Saturday, January 17, 2009

Condoms, Pepper Spray and True Love

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and 10 months. That’s like 28 in straight years. In gay terms it is admittedly miraculous and we should qualify for the guineas book of records. It is not always sunshine and roses, fabulous sex and holding hands while skipping through flower beds. Relationships are hard work. Some mornings I wake up, look at my husband I think “oh my god, your face again, what the fuck have I been thinking the last ten years”. His small habits which was enduring at first are now the biggest annoyances: His tendency to let his work stuff take over our apartment, the way he leaves the stove after cooking, the fact that he gets cranky if he doesn’t snack at least 5 times a day and I can go on... But every so often I take a pause from my life, look at my husband when he’s not aware and think I am one lucky bastard!

Having many single friends I realize that I would hate to be in their shoes. Dating in our day and age is hazardous to any self respecting homosexual mental health. With internet dating (and we all know how people lie on the net) you never know what you are going to get and pepper spray is always an advisable piece of protection for a first date, not excluding condoms that is – hopefully the use of both will be never be required on the same date.

A dear friend of mine has had particular bad lack in recent months. He has dated three guys in a span of 14 months. All three relationships failed and he was broken up with twice; once over msn and once with a text message. Luckily he had the opportunity to dump one out of the three, but he had the decency to do it face-to-face over dinner. I can not imagine how I would react being broken up with via text message. I would most probably hire a hit man or develop self image issues.

One thing I noticed is that all homosexuals have standards in what they look for in a companion. Starting out the standards is quite high and lower with time. First the priority is outer beauty, age, work and income status and how you’ll look as a couple in public. Then you graduate to looking at inner beauty, age, income and whether you would want to go out in public. Finally, sitting opposite a potential suitor having had a string of failed relationships, you are left with the question “Am I prepared to stoop to this level and can I bare having sex with this person more than once?”

The gay community believes in fast love, quick sex and is obsessed with appearance. This is what makes us special. However this is also our achilles heal. When it comes to relationships we face unique challenges unlike those of heterosexuals which make finding true love rare. We have particular issues with Monogamy, Marriage, Children and Growing Old. Making relationships work is our most daunting challenge, but when ever you are ready to take the plunge, realistically determine what you want in a companion and honestly be who you are, it will happen. I believe we all have a sole mate, some of us have a few, and he\she is out there waiting for you; once both of you are ready you will meet. Whether there is a happy ever after, I don’t know, but it sure as hell is worth trying to find out.
Till next time.

"Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Origin of Love"


Anonymous said...

Just read your blog about finding that soul mate....and yes,I do see...I some time ago,I thought I found my soul mate...and then she broke up with me - via ran to Taiwan...2years later...I know I found my soul mate...she's just everything I want and need...I know we can be awesome together and she knows it too...but she's not keen on a relationship...and yet...I know we are meant to be together...

So,I am wondering about that saying...setting someone free and if she returns,it was yours from the's just SO difficult...

Why is it that I need and want to be loved...won't it just be easier to exist...without drives me insane...all these wanting and needing...


Pierre said...

Hi S

Matters of the heart is always difficult. I also mentioned that some of us have more than one soul mate, so maybe you just have not discovered your other soul mate yet.

I firmly believe that people cross our paths for a reason, and that we learn from each experience. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get my prince. If it wasn't for the bad relationships I had prior, I would not have known how to recognize a good one and make it work.

Hang in there girl. Try not to let old wounds fester. Open yourself up for new beginnings, and open up your heart again.


Anonymous said...

I conjure up the thought of being gone. But i'd probably even do that wrong. I try to think about which way, would i be able to and would i be afraid? Cause oh i'm bleedin out inside, and oh i don't even mind. It's all ur fault. U called me beautiful. U turned me out. And now i can't turn back. I hold my breath. Because u were perfect. But i'm running out of air. And its not fair. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da a dad a da. I'm trying to figure out what else to say. What else can i say? To make u turn around and come back this way. Please come back this way. I feel like we could be really awesome together. But i've cried wolf a thousand times. I wish u could feel as bad as i do. I have lost my mind. I hold my breath. Because u were perfect. But i'm running out of air. And its not fair...
(pink - it's all your fault)

This song describes how I feel at this stage...


ps: pink rocks!!!

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