When a Continent Hates

My recent visit to Kenya was short lived. I only spent 3 days in Nairobi and unlike my previous visit there I didn’t get to see much of the country this time around. However, during my brief stay I did make time to speak to some locals and get their views on homosexuality and issues affecting GLBT people in Kenya. Striking to me was Kenya’s willingness to change with a couple of large bill boards next to the road that optimistically reads “Kenya, a new constitution by 2030”. Kenya seems to have hope; they even had David Kuria, an openly gay activist running for senate. However, all this progress came to a screeching halt on Sunday with Raila Odinga (Kenya’s Prime Minister) threatening a crackdown on homosexuals. This led me to wonder, will institutionalized homophobia in Africa ever be eradicated?

Kenya, like most African countries, queerly believes that homosexuality is unnatural and does not occur in their society - Homosexuality is an affliction only suffered by Europeans and most definitely is not an African phenomena.  This misconception is widely spread throughout the continent, so widely spread that it’s enormously sad that this is believed by many. And this misconception will continue to thrive until African countries seize to repress, threaten, persecute and kill homosexuals.  But unfortunately, for some it serves their interests to perpetuate this misconception.

Homosexuals in Africa have been bullied into hiding by self-serving leaders using the homophobic agenda to gain political leverage. In some cases this leverage also involves large sums of money in the form of “funding, donations or aid” from western fundamentalist groups trying to further their own economic and political agendas in Africa. Just look at what is still happening in Uganda and Malawi.

The reality in Kenya is that homophobia and ignorance about GLBT people are prevalent, but not as prevalent as you would think. There are villages, slums and areas in certain cities in Kenya where homosexual best avoid going. But for the average man on the street the eradication of homosexuality features very low on their agenda. Homosexuality is tolerated as long as it’s not flaunted. Nairobi, Kenya’s capital even has some very well known gay bars and a thriving gay community. However, when statements are made like the one of Raila Odinga on Sunday it is normal for the gay community’s natural caution of living in a country where homosexuality is punishable by 14 years in imprisonment to turn into worry and possibly fear.

It has been reported by the Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya, that since Sunday they have received numerous phone calls from members of the GLBT community expressing their fears of being arrested or possibly falling victim to extortion of money from people threatening to expose them or officials wanting to arrest them. One would think that Kenya who is currently considered to be one of Africa’s largest drug smuggling hubs with a large prevalence of heroin addiction and resulting HIV infections would have more important issues to address than that of homosexuality. But then again, homosexuals makes for easy targets and fabulous villains with whom you can threaten ignorant society, garner more votes and support as have been done so eloquently by Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe in the recent past.

Why is it that whenever African leaders experience a lull politically or are perceived to be losing favor they turn to the gay community for a basing and ego bolstering? Do they not realize that this has been identified as a clear trend in Africa? It’s like beauty Queens when unable to muster an original answer uttering the words “World peace!” When African leaders are stuck and are incapable of resolving issues in their own countries they pick on the gays. It’s pathetic and it’s bigoted!

The bigotry unfortunately is not only isolated to clearly homophobic African countries; unfortunately South Africa is also guilty of this. On 16 November 2010 South Africa agreed along with Uganda, Saudi Arabia, Zimbabwe, Uzbekistan, Syria, Belize, Libya, Tanzania, Comoros, Lebanon, Ethiopia, Morocco, Burundi, Eritrea, Angola, Kenya, Cameroon, Algeria, Tunisia, Kuwait, Ghana, Liberia, Senegal, Guyana, Jamaica, Sierra Leone, Malawi and Malaysia to remove GLBT protection from a United Nations resolution on illegal executions.  By removing GLBT protection from a United Nations resolution it effectively gives the green light to the on-going murder of GLBT people by homophobic regimes, death squads and vigilantes. Quite sad seeing as GLBT rights is protected in South Africa and one would think it would be morally wrong for South Africa to deny this right to other people. But this is how it goes on the African continent, a continent that appears to hate when it suits their political agenda.

Institutionalized homophobia does not seem to be going away anytime soon. Parts of Africa still like to bully homosexuals for political gain while others appear to have no problem to turn their backs on the GLBT community when it serves their agendas. The GLBT community in Africa still has a long road to travel to attain equality and freedom for all. But as we have proven in the past we queer folk are tenacious and we will not be bullied or threatened into submission. So all my brothers in sisters in Africa stay strong, stay proud and stay vigilant!

Till next time.

Beautiful

A friend of mine send me the link to this music video and I was pleasantly surprised and touched by it.  I love the message Lover's Tom Goss conveys and the commentary on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT), so I just had to share it with all of you.

Lover Official Music Video - Tom Goss

Same Sex Attraction Disorder

There are a couple of things in life that makes my blood boil, one of which being bigoted self hating homosexuals. It recently came to my attention that an American group calling themselves The International Healing Foundation (IHF) have set up roots in South Africa and their mission is to recruit and convert gay men, woman and children into “healthy heterosexuals”. As if that is not enough they were also audacious as to contact GLBT organizations to build so-called “bridges of cooperation” (Queer suicide if you ask me). I am here to warn you, and ask you to spread the word about the evil ways of the IHF, save your gay souls and empower you to embrace the dreaded affliction that is Same Sex Attraction Disorder (SSAD).

The IHF was founded by Richard Cohen, a psychotherapist who was kicked off the American Counselling Association in 2002 and proclaims to be able to cure people of homosexuality with the aid of some truly bizarre “healing” methods. This organization employs so-called “Sexual Reorientation Counsellors” none of whom are professionally trained mental health professionals. Furthermore the IHF made up a bogus disorder which they call Same Sex Attraction Disorder (SSAD); a disorder that is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association or scientifically and empirically proven to exist or to be valid. Lest I remind you that the Homosexuality diagnoses was entirely removed during 1986 from the DSM as is not considered a mental illness. But the nut jobs of the IHF don’t care, their Re-Closeted Sexual Reorientation Counsellors want to service you and molest your minds.

The self hating fags of the IHF developed a four phase treatment method that will cure any person who is suffering from “unwanted same sex attraction”. If you stick to their programme, much like the 12 Step Program of the AA, you will be cured. Just ask Harry, a success story published on their South African website. Harry blames his screwed up childhood, his parents’ divorce and doing drugs for his affliction with the dreaded SSAD. The ex-queer went through the program and claims his life now finally has meaning. He hesitantly admits that he isn’t completely cured and he has some good days (I suspect it would be a day not thinking of dick) and some bad days (probably the days he craves dick) but he’s staying the course. Harry the homo heterosexual now even has a girlfriend who in his own words “may or may not be THE ONE”. Well good for you Harry the straight gay, I hope you make it to your 3 year hetero anniversary badge and stay clear of penis and testicles that are not your own.

One of the treatments used by the IHF is beating the hell out of a pillow with a tennis racket while screaming your father’s name. I suspect this is both a treatment and a test, as no self respecting homosexual will beat their expensive scatter cushions with a tennis racket. Clearly the premise of their theory about SSAD is that almost all homosexuals have daddy issues, the kind of issues that can only be resolved by inflicting senseless violence on expensive decor. Doesn’t this sound more like a gay old temper tantrum rather than psychotherapy to you? I suspect the lesbians out there may want to substitute the tennis racket with a crowbar and the pillow with a metal case as we all know how gays and lesbians differ when it comes to tantrums. But no the IHF proclaims their treatment is the same and can help both men and women.

What really pains me about the activities of the ill-informed, delusional and self-deprecating sods of the IHF is the fact that they are not helping queer folk they are effectively destroying their lives. They are advocating living a lie, depriving yourself of happiness and mental self-chastising. People who already are experiencing trouble coming to terms with their sexual orientation or gender identity are actively sought by these opportunists, then bit by bit fed lies and brainwashed slowly being malformed into speck of the person they use to be or have potential to become. And all of this, once again, is done in the name of God and religion – shame on you IHF!

I find it preposterous and enraging that these charlatans have the impudence to even think that anyone from the GLBT community would voluntarily deliver any of our brothers and sisters to them to be broken or even destroyed. It’s like Hitler asking the Jews to come to dinner promosing to serve pork! IHF you can kiss my gay ass and suck it! Richard Cohen, André Bekker and all the homo confused idiots of the International Healing Foundation and Change Is Possible I pity you. If you want to destroy your own lives by all means go ahead but leave those who still have a change to be happy and have full meaningful lives alone, or their blood will be on your hands. Like the blood of all the gay teenagers who committed suicide due to people like you spreading your blatant lies and perpetuating homophobia and intolerance.

During January of this year the Head former faggot Richard Cohen wrote to the Ugandan Legislature “apposing” Uganda’s Gay Genocide Bill. Again in his letter to them he purports to be a practising psychotherapist, which we all know is a lie. In his letter he attempted to sell or rather advocate the services of the IHF to Uganda, explaining his own journey from queerness to “heterosexuality”. Clearly Miss Richard Cohen didn’t understand the political dynamics of Uganda or what the Genocide Bill entails and in his ignorance in all probability worsened the plight of GLBT Ugandans. Cohen – they don’t want to cure homosexuals they want to kill us, whether you are an ex-homosexual or not they DON’T CARE! Clearly Cohen and his gay tendency fighting crownies are determined to get a foodhold outside America, but I promise you this IHF, the gays are watching and we will not allow this – you are a traitor and an embarrasment to the global GLBT community!

All my Same Sex Attraction Disorder readers out there consider yourself warned. The IHF is alive and well and spreading like a crab infestation in the pubes of patches of ignorant society. Sure, not many people take nut jobs like Cohen and his merry band of hetro homo freaks seriously but there are people who make for easy prey and it is these people we should protect. So let’s fight back by living our gay lives loud and proud and continue to be fagelisious! I don’t know about you but I am a gay old homo and perfectly happy just the way I am!

Till next time.

Fuck You International Healing Foundation and Change Is Possible!

Transit Hell!

This past week I had the opportunity to visit Nairobi Kenya for the second time in five years. When travelling to any African country, especially on their national carriers, most travelers would warn you not to expect too much. Very few flights are ever on time, traffic is a nightmare and those who lack patience and mental endurance would not fare well on the continent that is Africa. My journey started on Tuesday and all went as expected and I had no reason to be concerned. Then on my return journey on Thursday things went horribly wrong giving the phrase “Transit Hell” unique significance in my plethora of bad travelling experiences.

Waking up from my peaceful slumber Tuesday morning I was all set to face the challenges to journey into Africa. I was mentally prepared for traffic, delays, unfriendly and void of personality customs officials, grumpy travelers and issues with my now notorious hand luggage. To my surprise, for the first time in months, the highway to the airport wasn’t gridlocked and I arrived at the airport 30 minutes early, easily found a parking bay at long term parking and made it through customs in record time and my flight left on schedule. To my surprise all seemed to be going better than expected!

Arriving in Nairobi I was met at the airport by my driver James. James is an unassuming man, quiet, humble and relaxed. That is until he gets behind a steering wheel. You see, I arrived in Nairobi just in time for peak hour traffic and the trip to the hotel took us 2 1/2 hours. James was slamming his fists on the steering wheel, flashing lights, honking his horn in cursing people in Swahili! All the while I was sitting in the backseat being bombarded by street hawkers trying to sell me anything from fruit to pirated copies of straight pornography. At some point cows and goats were moving faster than my car, and this seemed to particularly annoy James and even they were the recipients of Swahili profanities.

Tired and smelling a tad sweaty I arrived at the hotel in one piece – total journey time 5 hour 45 minutes. Once at the hotel I settled in, had a shower, dinner and having had my eyes scratchy from the air-conditioning system on the airplane I threw in some eye drops and I had a good night’s rest. The next morning I woke up with an eye infection. The same infection I had for a record 6 weeks and had been battling with up to a week ago. The eye drops was the same I used during the 6 week period and I managed to cross infect myself again. Not a good start to make a good first impression!

That morning I met with the man that was to interview me for the two days I was going to be in Kenya. The interview went well and even with my eye infection I trust I made a good impression. On Thursday (day 2) my interview was completed and by 2:30pm I was back at the airport for my return journey home. My flight was only scheduled to depart at 8:40pm and I had quite a wait ahead of me. Still being a smoker, I hung out at one of the smoking restaurants, met a few interesting people and by 5pm decided to check in. Only once I passed customs was I informed there no longer was a smoking section inside the airport. At roughly 7:30pm I managed to find a way to leave the airport terminal with the assistance of one of the airport staff to have a smoke – the catch being I managed to legally enter and exit Kenya twice in three days.

My flight from Nairobi left 30 minutes behind schedule but for the most part the flight was uneventful. That was until 32 minutes prior to landing in Johannesburg and having already started our descent. “This is your captain speaking from the flight deck. Unfortunately I have some bad news. We are being diverted to Maputo Mozambique” was the announcement that was to ruin 97 people’s day. “Severe fog in Johannesburg will make it impossible for us to land, we are diverting to Mozambique until the weather clears”. An hour later at midnight we landed at Maputo International Airport and we were the only aircraft with passengers there and the airport was pretty much deserted. None of us thought much of the delay and most of the passengers continued to try and get some sleep. I however, couldn’t as I can’t sleep on a plane if it’s not flying – I am weird that way.

As the hours past no good news was forthcoming and the passengers started to get annoyed. At 4am bad went to worse when we were told the delay would be another 2 hours. At that point I was tired and nicotine deprived so I walked up to the senior cabin crew person and told him I was going to disembark the aircraft to smoke a cigarette and if he were to try and stop me there would be a scene. As he tried to talk me out of it I was already half way down the stairs next to the aircraft and he quickly managed to find a ground crew member to escort me out of the small airport where I had two cigarettes. On my return I found the majority of my fellow business class passengers were awake and irate on their Blackberries and Iphones.

“What do you expect me to do walk to Johannesburg!” one lady screamed into her BlackBerry, “I landed in blizzards, this is absurd!” another sneered at the flight crew. As business class passengers frantically cancelled and moved meetings, phoned airlines to move flights, arranged alternative drivers and phoned loved ones, the mood on the aircraft turned from annoyance to anger. Anger that soon found its way directed at the pilot and crew.

Imagine 19 business class passengers armed with Blackberries and Iphones having access to concise weather and news reports, open lines to people at the Johannesburg International Airport telling the pilot and crew they are wrong. The situation teetered on the verge of a hostile takeover of the aircraft and eventually the pilot, who at one point frequently came out of the cockpit, locked himself in there and never came out again and instructed the cabin crew to go sit at their stations and ignore the passengers. At 6am the situation was volatile with passengers and crew having a stare down. Another 2 hours and 50 minutes would pass before we finally left Mozambique – an total of 8 hours and 50 minutes behind the original schedule. There was the little communication from the flight deck during the flight back to Johannesburg, no breakfast or drinks were served to business class and no flight crew was insight. There was also no traditional clapping of hands on landing or friendly farewells on departure.

Arriving at Johannesburg I was exhausted, smelled like a bush animal and had no personality, no patience and was just glad to get off the flight from hell. Total journey time 12 hours 34 minutes. Being sleep deprived, stinking and having an eye infection that got worse, the woman at passport controlled told me to take off my sunglasses and that was the final straw. I leaned forward making sure that my African fragrance permeated into her personal space took off my glassed and with bloodshot eyes said “I’m having a really bad day are you planning on making it worse?” She leaned back stamped my passport and signaled for me to pass. And this is how my transit hell came to an end. Total traveling time 18 hours and 20 minutes and I am doing this all again in a few weeks time, let’s keep our fingers crossed not to have a repeat performance.

Till next time.

Gay Marriage Is Like a Screw!

What will happen if gay marriage is legalized in America?  Apparently a nuclear fall out.  I thought this video was hilarious - a definite must watch video!

What About Gay Marriage?

Bad Mood Rising!

This week my vocabulary has been downgraded to only four letter words. The kind of words that would make even the most hardened sailor blush. Maybe our almost apocalyptic even of last week and my most recent hate mails unduly contributed to my grumpiness or maybe I’m just tired. It is that time of year when the end is in sight and we are in the final stretch to closing the chapter that is 2010. This year has been challenging, filled with change, sometimes controversy and there are just over seven weeks left and a lot still have to happen. This led me to wonder, how the hell I am going to make it to my December holiday without going supernova and destroying the known universe, all of mankind and things that currently annoys me!

In less than a week I am off to Kenya’s capital Nairobi. A country I have visited five years earlier and have fond memories off, the zenith of which being spending New Years Eve at Lake Nivasha and hearing the hippos grunt and complain about the noise of our festivities. This is now my second (technically my third) international trip this year and much like my trip to Luxembourg I suspect I won’t be seeing much of Kenya. Again much like my trip to Luxembourg I am going there for a marathon interview – an interview that’s going to last two days. Don’t get me wrong I have been interviewed many times in my professional life and I interview quite well, but never have I had to answer questions, sell myself, my skills and hidden talents all while having to have a sparkling personality for a full two days. My interpersonal charm stamina may not hold and therefore I am a tad bit stressed. I also currently have a pimple the size of Mount Everest on my face!

In the mean time our office building is being renovated and last week we had to move into our temporary holding area. Now please take in mind this is now the second time this year I have moved and I do not function optimally in chaos, having to share stuff and whenever there are contractors/builders involved I have meltdowns. The whole of last week I was floating down the river of denial and pretended to be blissfully unaware of my discomfort both physically and mentally. However this Monday I faced my physical reality of noise, claustrophobia, absence of air-conditioning and privacy and I was not amused and have been in “a mood” ever since. I found myself reciting “This is only temporary” while hiding in the toilet, smoking a cigarette outside all while in a cloud of banging, sawing and braking noise. This is when I realized that I was not that dissimilar to my cats – we don’t like change, don’t like noise and we need our personal space!

And then there is the gym. The palace of torture, the place that is suppose to rid me of frustration, get me into shape and clear my mind of worries. But NO… My one instructor took a liking in me and therefore I have been getting special and unwanted attention. Before your minds go into the gutter – it’s not sexual it’s painfully physical. You see she decided to take her posture Nazi ways to the next level. She no longer just corrects me, now she stands next to me through whole routines making sure I don’t cheat! Even though my legs and arms shakes like that of a person who suffers from Parkinson’s disease due to over excursion, she forces me to finish and to do all routines properly. “I hate you!” goes through mind often and feeling the burn has never been so damn painful and lasted quite as long!  She's the devil I tell you - THE DEVIL!

As if all this isn’t enough I have also had to deal with some really fucked up people in stores, on the road and some on the telephone. A woman screamed at me today and right up to this moment I still aren’t quite sure why. But frankly I don’t particularly give a rat’s ass. Some people on this lovely planet of ours can benefit from a gene pool transplant or some personality modifications in the sense of actually getting a personality that’s smart and pleasant.

Last but not least as if Facebook didn’t have enough Queens on it an actual Queen joined on Monday. Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II is now on Facebook and has her own page. Good lord, imagine if she actually had to write her own status updates and God forbid now joins Twitter and tweets. As one of my fellow bloggers pointed out on this Queens Facebook page “Can you imagine (envision squiggly lines in your head and fade to black--fade in to QE II standing in the wings waiting to come out and greet President Sarkozy of France) she whips out her iPhone which she's tucked ever so cleverly into her bra and tweets: 'S'up peeps? Got 2 hang w/Sarkozy. Hope I dont mis my fav show on teli. Crap ms prfct body is here 2. Totly h8 her. Shoulda worn my Spanx! L8R'” Enough said!

Ok, so I am in a bad mood and my usually sparkling personality is neatly tucked away somewhere safe in my man panties. Let’s hope by the weekend my mood lifts in time for my flight to Kenya on Tuesday. Being grumpy, bitchy and moody sure does not become me. But hey, everyone is entitled to a bad week and this is mine!

Till next time.

French and Saunders do Winehouse and Spears

A Hairy Situation

Last night Lady Gaga showed up to the Oak Room at New York's Plaza Hotel wearing a blond wig and fishnets.  But being Lady Gaga who never does anything ordinary,  she also wore a dress made of hair.  Now I am sure most straight guys wouldn't a "hairy"woman attractive, but I am certain that some would make an exception for Gaga.  If you thought Lady Gaga's Meat Dress was her most outrageous fashion statement of the year ... you were probably right. But her new hair dress is a close second!

Hate Mails: F You!

There are days and sometimes certain weeks that I find myself asking the simplest question. The question Why? Why do I do this? Why do I write my blog? Why do I put myself out there, open to abuse, sometimes ridicule and hatred. I get my fair share of hate mails (hence forth referred to as mind fucks). They come in all shapes, sizes and fonts – some even with attachments! They appear in my e-mail inbox, I get them on Facebook and now also on Twitter. Don’t get me wrong, receiving hate mail shows that I must be hitting some anal retentive nerve in the Bible belts and red neck villages of the world, but nevertheless some are rather distasteful and rude! So I will dedicate this blog post to all my haters, homophobes and those deranged people out there who love sending me their mind fucks. Here is my official response to you!

Congratulations on managing to join the rest of the world on the Internet. I would give you a high five but unfortunately I don’t want to catch what you have as there is no antibiotic treatment to cure or even alleviate ignorance and the symptoms there off. You probably didn’t know this, until now, but the world is one big and scary place. It’s filled with people with different believes and world views than yours. Some of these people can also read and write and have opinions that I am convinced that you would not like. Opinions and views much like the ones I express here on my web page that you find oh so distressing. But the queerest thing is, even though you hate me, hate gays and hate my blog you always seem to come back. Why is that?

Do you have nothing better to do than read upsetting and as some of you so eloquently put it “Vulgar, Depraved, Satanistic, Pornographic, Garbage” literature? Let’s face it I’m not competing for a Pulitzer Prize here, and I am sure it’s not my brilliant writing that draws you back to my URL. Could it be that you have not yet come to terms with your own sexual identity or are you just so insecure that you have this burning urge to cyber bully people to make yourself feel better. I don’t know the answer to these questions and frankly I don’t give a shit about your mental health, your identity crisis or insecurities. I pity you as some of your mind fucks seems more like a desperate cry for help and I am not a psychiatrist. Furthermore, I am not a child or a teenager that you can intimidate and scare with your mind fucks. Abusive and hateful e-mails will hardly bring me to tears or drive me to suicide. And then there are those damn “death threats”!

It must come as a surprise to you, but I don’t take your death threats seriously! The symbolic threats of telling me and all gay people to “Get Aids and Die” are laughable. You can hope and wish that we do, but we most certainly will not purposefully infect ourselves. “Burn in Hell” and condemning me to hell also is not scaring me nor is it my readers. In your mind you might think you are God but back here on planet earth, where the rest of us “normal people” live, you’re nothing but a deranged mortal with some really fucked up ideas.

Threatening to “hunt me down like an animal” and then gut me, threatening to kill my 4 cats and my husband and then the wrath of God ravaging my “evil” soul I find rather distasteful. Obviously the dying side of your threats I find unappealing, but the fact that some of you have actually made these threats by including Bible verses as points of reference and as justification is alarming. I wonder what your God will think about murder and your general religious reasoning and will you send him/her a mind fuck as well if he/she disagrees with your screwed up view? Suck on that for while…

I decided a few months ago that I would not publish your shit on my blog. Mainly because you are cowards and too scared to actually write any of your repugnant, delusional mind fucks on my blog as comments. Rather opting to send them “anonymously” via hotmail, yahoo and gmail. The few of you who actually displayed an inkling of guts sent me your mind fucks on Facebook and Twitter, but none of you were man or woman enough to stay for a fight which I find pathetic. In all probability you are those spineless people that can hurdle insults at people in a crowd and behind other people’s backs but are too weak to do it to someone’s face. And Oh Boy the Internet must be huge comfort for spineless folks like you. You can say whatever you want without once physically being confronted or demanded to explain the dire tripe you spew.

In conclusion, you can keep on sending me your mind fucks, waste more bandwidth, waste more of your time and money. But know this, I will still write my blog, be a proud gay man and fight for the rights of GLBT people all over the world by making people aware of injustice, intolerance, homophobia, discrimination and ignoramuses like you. Your hate will not silence me, your ignorance will not deter me and your threats do not scare me! I am queer, I am here and I am NOT going anywhere! So fuck you!

Till next time.

Apocalypse!

Some days the extent of human stupidity absolutely amazes me. Yesterday we experienced an astronomical event called a corona or a sun halo. Naturally, when I saw it I thought to myself “Ah… what a pretty rainbow!” and left it at that. You could imagine my surprise when I turned on the radio and heard a bunch of people misinterpreting this natural phenomenon as an alien ship ready to invade the earth, the second coming and even the apocalypse! This led me to question the general sanity of society and what we would really do if the end of the world was imminent.

When something happens that’s almost supernatural it seems human nature's first instinct is to turn to religion. When we see something that we seemingly can’t explain people turn to God - after all biblical scriptures are filled with miracles. During these events some people choose to see God’s power but then there is the other spectrum of society, those who didn’t take their Valium that morning, those who panic and believe the sky is falling.

One thing I just can’t fathom is how a rainbow around the sun at 9am in the morning translates for some to mean the second coming or even the apocalypse! Sure it’s not something you see every day, but honestly wouldn’t the apocalypse be ushered in with a more ominous signal or sign other than that of a rainbow? And had it been the beginning of the end of humanity how would calling your local radio station save you? Sure, I get the fact that some people need conformation by means of mass hysteria to reaffirm their own doomsday fears, but wouldn’t their last moments on earth be better spent praying for salvation? If the world were to end, the radio station will most definitely not be the first phone call I make – it would be to my husband!

OK, so let’s imagine the rainbow was the signal of the start of the apocalypse and within hours hailstones of fire were to bombard the earth followed by brimstone and then more fire. What would you do? Well off course there would be allot of praying, asking for forgiveness and making amends. But, during all this, I would be stuffing my face with cheese cake, chocolate mousse, crisps, fizzy drinks and everything and anything that I either had to reduce or stay away from eating in order not to get fat or have a heart attack. I mean we are all going to die anyway, what’s the use of counting calories when the world’s ending right? However the one thing that I would hope for, in those final moments, is that it would be spectacular, memorable (even in the afterlife) and painless!

But it wasn’t the apocalypse and we are all still alive! So let’s examine our second scenario - the alien invasion of earth. With this I have two problems. They said there were a spaceship behind our sun and the “rainbow” was the emissions from the outer lining of that ship. Really? For all those folks who believed this for even a second I would like to ask you, do you even know how big the sun is? If the spaceship was behind our sun and looked the way it was described it would have had to be enormous!!! So enormous that NASA surely would have known it was coming for a very long time. But let’s imagine they knew and it was indeed a spaceship, what would you have done?

Frankly, again the radio station would not  be who I’d phone first! Moreover, I would also not just assume that the aliens had a malicious intent either. Unless you’re psychic or have been in communication with the mother ship nobody would know why the aliens were heading straight for earth. This time around I would not stuff my face with calorie rich food as I would want to look good for the aliens just in case they decided to herd and farm us like cattle and kill off the weak for compost. I would go home, turn on CNN and await further instructions. To curb some boredom, while I wait, I would send out a couple of e-mails to Pope Benedict XVI asking the Vatican to comment on the implications of aliens on the Christian faith and I would also write to the WestBoro Baptist Church asking them whether "God Hates Aliens" too and whether they planned on protesting the alien landing and/or invasion points.

While the alien ship makes its way closer to our little planet, I can imagine how governments (who also would not know what the hell was going on) try to calm down their citizens. As humans are during times of crisis I would imagine looting, stock piling and loads of religious gatherings. Speculations would be rife, facts few and reason none. Fighting back would be futile as their ship would be a billion times bigger than our planet and effectively we would be helpless little maggots. And then the message would come:

“We come in peace – actually we’re just passing by. You see we had some problems with our warp drive and had to refuel from your sun and we have borrowed some helium and hydrogen. Hope you don’t mind, good bye and good luck – peace out!”

As I sit here today, the world has not come to an end and aliens did not invade the earth. The sun halo disappeared shortly after 10am yesterday morning but speculations, predictions and prophecies by soothsayers and other misguided individuals persisted until late yesterday evening. I guess there will always be people in society desperate for a sign from above, desperate for a sign from their creator and desperate to believe we are not alone. And every now and again nature provides them with a glimpse of her astounding beauty and power and they will see in it what they want to, most times to the great amusement of others.

Till next time.

Apocalypse Please (Muse)