The Royal Wedding

The Royal Wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton is almost upon us. It’s been branded the wedding of the century with a guest list of 5000 people and is expected to be watched by 2 billion viewers, of which I will be one. There has been a huge build up to this wedding to the great annoyance of some who find this wedding to be nothing more than a pain in the ass. While on the other side of the spectrum there are obsessed people who are organizing parties, buying commemorative plates and even Will and Kate condoms for their own crown jewels. There’s allot of buzz surrounding this wedding across the globe, which led me to wonder why do we even care?

Personally, I lost interest in the royal family after Lady Diana’s death. (Coincidentally I also share my birthday with her.) Diana was the only one that actually made the royals interesting and worthy of attention, albeit unflattering at times. After her “accident” the royals reverted back to their natural dull and pointless state of being aloof and regal. They were boring! It wasn’t until the princess grew up that the royal family started becoming engaging again. The feisty ginger and his tall attractive royal brother with his receding hairline (which I wish he would fix with plugs or something), showed promise of possibly bringing the royal family into the new century and humanize them to the general public.

Yes, Princes Harry and William showed potential. Even though they are royalty one had a sense that you can relate to them. They smoked and drank, once whore a swastika armband, showed some bad judgement and displayed some human flaws. The worst judgment I have noticed about Prince William is his choice of underwear or possible lack thereof. You see, this past weekend I saw a video clip of him walking down the pavement and it was rather unflattering. One could clearly see that this young prince was well hung as he was either wearing boxers or was going commando - the outline of his royal penis was clearly visible and it was intimidatingly large. Kate is one very lucky girl, no wonder she’s always smiling!

There’s allot of talk about what Kate will be wearing, whether her hair will be up or down and which tiara she will be adorned with. Now, myself I don’t particularly care. What I am concerned with is whether she knows what the hell she’s getting herself into. The Queen does not look like the best in-law to have. She looks like a bit of a bitch if you ask me. Prince Charles will probably make a good father-in-law as he now seems genuinely happily married to Horsesilla. Prince Harry will be sure to be an entertaining brother-in-law, and I can’t wait to see who he’s going to pick to bring into The Firm also known as the Royal Family. The big question is will Kate cope with being a Princes and being married to the second in line to the throne?

I guess it’s every little girl’s and gay boy’s dream to become a princess and be married to a future king. In theory it’s quite a magical thing, but in reality I speculate that it could be rather daunting. Apparently, Kate is being mentored in protocol, diplomacy and the pomp and drama expected of her in her new role. Rumour also has it that she’s a quick study. No doubt she’s been practicing the royal wave and serene grateful noble smile. Waity Katy will not have to wait no more. Tomorrow she will enter the church a commoner and leave a princess. I wonder whether you feel any different after you’re magically transformed into royalty and if Kate will have a microsecond of dread as the gravity of her situation she now will find herself sets in.

With the world’s eyes firmly fixed on the royal family tomorrow, as an outsider (not being British) one can’t help but wonder what purpose the royal family serves in the United Kingdom. What is it that they really do? Are they career meet and greeters, plaque unveiler’s, charity sponsors? In this day and age does the United Kingdom still have a need for them? I guess these are questions only the British people can answer and I can only speculate. Princess Kate’s first biggest responsibility after her position is made official will be to pop out the heirs to the throne. No doubt she will be enjoying this part of her royal duties. Maybe the William and Harry generation of royals will show us the monarchy’s relevance in the modern world. One can only hope that they will do a better job.

So why do we care about the Royal Wedding? Is it that we are all just too glad that there are some good news on BBC and CNN for once? The last big royal wedding was 30 years ago with Charles and Diana’s wedding. I was only 4 years old at the time. And we all know how that marriage turned out in the end. Personally, I hope Will and Kate’s marriage last as I quite like them as a couple. Hopefully the ceremony tomorrow will run smoothly and there will be no mishaps, because if there are it will be viewed by billions and no doubt will go viral on YouTube.

Till next time.