Dildos, Handcuffs, Leather and Porn

Recent headlines about a certain sex crazed lawyer and all the perverseness she and her boyfriend got up to drew my attention to the subject of sex. As I explored this subject matter I discovered everybody have some kind of secret sexual fetish, some intriguing and others just bizarre and in certain cases even illegal. We all have sex (the lucky ones that is), but why are we ashamed of talking about it? Since when has admitting having sex become a taboo? Are we ashamed of our sexual behavior and desires?

My husband and I have visited the odd sex shop every now and again. Like most people we snuck in hoping no one that knows us will see us and prayed not to bump into anyone familiar. God forbid people should know that we have a healthy sex life and enjoy the odd spot of porn. Once inside the shop, we avoid eye contact with the patrons and head straight to the gay section; we try not to pay attention to what items other people are buying, while trying to find our choice of porn and/or sexual accessories. This shopping experience usually is a queer one as I, for one, doesn’t want to be perceived as being a sexual deviant or be judged for what erotic items I choose purchase. Yet that’s the way I feel when I get to the counter with my items. I know that the employees in these establishments have seen and heard everything before, but sometimes I wonder whether they really take notice of the customers and whether they do actually judge you based on your purchases. Are they sarcastic when they say “Enjoy or have fun” when you leave with your items or do they really mean it?

Apart from feeling insecure and self conscious in any sex shop, some people also make me feel awkward. They are the ones that you know have a dungeon in their basement with an assortment of whips, leather masks, chains and other unmentionables doing strange things to strange people. What makes it even more peculiar is the fact that they look normal and may even be your neighbor. I have never seen any person shop with self confidence in a sex shop apart from the S&M fans, and I know of very few people that will openly admit that they have been to one on more than one occasion. Most of us are shy, self conscious, nervous and cautious in sex shops and behave like little mousses that are aware that there maybe a cat lurking somewhere in a dark corner. That’s why these days I prefer to do my erotic shopping on-line and have it delivered to the post office in a very discreet package and receiving it from a blissfully unaware postal worker.

A few years ago our sex life was put on display. Our apartment was broken into and our secret sex life was discovered by unsuspecting robbers. They completely wrecked our bedroom and stole most of our electrical appliances. After invading our personal space, stealing our property and murdering our sense of security, they had the audacity to leave a sentiment of their disapproval of our life style. You see, they had discovered our porn collection and a few other items and in a little homophobic gesture decided to display our whole collection on our dining room table for the whole world to see. It was embarrassing and enraging at the same time, knowing that complete strangers went through your personal belongings and discovered and touched your sex accessories. If that wasn’t bad enough, they simultaneously broke into our neighbors’ apartment and did the same thing to them. I never would have thought they would have such a substantial collection of vibrators, dildos, porn and a pair of handcuff. So both our kinky sex lives were exposed, and the 4 of us blushed every time we bumped into each other after that day. They moved away a year later, and we were all very relieved. I have always wondered whether the robbers remember us and what they really thought of our sex lives.

When it comes to sex I have come to realize that human beings are very diverse in their desires and preferences. You get those of us that are into, what I think, normal to even adventurous sex and then you get the group of people that takes it to the next level of what can only be described as extreme sex. They are the ones with the seriously specialized fetishes. The sexual behavior that qualifies for Ripley’s believe it or not. Even the terminology is strange: Golden Showers, Fisting, Belgium Chocolate, Tea Bagging and Creaming just to mention a few. Some of the stuff is just plain nasty, unhygienic and can seriously alter your anatomy. I think it is bizarre that there are people who enjoy being peed and pooped on! However, I am not sure whether it’s fair to judge them, and neither can I attribute the pleasure they derive from it to a mental disorder. I guess if it makes them happy and gets them off and if they do not harm someone who does not consent to it, they should be left to explore their fetishes to their hearts desire. I just hope they take a real shower after and that none of them ends up my waiter or bartender when we go out!

Having sex and having desires are normal. We all have our sexual preferences, secret little sexual paraphernalia and sexual dislikes. I think because sex is such an intimate experience between people and the exploration of your sexual desires and fantasies show so much of your true self it makes most people uncomfortable to share it with strangers. Finding someone that is completely sexually compatible with you can also be a challenge on its own. In my opinion, I do not think we are ashamed of our sexual desires and behavior, but instead find it to be intensely personal and prefer keeping our most basic human instincts private. I am lucky to be married to a man with whom I can share my desires, explore new things and be open with, as he can be with me. Honest communication is the most important aspect in having and sustaining a healthy sex life in any couple’s relationship.

Till next time.

The Dildo Song (Not suitable for easily offended viewers)

This video is the work and copyright of Robert D Brooks (http://www.damnthe.com/video/ the_dildo_song_home.html)