Pet Peeves

Life can be filled with small annoyances that some of us bear with greater ease than others. Having spoken to some of my more neurotic friends I have come to realize that one’s pet peeves can shed light on one’s own idiosyncrasies. This let me to wonder what my pet peeves say about me.

One of my pet peeves is having to stand in a queue - I absolutely despise it! It’s worsened when I am standing in front of Chatter Box or a Moaner. When standing in a queue I am usually not in the mood for idle conversation and chatty people tend to find me rude as all my responses are limited to one word answers until they eventually leave me alone. The moaners who vocalize how staff is moving at a glacial speed, are incompetent and how this delay will adversely affect the rest of the busy schedules also makes my blood boil. Complaining has never and will never speed up any queue and the only assured effect is the frustration of those around you. Many a time I had the urge to turn around and smack such people behind the head and tell them to shut the hell up! But alas I never have.

Another of my pet peeves is punctuality. I absolutely hate being late and get really irritated when other people seemingly find it impossible to tell time. In South Africa this phenomena is know as “African Time”. The “African Time Syndrome” spans across all age, race and gender groups. One of my friends is a prime example of someone afflicted with this syndrome– she has never been on time for anything not even to her own birth being 3 weeks late! Whenever you invite to her a party or dinner you have to deceive her by telling her the shindig starts 90 minutes earlier than the actual time - even then she can be up to 30 minutes late. As the years passed we have come to accept this as one of her quirks. We have now made peace with the fact she has an incurable aversion toward punctuality and her wrist watch is purely an accessory.
Telemarketers are one of life’s annoyances that drive me nuts and bring out the bitch in me. The best way to deal with a persistent telemarketer, I have found, is to be firm, stand your ground and make sure you start every conversation with “If you are selling anything I am hanging up”. If this doesn’t deter them your next course of action is to ask the marketer 2 questions: “Are you rich?” and if the answer is No followed by “Then how the hell do you expect to make me rich!” This usually works with all insurance or wealth brokers. Your last and only recourse with all other forms of telemarketers is to ask whether what they are selling is “Free”. This usually throws them of balance. I have also found asking them what’s in it for them also causes mass confusion. When ever I am in a good mood I also enjoy teasing them. Inevitably I would be asked whether I am married and I find great satisfaction correcting them when they make reference to my “wife”. At this point the marketer usually is uneasy and I being an opportunist worsen their discomfort by interrogating their views regarding gay rights in Africa & the Middle East. As a result very few remember why they phoned me and the conversation is usually short lived.
There’s nothing more comforting in winter than standing in a warm shower after a long day but sometimes water pressure issues has caused me mini heart attacks. My husband has the nasty habit of flushing the toilet while I am enjoying a relaxing shower. As the cold water wash over me and my body goes into a cringing shock I am instantly taken back to my christening: Wearing a white dress and having a old man throwing cold water over my head while I am screaming my lungs out in my mother’s arms! I know my husband doesn’t do this on purpose, but I do – it’s my benevolent revenge! As I hear his high pitched shrieks echo from the bathroom I always wonder whether I made my point.

Being stuck in traffic and road works are near the top of my pet peeve list; worse than the above are the last of my pet peeves - “Sunday afternoon cruisers” and the “Purple dye club”. The “Sunday afternoon cruisers” are those individuals that think the speed limit is a recommendation and always tend to drive much slower than is suggested. They also don’t seem to understand the concept of keeping their car in their own lane and drive with an observable lack of urgency or courtesy.

The “Purple Dye club” are all our older drivers, the ones that should not be allowed behind any steering weal but instead should be driven by a designated driver from their retirement village. You can spot the “Purple Dye club” a mile away; they are the ones whose cars are crawling down the road with the driver barely visible with only a pair of heavy duty spectacles peaking over the steering weal which they cling to it for dear life with a noticeable anxiety. They are the drivers that always have freedom of way and it’s their god given right as your elder to cut you off. Very few know how to operate their indicators or understand the purpose of all the mirrors on their cars. Their reaction time is well over 1 minute and it takes them 10 minutes to manoeuvre their cars into a parking space plus an additional 10 minutes to enter and/or exit their vehicles. Once I waited almost 20 minutes for grandma & grandpa to get into their car and exit their parking space at a shopping mall. This is one of my little habits that exasperate my husband – I’d rather wait 20 minutes for a prime parking space than having to walk 100 meters.

If I had to list and explain all my pet peeves I could write a book thicker than War & Peace. Not everyone share similar irritations in life and I have also come to realize how easy it is to become immune to others. What my pet peeves say about me I am not sure as being able to examine one self objectively is nearly impossible. However, queues, punctuality, telemarketers, water pressure & bad drivers will remain high on my list of top pet peeves.

Till next time.

Funny Granny