to the side of the road and I rushed over to my friend’s car to check if he was ok. He was in shock but luckily not injured. His car wasn’t that fortunate and was a total right off. As the passengers from the other wrecked car freed themselves, police and emergency workers were arriving at the accident scene. We were there for what felt like hours. At roughly 1am the accident scene was finally cleared and we drove our friend home. On our way to his apartment there was silence in the car. We were all tired and shocked at how our evening had ended. The silence was eventually broken with our friend mumbling “And it’s my birthday today” and I responded with the only words that came to mind “Happy birthday, you sure have started you year with a bang!”

Yes, be careful what you wish for. This weekend I wanted some excitement and wasn’t prepared for what I got. Hate spam, almost losing my blog and a terrible car accident was not on my planned itinerary, but like the saying goes “all’s well that ends well”. The hate spam once more reminded that I am probably doing something right with my blog, having my blog deleted for 4 hours reminded me why having a backup is so all important, and finally my friend’s car accident reminded of how quick an accident can happen and the importance of friends in my life.

Till next time.

Sam Harris takes a gay walk down Lesbian Lane comedy routine

Thanks For the Hate Mails

Who would have thought republishing the "God Hates Fags" post on Facebook would create such a backlash!

Honestly haters, get a new hate mail spam template.  Your regurgitated Bible versus are getting redundant. Please come up with something new, interesting and (god forbid) CREATIVE!

If you don't like FAGS,

don't like my BLOG, and

don't like ME

YOU 

CAN 

SUCK 

MY

Fuck you

Hate Mail

I said I'll publish my hate mail. Here is my latest:

u dirty faggit gay who likes cock in his mouth

Sort ur fuckin life out god made adam and eve not adam and steve u fucking queer go back to quire club and suck the holy kids off u dirty cock sucking cunt. u take it up the rear like ur mum. fucking scum like u go kill urself u fat ugly queer u look well ugly in ur profile pics no wonder u like men u fag. get some decent clothes and look like a normal person then change ur fucking sexuality u homosexual wankstain. go shag ur mum at least because shes a girl u fag UR NOT NORMAL KILL URSELF U FUCKING GAY FAGGIT.

James Thompson

THE BIG FAT GAY COLLAB

Hate Mail

After my recent post "The Abomination of Humanity" that dealt with the hate mail I receive on a regular basis I decided to publish some of these mails on my blog. The normal "burn in hell" and "fuck you faggot" mails I decided to ignore, and rather only publish ones that have an inkling of intelligence. So here is one that was sent to me via Facebook:
Message 1:

"we hate you cos you are fucking poofs...."

Message 2:

"The thing you people seem unable to grasp is the fact that in basic biological instincts mean that any organism is hard wired to reproduce and further the existence of the species.

Any organism that did not wish to reproduce, a gay organism if you will, would not pass on its genes. Therefore it follows that put crudely, gay people have a genetic defect.

In a primitive life form, the gay gene would be gone after a few generations as it would not be passed on, and would only again occur in an organism due to a defect. Now of course we live in a politically correct world so defects are embraced in more developed nations.

You wouldn't kill a disabled child just because they were born with the disability, but that does not change the fact that there is a defect with that child. They are not normal in a genetic sense. As are gays. I do not mean to imply that gay people should be killed or anything, but it is a biological fact that they have a gene defect."

At least this person tried to provide some "scientific" rationalization for his homophobia. It's quite refreshing to receive a "hate mail" without some religious tone to it. According to this genius gay people are defective primitive organisms that will go extinct. And there I thought we were superior organisms, I guess it's back to the lab for a reanalysis.

Till next time.

'Marry Me' performed by Lesbian activist Melange Lavonne and directed by gay filmmaker Fable Jonze