Dirty Business

Having just survived another African Democratic Election, I am relieved and slightly blue. All the build up and sometimes dirty political campaigns created great expectations of change and a new political landscape. Many political parties were actively wooing the gay & lesbian vote, with promises of putting openly gay politicians in high profile positions. After having casted my vote the final result have now been announced, leaving me asking myself the question - since when have politics become more about political whoring and slander than actually selling of policies and clean politics?
Earlier this week I was quite perturbed about the fact that many GLBT community members showed apathy towards participating in the elections. Like any self respecting homosexual with a keen sense of activism I ranted and raved about this issue on the Internet to the point of nauseating myself. Whether my rants ushered a few homosexuals into the elections queues, I am not sure, but I sure hope it did.
For the past few months the run up to the elections was fraught with controversy. Our president was impeached, the biggest political party appeared to split with another party being born as a result and charges of fraud and corruption was dropped against our soon to be new president. In our country you are innocent until proven guilty, but if you are a politician your are guilty until proven innocent. So whether our new president actually is a criminal has now become immaterial (most of our political leaders have spent some time in jail as political prisoners, so a prison wrap sheet is essential in our government).
When we heard that Madonna wanted to adopt another African child, most of us in South Africa became very excited. You see we have a politician associated with the youth league of a prominent political party. The guy who can no longer be considered to be youthful still acts like a naughty little child and his public mutterings are as embarrassing as the inappropriate references made by a child at family dinners. So we prayed Madonna would leave Malawi, come to South Africa and adopt our problem child, but she never did! Damn you Madonna!!! Julius would have made a nice contribution to your family and you are the only woman, I believe, who could have taught Julius some manners.

Like all elections all our street lamps had a mosaic of political campaign posters, all boring as hell. The radio and television adds were uninspired and underwhelming. When it came to speeches the whoring and slander started. Politicians, in my opinion, behaved like red light district prostitutes trying to solicit voters with the equivalent of political sex talk. They will love you for a long time (5 years to be exact) for a small fee of 2 little crosses on 2 big papers. They highlighted their opponent’s flaws and over emphasizing how going to bed with their competitors will darken your future (no pun intended!). At the end of the day it came down to some mudslinging and wrestling and not the sexy kind!

On voting day my husband and I decided to join the lunch time voters – big mistake! We stood in what felt like an endless queue for 2 hours. In front of us were 2 young and irritating girls who kept on talking about boyfriends, gossiped about their friends and acting their age. They said they jogged everyday, but by judging on how big their behinds were, I am sure the only jogging they did was between the fridge and the couch. Behind us was a nice straight couple with a little 2 year old boy who did not think queuing for the elections were fun. The poor child cried for most of the 2 hours (reminding me why I am not quite ready to adopt a child).

My vote went to the political party I believe will work the hardest for me and my country, the one party I was willing to climb into bed with. The outcome of the elections wasn't very much of a surprise to any of us, but the small victories came as a pleasant glimmer of hope. Many political parties failed to make their mark during the elections and many have been wiped off the political map. Their whoring was not good enough and some are sulking they didn’t have enough funds. Politics is a dirty business! This year’s elections were a hard fought one, but I am disappointed in many politicians for how they chose to run their campaigns. The days of clean politics appear to me to have taken a back seat this year, but with all the whoring and slander it sure was a fun election campaign to watch and participate in. Thank god for democracy!

Till next time.

Milk Trailer

First World Ambitions

I live in a third world country with first world ambitions. And no, this realization didn’t just dawn on me, I am reminded of this everyday. Between potholes, endless road works, beggars, politics and crime, you have no choice but to accept the fact that if you live in Africa you are still behind most economies and the tall shiny sky scrapers and expanding highways only camouflage our poor standing.

Driving to work and home everyday can be treacherous, humorous and sometimes frustrating. In South Africa having your own transport is essential, as public transport is notoriously unreliable and can be fraught with danger. Anyone that has ever taken a taxi (and yes I have done so a few times in my youth) knows that once that tomb of death’s doors closes you are bound for a heart stopping roller-coaster ride. It may get you to your destination quicker but at the cost of accompanied reckless abandon of all traffic rules which could result in a high probability of death. Having your own transportation may not be better for your blood pressure either but statistically could increase your mortality rate, but it too does not guarantee your safety. You run the risk of being high jacked and mash and grabbed therefore most of us drive with the vigilant observation skills of an American Secret Service Agent. As if potholes, crime and general road accidents are not enough one also have to dodge beggars, pedestrians, cyclists and the odd goat, depending on where you drive.

Everyday I am amazed with the creativity the beggars in our country employ to soliciting money from us. Perfectly healthy men, woman and children with torn and dirty clothes with pseudo ailments and/or disabilities stands at virtually every traffic light, some clutching babies, others crying and all are sunburned. Some days I get the distinct impression that begging has turned into a form of street performance art: You have to have acting skills, be a good copy writer and be an expert in repetitive universally understandable gesturing. I love reading their boards, some are funny mostly due to their creative use of language, and I always feel blessed as most of their boards end with the words “God bless you”.

In just over a month we will have our national elections and it’s hardly going to be the Obama-McCain nail biter. In what other country, outside Africa that is, do you find some political parties bribing voters with food and being elected to the highest office in the country could require a prison rap sheet as prerequisite? Admittedly the majority of our political leaders were in prison as political prisoners but since democracy 15 years ago, I get the sense that the reminiscing sounds of steel doors slamming shut and keys locking cells are enticing a few of them back to prison. Corrupt government officials is by no means only secluded to third world countries, the USA and many other countries have had their fair share of scandals. The only difference is in Africa, I believe, there is no shame in it: If you don’t get caught it’s not viewed as being wrong and if you do not admit to it you’re not guilty. If all else fails you can always blame Apartheid as it was and is the root of all evil. I think most of us liberal South Africans are grateful that Apartheid ended, but the constant reminder of it is excessive. Roads and City names are being changed to unpronounceable indigenous names to erase the legacy of apartheid; it has gotten so bad that my GPS is struggling to keep up. Soon a road and city reference book will need to be published in order for the general public to translate the new names to the old ones just to know where the hell you now life. (As example: I use to live in Pretoria but the name has since been changed to Tshwane).

In Africa there is also no sense of urgency to complete tasks on time. This is fondly referred to as the “African Time Mentality”. In Africa people see no need to finish anything today that can possibly be left for tomorrow; things take as long as it’s going to take and never ask for a projected time frame as that too will take long to determine. Another curious African belief is that no Black or Arabian persons are gay, and that homosexuality is a European disease, brought to our shores by the Colonialists. Therefore, homophobia is still rife in most of our rural African communities and still illegal in many African countries. It is firmly believed that it’s a deviant choice individuals make and most gay people live their lives in fear of being discovered.

This all being said, South Africa may not be a first world country but we do have many first world qualities. We are proud people who take pride in our beautiful country, our rich tapestry of cultures and our heritage. We are also becoming the country of choice for tourists who bathe in amazement of the beauty of our landscapes, comforting climate and diversity of people. We have a first world constitution and are the first African country to legalize gay marriage. The basic human rights of all citizens, whether deserving or not, are protected. Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transsexual people enjoy the same right as everyone else and “officially” discrimination based on sexual preference is prohibited (unless you are the religious right, but that is a whole other article). As a country we still have a long road ahead of us to achieve our ambition to enter the sphere of the elite economies. We face many challenges with our young democracy, sociological issues and crime. When ever I get discouraged by events in South Africa I always find solace in the fact that at least I don’t live in Zimbabwe under the reign of terror of Robert Mugabe!

Till next time.


Model for Me- Is Jer Ber Jones America's Next Top Model??
by Austin Young