Tuesday, July 12, 2011

27 Things to say when stressed at work

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"

2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"

3. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

4. "Do I look like a fucking people person!"

5. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"

6. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left"

7. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"

8. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"

9. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for over 30 years."

10. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

11. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

12. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

13. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"

14. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

15. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

16. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

17. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

18. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"

19. "Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done."

20. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

21. "The Earth is full. Go home!"

22. "Aw, did I step on your poor, little bitty ego?"

23. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.”

24. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

25. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

26. "If assholes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport."

27. "You realize speaking to me before I've had my morning coffee is a VERY bad idea!"


Jason Shaw said...

Love it, especially the earth is full one!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Love them, especially #4!

Pierre said...

My favorite one is:
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"

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