Hunky Man Meat Pageants

What’s up with all these damn gay pageants? One would swear with the rate they are occurring the world doesn’t have enough Queens already. Do we really need more, aren’t just being a regular queer queen enough? Do we really need to justify our queerness with crowns, tiaras and sashes? Or do queer folk just really love shiny jewelry and titles?

I recently read some harsh comments about the Mr. Gay South Africa competition and I must admit they really made me think. Most of the comments were rather unflattering and probably written by some jaded bitch queen with mommy issues, but with that said most of the comments do hold some truth. The gay community can be rather bitchy, spiteful, backstabbing and overly dramatic and none of this is better portrayed than by gay pageants. Put a bunch of queens together on a stage, tell them they are competing for a crown, a title and some cheap ass sponsored prizes or booze, and make sure the whole competition is rigged then sit back and watch the sparks fly.

For some bizarre reason if a queen is on a stage, even if he was never competitive in his life, some switch is flipped. This switch puts blinders on the poor dear and the whole competition becomes extremely important, a matter of life and death where winning is everything and losing means your whole life is a complete and utter failure. Most of us who have been around a few dodgy night clubs and their “beauty” pageants know that these competitions are almost always rigged (well at least in South Africa they are). The queen that is the most popular and loyal amongst the upper echelon of that particular night clubs always wins, no matter what the judges score sheet say.

Apart from these pageants being rigged I also find the whole concept quite queer. You see in my mind the idea of gay pageants must have been conceived amongst a group of old fat queens who one day were sitting around debating how they could get some tight, young gay ass. And VOILA gay pageants were born. What a shrewd way to get a bunch of young hunks together in one venue, have them strip down to their underwear and have them strut their stuff while they are being ogled by old men with nobody thinking it’s weird. Add the fact that these old farts also have some authority over who will win and you have the perfect recipe for them to get blown or laid or at the very least some attention.

When the queen finally has her title what happens next? It’s simple, she will strut her fagalicious ass around that night club for exactly one year, being the club’s “ambassador” and the envy of all her minions and that’s pretty much where it ends until the whole cycle repeats itself the following year. With bigger competitions where the doting queen competes for a national title the story differs slightly. Now she can go on to compete for a global title and take over the world and become the earthly ambassador of all queens everywhere!

Like Miss World you will read about these winners on a side bar of a web page somewhere, think he/she is pretty, check which country they represent and then go about your business. Even though they professed world peace, feeding hungry children, bathing and clothing the homeless and finding a cure for dreaded diseases, none of them actually accomplish any of these things. I still see dirty homeless people, hungry children and wars. So what’s the point? Are they nothing more than a pretty face to represent a charity or two, hunky man meat to grace benefit dinners or a nice magazine cover when an actual celebrity cancelled? Are they really making a difference? You decide for yourself.

I don’t get the point of pageants. Yes the guys are hunky and the drag queens are funky but do we really need them? Honestly I think we kind of do. It’s a great form of alternative entertainment as long as we are truthful about it and don’t try and fool people into believing pageants are something they are not. These queens will not save the world but they could save you from a dull night at home.

Till next time.

And we all remember Miss Teen USA "Such as"