I fart glitter and rainbows.

As any self respecting homosexual I fart glitter and rainbows. Well, not really. However, if I did I would totally write about it in great explicit detail. Possibly also with pictures. But I don't so let me get to the real point of this post.

I am whoring myself again for votes in the South African Blog Awards for best LGBT Blog. If you have been enjoying reading my blog or are a fan on my Facebook Page I ask that you please vote for me.

Voting is easy all you have to do is CLICK ON THIS LINK, submit your email address to cast your vote. The final step is to confirm your vote with the email the awards will send you. It is that easy.

If I win I will definitely fart glitter and rainbows. Promise.

Time to sell your soul.

It's time to sell your soul. Don't worry, it won't hurt. Much. Also, no puppies or kittens will be harmed during this treacherous process. You know, because I sometimes love animals more than I do people because sometimes people can be assholes. And even though I am gay and am very familiar with assholes, this is not the kind I wish to explore. But I digress.

It is Blog Award Season again and my blog has again been entered for best LGBT blog. Yes, this is the same category in which I won last year and I thank you for all the votes you cast for me. This year I am asking you to vote for my blog again and let's see if we can make it a two-for-two.

So if you like my blog, or love it, or hate it, please consider voting for me.

To vote all you have to do is CLICK THIS LINK. Add your email and vote. The last step is to confirm your vote with the email that will be sent to you. The whole process takes less than a minute.

So please vote. Don't be shy. I won't judge you if you don't but my cat will because she is very judgmental and sometimes an asshole. Just saying.

Your Daily Male: Art, Photography & Male Nudes.

Your Daily Mail 2016, is the first full color male-art tear-off daily calendar in the world. It consists out of art, photography and tastefully done male nudes. 49 artist from across the world contributed to this 366 pages of male-artwork.

Your Daily Male 2016 is published by the MooiMan Male Art Gallery in the Netherlands in collaboration with 49 local and international artists.

After many years of having made Homogenda and Flikkergenda (totaling 30 years) MooiMan art gallery decided to produce the first international male-art tear-off daily calendar. The result is a colorful, well balanced design in full color with a wide and varied range of international male art.

Your Daily Male is an additional stage of the gallery in addition to many exhibitions and art fares. It thus also shows how gay rights go hand-in-hand with international male art, including gay Russian Artists. Their versatility and passion of the artists are included in this calendar as an example.

Your Daily Male can be purchased at the gallery in the Netherlands as well as many bookstores in Europe but also at the Shwules Museum in Berlin, Germany.

You can also order the Daily Male 2016 calendar online by CLICKING HERE. 

The Gospel According to Me.

The Bible has been a best seller of all time and obviously the authors of the book did not make money from it whatsoever. So who profits from the sale of the book and who agreed to that contract?

Well, actually the Bible is copyrighted and each company who owns that copyright makes money off it. In order to create a new copyright there must be substantial changes to the Bible which means the Bible most Christians read today is not a true reflection of the original version. Which led me to wonder, which parts of the Bible have been changed and how did this impact on the first love story of all time in Genesis which is the one between Adam and Steve.

I have frequently heard that it was just Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve in the Gardner of Eden when religious freaks try to condemn homosexuals to hell. Well, how the fuck would they know? Were they there? Also, which printed re-written copy of the Bible are they reading?

I believe Adam and Eve were not alone in the Garden of Eden and that Steve was also there (you are welcome to prove me wrong). You know, to give Eve options. We all know how women are. The one thing that could not be foreseen was the fact that Adam and Steve would fall in love and that Eve would become their much begrudged beard. Was Steve God's back up plan for Eve? Who knows. Was it planned that Adam and Steve would be gay, I think not.

Eve felt cheated out of her deal in the Garden of Eden and obviously developed resentment. I mean who wouldn't. She did not have a guy or even the option of becoming a lesbian? Was this because she was not skinny enough, her boobs were too small or maybe she had the personality of a hedgehog. Who knows. But the fact that she was lonely, did not have a lover and possibly developed some body image issues is very plausible. For most people that would be depressing but not for Eve, she was a woman on a mission so she got her shit together and made a plan. She would tempt Adam to commit the primordial sin: Eating the forbidden fruit. Apparently she got this tip from a snake which is highly unlikely because you know, snakes can't talk. Her plan was all her own and kinda genius when you think about it.

As most of you know in the Garden of Eden there was an apple tree which God told them they may not eat from. Which is stupid because it's like putting a treat in front of a puppy and telling him he cannot eat it. They were kinda set up to fail if you ask me. Adam had great will power and listened to Steve who was the responsible one in their relationship. There were a lot of fruit in the garden, including them, and there were no reason to develop an appetite for apples, even if one apple a day keeps the doctor away. Not that there was a doctor with them but you get what I am saying. But Eve was a temptress and knew exactly what she was doing. You see she had a short term and long term plan for Adam who was the butcher one and Steve more on the fem side.

Her short term plan was to roofie Adam and make him eat the apple so that they can be thrown out of the garden, hence getting him away from Steve. The long term plan was to get Adam to fall in love with her. So that is exactly what she did. Adam ate the apple and fucked up his relationship with Steve. He got thrown out of the Garden of Eden leaving Steve all alone with his spring collection made of flowers and leafs who he now had nobody to model it for.  Eve was cruel but her plan succeeded and she soon found herself in a brokeback marriage. It was not ideal but it was what it was. What happened to Steve nobody knows. You see the authors could only focus on one narrative because the people back then didn't like to read and papyrus leafs were very expensive.

In the later printed copy of the Bible the publishing companies decided to remove Steve and the dinosaurs from the narrative entirely and tweaked the original version. Poor Steve was written out of the Bible and hence he never got the credit for decorating the Garden of Eden or for styling Adam with the newest fashion and Haute Couture. Basically he got screwed and dissipated into obscurity. 

Then we get to Leviticus in which everything is a sin. According to this chapter everyone is going to hell and their puppies and kittens to. And I mean everybody. In the chapter you are also allowed to stone your neighbors to death which I think many of us secretly wish we could do today. But that's against the law.  Everything sex related is a sin and pigs are evil, shell fish is from the devil and masturbation is a death sentence. Do you even know how many men and women are going to hell because of masturbation. That's like 99% of the population with the 1% being people in comas!

When Leviticus was re-written the author(s) was in all likelihood in a bad mood and probably terribly hung over. Frankly that is the only reason why he would condemn 99% of the population to hell, including himself. Hangovers will do that to you and are major assholes. There are too many sins in Leviticus to deal with as it seems to be the most hateful chapter in the Bible. So if you haven't read it yet skip it - it will ruin your day and you will go to hell. Ignorance of the scripture is no excuse but hey, when you have to start making lists of sins it becomes very annoying.

I wonder what the original version of the Bible was like. I also wonder when people thought it was ok to go and make substantial changes to it. Fiction novels are not suppose to be re-written just because you don't like sections of it. You don't see people going and re-writing the classics in our literary history. So why would the oldest fiction novel in the world be changed and copyrighted? The only reason I can think of is that is that it is meant to be used for sinister purpose.

Too often people use the Bible to condemn people, to justify discrimination and in the past even rationalize racism. The Bible has been changed to fit certain people and organizations agendas. The book people are reading today is the byproduct of bigotry, politics, religious oppression and the justification of hate. The people in a 100 years from now will read a completely different Bible than the one we have today. Who knows, there might even be transgender aliens in it. Unfortunately we will not be around to see it. For now we are stuck with the most judgmental book known to mankind. It is a poorly written fiction novel the original of which is nowhere to be found. Not even on the internet. I am probably going to hell for having written this, that is if hell really exists.

Till next time.

Product Reviews

I am currently offering written product reviews on my blog.

The reviews includes the following:

*  A non-returnable product is sent to me via courier at your own cost

*  A period of 1 to 2 weeks during which I will test/use the product for review

*  An unbiased and honest review to be written about your product to be published on my
    blog and the syndication thereof on my social media pages which includes the following
 
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       Total reach 38 000+ people and growing

*  Top 10 Countries where my blog is popular are:

1.   United States
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Should you wish to have your product reviewed please email me to set up a review or to get more information.

Adoption: Our Journey.

November is Adoption Awareness Month. This has a very special meaning for us. If it wasn't for adoption we would have never been blessed with our beautiful son. Adoption is not an easy road to travel. It has many emotional ups and downs but in the end of the day it is all worth it.

Our adoption journey is similar to many other LGBT families. Sure there might be a few small difference, here and there, but essentially we all have traveled down the same road. If you are thinking of adoption and want to see what it all entails (from when you decided to adopt until you are a parent) you can get a glimpse by reading about our adoption journey. 

Click here to Read about Our adoption journey.

I am a winner, mostly.

So I won an award last week for the Best LGBT Blog in the SA Blog Awards.  It’s kind of like winning a People’s Choice Award but you don’t get a statuette, a ceremony or given an opportunity to thank whoever helped you (or who did not) become successful on the internet.  Also, it’s for writing a blog.  And yes, there are still people doing that.  You are reading one right now.  Winning something like this is flattering but to be honest, it’s not like my blog is my life, my reason for being.  It’s something I do and enjoy and something I am glad you enjoy reading.

This is not my first stint with the SA Blog Awards.  In the past I was runner up in the Best Political Blog and Most Controversial Blog categories; Both categories being somewhat strange to have been in:  My blog is not about politics nor is it controversial but I will take what I can get.  I am not picky although I would have preferred winning money.  My lifestyle does not just happen or come cheap and someone needs to pay the bills.

Speaking of my lifestyle, having kids is expensive.  Since we got our son finances have been tight.  With school and all the other expenses kids come with (and there are many) I do not understand how people with more than one child cope.  If having kids was an actual job I would not have taken it.  Firstly, it doesn’t pay. at. all.  Secondly, you get no time off and the hours are brutal.  Your boss is also demanding and prone to throw tantrums (and sometimes you) when you do not do things right.  I once saw a YouTube video about the hardest job on earth and I can now totally relate.

Our son has entered the terrible two’s a year early.  He has learned that he can throw tantrums if he doesn’t get what he wants.  The first time he threw a tantrum I just stood there thinking “What the fuck?  Is he dying?” and the second time I was like “Is he having a seizure?  Do I need to put a wooden spoon between his jaws?”  And the third time I just decided to ignore it and put the music louder in the car.  And no, this doesn’t make me a bad parent – I googled it!

There are a plethora of reasons why our son would lose his shit.  Mostly, it is when you take something out of his hands that he is not supposed to play with.  This includes remote controls, iPhones, iPads, a cat that is being unintentionally choked and anything made of glass.  He is also prone to throwing thing in the toilet, mostly electronics and expensive and hard to replace items.  The newest thing these days is that our floor is made of lava and his car seat is a monster that is trying to eat him.  Well not actually, but I am trying to think like a one year old.  Also, a one year old make no sense, is irrational and highly volatile when feeling constricted by the term “no”.

There are some days when I pick our son up from school and it’s when I try to strap him in his car seat that thing just go south.  When he is not in the mood to be strapped in he will fight me and he is fucking strong in both mind and body.  Getting him into the seat and strapping him in is like wrestling with an angry blubbering octopus.  When this happens I try to keep my shit together because I don’t want all the soccer moms to judge me.  I would just stick my head out of the car, smile and say “I am just waiting for him to finish his tantrum then I will have mine”.  Sometimes I swear they think I am serious, but when our son is not the only one that doesn’t want to be eaten by the car seat monster I feel relieved:  the soccer moms must then decide who to judge and my chances are 50/50, which are some good odds.

Our son also now has a pet name “monkey”.  This is because he has the ability to cling to us like a little monkey and sometimes trying to put him down is a nightmare.  He will throw a tantrum like he is dying and cling to us like his life depends on it.  Just the other day I was busy in the kitchen and I had to put him down.  It was a fight, he cried and I decided that he would be an only child.  When plan A didn’t work and realizing that I was not going to pick him up he resorted to Plan B – clinging to my leg.  Do you know how difficult it is to cook with a 12kg child clinging to your leg refusing to let go?  It is near impossible.  Also, that is why I burned dinner.

Getting back to the Award I won, being a blogger can sometimes be thankless.  But when I get some positive feedback about my blog on my fan page it makes it all worthwhile.  I would like to thank everyone who voted for my blog in the SA Blog Awards, without you all of this would not have been possible.  Lastly, if you are reading my parenting blog posts and it is scaring you from having children, don’t be.  It is the most rewarding thing you will ever do and the rewards are endless.  Except 2am in the morning when you are awoken by crying, then not so much.  Or if you have to change a nappy right after breakfast that makes you gag; then it kind of sucks.

Till next time.

I don’t want to research vaginas.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  And whoever said that was not kidding.  Parenting is hard.  You find yourself questioning yourself constantly.  Am I doing the right thing? Am I handling this situation correctly?  Am I going to do psychological damage to my kid requiring me to pay a shit load of money for therapy for him when he is sixteen?  Mostly, I ask myself these questions when I am at my wits end.

You know those times when the world almost ended because your little bundle of joy lost his dummy and wants back it now.  When you try to dress your little poop factory when, according to him, clothes are evil and from the devil and all he wants to be is naked.  When he wants to play with a remote and you say no and he cries as if you just killed a puppy.  Being a parent has taught me a lot of things.  Most importantly, it taught me that nothing can prepare you for parenthood and you just have to fake it until you make it.

At this stage I think the first word my son is going to say is the word “no”.  I try not to excessively use the word no but when he is about to do something that will either hurt or kill him I don’t really have a choice.  My son also has a six sense about where all the dangerous objects are in this house.

All cupboards and draws with childproof lock on them fascinate him.  It’s like he is hell bent on proofing that not all childproof locks are actually “childproof”.  He is also fascinated with our cats’ food, the rocks on our indoor water feature, well actually anything that is not nailed down and within reach of him.  He has also now learned that he can throw things which is a good developmental skill for him but not so good for everybody else.

My son will frequently stand in his cot and throw everything out of it, including his pillow, blanket and mattress protector.  Then when there is nothing left to throw he will try to climb out of it.  And one of these days he will get it right and it is a rather far way down to the ground for a 10 month old.  I suspect he throws all his stuffed toys, pillow and other items out of the cot in order to provide him with a soft landing.  I also suspect that he has been designing his cot escape plan for a while now.

Being a parent has also taught me to lie and to be sneaky.  Whenever my son spots something that he wants to play with that he really shouldn’t I will hide it the moment he looks away.  If he then starts moaning because it is gone I tell him that it was never there.  I am also known to sneak past him and my husband when I need to do stuff because the moment my son sees me he would want me to take him and then nothing gets done. You can only do some many things with one hand.

Going to the bathroom has also become a challenge.  I now never stand and pee anymore.  I now have to sit down.  You see my son follows me around the house like a little shadow and when I go to the bathroom he is there.  When I stand and pee he will stand next to the toilet and try and catch my urine with his hand.  Nothing grosses kids out at this age and it is quite disgusting.  So sitting down circumvents this and makes life more hygienic for everybody.  Because playing with pee is not ok.

Cooking dinner and eating has also changed radically since our son came.  When I cook dinner now my son clings to my leg.  He does this all the time.  When I pick him up and put him on the counter the first thing he will gun for is the knives.  I have tried putting him in his feeding chair but he has tried to climb out of it on several occasions.  I did try strapping him in the chair once.  It was a big mistake.  He acted like he was strapped to the electric chair and about to be executed.  So now I try to cook dinner when he goes to bed.  We have also adjusted our eating habits around his sleeping schedule.  We did this because we like our meals hot and not cold which is the case if you get your timing wrong.

Then there is the thing I now call the ankle buster otherwise known as a walking ring.  Do you know how badly your ankles can get bruised when you are hit with one of those things at full speed?  It hurts like a motherfucker and if having purple and blue ankles were a sign of domestic violence many people would have raised eyebrows.  My son has also learned that he can block my way with his ankle buster.  If he doesn’t want me to leave a room he would go stand in the doorway and refuse to move thinking it is a game.  However, when I move him out of the way he would cry because I clearly don’t understand the rules of the game.  I mean really, I don’t even know the game never mind the rules.

There is nothing in our house that has not been licked or sucked on and that includes our cats.  Just the other day I caught my son sucking on one of our cat’s ears.  The poor cat had this defeated look on his face and seemed to be thoroughly traumatized as if this was not the first time this has happened.  Honestly, I could not blame him; I would be too if I was ear molested against my will.  I don’t know why babies and toddlers do this and it is gross.  Imagine an adult going to a store and once you get to the checkout counter you start licking and sucking on the counter while your goods are being rung up; or if you meet someone and then take their phone and then put it in your mouth.  Well this is what our son does all the time and with everything.  He has no preference and anything will get licked or sucked on, even your cat’s ears.

I think the hardest challenge that lies ahead for us as gay parents is when our son realizes that we are not a conventional family.  The day he starts asking questions as to which one of us was pregnant and why he has two daddies.  Why his skin color and hair is different from ours and the day I will have to explain to him how a vagina works.  Not that I really know myself but I suspect Google will be helpful at that time.  These questions will probably make us long for the days when our son was sucking on and licking household objects, throwing things out of his cot, trying to catch our pee and clinging to our legs.  I do try and enjoy every moment of my son being at this age, albeit that it is sometimes hard.  My son gives the best hug, has a contagious laugh and heart melting smile.  This is what makes it all worth it even if I one day will have to research vaginas.

Till next time.

REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR MY BLOG BY CLICKING HERE.

Bears. The gay documentary.

We all love a good nature documentary, right?  If you ever thought or wanted to see what gay bears live like then this documentary is for you.  These bears do all the things you expect them to do in the wild - eating, giving blow jobs and throwing shade. Check it out.

 

What happens if a Go-Go Boy grows old

We all dread growing old (turning 30). But what happens when a Go-Go Boy enters his twilight years.

The Gay Zombie Apocalypse

Be warned! The Gay Zombie Apocalypse is coming!

ARMAGAYDDON: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Yes, it is happening. The gays are getting married, having families and slowly gaining equal rights.  Will all this lead to the end of the world as we know it?

In My Shoes: Stories of Youth with LGBT Parents

In My Shoes is a documentary in which fie young people who are children of LGBT parents give yo a chance to walk in their shoes - to hear their own views on marriage, making change and what it means to be a family.

The Price of Admission

Pretending that your spouse isn't annoying is the "Price of Admission" you have to pay for a long term relationship.  Just ask my long suffering hubby of 16 years. I am annoying as hell. 

If Gay Guys said the shit Straight People say to us...

Daniel-Ryan Spaulding is a Comedian based in Europe, exploring gender, sexuality, culture, stereotypes & identity. For More Videos & Tour Dates this Summer: @dr_spaulding SUBSCRIBE to the Channel & Join Facebook Fan Page: www.facebook.com/danielryanspaulding

Gay men will marry your girlfriend

If you don't support gay marriage, well then you're in for a rude awakening.

Everyone is Gay

This is the gayest song ever from the band A Great Big World.

The song was written in support of the website Everyone is Gay that offer support for LGBT youth.

A Great Big World believe in the work that Everyone is Gay is doing and stand by everyone who live in fear of being their authentic selves.  They believe that no one should be bullied or treated unfairly based and their sexual preference.

Diversity should be celebrated.

What if Heterophobia was real.

Imagine a world where homosexuality was considered normal and heterosexuality was considered to be a sin. This short film turns the table on "normal society" and ask what if the shoe was on the other foot.

Creator/ Director K. Rocco Shields, also check out this movie's website HERE.

Fuck you Uganda!

As a professional practicing homosexual who is most certainly guilty of aggravated homosexuality, naturally I want to give you my two cents worth on the Anti-Gay-Bill that the President of Uganda signed yesterday.  I do not want to mention him by name because I fear that God will send lightning bolts down from the heavens to strike me as I am such a worm infected abomination according to the Ugandan Government.

According to the Ugandan President I am also a prostitute by default or like he prefers to say “all gays are mercenaries”.  It seems as if Africa is having one hell of a homophobic revival which seems to be fueled by religious fanatics, Christian and Muslim alike.  Since when did homosexuals become such a threat to African Governments that they now need laws and the encouragement of public violence against our people?  Are we really that dangerous?

Well I guess the simple answer to this question would be yes.  Why else would certain African countries go out of their way the imprison us.  Not so long ago the same thing happened to the Jews, Gypsies and Homosexuals in Europe.  It was called the Holocaust and it now seems like history is about to repeat itself in Africa.

We as the LGBT people have worked very hard and fought tirelessly for the rights we have today:  The right to get married; the right to adopt children; the right to be equal under the law and the right to be who we are.  Yet, in certain parts of the world draconian laws are being revived that threatens our very existence.  You may say I am being overdramatic but just read what bizarre things the President of Uganda believe about homosexuals and then tell me again that I am being overdramatic.

For one, he believes that we give each other worms during sex.  I have been gay for over thirty years and I never got worms from anyone.  I mean for god sake, how would that even work?  Is it a new STD that I have never heard of?  Is it something that only happens in Uganda?

He further claims that all homosexuals are actually heterosexuals who just have sex with the same sex for money.  Also, I have been gay for over three decades and I have never been paid for sex.  I cannot believe that I have screwed myself like this.  I could have made a shit load of money by now.  But then again how would that work.  Who would pay who?  If both guys pay each other for sex wouldn’t that financial exchange just cancel each other out?  And if you don’t get paid for sex, are you still really gay?

The Ugandan president also claims that none of us were born gay.  Apparently this was proven by scientist which seriously makes me question the Ugandan education system.  Does he not know that homosexuality is also found in nature across many different species?  Are these animals prostitutes as well?

He also said that oral sex is a culture and that the mouth was engineered for kissing and not for oral sex.  Guess whose wife refuses to give him blow jobs because she does not “condone that kind of culture”.  Well Mr President, if you want to get all scientific and technical and shit, the mouth was actually engineered for eating and the act of kissing is also an “unnatural” act.  Maybe you should criminalize kissing as well while you are at it.

The intellectual giant also explained that the “address for sex” is the vagina, not the mouth or your rectum.  If you use your ass and mouth for sex you will get worms and contract Hepatitis B.  We all know the worm part is ludicrous because you will most likely only get worms by fucking a corpse and I strongly condemn necrophilia.  As for Hepatitis B, you can also contract that from toilet seats.  Does this now mean that all Ugandans must avoid toilet seats as well?  Why not just declare toilets homosexual tools and ban them!  With your logic it makes sense, don’t you agree Mr President?

The West has also been blamed for homosexuality in Uganda.  According to the Ugandan President, Westerners come to Uganda to recruit “normal” people into homosexuality, effectively making these poor defenseless people gay whores.  Having traveled in Africa and being a professional practicing homosexual I can declare that I not even once recruited any person to become gay.

Also, being an African I can confirm that nobody recruited me to be who and what I am.  The Ugandan President also stated that he has a huge problem with gay people “exhibiting themselves”.  In other words showing that they are gay.  Well, unfortunately for most of us we cannot help it because that is just the way we are.  Some guys are femme and some girls are butch and there is nothing we can do about it.

I am still not allowed to enter the boarders of Uganda as the travel ban the Ugandan Government imposed on me in 2010 is still valid.  Apparently they view me as a gay terrorist and a threat to their national security.  It’s actually ridiculous because all of this is due to the fact that we tried to facilitate the escape of a lesbian couple out of Uganda.  We did this in order for them to tell their story of abuse, discrimination, corrective rape and the constant fear of death they face every day in Uganda.  We never managed to get them out of Uganda and I have not have contact with them since.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them.  If they are still alive the recent turn of events in Uganda does not bode well for them or any of our other LGBT brothers and sisters over there.  Our people are being brutally oppressed in Africa and we cannot just sit around and allow this to happen.  We must stand up and fight.  Edmund Burke once said “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”.

Till next time.

Fight for your right to be Queer

Sherry Vine and Mistress Formika are here to kick down the closet door with their new parody music video "Fight for your right (to be Queer)".