It’s that time of year.
Animals are fornicating and plants are procreating and nature’s
debauchery that is called spring is fucking with my allergies. Each year for a full six weeks I walk around
wishing that gasmasks were in fashion and that I could wear one everywhere I
go. But this would not be socially
acceptable and would most probably freak people out, so I have to settle for antihistamines,
a nose spray and eye drops. I now know
how drug addicts must feel, instead of getting withdrawals if I don’t take my
drugs I get blood shot eyes, sinus and persistent sneezing which I am convinced
kills brain cells. Mother Nature can be
such a bitch and this is why I hate spring.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that spring hails a
farewell to winter, the fact that my garden seem to come alive with new flowers
and that the dullness of winter is replaced with vibrant new greenery. I also love the sweet perfume of jasmine and
purple rain that permeates the air in my garden and watching bees gorge themselves
on pollen and nectar. But what I love
about spring is also the things that literally make me feel like I want to
die. You see I have severe
allergies. The kind of allergies that
could justify me being encased in a bubble filled with purified air and that is
medically sterile. I am allergic to just
about everything except cats. Ok, so I
lie. I am a little allergic to cats too
and we have five.
Spring is the one time of year that my medical aid must
think that I am a total hypochondriac, with on average about 3-5 doctor visit
during this time every year. You see
when my allergies flare up it does so epically.
I look and feel like death warmed up with eyes so red it looks like I
partied hard the previous night and that I smoked a whole case load of marijuana. My voice goes and my nose start running like
it’s preparing for a marathon. It also usually
doesn’t stop there. Every year I get an
eye infection which is referred to as chronic allergy related pinkeye and when
I am really lucky I will also get an ear infection. This year I had both twice and spring is not
even really in full swing yet.
In an effort to at least try and make our house on the
inside tolerable for me I bought an air purifier. It’s a machine that sucks in air then takes
out all the impurities such as dust and pollen and also kills any germs and
bacteria that floats around and then blows out the clean air. You can also add special concentrated
extracts into the water that smells nice and helps you to relax. I guess it is doing its job because neither
hubby nor I have been sick since I bought it, but I suspect I need an
industrial sized one to completely get rid of my allergies and make our house
on the inside 100% pollen free. Things
have gotten so bad that if you stand outside in the garden you can physically
see the pollen floating around in the air and it is making my bronchi and
corneas shit themselves.
When we were house hunting we had very specific
requirements, one of them being that the property should have no grass. You see I am allergic to grass and we didn’t
want to spend our weekends having to mow the lawn. Life is too short the waste it behind a
lawnmower where as you could rather spend it with a cocktail in the pool. We also had a list of trees and plants, which
we at that time, knew I was allergic too.
So when we found our house it “semi” fit the bill and we then proceeded
to address the “semi” part and did some renovations. The one thing we however neglected to
research was some of the plants that were already in our garden and some of the
trees and hedges of our neighbors. So
came spring, that first year we lived in the house, and I was unpleasantly caught
off guard and found myself to be a whimpering snot filled ruby red eyed hot
mess. I was at ground zero of a pollen explosion
of mammoth proportions. It was like the
Hiroshima and Nagasaki of allergy and pollen hell, and I was trapped in the
middle!
It’s embarrassing having to go to work looking like you
washed your eyes out with acid, having sneezing attacks that last longer than
45 seconds and having been blessed by more people in one day than a visitor to
Vatican City. It’s embarrassing having
to stand nervously in line at the pharmacy looking like a meth addict waiting
to get your allergy alleviating drugs. But I have no choice. I love our
house and we still owe a shit load of money on the bond so we need to
stay. It’s also not like I can tell my
neighbors to cut down their trees and remove certain hedges just because I am
seriously allergic to them. So, I do the
only thing I can. For six weeks every
year I curse Mother Nature and call her things that’s not becoming of a
lady. But the bitch doesn’t listen and
clearly she doesn’t care. If only rapid
weight loss was also a side effect of severe allergies, maybe all this suffering
would be worth something. But instead I
have to diet AND suffer from
allergies. Gawd I hate spring!
Till next time.
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