In January 2014 my blog will turn five years old. In blogging years that is like fifteen human years. When I started blogging there were many blogs that I read and enjoyed, but as the years gone by many of them simply ceased to exist. From the pool of blogs that I enjoyed reading only a handful are still active. Many bloggers simply grew bored with their blogs or moved on to newer better things or died. But I am still here. Why? Well, I am not sure. Blogging is a lot of work and updating my blog’s social media presence is a seven day a week job. It’s not like you get days off and, even worse, it’s not like you get paid to do it either (or at least I don’t). So I am left wondering, why do I do it and should I not just quit while I am ahead?
Many people think that blogging is easy. I mean, you just scribble a few thoughts down, try not to murder the English language with shitty grammar et voila – you have a blog post! Well it’s not. Many weeks I would message my friend and fellow blogger GeeGee with the words “What the fuck must I blog about this week?” She will attest to this. Yet, every week I manage cough up 900 to 1200 words, even though it’s seldom very cerebral and most certainly won’t cause you to have an epiphany about your own life. But people seem to enjoy it. I am not really sure how I do it, it just happens albeit sometimes forcibly and accompanied by an army of four letter words that I always have to edit out. You know, because you can’t curse like a sailor if you are about to become a dad.
Through the last few years I also made some “enemies” and I have received my fair share of hate mail. Luckily I’ve not receive any dead animal parts via FedEx or any credible death threats. Yet. Even though I am sure in some people’s minds they have thought about ways they’d like to permanently remove me from society. Fortunately for me I have grown use to hate mail and it doesn’t really affect me anymore. You can only be told that you are going to hell so many times before it completely loses its impact. I have also found that even within the LGBT community there are many folks who dislike me personally and my blog. Perhaps it’s because they envy what I have; a stable marriage of fifteen years, a career, a mildly successful blog and the fact that my husband and I are about to adopt a child. Who knows and who cares. We are all bitches sometimes.
Initially when I started my blog I wasn’t quite sure what it should be and I must admit that in the beginning I really sucked at it. But, as I continued I found my voice and my blog started to evolve into what it is today. Every time I hear or read about the plight of my LGBT brothers and sisters, how they are being oppressed and discriminated against, both locally and abroad, a little part of me dies. It saddens me and I have found that the only way to make it better is to write about it here on my blog. I am under no illusion that there are better forms of activism and of having your voice heard, but this is what I am most comfortable with. It is what it is and I won’t apologize for it. Being somewhat of a misguided optimist I also don’t like dwelling on negativity and firmly believe to look at the brighter side of life - hence my sometimes warped sense humor.
I firmly believe that if you cannot laugh at yourself you have not had enough therapy. Life can suck sometimes and the only way I get through those days that are just determined to be filled with assholes is by laughing. You’d be surprised how a sense of humor can get you through the toughest times. Well, humor and medication that is. They make a fabulous combination. Even at times when I am depressed and wallowing in self-pity I manage to find something to giggle about. And if I can’t then there are antidepressants. Coincidentally, the antidepressant I am on now is making me fat and it puts me in an impossible position: Do I stop taking them and have a Sylvia Plath moment or do I remain on them and become chubby(er)? I mean even my cat is making fun of my weight on her fan page because she to can be an asshole! And she is way more famous than I am on Facebook. But I digress...
You guys I have been blogging for a fucking long time and many weeks I thought about quitting my blog. I have even spoken to friends about it and their opinions have been varied. Some say yes quit and others say don’t. But in the end the final decision lies with me. So why do I still continue? Well the answer is simple – because you are still reading it. Some of you have been here since my blog was started, some of you left and came back and some of you are new. As long as there still is an audience for my blog I will continue write. I can’t promise that I won’t use shitty grammar, the odd F-word and I can’t promise that each week you will get Pulitzer Prize worthy mind meanderings to consume. But what I can promise you is this - each week when you return I will still be here. And to all my haters I have only one thing to say to you – suck it bitches!
Till next time.