Why don’t you sleep with lesbians?

Another classic and the last in my series of republished posts.

Being an openly gay man working with conservative heterosexual males has interesting consequences, especially if the working environment is traditionally associated with butch, straight hardcore men. My dress sense, hair style, general demeanour and referring to “my husband” is but a few things that makes them fretful. I sometimes feel that if I change anything about my appearance I should try and ease my colleagues into the transition, because any drastic changes would cause their worlds to collapse into a frenzy of confusion and distress. Having a gay man mixed in with a group of straight guys has a tendency to let their neuroses surface, as their masculinity is threatened and they question themselves on their own effeminate traits they discover.

My first day at the office, one of the older gentleman almost had aneurysm: At that stage I had a mo-hog hairstyle and the poor soul had learned just minutes earlier that I was married to a man, that was just too much for the 63 year old man to fathom! Another colleague thought I was a suspect in the illicit drug trade and believed I was brought in for questioning, as I was sitting right in the middle of two fairly large ex police officers. Then there were those who were in denial and stayed in denial for a long time.

It took months for the men to adjust to this new addition to their group that they found queer, threatening and enigmatic. Months passed and they came to understand that I am not so different from them, apart from the fact that I prefer sleeping with men, have a better fashion sense, pay significantly more for a hair cut and have peculiar grooming habits. They relaxed more around me and even ventured into asking selective questions: "Who’s the man in your relationship?" "Have you ever slept with a woman?" "Doesn’t it hurt having sex?" "Do you guys wear dresses?" "When did you decide that you were gay?" …etc, but the pièce de résistance was “So if you are gay why don’t you sleep with lesbians?”

In a predominantly straight working environment one must also always be on the alert for the closeted homophobes. They are the ignorant ones that discriminate against you behind your back. They are too afraid to air their views or directly confront you. Sometimes I firmly think they believe homosexuality is contagious and can spread like the black plague. The outright homophobes are easier to deal with as one confrontation usually will stifle them. My personal favourite tactic in dealing with all homophobe is to be extra flirtatious, it’s cruel I know. I get a sadistic pleasure from the fear they have of me getting into their pants and their associated mental pictures, this usually is enough to keep them at bay for months at a time.

One morning I received a phone call from a colleague who sounded distressed. I was told he just arrived at work and forgot to put jell in his hair. He knew of nobody else to call without being embarrassed apart from me, and asked if I can bring some to work. That was the first day I realized that my “gayness” was having a positive influence on my co-workers. The change was so subtle that I almost missed it. The rest of that day I had a critical look around me. Most colleagues started using hair products, the colour of their belts matched their shoes and conservative ties were replaced with modern colours and a few even risked wearing pink. I was left wondering, are my colleagues turning into meterosexual men or have they just discovered that the world is not as limiting as they once thought? Have my presence enlighten them to be freer?

Being the only gay man at my office, I do not particularly feel that I have something to prove. I prefer to educate by example, and show through skill and action that gays can do any job as well if not better as straight people. I do fit into some stereotypes straight people have of gays, but I am not ashamed nor am I apologetic of it. I am who and what I am, being gay is apart of me, but it does not define who I am.

Till next time.

"My Turn" by Yehonathan
www.yehonathan.com

Death of the Metro-Sexual Man

Well, it is official South Africa is now also experiencing an economic recession but I don’t believe it will be as bad as the great depression of 1929 – I Googled it! Many of us will experience the economic recession in different ways and feel the pinch of it. As a gay man the recession has already impacted on my life. As most of you know the grooming rituals of the homosexual male is quite intriguing and complex. With our particular style of grooming I’d like to believe that we were responsible for the emergence of the Metro-sexual Male (heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically related to gay men). This being said, I believe the recession is posing a tremendous threat not only to homosexual men but the recession is also killing the metro-sexual male!
As we tighten our belts and wallets and cut on seemingly unnecessary expenses I have noticed a decline in people spending money on personal grooming. There are fewer metro-sexual males on the street and most are reverting back to the Hugh Jackman look – sexy but unfortunate. People just aren't spending money on waxing, facials, manicures etc. The metro-sexual male has stopped visiting the Spa! It has gotten so bad that the Spa I use to go to closed down. My cosmetologist disappeared without leaving a forwarding number! Not everyone would see this as a crisis, but to me it is! That woman who have been waxing me for the last 2 years, seen me naked and ripped hair from parts of my body very few people get to see is gone. Finding someone else with whom I’d be comfortable being 95% naked with male/or female and someone that can do a full body wax in less than 1 hour will be a mission. In the mean time, I have grown hairy! I have gone from being smooth to what my husband now refers to as monkey boy - I am no Hugh Jackman! The economy is in a recession so I have rationalized the growing back of my “man hair” as my “winter fur” as we are in late autumn and I hope by spring the economy will have stabilized and I would have found someone to transform me back from primate to homo-sapien.
Not only are people replacing wax with razors they are also now compromising on their hair, opting for do-it-yourself hair coloring instead of having a professional do it - some even attempting to cut their own hair. I can hear the entire hairstylist community cringe in horror!!! Walking through the shopping malls I have seen the yellow hair that was supposed to be blond, the bad dye jobs and botched highlights. The once metro-sexual male with a tell tail barber shop hair cut; the men and women who on account of saving a penny here-and-there allowing those grey hairs to protrude through their once stunning colored hair. Experiencing a recession I understand that people have to cut expenses but at what cost? Personally, I’d rather go without that stunning pair of shoes or exquisite jacket than compromise on my hair.
The metro-sexual males also seem to fading into oblivion when it comes to fashion. The once growing section of enlightened heterosexual men are becoming more difficult to spot, as facial and body hair now disguise them and the only way of recognizing these diminishing few are with wardrobe. As I refuse to compromise with my hair by letting a fashion item elude me, the metro-sexual male seem to compromise not only on grooming but on fashion too. They no longer appear to pay attention current fashion and last years trends are recycled. Some metro-sexual men also seem not to be able to remember how to put an outfit together, as last years magazines have been thrown away. They walk around bearded and in mismatching attire - they are almost unrecognizable. At least gay men are finding ways to cope with the recession and are better at prioritizing our spending when it comes to grooming and fashion. We understand that you don’t have to down scale and deprive yourself of all things, a few compromises is enough to ride out this difficult economic time. It’s truly unfortunate that the world economy is experiencing a recession and that it’s finding its way into most countries. Having to adjust your spending patterns in order to be able to pay your bills, keep your head above water and hoping not to be retrenched as companies down scale is unpleasant. It truly is serious and for some a dire experience. As a gay male, seeing the effects of the recession around me makes me grateful for everything I have. It has caused me to also down scale, adjust my spending habits and compromise. But at least I can still keep some of my grooming rituals and maintain my gay attributes. The true tragedy is in gradual demise of metro-sexual male, whether they will survive the world wide economic crisis nobody knows. I hope they will not go extinct like the dodo, and once this is all said and done they’ll return. I truly hope the recession will not kill off our beloved metro-sexual males!

Till next time.

Wanda Sykes - Wanda & Bobby On a Plane

Perfect Creatures

Sporting a new funky hair cut, the male version of the hot little black number, I had my first glimpse of the world of celebrity and fame. Rubbing shoulders with the fashion elite, the fiercest of magazine editors and the odd celebrity is not to be snuffed at. Being amongst all these beautiful and power people who influence the way we dress and the way we are made to believe we must look and feel, had me asking myself a few questions about ourselves. Have we as a society lost our sense of individuality, have we become so superficial that we believe we must emulate what we see in fashion magazines? Have we become voyeurs that ravage tabloids because the blunder of celebrities makes us feel better about ourselves?

Last night my husband and I were VIP guests of Sanlam at SA Fashion week. We were treated like royalty, fed delicious snacks and treated to expensive free champagne. We attended 4 fashion shows in 2 hours. With the first hour we had the coveted front row seats, the ones people would kill their mother’s for, as where you are seated at a fashion show reflects your status and importance in the industry. So for the first hour we were considered elite purely due to our seating assignments, and I could sense the envy of all the little people behind us. With the second hour we were down grated to the second row and the envy shifted.

What we saw ranged from absolute brilliance to the bizarre and dreadful. What was interesting is the fact that haute coutier which will never be seen worn in public reflects the state of a society and what that society deem important at that specific time. The piece de resistance was the last show of the evening which metaphorically commented on the evolution of man, being environmentally aware and emphasized greener living. It’s a pity that these messages translate excessively to the pages of magazines as editors realized that the new trend is going green. Going green is the new in thing, and I wonder whether people actually do take this to heart. The preference that is given to what advertisers want and the size 0 emaciated modals and un-environmentally friendly products is also in stark contrast to the green trend.

Watching some of the male models strutting down the runway I also unconsciously aspire to look like some of them with their chiseled chins, ripped abs and perfect hair. Reality however soon sets in every time I pass a mirror and realize that my genetic make up will never allow me to look like that without the assistance of a skilled plastic surgeon and a substantial cosmetic budget. Yet I buy the clothes, the shoes, the accessories all that is current and in fashion. To a degree I do emulate the images I see in magazines, and they do make me feel good about myself. To be honest, looking good in what I wear does boost my self-confidence. If you look good you feel good. So is trying to emulate what we see in fashion magazines and on the runway so wrong?

Also at the fashion show was one of the most infamous tabloid magazine editors. At first glance she looks quite harmless but on closer inspection one soon discovers that she is quite the bitch. In her profession I guess it comes with the territory as she is probably the most hated person by celebrities in our country. With a few strokes on a key board she can ruin marriages, careers and make thousands of revenue for her magazine. Some people read these type of magazines more religiously than they do their scriptures. I don’t think there is anyone of us who haven’t paged through a tabloid, and got some sense of satisfaction when a famous person gained weight or we see them without make up and realize they aren’t all as beautiful as they appear in movies, TV or in the magazines. It’s moments like those that one comes to really grasp their normality.

Sometimes I feel tabloids over step the boundaries, when they publish personal indiscretions of famous people that ends up hurting their children. The failure of their parents to exert proper moral judgment should not harm them. But then again celebrities should know better. Reading about their sex escapades, drug binges, rehab and bar brawls, makes our problems sometime seem insignificant. We read about their woes and look at our lives with a little more appreciation. I, for one, am very grateful that I am not famous, because if I had to live under a magnifying glass, and with all the little mistakes I have made in my life, I could have earned tabloids millions.

One evening of celebrity and being a Very Important Person (VIP) opened up my eyes to the plethora of self importance and superficiality that one so easily can get addicted to. Yet, I do not think that lifestyle would suit me very well and that I would enjoy sustaining it for any extended period of time. Once or twice a year is more than enough for me. Reflecting back on last night I have came to the conclusion that there is room for fashion in our society and their superficial images as we need that because adorning ourselves with what we are told is beautiful makes us feel good about ourselves, and can even boost our confidence. You don’t need to sacrifice your individuality as you can express your personality by the way you choose to purchase your fashion. We are also voyeurs, as human nature makes us curious creatures. We sometimes revel in the misfortunes of others especially that of famous people as that makes them seem more human. So we are not perfect creatures, but our imperfection is what makes life fabulous!

Till next time.

JUNGLE-GYM Men's Fashion Show ★ produced by SIX INCH inc.