What Don’t You Like About Yourself?

In a week’s time I will be going under the knife and I am slightly nervous. You see I am getting minor elective surgery meaning that it’s not in the true medical sense “necessary” but for me it is and not because it is simply considered “de rigueur”. It’s something that has been bothering me now for years, has been getting progressively worse over time and is, to some degree, adversely affecting my self-esteem. On the eve, so to speak, of not only getting braces I’m also getting plastic surgery and now having publicly announced it, I couldn’t help but wonder why some people still view cosmetic surgery as a taboo and why people lie about it? Is it something to be ashamed off?

My loyal readers (all 10 of you) know that I started with Botox when I turned 30. It was a conscious decision I made and one I am happy with. Sure my ability to frown or look sufficiently surprised have been traded for a smooth brow with visibly absent frown lines and wrinkles; a low price to pay to keep the signs of ageing at bay as certain facial expressions are highly overrated anyway. Some may view this as vanity but I call it proactive maintenance. But for many years (the last 8 to be exact) there have been something that troubled me, something I managed to efficiently hide with the right products, sunglasses and Photoshop until recently. A month ago I decided that I had enough and made the choice to have the dark fatigue trenches under my eyes removed, surgically and permanently!

Again you may call this vanity, but allow me to explain. Twice during the last 3 years I have been asked whether somebody punched me – my dark circles under my eyes have become that bad! Until about a year ago I managed to conceal 80% of it with my special Yves Saint Laurent magic makeup combo. But I have now reached the point where trying to cover up my raccoon eyes takes me longer than shaving, getting dressed and doing my hair combined and with all that effort I now only manage to conceal about 30%.  I know I am not hideous looking but I am becoming increasingly self-conscious about it so I discussed the matter with my doctor during my last Botox treatment and she suggested surgery. Other treatments she could offer would only be temporary and the results would proof lacking to meet my expectations. So it was off to the plastic surgeon’s office.

Sitting at the cosmetic surgeon’s immaculate reception room surrounded by pictures of Grace Kelly, Mae West and Audrey Hepburn, I looked around me at the other prospective patients wondering what they wanted to have nipped, tucked or enlarged. I’m sure they were wondering the same looking at me. Eventually, my turn came and I expected the surgeon’s opening line to be “So what don’t you like about yourself?” a question I could have easily answered both literally and psychoanalytically. But he didn’t ask. Instead, I explained to him I wanted the circles under my eyes erased from my face, he listened attentively and then ushered me into the examination room where he pulled, pressed and stretched my lower eye lids while I was nervously holding a mirror in one hand. At the end of the examination we returned to his office and he proceeded to explain how this miracle surgery would occur.

The circles under my eyes are due to fat glands pressing on the veins under my eyes and this is causing blood to accumulate resulting in its dark appearance. The grotesque effect is further exacerbated by loose skin. The fix, cut out the fat glands and tighten the skin. The catch, the procedure will take 60 to 90 minutes and will be done while I am awake! I will be connected to a drip and administrated a drug called Dormican and then given a local aesthetic. The Dormican will make me sleepy, relaxed and erase all memory of the procedure and when I eventually come too, I will be safely nuzzled in my own bed at home. It sounds freaky I know, but as I was explained this method is becoming more popular for this type of procedure as well as liposuction, nose jobs and a few other surgeries as it’s less traumatic on your body, recovery time is quicker and coincidentally it’s also cheaper. So convinced that if other people have made it through having their eyelids cut open while semi-conscious, didn’t go crazy or sued him (I Googled and Hello Peter’d him after the consultation), I would be fine too. So I scheduled my nip and tuck for next week Wednesday, I have made peace with the fact that it’s going to happen, but I am still shit scared.

Not many people will readily admit getting Botox or are open about getting cosmetic surgery. Writing this blog post I’m also not convinced I’m doing the right thing to so publicly admitting to what I’m planning on having done. But I decided to be open and honest about it. Why start lying to my readers now? The worst that can happen is that people will think I’m vain, superficial, self-obsessed, narcissistic and preoccupied with my appearance and they’d be right, to some degree, all bloggers are some of these things that’s why we blog after all. But in all honesty, I believe that if you don’t like something about yourself, if there is something you can fix that will make you feel better, then why not do something about it? I am going to; I’m not going to lie about it and I will not be ashamed of it. After all I’m doing this for myself with realistic expectations. I’m not expecting a 100% improvement; at this point I’ll be happy with 50%.