Sometimes it is easy to forget
how fortunate we are as LGBT South Africans.
We life in a country where our constitutional rights are protected,
where we can legally marry who we love and where we can adopt children; we live
in a country where we have all the same rights as everybody else. And for this we should be grateful. It is sometimes easy to forget that this is
not the case for all LGBT people across the world and that in some cases just
being gay can get you killed. But I don’t
want to dwell on negativity today.
Today I received some good news
from my employer and this news just yet again made me grateful that I live in a
country where I am no longer considered to be a second class citizen. Today I was told that my employer will grant
me full maternity/paternity leave when our precious baby is placed with
us. Being granted full paternity leave
means that I will receive four months of fully paid paternity leave to make
sure that our baby fully adjust and bond with us during a time that must be incredibly
traumatic for any infant. This is
something not all gay adoptive parents have the privilege to get and I am fully
aware how lucky I am.
For those of you who have been
following our adoption journey thus far will know that adoption is not for the
faint of heart. It is an emotional
roller-coaster leaving you quite winded and emotive at times. It feels as if you are in a perpetual state
of uncertainty yet you are required to be practical, optimistic and
patient. The latter is the one
requirement I am struggling with the most.
Being the type of person who is proactive with most things in my life (I
blame my profession for this) and somewhat of a control freak (I am working on
this) the fact that I can neither control nor anticipate what is about to
happen, especially when it comes to timelines, sometimes drives me nuts.
We have no control over when we
will get a placement. We have no control
over which mother, if any, will pick us to raise her child. We have no control over other people’s conservative
life views and we have no control over or opportunity to help any prospective
mother look past her own biases, which maybe homophobic by nature, and accept
that a gay couple can raise her child with as much love and opportunities as
any other straight couple out there. In
fact, we have no control over anything in the adoption process other than the
few things we can control in our present childless life. We have to place our confidence in our social
worker and the adoption agency. After all
this is what they do and we have to trust in them and their judgment,
competency and experience.
Next month we will be completing
Phases II and III of the adoption process.
This involves psychometric tests, separate personal interviews, joint
interviews, a house visit by the social worker and a panel interview. It is quite daunting to say the least. I mean, when I underwent my Top Secret
Security clearance it was less invasive than this, but I guess when it comes to
a child there is no such thing as too
invasive, right? It is a big deal and I
wouldn’t expect anything less. After we
finish these two phases, by mid November, the waiting begins. The waiting for that one phone call that will
irrevocably change our lives forever.
Luckily we are already prepared
(like I said, I am proactive and a control freak). The nursery has been set up and is fully
furnished. Our house is baby proof and
the pool is secure. We have also
acquired all the basic essentials that one would need. The only things we are putting off buying are
things like bottles, dummies and formula as we will only know what brands to
buy about two weeks before placement. So
at the moment we are on standby for 2014.
Realistically I don’t think there is a chance in hell that anything will
happen any sooner unless there is some kind of miracle. And we all know how rare miracles are these
days - especially small ones!
When I sit back and remove myself
from this experience and examine it as an outsider I often wonder if my husband
and I fully appreciate how lucky we truly are.
We have been together for 15 years of which we have been legally married
for 7. We have a loving and stable
relationship, family who love and support us, employers who don’t discriminate
against us and we are about to have a family of our own. How many gay people can say that? And better yet, how many gay people yearn for
this. Sometimes we forget how lucky
we are but today I decided that I will remind myself of all my blessing and
be grateful for them.
Till next time.
2 comments:
It's great that they're going to give you paternity leave!
I think so as well. I am truly lucky.
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