Screw this, I’m Moving to Mars

All of us sometimes reach the point where we are so tired of all the bullshit that we want to pack up our lives and run away.  You know, those times when work gets to be too much or those times when some idiot pisses you off causing you to have serious doubts about the future of humanity.  Well now there is an opportunity for you to do just that.  Now you can literally leave this planet of assholes behind.  You see a Dutch company has launched Mars One which is a private spaceflight project led by Dutch entrepreneur Bas Landsdorp and they aim at establishing the first permanent human colony on Mars.  AND they want volunteers!  So you, yes you, could be one of two men and two women who will touch down on Mars in ten years time ensuring your place in the history books.  But before you get all excited, there is a catch.  There always fucking are.

Since this project was launched in June of 2012 thousands of people have applied to be the first humans to live on Mars.  Watching some of their videos I do suspect that not all of them truly comprehend the enormity of their decisions.  The catch is that if you are selected, and you do go to Mars, it will be a one way trip.  You will not be coming back.  You will die there, we are just not sure what the timeline will be on  that.  The reason you will not be coming back to earth are twofold:  One, the technology to bring you back does not exist at this time and two, after spending two years on Mars at 38% of earth’s gravity your body would have adjusted to Mars’ gravity and if you were to come back to earth you will instantly die because your body would not be able to tolerate earth’s gravity.  So, if you leave earth you will do so permanently.  

Don’t get me wrong, Mars One does seem like a unique opportunity.  After all on earth there are so much drama and so many fools you have to suffer.  Who wouldn’t want to get away from all of this and emigrate to another planet?  There have been days when I watched the news and secretly thought that the world was going to shit.  It has also crossed my mind that just maybe our galaxy is some science project an alien kid got a D for and now sits on a shelve in his room gathering dust.  All the while we are blissfully unaware of this and we mindlessly continue blowing each other up and destroying our environment.  Just look at North Korea, I swear that one day their Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un will nuke us all!  And if he doesn’t get us some terrorist group will.  In which case if you were on Mars you would be safe.

To be honest I don’t think I would want to leave earth just yet.  There are too many things holding me back.  I mean really, I only recently got hooked on televisions shows like The Walking Dead, True Blood and I really want to see how Revenge will end.  Also, The New Normal and Modern Family are doing groundbreaking work and I feel obliged to watch and support these shows, it’s my duty as a gay man!  Also being a horror movie fanatic I would hate missing all the new movies that are released as I don’t believe there will be much entertainment on Mars.  I also cannot see how I could leave my Zoo behind and I am sure they will not allow hubby and I to take our 5 cats, two bunnies, a tortoise and a fish with us to Mars.  And you know there will be no gay donkeys on Mars either.  So what will be the point of going?  The view?  The bragging rights? I think not.

Mars One states that with this project over a course of a few years, starting in 2023, forty humans will be sent to Mars.  That’s a lot of people.  Say you are one of them and after a couple of months you have a falling out with a few of your fellow Martians, what will you do?  You are stuck there with them, you cannot come home and you definitely can’t go outside without a spacesuit.  You are stuck with those assholes in a confined space for the rest of your life.  Will you be able to handle it?  I wouldn’t.  The other major problem I have is the food issue.  Everyone that will be living on Mars will be vegans.  They won’t have a choice.  I would die if I had to be a vegan.  I love my meat and cheese and I am in love with bacon!  Never being able to eat it again will be like a virtual death sentence or the diet from hell.  This in itself is the one major reason I have not volunteered.  Bacon is preventing me.

Mars is also not the most hospitable planet.  Any number of things can kill you on that planet.  One little mistake and the entire group of people can be wiped out in seconds.  It is also not like if something goes wrong you will be evacuated.  One way or another you are going to die there (I cannot emphasize this enough).  In the event that one of the Martians falls pregnant do we even know if that pregnancy will be successfully carried to full term?  Do we have any idea what that baby will look like?  The one thing we do know for certain is that if this does happen that baby will never be able to come to earth and the child will be well and truly an “alien”.  But let’s not be negative.  With all the uncertainty and enormous risk this project poses it does, in my eyes, show the essence of humanity which is our innate urge to explore and to reach out into the unknown for the advancement of our own species.  This is something to be admired.

Do I think the people who are volunteering to go to Mars are crazy?  Maybe a little but I also admire their courage.  I think this will be one hell of a great experiment for humanity and we will definitely learn a great deal about prolonged space travel and the effect it and low gravity has on the human body.  The only concern I do have is how we as a world family will react if this whole project goes to shit and everyone involves die a slow and agonizing death while we sit here on earth and helplessly watch as it happens.  Will we be able to move forward from such a tragedy?  If this project does succeed how will this change us as human beings having the knowledge that we have conquered space and successfully colonized another planet?  What will we do and where will we go next?  I am left with so many questions…

If you feel like you will make an excellent Martian and want to apply for Mars One, CLICK HERE to apply.  Or you can just go and check out the application videos and judge those people in secret like I do.

Till next time.