Michael Jackson – Death of a Misunderstood Icon

Memorial group invitations on Facebook were my first notification that Michael Jackson had died and the news was later confirmed via CNN. Having never really been a huge fan of Michael the news did come as muttered shock. Whether you loved him or hated him, one thing can not be denied – on 25 June 2009 the world lost a Pop Icon! His death had me wondering – How did he die? Was it natural causes ,a heart attack, painkiller overdose or did all the plastic surgeries he had finally caused his death? There remain so many questions not only about his death but also about his life…
Not being an expert on Michael Jackson I can only air my opinion. We first saw him emerge into fame as very attractive young black man, who as his career progresses slowly transformed in front our eyes into an alien like white female caricature like person. As his music evolved so did his appearance and as his fame grew he became more of a recluse. In my opinion, he was a very lonely, deeply misunderstood and a broken person. He never seemed quite satisfied with his life and over compensated for what he yearned for by material possessions and what he did not like about himself he opted to fix through surgery. He is even described as the text book case example for a psychiatric disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (a disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features, in some cases correcting these features through surgery). Michael Jackson did not by any means have a normal childhood. Since a very young age he was in the lime light which effectively deprived him of the experience normal children would have. Therefore, it should not come as surprise that in his adult live he surrounded himself possessions and symbols reflecting any child’s fantasy – his Neverland Range for example! His preoccupation with children could also be viewed as his need to regress back to his lost childhood. All this brought much unwanted and negative publicity to him; being charged with alleged sexual abuse of young boys. Charges he was never found guilty off. Many people still believes in his guilt and that he only got acquitted due to his fame and fortune. We will never know the truth as it now will go with him to his grave. Personally, I always wondered whether he was indeed a predator disguised as a philanthropist or just a deeply misunderstood person with a child like innocent ignorance.
The delusional aspect of Michael Jackson’s always fascinated me. He never admitted to having all the extensive surgeries he had, even though it was blatantly obvious. His nose took on a life of it’s own with many fearing, in recent years, that one day it will fall off. Some even speculated that his noose had been replaced with a prosthetic due the fact that the nasal area was so severely damaged that there was no tissue or bone left to restore. This made me wonder how the paramedics tried to resuscitate him when they found him at his home. Did his facial alteration in any away complicate their work in their attempt to revive him?

Having altered his appearance so dramatically over the years and with all the complication as a result, I often asked myself, when he looked at himself in the mirror without make up, some of the prosthetics he was said to use, what did he think? In his mind did he achieve his aesthetic goal or had he transformed himself into a monster? In the last year he must have had time to reflect on his past and career as he was preparing for his come back; I am sure he must have been proud of his achievements and quite saddened at how he nearly lost everything. If he did not pass away his come back would have been a success due to all his devoted fans, but would his status as King of Pop ever again have been reestablished?
No matter how queer Michael Jackson’s life may have appeared to us, who didn’t know him, one thing is undeniable – the contribution he made to the music industry was invaluable, lasting and like many icons before him his legacy will live on! Many of us may have judged him, rightfully or wrongfully so, for erring when it came to his appearance, the choices he made, his flamboyant and sometimes bizarre behavior and relationships he forged with children, his marriages to Lisa Marie Presley and Debbie Rowe and the way he choose to raise his 3 children. Michael Jackson’s life was by no means an ideal example for anyone, but not having walked in his shoes in death he should be respected and remembered for his contribution and his legacy he leaves behind, and not for his perceived mistakes. My condolences go out to his family, friends, children and loyal fans. He shall be truly missed. My wish is that his children will have a normal and safe life and one day, when they reach adulthood, be able to look back at their father’s life and proud of him.

Till next time.

Michael Jackson - Thriller live (1987)

DIY, A Butt-Crack and A Back Injury!

There are 3 physical conditions that I dislike: Being sick, being in pain and being immobilized! Over the weekend a personal injury that had me in pain and being semi-immobilized was an imperfect ending to a tedious week. Having hurt my back I learned 2 important things, both Murphy’s Law and Gravity can be bitches and certain DIY work around the house is best suited for those who knows what they are doing.

In our house my husband is the DIY go-to-guy, and so for a good reason – instead of fixing things around the house I tend to make things worse. So when 1 of our power sockets behind our home entertainment system decided to give problems, I decided fidget with it –always a huge error in judgment from my side. The power socket being in quite a precarious position I had to twist my body in an odd way to reach it. Instead of using common sense and moving the cabinet out of the way for easier access, the blond in me decided it’s too much of an effort and queerly enough, in my mind, not only could I reach the socket but I would be able to fix it all the while my body being contorted as if I was playing a game of twister. Needless to say, having my spine bend in this manner hurt my back and instead of fixing the power socket I blew the power switch. So now the socket was destroyed, my back was injured and my husband was extremely annoyed.

My husband being the practical one he moved away the cupboard took out his DIY gadgets and confirmed that I indeed destroyed, once again, something that could have been fixed only if I had the patience. While cursing he took the thing apart and the next day we had to buy a new power socket to replace the one I broke. The woman in the hardware store was quite intrigued by this gay couple, one being semi-immobilized & visibly in pain and the other shopping for a power socket but instead inspecting light switches (I think had we been 2 lesbians the situation would have seemed less bizarre). I recall her asking us 3 times whether we had picked the right item because after purchase they don’t give refunds. I guess I can’t blame the sales woman for being quite concerned – 2 effeminate gay boys the 1 hurt and both shopping for electrical equipment, I can just imagine what she thought had happened to my back and how it relates to our purchase. After arriving home, hubby replaced the socket and while doing so the stereotypical handyman butt-crack was clearly in my sight. Soon all electrical problems were resolved, but my back was still injured. Being a Sunday I had to wait until Monday to see the Dr.

The strange thing about hurting my back was the reactions of my friends and co-workers. For some bizarre reason all thought I had injured my back through some form of acrobatic sex with my husband over the weekend. I have no idea why that would be the 1st thought that comes to mind from people that know me, but in this instance reality was far more boring. Arriving at the Dr’s consultation room, being cranky due to the throbbing pain I was disappointment to find the waiting room quite full. There was a mother with her 2 children accompanied by their grandmother. The 2 children were behaving as if they have peeked on a sugar rush and I swear they were in serious need of Ritalin or some form of Tranquilizer. They were running around screaming, throwing tantrums and being out of control. An older lady and I caught ourselves on a couple of instances looking at these kids and then to each other, both thinking the same thing – please just get them the hell out of here! I finally lost my temper was when 1 of the kids threw me with a stuffed toy. Without thinking twice I regressed back to being a 4 year old and threw the kid back with the toy, then jumped back into adult mode and gave the kid the evil you must behave now eye brow lift which was perfected by my mother. Luckily my Botox started to ware off so I could get the eyebrow up high enough for the greatest fear impact.

After seeing my Dr I was off to the pharmacy to get my medication. It seemed everyone in my neighborhood fell sick over the weekend and I was faced with another one of my pet peeves - standing in a queue! Those 2 terrors from Dr’s consulting room were also there but this time they stayed clear of me. After the pharmacist collected all my medication he did the normal explaining how I should take it routine, ending with the words “You should probably not be operating any heavy machinery while taking these pills”. As soon as the words left his mouth and he saw my confused reaction he realized his mistake. I am no crane operator or truck driver! Being confused by what he said and having another blond moment I asked “does a BMW qualify as heavy machinery?” he paused for a moment and answered “Yes”. Promptly followed by my next question “The meds are for 5 days and I am only booked off for 2, how am I suppose to get to work for the remaining 3?” Clearly confused he thought for a few moments and answered “I don’t know” and proceeded to finish dispensing my medication while looking at me as if I just ruined his day and seeing flashing images of a BMW causing a major car pile up on the highway – and it would be his fault!

Being 2 days into my recovery, the pain has subsided largely due to the fabulous medication and tomorrow I will be attempting to drive to work. So if you see a black BMW coming your way please get out of the way! I have made a conscious decision not to attempt any future DIY work in our house and to rather have husband try and fix it – even though he mentioned on numerous occasions how he despises it! Having DIY projects pop up around our relatively old apartment every now-and-again and me being quite fond of staring at my husband’s behind while he's working on these projects the next project will be handled with greater care – I will not be tempted to fidget with anything seemingly broken again soon!

Till next time!

Kathy Griffin - She'll Cut A Bitch

(Cat)astrophe

Not being ready for fatherhood or facing the challenges of gay adoption, my husband I am quite satisfied just having our 3 cats. As all pet owners know having a pet can bring great joy to ones live but they can also sometimes be the source of many head aches. Having had 2 of my cats now for almost 10 years and the youngest for 4, what they have brought to my life has ranged from pure pleasure to pure frustration.

The birth of my eldest 2 cats was nothing less than a catastrophe for their mother’s owners. You see their mother was a pure bred Balinese cat who won many awards and had paperwork reflecting her blood line that could make royalty envious. The owners arranged 2 days of passionate copulation for her with another pure bred Balinese Tom Cat. After 2 days, being satisfied that the arranged visit was consummated and she was indeed pregnant, her arranged lover was returned home. However, her burning desire was not yet satisfied and she sneaked out of the house for a rebellious and passionate fling with an alley cat. So when my 2 bundles of joy emerged, the owner was shocked and angry. Now not being able to sell them, as they were half breeds, I got them for free.

From the get go, both cats were highly strung animals: One being highly intelligent but having a slight nervous disorder and the other being very pretty but not the sharpest tool in the shed and with mood swings. Their first night in their new home was an eventful one. I got scratched and peed on and a couple of days later one’s foot got caught in the blinds and my husband got scratched and bitten while I had to cut the cat’s foot free from the cords it got tangled in – both experiences was traumatic for all involved. As time passed they settled into their new home, and their true personalities started to surface. Mizou was the smart one who loves attention and managed stress by biting her nails. Nikita was the moody and neurotic one who tends to keep grudges and hates children. When you piss Nikita off she will patiently wait for the opportune moment and her vengeance usually is swift and precise.
When mating season came, my house turned into a nightmare. Mizou was super fertile and she had 4 litters of kittens. At least when she was in heat she would go out and do her business with the efficiency of a professional prostitute. When Nikita was in heat the real nightmare started. She became a loud, sleazy sexually inept slut! She would go around the house moaning for hours and hours and she never seem to be able to fall pregnant.

The last time Nikita was in heat I was woken up at 3am. Nikita was in a tree outside our bedroom window screaming waking up the whole neighborhood. She was in the tree and at the bottom was 5 very horny Tom Cats. She got more than she bargained for and fled a potential gang rape. It took me almost 2 hours to coax her down – I also had to apologize to all our neighbors! Shortly after this event she finally fell pregnant for the 1st and last time. When she had a litter circumstances emerged that had us keep one of her children and the 3rd member of our family became Sasha. At this point we swore we would not survive another mating season and all 3 our cats were sterilized.

Nikita being neurotic she passed on a few of her personality deficiencies on to her off spring. Her one child lived in a closet for a year, I was told, and the other one had an eating disorder (he became obese). Sasha definitely got her mother’s looks but she’s not very smart. She does the cutest things but she would not survive a day on the street and when it comes to fights she always tend to run away screaming. Having the 3 of them cohabiting with us have been a joy, but when there is drama it usually is epic. Everyone who has ever babysat for us, when we go on holiday, all have their own stories to tell about the craziness our 3 balls of fur can cause.

Sasha recently had an eye operation. The morning she had to go to the vet the pet carrier was prepared. The other 2 cats fully understand that when the Pet Voyager 100 gets taken out someone is going somewhere unpleasant. So when they caught a glimpse of the box of potential torture they promptly disappeared. Sasha was completely oblivious to this but when she finally put 1 and 1 together she too vanished. After a brief search she was located in the closet hiding behind clothes and was promptly placed inside the carrier. The drive to the vet was load as she made her displeasure abundantly clear. However, once at the vet she resigned herself to the inevitable and calmed down. The operation went well and she came home the same day, very annoyed with me but happy to be home.

The task of giving Sasha her medication was bestowed onto my husband. Getting a cat to swallow a pill is a skill I don’t have! Cats are sneaky creatures and just as you think they swallowed a pill they will go around the corner and spit it out. The only time I attempted to give her a pill she spit it out 3 times, once under the dining room table, then under the bed and finally in their litter box (I swear I could hear her laughing every time she spit out that damn pill thinking I wouldn't notice or find it!). Only with the 4th attempt did she finally swallow it.

Most pet owners will tell you that their pets become like your children, and in our case that is very true. Sometimes they are high maintenance, can cause havoc and even harm your house guests, as Nikita has done on several occasions, but at the end of the day I can’t imagine my life without them. So until we are rich enough to afford a full time nanny and can adopt our own little human bundle of joy, our 3 furry critters with their dramas, tantrums and blunders are more than enough entertainment.

Till next time.


Elvira Kurt at Just For Laughs

Death of the Metro-Sexual Man

Well, it is official South Africa is now also experiencing an economic recession but I don’t believe it will be as bad as the great depression of 1929 – I Googled it! Many of us will experience the economic recession in different ways and feel the pinch of it. As a gay man the recession has already impacted on my life. As most of you know the grooming rituals of the homosexual male is quite intriguing and complex. With our particular style of grooming I’d like to believe that we were responsible for the emergence of the Metro-sexual Male (heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically related to gay men). This being said, I believe the recession is posing a tremendous threat not only to homosexual men but the recession is also killing the metro-sexual male!
As we tighten our belts and wallets and cut on seemingly unnecessary expenses I have noticed a decline in people spending money on personal grooming. There are fewer metro-sexual males on the street and most are reverting back to the Hugh Jackman look – sexy but unfortunate. People just aren't spending money on waxing, facials, manicures etc. The metro-sexual male has stopped visiting the Spa! It has gotten so bad that the Spa I use to go to closed down. My cosmetologist disappeared without leaving a forwarding number! Not everyone would see this as a crisis, but to me it is! That woman who have been waxing me for the last 2 years, seen me naked and ripped hair from parts of my body very few people get to see is gone. Finding someone else with whom I’d be comfortable being 95% naked with male/or female and someone that can do a full body wax in less than 1 hour will be a mission. In the mean time, I have grown hairy! I have gone from being smooth to what my husband now refers to as monkey boy - I am no Hugh Jackman! The economy is in a recession so I have rationalized the growing back of my “man hair” as my “winter fur” as we are in late autumn and I hope by spring the economy will have stabilized and I would have found someone to transform me back from primate to homo-sapien.
Not only are people replacing wax with razors they are also now compromising on their hair, opting for do-it-yourself hair coloring instead of having a professional do it - some even attempting to cut their own hair. I can hear the entire hairstylist community cringe in horror!!! Walking through the shopping malls I have seen the yellow hair that was supposed to be blond, the bad dye jobs and botched highlights. The once metro-sexual male with a tell tail barber shop hair cut; the men and women who on account of saving a penny here-and-there allowing those grey hairs to protrude through their once stunning colored hair. Experiencing a recession I understand that people have to cut expenses but at what cost? Personally, I’d rather go without that stunning pair of shoes or exquisite jacket than compromise on my hair.
The metro-sexual males also seem to fading into oblivion when it comes to fashion. The once growing section of enlightened heterosexual men are becoming more difficult to spot, as facial and body hair now disguise them and the only way of recognizing these diminishing few are with wardrobe. As I refuse to compromise with my hair by letting a fashion item elude me, the metro-sexual male seem to compromise not only on grooming but on fashion too. They no longer appear to pay attention current fashion and last years trends are recycled. Some metro-sexual men also seem not to be able to remember how to put an outfit together, as last years magazines have been thrown away. They walk around bearded and in mismatching attire - they are almost unrecognizable. At least gay men are finding ways to cope with the recession and are better at prioritizing our spending when it comes to grooming and fashion. We understand that you don’t have to down scale and deprive yourself of all things, a few compromises is enough to ride out this difficult economic time. It’s truly unfortunate that the world economy is experiencing a recession and that it’s finding its way into most countries. Having to adjust your spending patterns in order to be able to pay your bills, keep your head above water and hoping not to be retrenched as companies down scale is unpleasant. It truly is serious and for some a dire experience. As a gay male, seeing the effects of the recession around me makes me grateful for everything I have. It has caused me to also down scale, adjust my spending habits and compromise. But at least I can still keep some of my grooming rituals and maintain my gay attributes. The true tragedy is in gradual demise of metro-sexual male, whether they will survive the world wide economic crisis nobody knows. I hope they will not go extinct like the dodo, and once this is all said and done they’ll return. I truly hope the recession will not kill off our beloved metro-sexual males!

Till next time.

Wanda Sykes - Wanda & Bobby On a Plane

Cyber Fidelity

The Internet has become an important part of most people’s lives, but apart from being a useful tool it also could have a dark side that could threaten relationships. With social networking sites, pornography and chat sites a thin and blurred line has been drawn between what is considered to be faithful behavior in relationships and what is not. Recent conversations and some shared experiences on the Internet by my friends and I, and debating the issue of fidelity with reference to the Internet it repeatedly raised the question - Is cyber flirtation and cybersex or browsing pornography cheating?
Like so many people, I spend a good couple of hours everyday on social networking sites chatting to my friends, reading my message and participating in discussions. Every now and again the inevitable message from a stranger pops up asking “ASL”. Being blond I needed a friend to explain to me “ASL” stands for “Age Sex Location”. Usually my first though is “Haven’t you read my profile?” Usually I responded and the next question that follows is “Are you gay & single?” Which brought me back to my previous question combined with wondering whether this person is illiterate, retarded or just lazy? A number of times I fell into the trap of pursuing these kinds of chats and most times they always ended up with some kind of proposition for cybersex, reference to penis size and/or other forms of cyber sexual behavior –it annoys me especially when I am actually in the middle of doing something important! So now I just snub these kinds of messages.
I have never quite understood cybersex or what people get from it - even having a lively imagination myself! I just don’t comprehend how sexually charged discourse typed on a cold keyboard between 2 strangers can culminate in an orgasm. Besides, on the Internet people can create a whole new persona for themselves, and you never can really be sure whether you are chatting to a hot young sex god or whether it’s a vile sex crazed predator. A psychopathic killer who in the basement of his house has a pit, a bucket, some lotion and a white poodle and once he has lured and trapped you there utters the ominous words “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” – the lambs will never not stop screaming for neither Clarice nor you!
In my opinion a distinction should be made between cybersex and cyber flirting. To me flirting, like in real live, can be an innocent act of being friendly in a sexy way without crossing the line. However, once flirting advances into action it can be considered cheating. My foolproof rule relating to both are when in doubt just ask yourself 1 simple question “How would I feel if my partner were doing this and I found out?” The other good way at preventing being solicited into cyber flirting or coerced into cybersex is not accepting chats or friend requests from people whose profile pictures are of their genitals – duh?! That too I learned the hard way and have since either deleted them from my friend list or blocked them! As all of them tend to favor the cybersex.

When it comes to pornography, the issue becomes a thorny one. Different people have different views on the issue. My personal view of porn is that I am more concerned about the people that star in them: I always wonder whether they grew up wanting to be porn stars, whether their parents know and if they are proud of their careers… But I digress… Some heterosexual women I have known are fervently opposed to having their partners even having pornography in their homes, and would not allow their partners to watch or read it. Many of my gay friends who are in new relationships also indicated that catching their partners watching or surfing porn on the Internet behind their backs troubles them. Is this due to insecurity or is it a form of cheating?
One of my old lecturers (a Prof of Criminology) did a research study on pornography and the exploitation of woman. She was in her early 60’s, married and had to watch a lot of porn as part of her research. We always joked behind her back that her husband probably couldn’t wait for her to bring her work home and we were all perturbed at imagining their sex life. I remembered asking her this question years ago and her answer was fascinating. She said that men and women who are bothered by their partners watching porn may feel that way due to insecurity, as they feel they have to live up to expectations created by the images in the pornographic material, it provokes self-image issues and it challenges their inhibitions. Especially women ends up feeling inferior as they perceive themselves as not being sexually arousing and sexually not being good enough for their partners; they could also feel insulted that the partners have to watch porn to get aroused. I think many gay people may feel the same way – it’s a human thing!

When it comes to pornography, in my opinion, it will depend on the 2 individuals in the relationship to make up their own minds on the issue. If your partner watching or wanting to watch porn makes you feel insecure, or uncomfortable the best advice would be to talk about it. Many couple use porn to spice up their sex life which can be healthy and good for their relationship. When one person in a relationship has to do it in secret and actively hides it, then it could be construed as cheating and damaging to the relationship.

The Internet is a great resource that we all have come to rely on. We have access to a magnitude of information; it’s made the world seem smaller and made our life more convenient. With the good also comes the bad. The Internet can also complicate relationships as new ways of interacting with people can now also compromise your relationship as a whole new spectrum of infidelity has been born from it. One can now have a passionate affair with some sitting on another continent and have passionate sex with that person without uttering a single moan or breaking a sweat. Whether this will have or has caused many relationships to break up, I don’t know, but as technology and we as a society evolve we have to adapt to all the challenges and opportunities. So is having a cyber flirtation and cybersex or browsing pornography cheating? This was my opinion, what is yours?

Till next time!

Meet my Gay Boys by Julia Stretch

Myth of Super Gay Couples

My husband and I will celebrate our 11 year anniversary in 2 days time. Coincidentally, I came across an article titled “Secrets of Gay Super Couples” on a webpage that regularly publish some of my work. Having read the article and agreeing with most that was said I reflected on my own relationship and marriage, and it had me asking two questions: Are we a “Super Gay Couple”, and what exactly is a “Super Couple”, be it gay or straight?
I met my husband for the first time just over 11 years ago. It was at a night club. As usual a friend and I were at the club early so we can spot all the hot guys as they arrived. That evening my husband arrived at the club early as well and I spotted him from across the room – a hot young Italian looking man! I promptly had my friend go tell him that I thought he was hot (kind of immature but I was only 20 at the time). A while later, being the polite diplomat he is, he came and thanked me for the compliment and told me he was waiting for his boyfriend. Being single at the time I was gutted! As we had a polite and flirtatious discourse his boyfriend pitched up and saw me flirting with his boyfriend and gave me the evil eye as only a gay man can – a look that could melt the flesh from bone!
Not being easily intimidated nor being a home wrecker I introduced myself, had a pleasant chat with them and left. But being the type of person I am I vowed that I would wait until the moment my husband-to-be was single and then pounce at the opportunity. So I had my social network of spies, fellow gay gossip mongers and loyal friends activated: Every night every gay club and gay bar would be patrolled and I was to be notified of every sighting of my husband-to-be and informed of his relationship status at all times. Finally, after just over a month news arrived via the elaborate gay grape vine that he was single!

One Sunday evening I attend a drag show with my cousin, and lo-and-behold, my husband was there as well, but he was not alone. I remember telling my cousin that if the guy that accompanied him was his new boyfriend that I was going to be throwing in the towel! As I would have been convinced he had bad taste in men! As it turns out, it was just a friend and that ended up being our 1st date. The 2nd date was filled with passion, flirtation and butterflies in both our stomachs but ended up with us having to push-start my beaten up old car because it did want to start (not the best ending to a 2nd date as the car issue prevented us from getting to 2nd base).
Our relationship progressed slowly but was not with out its speed bumps. The 1st time I told my husband that I loved him there was a dramatic pause and he responded with the words “I like you too”. I remember driving away thinking to myself “Did I just make a fool of myself, did he really say what I think he did, and maybe I should have waited longer before I told him how I felt!”. The 1st person that utters those 3 significant words always stands the chance of getting the response I did, and I do not recommend it! It will leave you feeling confused, embarrassed, slightly angry and rejected. A few days later he returned the favor and those 3 comforting words dripped from his lips like honey onto my very pleasantly receptive heart.

The 1st couple of years of our relationship we spend 1 evening a week, every weekend and every holiday together. We waited 3 years before actually moving in together. We waited until I finished my post-graduate studies and until I started working. Now 11 years later and having been married for almost 3 years we have made significant progress and both our relationship, careers and social standing. It still amuses me when people we have known from many years back crosses our path and asked with amazement “Are you guys still together?” promptly followed by “How do you do it, what is your secret?”. The fact of the matter is we have no secret, there is no manual and no easy short cuts. Making a relationship and/or marriage last takes a lot of work, dedication, communication, commitment, respect and sacrifice from both parties. It’s also not always sunshine and pink roses, rainbows and butterflies and earth shattering sex. You have to be committed to make the relationship work even when times are tough, even if you have a sexual slumps and when you sometimes feel less in love with your partner due to whatever fight you had or problem you face.
Having read the article about the “Super Gay Couples” I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing. Having a gay relationship that last should not be idealized, as it makes it seem unattainable. I also don’t think that there is anything such as a “Super Couple” in heterosexual relationships they too share many of the same relationships issues. All relationships have 1 central thing in common - it takes 2 dedicated people to make it work. Love and respect, in my opinion, are central to any relationship and your partner should also be your best friend - if these 3 things are secure the rest of the pieces will naturally fall into place.

Maybe there are “Super Couples” out there with special powers that cross the globe doing super things. If they are out there, I hope they have cute matching super hero outfits and share their secret with the rest of us normal folk. Until that time the only wisdom I can impart is love is not for the faint of heart and successful relationships are not destined for the lazy and uncommitted.

Till next time!

Kathy Griffin She'll Cut A Bitch
(COPYRIGHT KATHY GRIFFIN AND BRAVO TV)

I never did mind the little things!

This past week I realized I received my Botox treatment in the nick of time, as life’s “little” annoyances definitely would have aged me prematurely. During the last 7 days I endured stress ranging from what most would view as mundane to quite significant. First my Facebook account was disabled without warning, secondly a family member ran into trouble in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and thirdly I am in the process of changing jobs.

The combination of all three had had me experience emotions ranging from anger, frustration, irritation, stress, fear to relieve. Not all these issues are resolved at present, but it had me appreciate what is really important in life!

My Facebook account was disabled on Wednesday last week. No warning messages, no explanation nothing! One day I had over 4000 friends and a fan page for my blog with 1200 fans and the next day all traces of my being was erased. It’s as if I no longer existed! Quite a few people noticed my mysterious disappearance, which made me feel kind of blessed – at least some people noticed and missed me! To me it felt like Facebook’s Super Nanny ordered me to take a time-out and go sit on the naughty chair without explaining to me what I did wrong. What makes it worse is the fact that they are also not communicating with me, and I am getting the silent treatment as well!

Oh the horror of being excommunicated from a cyber community! The shame… The isolation...

All 4000 of friends disappeared somewhere into cyberspace and I have no means of contacting them – it’s like I died a cyber death! They really should establish a Cyber Obituary for people who have experienced the same thing. At least then your friends will know of your untimely cyber demise.

The frustration of trying to contact a company that only choose to communicate with their clients through e-mails, had me yearning for the days when one could actually speak to a human being instead of getting automated responses by bots, with impersonal replies and no speedy resolution. At least some of my friends decided to take action and have e-mailed the Facebook Black Hole of Appeals and if I am lucky someone will eventually read 1 of these e-mails and reinstate my account. In the mean time I'm in exile from Facebook, isolated and forced to interact with my friends in the real world - which isn’t such a bad thing but is hell on my phone bill! The Facebook drama has taught me the value of true friendship and to never put all your eggs in 1 basket (one social networking webpage). Currently, I am suffering from Facebook withdrawal symptoms and I am wondering whether there are any support groups that I can join!

“Hello my name is Pierre and I am an Excommunicated Facebook Addict!”

Over the weekend we learned that the patriarch of our family ran into trouble in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). He was being held “hostage” there and was unable to return to South Africa. This made my Facebook woes seem quite insignificant! If there is one place in the world you never want to run into trouble it is an African country! I don’t know how many people have ever tried to contact an attaché of an Embassy or a Consulate over a weekend – it’s almost next to impossible! Being the persistent bitch that I am, and dealing well with multi-tasking, trouble shooting and getting things done I managed to get hold of someone on Sunday. The person was quite shocked that our family member was told that the Embassy could not assist him because his problem was not of a political nature. So on Monday someone was fired from the embassy, and I am sure that individual will take greater care in future not to make reckless statements due to laziness and/or apathy. We were lucky that the Embassy took swift action and secured our patriarch's safe return. The whole experience was stressful and the fear and uncertainty of having a family member in a dire situation in a foreign country and the sense of helplessness one experience is difficult to describe. It is also peculiar how one learns to what extend you will go to protect those you love when they are in danger!

They say the death of a loved one, divorce, relocating and changing jobs are the top 4 most stressful things a person can experience. I can honestly say that this is the truth. I have lived through all of these experiences apart from divorce. Currently being in the process of changing jobs for the second time in 2 years I must admit I find the process taxing.

Negotiations, paperwork, meetings, getting signatures, and dealing with Human Resource Departments are getting to point where I want to scream ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! At this stage I just want to pack my little cardboard box with my little private nick-knacks and move offices! Unfortunately, like most things in my work environment, things happen at a snails pace testing my patience. I have tried working on this virtue they call “patience”, which I seem not to have, by growing bonsai trees and orchids. The bonsai trees have died and the orchids refuse to flower! I have made peace with the fact that my career transition will take time, so I will wait impatiently for all the red tape to be completed, and grind my teeth with every delay and bare it!

With the past 7 days and the associated dramas I have come to realize that there is no use in sweating the small stuff. In life you will experience a crisis from time-to-time, some significant others mundane. Your attitude in dealing with each little blow life deals you greatly will determine the general outcome. There is a line in a movie that has become a motto for me during trying times that say “I never did mind the little things”. The most important things in my life, which I have gained greater appreciation for this week are: The safety of my loved ones; having true friends; being healthy; and being fortunate enough to have a job and being able to live a comfortable life. Everything else is just a bonus – the cherry on the cake! I urge all of us to have a good look at our own life and list all the things that we deem most important - I am sure the list will open up all our eyes as to what truly is important in life.

Till next time!

Vidur Kapur

Botoxified

Every so often we find ourselves looking in the mirror and some of us find something small that we would like to change. For some people it’s their nose, others their teeth, wrinkles, sagging eyes, breasts or cheeks. Very few of us actually do something about it. Maybe it’s due to the cost associated with fixing our little flaws or maybe because some are ashamed. This week I decided to fix a little flaw I had, and decided to undergo a small and relatively painless cosmetic procedure. This experience had me question myself regarding vanity, whether I should be ashamed of having taken the next step to slowing the ageing process or whether I should stand up and be proud of it.

Now, I am no stranger to the world of cosmetic procedures, as I have had 1 yearly cosmetic touch-up ritual: For the past 5 years I have been bleaching my teeth, as being a smoker and having pearly whites are mutually exclusive. I have never been ashamed of bleaching my teeth as it's common practice amongst many of my peers. However, once it comes to having more cosmetic work done it starts becoming controversial - especially if you are only 31 years old! Being gay, and admittedly fighting the good fight against ageing, I have long ago begun researching non-invasive anti-ageing procedures but it’s only recently that I decided to take the next step to what, in my mind, I perceived to be total vanity!

For a long time I have been considering Botox but have always been too scared to go, as I have seen the pictures of the horror stories – and I didn’t want to be one of those expressionless monsters! Unfortunately, I have a tendency to frown upon a lot of things – literally! I frown when I am tired, when people annoy me, when I am angry, when people bore me, when I am pensive and when I am stressed. All this frowning has culminated in 2 very distinct and unflattering frown lines between my eyebrows and 2 very pronounced lines on my forehead. These combinations of frown lines not only make me look older but also have the tendency to make me look unfriendly. So after my husband politely told me to stop frowning while I was watching a documentary on television, I unconsciously made up my mind about fixing this behavioral pattern.

As I became more vocal on the subject matter of Botox in my social circle the Botox Closet opened and a few of my closeted Botox friends revealed themselves. I was amazed, as I never suspected any of them of having had it done. I always thought all Botoxians looked like Nicole Kidman! I was pleasantly surprised to find my friends still able to express emotions adequately and they all have a distinct refreshed and rested look. So I had to get their doctor’s number!

Calling up the plastic surgeon, his secretary answered and I requested an appointment. She asked me what it was for, and in a shy voice I answered “It’s for Botox” (expecting some kind of surprised response which luckily didn’t materialize). It’s astonishing how many times I changed my mind about showing up for my appointment. Even on my way to the Dr I found myself questioning my motive for getting the procedure done, questioning myself about issues of vanity and whether I was still too young to start down this, what I had convinced myself as being, a slippery path to cosmetic addiction.

I mustered the courage to make it to the consultation room and soon found myself face-to-face with myself holding a mirror explaining to the Dr where my flaws were. He had me frown over and over again, while making several markings on my forehead. I was visibly nervous, not so much of the needles and what lay ahead, but because I feared something going wrong (in my mind images of Michael Jackson flashed before my eyes). The Dr reassured me that there were minimal risks and that the procedure is safe. After I was satisfied, he started the injections; all the while explaining to me exactly what he was doing, being compassionate and even cracking a joke here and there. The procedure was relatively pain free and lasted only 20 minutes. When the procedure was concluded I was told that the full effect will only start revealing itself within 3 to 7 days.

As the hours and days past I started to see the results. My husband was the 1st to notice that I looked less stressed (even though I wasn’t). The frown lines slowly started to disappear as the targeted muscles started to respond to the treatment. It’s a weird sensation when the Botox starts working, as you do not feel numb but your ability to frown as before slowly disappears. I found myself in a heated argument with a colleague shortly after the treatment and a bystander later commented that I sounded angrier than I looked during the altercation – that’s when I realized I did the right thing getting Botox! Why should life’s little annoyances age me prematurely?

Having now graduated from bleaching my teeth to getting Botox I must admit I am not ashamed of either cosmetic procedure. Having small little touch ups done fixing small flaws may be considered vanity by some. However, having had it done I am pleased with the results and look and feel great. Anyone who considers having any cosmetic procedure done should do their research well before hand, to prevent becoming one of those horror pictures. We all sometimes look in the mirror and some of us find something small that we would like to change. I have come to the conclusion, that if you have the means to change what you don’t like don’t let fear or pride prevent you from doing so, whether it’s a cosmetic procedure or any other life change!

Till next time!

Were The World Mine

Dirty Business

Having just survived another African Democratic Election, I am relieved and slightly blue. All the build up and sometimes dirty political campaigns created great expectations of change and a new political landscape. Many political parties were actively wooing the gay & lesbian vote, with promises of putting openly gay politicians in high profile positions. After having casted my vote the final result have now been announced, leaving me asking myself the question - since when have politics become more about political whoring and slander than actually selling of policies and clean politics?
Earlier this week I was quite perturbed about the fact that many GLBT community members showed apathy towards participating in the elections. Like any self respecting homosexual with a keen sense of activism I ranted and raved about this issue on the Internet to the point of nauseating myself. Whether my rants ushered a few homosexuals into the elections queues, I am not sure, but I sure hope it did.
For the past few months the run up to the elections was fraught with controversy. Our president was impeached, the biggest political party appeared to split with another party being born as a result and charges of fraud and corruption was dropped against our soon to be new president. In our country you are innocent until proven guilty, but if you are a politician your are guilty until proven innocent. So whether our new president actually is a criminal has now become immaterial (most of our political leaders have spent some time in jail as political prisoners, so a prison wrap sheet is essential in our government).
When we heard that Madonna wanted to adopt another African child, most of us in South Africa became very excited. You see we have a politician associated with the youth league of a prominent political party. The guy who can no longer be considered to be youthful still acts like a naughty little child and his public mutterings are as embarrassing as the inappropriate references made by a child at family dinners. So we prayed Madonna would leave Malawi, come to South Africa and adopt our problem child, but she never did! Damn you Madonna!!! Julius would have made a nice contribution to your family and you are the only woman, I believe, who could have taught Julius some manners.

Like all elections all our street lamps had a mosaic of political campaign posters, all boring as hell. The radio and television adds were uninspired and underwhelming. When it came to speeches the whoring and slander started. Politicians, in my opinion, behaved like red light district prostitutes trying to solicit voters with the equivalent of political sex talk. They will love you for a long time (5 years to be exact) for a small fee of 2 little crosses on 2 big papers. They highlighted their opponent’s flaws and over emphasizing how going to bed with their competitors will darken your future (no pun intended!). At the end of the day it came down to some mudslinging and wrestling and not the sexy kind!

On voting day my husband and I decided to join the lunch time voters – big mistake! We stood in what felt like an endless queue for 2 hours. In front of us were 2 young and irritating girls who kept on talking about boyfriends, gossiped about their friends and acting their age. They said they jogged everyday, but by judging on how big their behinds were, I am sure the only jogging they did was between the fridge and the couch. Behind us was a nice straight couple with a little 2 year old boy who did not think queuing for the elections were fun. The poor child cried for most of the 2 hours (reminding me why I am not quite ready to adopt a child).

My vote went to the political party I believe will work the hardest for me and my country, the one party I was willing to climb into bed with. The outcome of the elections wasn't very much of a surprise to any of us, but the small victories came as a pleasant glimmer of hope. Many political parties failed to make their mark during the elections and many have been wiped off the political map. Their whoring was not good enough and some are sulking they didn’t have enough funds. Politics is a dirty business! This year’s elections were a hard fought one, but I am disappointed in many politicians for how they chose to run their campaigns. The days of clean politics appear to me to have taken a back seat this year, but with all the whoring and slander it sure was a fun election campaign to watch and participate in. Thank god for democracy!

Till next time.

Milk Trailer

Caution: Free range kids, cats, dogs, frogs and fairies!

There are 2 social events that I dread; both have the potential to bring tears to your eyes for very different reasons. They are weddings and funerals! No matter how much I try to avoid them, I have to endure at least 1 every year. This past weekend changed my aversions towards 1 such event as we attended the most memorable wedding. The venue was a precious little mountain village called Kaapsehoop, population 120. Apart from the breath taking beauty the little village also has some mysteries and even a ghost.
We arrived at the village during the early afternoon. It’s always difficult to describe in words the atmosphere of a place. The village had a sense of tranquility, natural earthly beauty and a sense of freedom about it. Everywhere you look there was something eye catching, from little chickens, ducks, bunnies to horses. I was enchanted by the place. During the late afternoon we took relatively short hike to a look out point, where we bathed in the most spectacular view. The view had to be spectacular as the small hike was up hill and I would have been severely pissed off if it was a disappointment – I broke a sweat after all!

Upon our return we came across some wild horses. Adoring horses, I could not resist going up to them and pet a few. A couple of the horses showed complete disinterest in me, but one found me interesting and allowed me close enough to stroke him. The horse seemed to enjoy the attention as did I, until my husband indicated that the horse was really enjoying what I was doing. I thought to myself “off course he is, I love horses and they generally like me”. Then my husband repeated himself and emphasized the words “really enjoying”. My eyes wondered down to the horse’s male area and were horrified to discover an erection. Immediately I cautiously attempted to walk away. Evidently the horse was not quite done with me and he pursued me and sucked on my arm. This freaked me out and I feared rape and the resulting newspaper headlines flashed before my eyes. Thankfully, I made it away safely and I avoided that particular horse for the rest of the weekend!
That evening we had pre-wedding feast with all the guests of the wedding party. It was pleasant to get to know some of the guest before the actual event and the evening was packed with laughter and the air filled with excitement. The village is rumored to have a ghost lurking around. At dinner we discussed this and laughed it off. However, when I went to the bathroom I had a paranormal experience. After I finished my business I tried to open the bathroom door, and it refused to open. It was almost as if someone or something was pushing the door shut. Not having my phone with me I panicked. I was stuck in the toilet for 10 minutes and just as I was preparing to embarrass myself by screaming for help the door suddenly opened. Whether it was the ghost or just a simple malfunction I will never know, and don’t particularly care to find out. Ghosts are not my thing.
The actual wedding was fantastic. The bride looked like a princess and the groom like her prince. Their love for each was clearly visible and contagious. We were all in awe of what felt like a magical moment. The bride being my husband’s best friend she also shares in his attention to detail and is painfully organized. So it came as no surprise that the whole wedding went off without a single hitch. Everything transpired with military precision and all seemed effortless. We had a grand party after with all the guests and even the staff dancing the night away. We also made some new and interesting friends, all who threatened me with my life and few drunken photo’s to never ever publish their relationship horror stories, which is a pity as they truly are interesting.
The morning after the wedding I was woken up by singing: Our room was right next to the church and they were having their Sunday service. Being hung over from the night before the singing of hymns was not quite good for my head ache, at least the service lasted only and hour. After we packed our bags we joined friends for breakfast. We reflected on the weekend’s events and parted having had a wonderful time. Our weekend at Kaapsehoop was magical and I was a little sad to leave. In the village they have a road sign that reads “Caution: Free range kids, cats, dogs, frogs and fairies!” This is 1 of only 3 road sign there and I believe this road sign sums up the spirit and sense of humor of this quirky little village.

Till next time.

Boystown: West Hollywood (Reality Television Pilot )

Life is a Drag

Sunday night my husband and I went to a drag show in one of the hottest clubs in our city, as it's not called Legends for nothing. We haven’t been to a drag show in ages. It was an evening filled with over the top outfits, fabulous wigs, exciting impersonations, comedy, drama, a broken stiletto and even an injury resulting in blood being drawn. Returning home in the wee hours of Monday morning, admittedly being a little tipsy, I reflected on the show and thought to myself who ever said being a successful drag artist doesn’t take blood, sweat and tears?

Technically my first date with my husband was a drag show much like the one we attended. Ironically 2 of the artist that preformed were also performing the evening of our 1st date. The divine divas Bianca Bovia and Nomi Peron! It’s astonishing that both divas are still performing 11 years later, and still is mesmerizing on stage. Miss Peron, in my opinion, still does the best Tina Turner impersonation I have ever seen and has the greatest legs. For them to be on stage a decade is quite an achievement, many Hollywood stars doesn’t even have that kind of staying power.

However, the show wasn’t all standing ovations. The Cher impersonator scared me! She looked the way I imagine Cher would have looked like now, if she didn’t have all her surgeries, but at least the outfit was perfectly Cher! I’m no Simon Cowall but I also thought the male live performance was slightly narcissistic and over acted and the guy honestly underwhelmed me. At least he has a great voice and was the only live singing performance of the night.

Other performances that caught my attention were the performance of Miss Cleo Houston Brown and her impersonation of Whitney Houston and the solo cabaret performance. With the Whitney performance I could imagine Whitney being alone in her basement studio in her home, high on crack wearing her favorite dress and performing her little heart out to an imaginary audience in her drug induces state thinking this is the best performance of her life. It was the perfect Whitney impersonation! The cabaret solo performance was perfectly acted and the humor perfectly timed. I found the artist engaging and her choice of material very well suited for her old fashioned over the top style of drag performance. The beehive wig impressed me as I imagine with all the mirrors in it, it could have multiple uses – you can use it either to check your make up or use it as a weapon for self defense.

When it comes to Celine Dion’s “My Heart will go on” I must admit if I have to see one more drag artist perform that song I will scream! However, the rendition we saw was very amusing for the most part because the artist was injured during the performance. Imagine a drag queen in a very expensive looking bikini, sitting in a steel tub paddling her way to shore with a tennis racket; her aching heart painfully visible on her face. Suddenly out of no where she gets thrown with ice multiple times and soaked in water. All of this is done for added drama! Unfortunately, the artist’s hand got cut by a piece of ice, but being the professional she is she finished the performance. By the end she and her bikini were covered in blood – a very dramatic ending to a very dramatic performance. However, I wish “My Heart will go on” would have sunk with the Titanic, as it was beautiful once but now due to it having been over played over the years, it pains my ear drums and agitate my nerves.

Sunday’s drag show lifted my spirit for the week. It was light hearted and free entertainment which I highly recommend. Whether straight or gay no one should ever have to die without having been to a drag show. It’s an injustice you’d do to yourself. There are many successful international drag artists like Rupaul, Jackie Beat & Hedda Lettuce, all famous and talented in their own right. But let’s not forget our own drag celebrities in South Africa, the likes of The Tuck Shop Girls (with my favorite aunty Chrystal Chandelier) and Mince, not excluding all the artists I mentioned earlier.

Life is a drag, and we should all enjoy it! Without our drag queens the GLBT community would be a dull bunch. So thank you to all our Queens for making us laugh, making us cry and entertaining us!

Till next time.

Beaver by Jackie Beat (Please be adviced this video clip is for the mature audience and not for the easily offended!)

Why Should only Straight People Suffer?

Same-sex marriage became legal in South Africa on 30 November 2006 when the Civil Unions Bill was enacted after having been passed by the SA Parliament earlier that month. South Africa became the 5th country, and the 1st in Africa, to legalize same-sex marriage. Now this was a historic occasion for me and my boyfriend of 8 years as we decided to tie-the-knot, and share in the marital bliss of our heterosexual counter parts. Being true homosexuals we decided to do everything in reverse, as we are just fagalicious in that way.

With all marriages you have to endure 5 events before you end up being husband & husband. There is the engagement party, the bachelor’s party, the wedding ceremony, the reception and the honeymoon and usually in that order. Well, at least that’s traditionally how straight people do it. Being gay and this “marriage thing” being very new to us we approached it unconventionally. Now, I don’t hate weddings I just have a strong aversion to the administrative, planning and production side to them. I also don’t see the purpose of some of the traditions and grand order of how a marriage should be consummated. So when we decided that we were going to get married there was only 1 demand from my side – No Wedding Ceremony & No Church! This came as a big disappointment to my husband who like all gay boys dreamed of his perfect fairy tale wedding. After some pouting and negotiation we came to a compromise. We were going to only have a reception for a few of our closest friends, and all the planning and wedding drama was squarely put on my husband’s competent shoulders, and I was happy to just pay my share of the bills.

We decided to skip the engagement party and go on our honeymoon first. We spend the most fantastic 10 days in Egypt. Had cocktails on the Nile, rode Arabian horses in the desert, sun bathed and snorkeled in the red sea. I am aware that the choice of country to celebrate our pending wedlock was a bit strange, it being a Muslim country where homosexuality is illegal and you can get a jail sentence if caught. I must admit we were a bit cautious about being affectionate with each other in public there, but it didn’t stop us from enjoying ourselves or the country. We ended our final evening in Egypt skinny dipping in the red sea, which I highly recommend! On the flight back I proposed to my husband that we become members of the mile high club, but the flight being Egypt Air he wisely declined my offer, so we are not members yet.

Returning from our honeymoon we broke the news of our pending marriage to friends and family. Some were overjoyed others confused. Questions arose about changing of our surnames: My husband and I share the same name and initials. If we were to have changed our surnames to a double barrel surname, sorting mail would have become a huge issue. So for this obvious reason and for professional purposes we kept our respective surnames. A few weeks after same sex marriage was officially legalized we went to a minister’s office with 2 witnesses. In a 30 minute unofficial ceremony we were married. It was simple, uncomplicated and emotional. Receiving that unpretentious piece of paper, legally recognizing our commitment to each other filled me with an indescribable sense of pride for my country and love for my husband. Finally our relationship of 8 years was official and legal!

A month later we had our reception. We booked out an entire section of our favorite restaurant. We had 20 fabulous guests (Actually 21 because 1 guest was pregnant at the time). It was a fun filled evening with laughter, champagne and off course amazing gifts. With our reception we successfully completed the marriage cycle, skipping a few events and doing things in reverse. Looking back on our unconventional wedding almost 3 years ago, I still get a smile on face and I am still in love with my old ball & chain. I am one lucky bastard!

Many people speculated that giving gay people the right to marry would ruin society, degrade the sanctity of marriage and make divorce lawyers millions. God forbid that gay people can actually get married, adopt children and stay married and be happy! The legalization of gay marriage in South Africa has not ruined society; yes there have been a few divorces in the mean time but as far as I know the divorce rate is still much higher amongst heterosexuals.

My wish for the rest of the world is to follow the example of South Africa and allow all GLBT people to get married.

After all why should only straight people have to suffer marriage?

Till next time!

Wanda Sykes on Gay Marriage