Friday, November 13, 2015

It's Friday the 13th so don't be an asshole.

It's Friday the 13th and for all those superstitious folk out there, take a Xanax and stay in bed.

I have never believed that there is anything sinister about these "unlucky" Fridays. How can I? I have three black cats who continuously cross my path on a daily basis. Sure my cats are assholes but they have never caused a ladder to fall on me, break a mirror, spill salt or made me forget to touch wood to avoid bad luck. Sure they have tripped me, scratched me (for no reason) and sometimes sit and stare at the wall making weird noises but all of this is just to enforce their authority in the house. They also do this to make us aware that we are the inferior species. Cats like to remind us that they were once worshiped as Gods until some son of a bitch ruined everything for them. So they are just resentful and not evil. Mostly.

Furthermore, touching wood has never helped me to get a parking bay closer to the shop, made me win the lottery or caused me to get a 90% discount on my Botox. In other words  - I do not believe in any of this shit.  And we should stop being assholes to these Fridays. We will give them an inferiority complex or worse - make them resentful towards us.  We don't want them to be pissed off because they are being teased by the other Fridays and make them send Jason after us, now do we.  So don't be a dick and enjoy your weekend.

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