Fuck you Uganda!

As a professional practicing homosexual who is most certainly guilty of aggravated homosexuality, naturally I want to give you my two cents worth on the Anti-Gay-Bill that the President of Uganda signed yesterday.  I do not want to mention him by name because I fear that God will send lightning bolts down from the heavens to strike me as I am such a worm infected abomination according to the Ugandan Government.

According to the Ugandan President I am also a prostitute by default or like he prefers to say “all gays are mercenaries”.  It seems as if Africa is having one hell of a homophobic revival which seems to be fueled by religious fanatics, Christian and Muslim alike.  Since when did homosexuals become such a threat to African Governments that they now need laws and the encouragement of public violence against our people?  Are we really that dangerous?

Well I guess the simple answer to this question would be yes.  Why else would certain African countries go out of their way the imprison us.  Not so long ago the same thing happened to the Jews, Gypsies and Homosexuals in Europe.  It was called the Holocaust and it now seems like history is about to repeat itself in Africa.

We as the LGBT people have worked very hard and fought tirelessly for the rights we have today:  The right to get married; the right to adopt children; the right to be equal under the law and the right to be who we are.  Yet, in certain parts of the world draconian laws are being revived that threatens our very existence.  You may say I am being overdramatic but just read what bizarre things the President of Uganda believe about homosexuals and then tell me again that I am being overdramatic.

For one, he believes that we give each other worms during sex.  I have been gay for over thirty years and I never got worms from anyone.  I mean for god sake, how would that even work?  Is it a new STD that I have never heard of?  Is it something that only happens in Uganda?

He further claims that all homosexuals are actually heterosexuals who just have sex with the same sex for money.  Also, I have been gay for over three decades and I have never been paid for sex.  I cannot believe that I have screwed myself like this.  I could have made a shit load of money by now.  But then again how would that work.  Who would pay who?  If both guys pay each other for sex wouldn’t that financial exchange just cancel each other out?  And if you don’t get paid for sex, are you still really gay?

The Ugandan president also claims that none of us were born gay.  Apparently this was proven by scientist which seriously makes me question the Ugandan education system.  Does he not know that homosexuality is also found in nature across many different species?  Are these animals prostitutes as well?

He also said that oral sex is a culture and that the mouth was engineered for kissing and not for oral sex.  Guess whose wife refuses to give him blow jobs because she does not “condone that kind of culture”.  Well Mr President, if you want to get all scientific and technical and shit, the mouth was actually engineered for eating and the act of kissing is also an “unnatural” act.  Maybe you should criminalize kissing as well while you are at it.

The intellectual giant also explained that the “address for sex” is the vagina, not the mouth or your rectum.  If you use your ass and mouth for sex you will get worms and contract Hepatitis B.  We all know the worm part is ludicrous because you will most likely only get worms by fucking a corpse and I strongly condemn necrophilia.  As for Hepatitis B, you can also contract that from toilet seats.  Does this now mean that all Ugandans must avoid toilet seats as well?  Why not just declare toilets homosexual tools and ban them!  With your logic it makes sense, don’t you agree Mr President?

The West has also been blamed for homosexuality in Uganda.  According to the Ugandan President, Westerners come to Uganda to recruit “normal” people into homosexuality, effectively making these poor defenseless people gay whores.  Having traveled in Africa and being a professional practicing homosexual I can declare that I not even once recruited any person to become gay.

Also, being an African I can confirm that nobody recruited me to be who and what I am.  The Ugandan President also stated that he has a huge problem with gay people “exhibiting themselves”.  In other words showing that they are gay.  Well, unfortunately for most of us we cannot help it because that is just the way we are.  Some guys are femme and some girls are butch and there is nothing we can do about it.

I am still not allowed to enter the boarders of Uganda as the travel ban the Ugandan Government imposed on me in 2010 is still valid.  Apparently they view me as a gay terrorist and a threat to their national security.  It’s actually ridiculous because all of this is due to the fact that we tried to facilitate the escape of a lesbian couple out of Uganda.  We did this in order for them to tell their story of abuse, discrimination, corrective rape and the constant fear of death they face every day in Uganda.  We never managed to get them out of Uganda and I have not have contact with them since.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them.  If they are still alive the recent turn of events in Uganda does not bode well for them or any of our other LGBT brothers and sisters over there.  Our people are being brutally oppressed in Africa and we cannot just sit around and allow this to happen.  We must stand up and fight.  Edmund Burke once said “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”.

Till next time.