Saturday, May 22, 2010

Rules for Driving in South Africa

With the 2010 Soccer World Cup less than 3 weeks away, we are bracing ourselves for the influx our tourists. Yesterday I received an e-mail that I found hilarious because it's mostly true. Here are important rules all tourist should know about driving in South Africa.

(1) Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real south African driver never uses them.

(2) Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

(3) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

(4) Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.

(5) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

(6) Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

(7) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are especially not applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....'

(8) Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

(9) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.

(10) Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the government, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

(11) It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car.

(12) Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

(13) On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush hour.

Old Lady takes down robbers


Cnith said...

Haha, if you hadn't kept putting "South African" or "South Africa" I might swear you were talking about us drivers here in the U.S. Good to know we have counter nutters in your side of the world.

On our side, in California at least, you can add the rule that if it sprinkles more than a dot of water be careful because no one knows how to drive in the rain over here... lmao. :)

Kai Phoenix said...

Hahaha that is brilliant! I thought drivers in England were bad... number (10) is clearly a favourite of my local council!

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