The Crazy Lady from Nebraska & Gay Sex

There is a crazy lady who hates the gays.  Her name is Jane Svoboda and she lives in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Last week she testified at a non-discrimination ordinance meeting where she made some startling homophobic and inaccurately graphic statements.  Later in the week it was confirmed, by Jane’s family, that she really is crazy and suffering from schizophrenia.  That being said, I thought it appropriate to take a look at some of the statements she made about gays and gay sex and examine whether any of these statements are indeed true.

Jane said that during gay sex the penis goes into the anus, which is fairly accurate.   However, she also said that during anal intercourse the penis ruptures the intestines and the more gay men do this the greater our chances of becoming “a fatality or a homicider”.  Clearly Jane is a size queen and have come across some monster cocks in her life. I assume this because do you know how huge a guy’s dick would have to be to be able to rupture another guy’s intestines?  Besides KY (if used properly) can make anything fit without rupturing the rectum, intestines or an organ.  Besides I have never heard of a gay man that has ever been fucked to death or heard of a gay man being charged with homicide by large penis.  But then again, there is always a first time.  Isn’t there Jane?  But wait there’s more.  Jane also had some insights into paedophilia and AIDS.

Besides homicidal penises and fatal anuses, Jane went further and said that “a huge percentage of gay men in school grounds molest boys mainly because they don’t have AIDS yet”.  Why crazy people always automatically assume that all gay men are paedophiles boggles my mind; isn’t that solely reserved for Catholic Priests?

Sure, there are those gay men who prefer to date twinks but there’s one big difference – the twinks are of the legal age of consent.  As for the AIDS bit, these day there are many people, young and old, who are HIV+ and you cannot assume that just because a person is young that they are not HIV positive. Just as you cannot tell a person’s status just by looking at them.  That’s why there are condoms and a thing called save sex.  But sex with minors isn’t the only thing troubling poor Jane, it is the sex with corpses that really gets her blood boiling.

Jane mentioned something about the “Candida fungus that grows hugely on a corpse and that AIDS is a Candida fungus disease”.  It is true that Candida does grow on a corpse and one of its main functions is to help with decomposition.  But I don’t know any gay men, apart from Jeffrey Dahmer that is, who have sex with decomposed corpses.  Besides it being disgusting and morally wrong it is also illegal.

Here again Jane confused homosexuality with necrophilia.  Sure there are some gay men who suck in bed, just lie there and may as well be a corpse, but they still have a pulse and are alive and well.  Rigor mortis may be a turn on for Jane and Jeffrey, but as for the average homosexual the only body part that we prefer to be stiff during sex is a dick, not a limb.

According to Jane, Hillary Clinton went gay in college.  But don’t all straight folk do that in college anyway?  Personally, I have always thought that Hillary would have made a very respectable power lesbian; just look at the way she dresses and some of her hairstyles.  I am also sure that she is very handy with her tongue as it does get a lot of exercise not to mention that strong and nimble texting fingers.  But I digress…

Getting back to Jane, she said Hillary went lez because her college didn’t have single rooms and single gender dorms.  Well that doesn’t make any sense.  If you are lonely in your own room in a dorm filled with people of the same gender, wouldn’t that actually promote homosexual experiences instead of doing the opposite?  Clearly Jane has not thought this through or watched enough porn or been in enough dorms.  According to Jane dorms can make you go gay and if you are gay chances are, according to Jane, that you are also sadistic.

According to Jane all gays are sadistic and treasonous and she arrived at this conclusion by looking at the Romans.  When I heard this I was both flattered and annoyed at the same time.  But here again the voices in Jane’s head got it wrong.  There are gay men who are sadistic and in the gay world we call them “Masters” and they are the “S” in S&M.  This is a fetish practiced in darken basements, attics and dodgy night clubs and are by no means a mainstream “gay thing”.  There are plenty of straight folk who practices S&M as well; haven’t one of the voices in Jane’s head read “Shades of Gray” yet?

As for the treason part of her zany speech, in history it is true that there were some prolific homosexual spies who betrayed their countries through espionage.  In comparison to our heterosexual counterparts the instances of gay spies are but a drop in the proverbial bucket.  Jane also mentions Judas as another historic homosexual who betrayed Jesus.  It really is a pity that there were no tabloids back then, seeing as in the absence of a tabloid photo, leaked sex tape or the odd masseuse filing a law suit against Judas we have no way of verifying if he was indeed a homo.

Lastly, Jane claims that all bisexuals always become insane and she supports this statement by saying we must read the book of Nijinsky.  Who the fuck is Nijinsky, you may ask?  Well, I Googled him and she must be referring to Vaslav Nijinsky, a Russian ballet dancer and choreographer who were also bisexual, wrote a diary and went insane.  Now, I have never quite understood bisexuals and probably never will, but one can hardly generalize that a whole group of people will go insane just because one individual did.  That would be like saying that all bisexuals will automatically be straight again, just like Anne Heche, if they wait long enough for the mothership to come and fetch them.

I know I really should not be making fun of Jane Svoboda and that mental illness is no laughing matter.  But if mentally unstable people like Jane are allowed to vent their psychiatric delusions in a public forum.  If their caregivers don’t stop them and it is broadcasted over YouTube, well then you are just asking for it.  What makes this worse is that there are people on the internet that will come across her YouTube video, watch it and who will find some resonance with what she said.  In so doing, homophobia will spread and there will be people who believe these lies.  Let’s just hope that Jane gets the help that she so clearly needs and that there are people out there who are smart and psychologically stable enough to know the difference between truth and fiction.

Till next time.